Tree

References

• Pine Tar
• Almost Plausible: Axe
• Almost Plausible: Bonus: Two Year Bracket
• Jaws
  • Jaws – USS Indianapolis Speech
  • Jaws – “Get out of the water” beach scene
• Almost Plausible: Frog
• The ‘Burbs
• Know Your Meme: Why Not Both?
• Scooby Doo, Where Are You!
• It
• Weapons
• La Llorona
• The Evil Dead
• Friday the 13th
• Michael Myers
• The Big Lebowski
• FernGully: The Last Rainforest
• Tim Curry
• Exxon Valdez
• Almost Plausible: Tent
• Ley Line
• Volkswagen Type 2
• Cynophobia
• Dharma & Greg
• Almost Plausible: Dewey Decimal System
• Almost Plausible: Tupperware
• Continental Divide Trail
• Pacific Crest Trail
• Jerry Maguire
• What About Bob?
• TV Tropes: Final Girl
• Shrike
• Almost Plausible: Foam
• The Fly

Corrections

Thomas and Emily stated unequivocally that Mercedes makes camper vans, and while that’s not entirely wrong, it’s also far from correct. From what we were able to find, Mercedes does make campers, but they’re only for the European market, and are not at all what Thomas and Emily had in mind. The Sprinter-based vans commonly seen in the United States are built by third party companies on a Mercedes chassis.

Transcript

[Intro music begins]

[Thomas]
Mercedes wouldn’t want us to crash the vehicle on screen anyway probably.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Unless they want to show off the fantastic safety features that the-

[Emily]
It’s true, they could.

[Shep]
Yeah, they crashed and Greg’s like, “Is everyone okay?” And everyone’s like, “Yeah, we’re fine. The airbags are so good and luxurious.”

[Thomas]
Yeah. “Thanks to these side curtain airbags-“

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
“I didn’t even feel the impact.”

[Shep]
“Oh, did we crash? I had no idea.”

[Thomas]
“The seat belts work really well. My drink didn’t even spill out of the cup holder.”

[Shep]
“Of which there are sixteen.”

[Intro music]

[Thomas]
Hey there, Story Fans. Welcome to Almost Plausible, the podcast where we take ordinary objects and turn them into movies. I’m Thomas J. Brown, and here with me are Emily-

[Emily]
Hey, guys.

[Thomas]
And F. Paul Shepard.

[Shep]
Happy to be here.

[Thomas]
On this episode, we’ll be coming up with a movie plot for one of the most ordinary objects we’ve ever covered: Trees. So, Shep, Emily, how do you guys feel about trees?

[Emily]
Oh, I love trees.

[Shep]
It depends on the type of tree.

[Thomas]
Mm.

[Shep]
I mean I am pretty much on the record as not liking the woods.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Woods and forests are wonderful. You go and you frolic and you worship the moon naked by a fire while Satan comes and rejoins you.

[Thomas]
Man, I gotta go camping with Emily.

[Shep]
You do have to go camping with Emily, she’s a lot of fun.

[Thomas]
Well, let’s get to some Tree pitches then, shall we? And I will start us out with: Pine Tar.

[Shep]
Ha ha! Tree pitches. I get it. I get jokes.

[Thomas]
Okay, maybe those aren’t the right kind of pitches. Maybe one of these will be better: A sequel to our Axe episode?

[Shep]
Yes, this is the one. We’re doing this. Folks, I like our Axe episode so much.

[Thomas]
It is a good episode.

[Emily]
Well, it is canonically our best episode.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Right. There was a contest and everything-

[Emily]
Yep.

[Thomas]
And it won.

[Shep]
Yeah, so whatever, whatever you’re pitching, this is the one.

[Thomas]
Well, this time, we follow the forest monster in the immediate aftermath of the fire, and we see how it reacts to the logging company sending even more men into its territory.

[Shep]
Okay, no, I’m back out. No, that’s terrible. I don’t want any of that.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
It’s too different. It’s too, it’s too recent to Axe and you’re following the monster instead of people trying to survive? Would Jaws land as well if you’re just following the shark, and every once in a while, it eats someone that you have no idea about? No! No. You gotta follow the people.

[Thomas]
That’s a good point, I suppose.

[Emily]
Nah.

[Thomas]
Yeah. All right. Well, if you have a better idea for a sequel to our Axe episode, I’m all ears.

[Shep]
Um, uh, just have it, have another a group of people, have a group of campers! Have a group of, I don’t know, Emily, help me out.

[Emily]
A group of witches dancing naked around a fire in the moonlight?

[Thomas]
Well, we know that our witches can handle monsters, and we did just have them in an episode, so, might be a little too soon to bring them back. But, just, like, a group of people later in the future, you think?

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
It’s hippies in the ’60s.

[Emily]
Oh yeah. We could do hippies from the ’60s starting a commune. That’s a good way to go.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
Yeah. So, they’re dancing around naked around the tree in the moonlight, not for witch reasons-

[Emily]
Not for witchcraft!

[Shep]
But because they’re on drugs.

[Thomas]
Well, let’s hear the other pitches and then maybe we’ll come back and figure all this out.

[Shep]
All right let’s go through the motions and pretend.

[Thomas]
Go through the motions.

[Emily]
Yeah, maybe I have something just as good, if not better.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
You’re right you’re right if you can top this let’s do whatever it is.

[Thomas]
Clearly, Shep doesn’t. Otherwise, he’d be… All right, I do have another one.

[Shep]
All right.

[Thomas]
A kid builds a treehouse in his backyard, but when the HOA demands its removal, the situation erupts into a full-blown civil war in the neighborhood, complete with drone surveillance and night raids in an over-the-top comedy reminiscent of The ‘Burbs.

[Emily]
Okay, so the drone surveillance gets me every time I read this. Is it another kid who has a drone for a hobby and his dad steals it to, like, do it? Or is it like the guy in the The ‘Burbs, the military guy across the street that’s just like, “Oh, I got all this shit”?

[Thomas]
Oh, ¿Por qué no los dos? Emily.

[Shep]
And then the two drones fight and-

[Emily]
Yep, yep.

[Thomas]
Well, those are what I have. Let’s get Sheps out of the way and then we can hear what Emily has.

[Emily]
Then we can hear my brilliance and know that I am going to win this contest.

[Shep]
It’s a contest now. Okay. A woman researching her family tree discovers she has a half sibling she never knew existed.

[Emily]
Is that so much about the tree or the sibling?

[Thomas]
Yeah, feels about like the family and stuff.

[Shep]
Is Axe about the axes or the monster? It’s just the launching point all right. A software researcher creates a revolutionary new search algorithm based on a perfect binary tree.

[Emily]
I don’t know what that means.

[Shep]
All right let’s not do that one then.

[Emily]
All right, so I have the best one, obviously. And you know it’s the best one because I’m talking it up so much.

[Shep]
Yes, you’re definitely not disappoint, now that it’s been hyped out to this extent.

[Emily]
Definitely not gonna disappoint, not-

[Thomas]
She’s not dragging this out and delaying.

[Emily]
All right there’s a tree in the center of a small town that has ribbons tied in the branches. As long as anyone can remember they have been there, but they have increased over the years. No one knows where they came from or why more appear every now and then. A group of young misfits decide to investigate the mystery and discover a frightening secret.

[Shep]
One small correction: a group of young misfits and their dog.

[Emily]
No, we don’t have Scooby Doo money. That’s a licensing fee I don’t think we can pay for.

[Thomas]
Okay, a group of young misfits and their cat?

[Shep]
We don’t say that it’s Scooby Doo–

[Emily]
Oh.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
It just happened to have-

[Emily]
A big brown dog.

[Shep]
A bunch of teenagers and a dog investigating a mystery from their van where they’re smoking pot.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Because they’re the hippies that die at the beginning of-

[Thomas]
Ah, there you go.

[Emily]
Ah, okay, that all make sense. No, no. No Scooby Doo gang, it was just, you know, the It group.

[Shep]
Yes, yeah.

[Thomas]
And, like, a tree from the town in Weapons?

[Emily]
Yeah! Yeah. No, I was thinking, like, a lady in white, La Llorona kind of thing.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Emily]
Where there’s, like, a ghost presence that’s killing everybody, and then hers was the first ribbon tied to the tree. And all of the other ones were her victims along the way.

[Thomas]
That makes sense.

[Emily]
All right, what are we doing?

[Shep]
We’re doing the Axe sequel!

[Emily]
What?! Mine’s beautiful and wonderful and full of spooky!

[Shep]
It is! It is. In fact, there are several pitches that are great, but I just want to do the Axe sequel so much. You guys, come on!

[Thomas]
Yeah, I do as well. So-

[Emily]
Fine, if we must. Actually, no, it sounds really good.

[Thomas]
Now the question is: are we doing my version or probably not, based off of us all agreeing earlier that it probably wasn’t the monsters?

[Emily]
No, it’s never the monster’s point of view. That’s just weird.

[Shep]
I mean they did, uh, what was it one of the Evil Dead movies there is a part where they’re following the monster running through the woods-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
From its perspective and it gets lost briefly and looks around and-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah, there are parts of movies where you get the monster’s perspective.

[Thomas]
Sure.

[Emily]
Friday the 13th. Michael Myers (Halloween). Jaws even, as you pointed out, has perspective.

[Thomas]
That’s true. Right at the beginning of the film.

[Emily]
But not the whole thing. You can’t sit through a whole thing of just like (breathes heavily, growls, screams).

[Thomas]
Well, and especially in this case, we’re not going to empathize with a creature we don’t know or understand or-

[Emily]
Yeah, also, we’re not gonna know what’s going on. There’s gonna be a lot of, like, behind the bushes shaky camera overhearing bad dialogue.

[Thomas]
Well, that’s assuming we’re doing it from the actual point of view of the monster and not just, like, following the monster as it makes tea or whatever it is that it does.

[Shep]
It lives its life in the woods.

[Thomas]
Right. All right. So, in the 1960s- When did our first story take place? It was like…

[Emily]
Late 1800s, early 1900s?

[Shep]
1800s.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yeah, they had a truck so after cars.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
So, it would be like 19-teens, possibly.

[Thomas]
Possibly, yeah. But still, it’s been forty/fifty/sixty years then? Let’s say fifty. That’s the average of forty and sixty. So, fifty years. So, why has nobody come into this area in the intervening time?

[Emily]
That’s a good question.

[Shep]
This is a forbidden area. This is, like, people die in this area. There’s some creature. There’s some something.

[Emily]
So, somebody somewhere knows “We just don’t go”.

[Thomas]
Oh, like, over time, the specific knowledge has been lost of why you don’t go there. It’s just like, “Hey, don’t go there.”

[Shep]
Right. It’s the new Camp Crystal Lake. It’s like, you just, you don’t go there.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
It’s not done.

[Thomas]
It’s not done. So, naturally, there are people who go there.

[Emily]
Of course.

[Shep]
Right. you have hippies in the 60s and they’re like-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
You know, anti-government. “You can’t tell me what to do.”

[Thomas]
“That’s just, like, your opinion, man.”

[Shep]
“It’s just, like, your opinion, man.” And then they find, they find this big, gnarled tree, this Hexxus style tree, Hexxus from FernGully.

[Thomas]
From FernGully, yeah.

[Shep]
See, we’re recording this right after Tim Curry passed.

[Thomas]
Oh, that’s right. I forgot he was the voice of Hexxus.

[Shep]
He is the voice of Hexxus.

[Thomas]
You’d think I’d know that considering I watched that movie like a thousand times when I was young.

[Emily]
You know I’ve never seen it.

[Shep]
You’ve never seen FernGully?

[Thomas]
Don’t watch it as an adult. That’s the advice that I have.

[Shep]
So, Hexxus was like a veiled, Exxon Valdez had just happened.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Ah-

[Shep]
And so, like, we’ll call it Hexxus.

[Emily]
Okay, okay, okay.

[Shep]
We all know what we’re talking about. It’s Exxon.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Two X’s in a row.

[Shep]
Except instead of oil drilling, it’s logging.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Logging is fine. Just to be clear, if you love the planet and you want, like, renewable resources, logging is renewable. We can always grow more trees.

[Emily]
But they take forever!

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
And cutting them down, like, we’ve cut down half the Amazon rainforest and what has happened?

[Shep]
So, you want sustainable logging, sustainable, what’s it called? Forestry, sustainable forestry.

[Emily]
Ah, yeah, you want to do it properly.

[Shep]
That you can log responsibly and not, like-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Clear-cut and destroy the area-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Which I guess is what they were doing in FernGully.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
You treat trees like a crop, where it’s like, this is where we grow them, and we’re going to cut them down eventually. And you have forests that are basically farms for that.

[Shep]
Yeah, managed forests.

[Thomas]
Yes.

[Shep]
So, that’s my concern is, like, this is- seems anti-logging. It’s not anti-logging. In fact, let’s bring back the loggers at the end of this one. Like, loggers save whoever’s left.

[Emily]
The ghost of the loggers?

[Shep]
No, no, no. Not the, not the same characters.

[Emily]
Not the actual loggers. Okay.

[Shep]
Not the loggers from Axe. Just modern-day loggers who know you don’t go in this area. The forest creature lives in this area.

[Emily]
Because they’re responsible loggers who not only respect renewable logging but also the ancient secrets of the forest.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
Respect nature. Do not trespass in the forest beast’s territory.

[Thomas]
Right, those signs are there for a fricking reason.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
So, is this a period piece then? It takes place in the 60s with our hippies?

[Emily]
Well, yeah, then we won’t have cell phones.

[Thomas]
Well-

[Shep]
You can still not have cell phones because it’s the woods.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Okay, so in the Tent episode, they’re going on this hike, and they give up their cell phones at the beginning because they’re getting away from technology.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
And so, you can have a set in the modern day where they’re doing the same thing. They’re having a “get away from technology” camp in the woods.

[Thomas]
Hmm. A retreat type of thing.

[Shep]
A retreat!

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
A retreat. And so, that’s why there’s zero chance of them having signal and calling for help or whatever. So, I still want to do the 60s scene as the opener. It’s like the opener for Jaws. I know we reference Jaws a lot in Axe as well-

[Thomas]
Did we?

[Shep]
Because, like, the experienced logger-

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah, you’re right. Yeah, we talked about the USS Indianapolis scene.

[Emily]
Did we talk about the Indianapolis than that? I literally just listened to this episode.

[Shep]
So, in the original Axe, we have the Jaws story scene-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Where the experienced logger, after they’ve seen the creature and all the other loggers know that it’s real, he tells his story of having seen it or that type of creature previously.

[Emily]
Mm.

[Shep]
It is the Jaws scene where he’s telling the story of the shipwreck. In this, we have the opening to Jaws, where it’s a group of people that are not the protagonist. They’re not the ones we’re going to follow later. It’s a group of hippies. They find the Hexxus tree and are dancing around it and making a bonfire and making a lot of noise and doing drugs. And so, like, from their perspective, if they see the creature, do they think it’s real? Do they think it’s a hallucination?

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
Is it a bad trip? Do they see the creature is this wonderful forest creature? Whatever it is, it murders all of them. That’s the opener.

[Emily]
Perfect.

[Shep]
It’s like here are the stakes. You go into the forest, you mess around this tree, and you die. That’s what we know.

[Thomas]
Okay. And then we go modern day.

[Shep]
And then you go modern day, you jump ahead again.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
So, why are they, why are they camping at this tree? So, okay. So, you have a, you have a logging road. As they’re logging, they do these dirt roads through the woods.

[Thomas]
Yep. Yep.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
And the people running their retreat have found this logging road.

[Thomas]
Mhm.

[Shep]
And they’re like, “Hey,” you know, “We’ve done this retreat a couple of times. We’re changing locations.” And so, they’re like, “There’s a spot off the logging road where it’s, like, a little area you can park cars.”

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
They park there and hike into the woods. And this is where they’re doing the “away from technology” retreat. There’s no roads around. There’s no people around.

[Thomas]
Mm.

[Shep]
It’s literally just forest.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And within walking distance of their campsite is the Hexxus tree. Are we going to call it the Hexxus tree? I mean, it makes sense.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
If you, if you’ve seen FernGully–

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
You know what we’re talking about.

[Emily]
I think there are enough people out there who will get the reference. I’ll just be the one in the dark.

[Thomas]
It’s a-

[Shep]
Okay.

[Emily]
I’ll watch FernGully later.

[Thomas]
Just imagine a big, gnarled tree.

[Shep]
Yes!

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
Much larger than the other trees.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
All right.

[Shep]
Yeah, the mother tree of the forest.

[Emily]
Got it.

[Thomas]
Yes, yes. And maybe that’s even what the retreat people, they see it as like a boon. Like, “Oh my gosh, look at this tree. It’s so-“

[Shep]
“It’s so unusual.”

[Thomas]
“Large and healthy and beautiful and unique.”

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
And so, yeah, they’re, they want to bring people to this spiritual place-

[Emily]
Ah!

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
With vitality.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Clearly.

[Emily]
Obviously.

[Thomas]
Though there must be ley lines that go through, under the tree. You know?

[Shep]
Right. Something special about this area. Yeah.

[Thomas]
Right, right. So, these are like modern hippies. We went from one set of hippies to-

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Another set of hippies.

[Emily]
It’s hippies all the way down.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
I think, as we all know, that hippies and loggers are natural enemies, right?

[Emily]
It’s true.

[Thomas]
Just like pirates and ninjas are natural enemies.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Shep]
Yes! Yeah. Hippies, like, chain themselves to trees.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Like, “Don’t cut this tree down.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Even though if you love the earth, you want to use more renewable resources.

[Thomas]
I think usually they’re doing that in like old growth forests.

[Emily]
Right, right.

[Shep]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, does the new group find, like, the old group of hippies drove there in a Volkswagen minibus-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
And so, like, that’s still nearby? Do they find the-

[Thomas]
Yeah, it would be. So, yeah.

[Shep]
Right, the forest creature is not going to drive it away.

[Thomas]
Okay. I love this idea of setting that up, like, we see them driving there in the opening shot in their little microbus and then they park it and they’re, like, camping around it. And so, there would be stuff in there still. Maybe there’s, like, an old map in the glove box that, you know, the campers could use. Once everything starts kind of falling apart for our modern-day campers, they need a way to get out of there. And they don’t have phones, so they don’t have GPS to know where they are. So, I guess the leader or leaders of this retreat probably die early. We should probably figure out who we’re dealing with here. Like, how many characters do we want to follow? How big is this group?

[Emily]
Oh, do we want like five or six? Seven? Because you always want odd numbers, or do we want more than that?

[Shep]
Odd numbers? Didn’t we have, we had eight last time?

[Emily]
Oh, did we?

[Shep]
Yeah, because it’s groups of eight loggers.

[Emily]
Oh.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Emily]
Good point. Good point.

[Thomas]
Well, if you want an odd number, we can throw a dog in there, too.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
I love the odd numbers.

[Shep]
Yeah, let’s get a dog. We didn’t have a dog last time.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
And people love dogs. So, it’s extra tense if you’re watching a horror movie and the dog is in danger.

[Thomas]
Hmm. Yeah.

[Emily]
Oh, yeah. We’re not killing the dog, by the way. I don’t stand for that. That is not-

[Shep]
Spoilers.

[Emily]
Good. Good spoiler. That means you’ll watch it.

[Thomas]
You guys, there was a tense scene in Jaws with a dog. Okay, so eight people plus a dog. That’s what we want to go with? I like the sort of callback to Axe with eight people again. So-

[Emily]
Yeah, that’s a good plan.

[Thomas]
So, is it two leaders, I guess, for this group? And then six couples or something like that?

[Emily]
Two or three leaders, maybe? Like a-

[Shep]
A leader and two assistants.

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah.

[Thomas]
Hmm. Okay.

[Emily]
Like an assistant and junior assistant type thing.

[Thomas]
Are the assistants in a couple? Or one of them wants them to be in a couple?

[Emily]
Well, obviously.

[Shep]
Yeah, one of them wants to be in a couple and the other one’s not having it.

[Thomas]
The main leader, that’s got to be our Steve character, right? It’s his fault that they’re in this place they shouldn’t be.

[Shep]
All right. This is not our Dr. Grant from Jurassic Park character-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
No, no.

[Shep]
Who’s really a good guy. This is our Steve character-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Who has found this thing that’s, like, in a forbidden area-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
And is like, “Hey, let’s have our retreat in this forbidden area.” He’s the reason everyone dies. He’s our Steve.

[Emily]
All right.

[Thomas]
Maybe there’s even like a Do Not Enter sign that he, like, pulls up out of the ground and, like, throws into a bush.

[Shep]
Right. He hides it ahead of time.

[Thomas]
Or he, like, has his own sign that he puts over top of it.

[Shep]
Oh ho ho.

[Thomas]
You know, like “Camp Peace” or whatever. I don’t know, whatever he calls it.

[Shep]
I like if it’s over the top of it and, like, the people who after they experience the forest creature, like, just pull it off underneath it says, “Danger, Do Not-“

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
You know, “Super Dangerous Area. Not only Will You Die, You’ll Die in Pain.”

[Thomas]
Yeah, “It’ll Hurt the Whole Time.” Yeah.

[Shep]
“It’ll Hurt the Whole Time You’re Dying.”

[Thomas]
All right.

[Shep]
All right, so that’s three. Who’s our group? Our retreat group?

[Thomas]
Well, we need at least one couple that’s there.

[Emily]
That are married and trying to learn how to recommunicate, or at least-

[Thomas]
Yeah, something like that.

[Shep]
So, that’s Tent again. That’s-

[Thomas]
Ah, yeah, yeah.

[Emily]
Ah!

[Shep]
Tent was a bunch of couples.

[Thomas]
That’s a good point.

[Emily]
That’s true. It’s true.

[Shep]
So, how about just one family? So, you have your mom and dad.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah, okay. And-

[Shep]
You have their parents and their kids? So, that’s two-four-six, seven-eight-nine.

[Thomas]
One parent and two kids.

[Shep]
One parent.

[Thomas]
So, like your standard American family and one of their parents.

[Emily]
Mm.

[Shep]
Okay.

[Thomas]
And their dog. Is it their dog or is it the Steve’s dog?

[Emily]
Hmm.

[Shep]
Ooh. Yeah, I don’t know. I could go either way on that.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Well, let’s leave that open for now-

[Emily]
Okay.

[Thomas]
And we’ll sort of decide where it makes the most sense. Because I could totally see, like, the dog being loyal to the family and helping them out. But I could also see it could be interesting to have it be Steve’s dog.

[Shep]
I think it should be the family’s dog because then the family cares whether the dog lives or dies.

[Thomas]
I mean, Shep, I’m cynophobic, but I would care if I was out and someone, there was like a dog. Like, I would want the dog to survive if I was in that situation.

[Shep]
Right. Yes. I mean, just in the general nature of you don’t want things to be horribly murdered by monsters.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Yeah, true.

[Shep]
We all agree. But if you’re a kid and this is your dog, this dog is part of your family.

[Thomas]
Ah, yeah. Okay. Okay.

[Emily]
You’re gonna make dumb mistakes and put everyone in jeopardy.

[Shep]
Yes. Yep.

[Thomas]
And if you’re a kid in the audience, you can empathize with “my dog, my pet”. Okay, that makes sense. Should we name all these people? We got Steve. What’s the dog’s name?

[Shep]
We got Steve.

[Emily]
What is the dog’s name?

[Shep]
We can’t do Scooby Do.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
We don’t have Scooby money.

[Emily]
Nope, no, Scooby.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Uh, what about Pepper?

[Thomas]
Ooh, I like Pepper.

[Shep]
Pepper’s good.

[Emily]
Pepper, that was my first dog’s name.

[Thomas]
Oh. All right, so we’ve got Steve and Pepper, and then Steve has a couple of assistants.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
Mm hmm.

[Shep]
Dharma and Greg.

[Thomas]
Dharma and Greg. We can’t do that.

[Emily]
Can’t do both of them.

[Thomas]
Although I like, yeah, I like Greg as sort of like a ho-hum type of guy.

[Shep]
Someone who’s not a hippie, but is pursuing a hippie.

[Thomas]
Yes, yes.

[Shep]
So, the girl is the hippier of the two.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
The Dharma-ish character. What’s her name?

[Emily]
Aurora.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah, I like that.

[Shep]
I like Aurora for like the Aurora Borealis.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Emily]
Yeah, you’re out camping and you can see it in the mountains.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
So, Steve, Aurora, and Greg are the ones who are running this thing.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
And then we have a family.

[Shep]
Right. We have a married couple.

[Thomas]
Mark.

[Shep]
Mark. Oh, we had a Mark in our, what’s the, it was codes in books. It was bookmark. What episode was that? Do, you know, what I’m talking about?

[Emily]
Codes and books?

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
No!

[Shep]
Was it library? Was it-

[Emily]
We didn’t do a library epis-

[Shep]
The Dewey Decimal episode!

[Emily]
Oh, okay, okay.

[Thomas]
Well, Shep, we’ve had over 130 episodes at this point. Names are going to get reused a few times.

[Shep]
No, no, no. I like Mark.

[Thomas]
Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. And then, I don’t know, Susan. No, that’s too close. Oh, no. Susan is one of our, is that’s our like bad lady one right?

[Shep]
Oh, yeah.

[Emily]
No, that’s Shannon.

[Thomas]
Oh, Shannon. That’s right.

[Emily]
Shannon is the bad lady.

[Thomas]
That’s right. Well, we don’t want an S name.

[Shep]
Right. Because it was a group of S-names-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Were the bad people.

[Shep]
That were the villains in Tupperware.

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah. In our Tupperware episode. It’s going to be so many references in this episode. To our own stuff.

[Shep]
We’re just gonna list all of our episodes.

[Thomas]
Yeah. There’s a lot of homework that we’re assigning to the audience. They’re gonna-

[Shep]
Right, right.

[Emily]
Yep, you guys just gotta keep listening.

[Shep]
So, a name that’s not an S name.

[Emily]
Trixie.

[Thomas]
And not a stripper name. Rebecca?

[Shep]
Rebecca’s fine.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
That’s fine, that works.

[Thomas]
Okay. And then they’ve got kids.

[Shep]
They’ve got kids.

[Thomas]
So, modern-day kids who are, what, teens?

[Shep]
Gotta be.

[Emily]
Okay, so they gotta have a name with like a Y in it.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Like Bralyn.

[Thomas]
Brayden.

[Emily]
Brayden. Brayden’s good.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
We just had a Braden in the witches (Frog). It’s the-

[Emily]
Did we?

[Shep]
Isn’t Braden the name of the Sheriff?

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah.

[Shep]
Or the-

[Emily]
Oh yeah, hmm. Well, then… But this is a girl.

[Shep]
It’s a girl Brayden?

[Emily]
Yeah, it’s a girl Brayden.

[Thomas]
It’s totally different.

[Emily]
Totally different.

[Shep]
Totally unrelated.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
Okay. All right.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
Unrelated. Not the same thing.

[Thomas]
So, now we need a quote-unquote “boy” name. Zeke.

[Shep]
Zeke.

[Emily]
Zeke.

[Thomas]
Oh, and then their parent. Is it a grandmother or a grandfather?

[Shep]
It’s gotta be a grandfather.

[Thomas]
Right. Is he, like, the experienced, woodsy guy?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Oh, yeah, He’s like ex-military-

[Emily]
No no no no. He’s ex-thru-hiker. Like he’s a thru hiker.

[Shep]
Oh, he’s, he’s done the Appalachian Trail.

[Emily]
Yeah. He’s an Appalachian.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Emily]
Done the CDT (Continental Divide Trail), done the… what’s the one in Washington?

[Thomas]
Pacific Crest Trail.

[Emily]
Yeah! He’s done all those, all those good ones, and he’s about survival and relying on yourself. But you know, ex-military has just been so done before.

[Shep]
Okay, no, you’ve already convinced me.

[Thomas]
Yeah, no, yeah it’s true. Yeah.

[Shep]
You convinced me five minutes ago.

[Emily]
Oh, I’m sorry, I had you at hello?

[Thomas]
Okay. And so, he needs a name.

[Emily]
What’s an old man name? Bob?

[Thomas]
Who’s, who? Which, which-

[Shep]
Bob.

[Emily]
Bob.

[Thomas]
Is it the-

[Shep]
Bob.

[Thomas]
The husband-

[Shep]
What about Bob?

[Thomas]
Bob. Well, okay, if it’s the wife’s dad, it could be Robert. So, they both got the R names.

[Emily]
Oh.

[Thomas]
Rebecca.

[Shep]
Oh, Robert and Rebecca.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Sure.

[Shep]
It’s R-buh.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yep. Okay.

[Thomas]
Okay. All right, now that we’ve got all the characters named and we have them in the woods, let’s take a break. And then when we come back, we’ll figure out what happens to them and how they get out of the situation in our episode about a Tree.

[Break]

[Thomas]
All right, we’re back. We have Steve, Aurora, Greg, Mark, Rebecca, Robert, Bayden, Zeke, and Pepper, all going for a cell phone-free retreat in the woods.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Are the cell phones just in the… Did they come in, like, one big van?

[Shep]
No, they get together ahead of time.

[Thomas]
Oh, like at a hotel or something.

[Shep]
Yes, so-

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
They all meet at a hotel.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
They turn in all their technology, tablets, and phones. Why are they meeting at a hotel?

[Thomas]
No, it doesn’t have to be a hotel. It could be, you know, Steve’s girlfriend runs a frozen yogurt shop in a strip mall, and so they’re going to put all the phones in a box behind the counter.

[Emily]
It could just be the visitor center at the local state or national park.

[Shep]
It’s just some place where they can park their main vehicles-

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
And get in a shared vehicle to drive into…

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Whoever sponsors this, Hummer or Jeep or-

[Emily]
Mercedes.

[Shep]
Mercedes. Mercedes? They’re driving into the woods!

[Emily]
Yeah, they make off-road camper vans.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So, this is a conversation. Mercedes, by the way, this is a conversation your characters can have.

[Emily]
Right. Really nice vans, and they can handle off-road really well.

[Thomas]
Steve’s really, like, gotten himself in financial trouble to buy this Mercedes van.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
He’s trying to really impress people.

[Emily]
He can’t mess this one up.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
That’s why he’s got be hush-hush about all of it.

[Shep]
Right. He used to be a car salesman.

[Thomas]
Ah, yeah.

[Shep]
That’s why he’s sketchy like this. And he’s borrowed this Mercedes, whatever it is, SUV.

[Thomas]
He’s still a car salesman. This is just what he does on the weekends.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
It’s got dealer plates.

[Shep]
He’s trying to pitch them, like, the Mercedes as he’s, like, “This is so, such a smooth ride,” which is also advertisement for the audience. I’m just saying, Mercedes, this could really work.

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah. you yeah, it makes sense.

[Shep]
You just got give us a couple million dollars.

[Thomas]
And a camper van each.

[Shep]
And, yes.

[Emily]
Yes, I need a Mercedes camper van.

[Shep]
All right. Can it hold eight people and a dog?

[Emily]
Probably, yeah.

[Shep]
All right. Well, probably is good enough. So, they get together. They leave all their technology-

[Thomas]
Sure.

[Shep]
Behind in one of the other vehicles.

[Emily]
Mm hmm.

[Shep]
Get in the sponsor vehicle and drive to the logging road, the cutout on the logging road, or the meadow or whatever, that’s accessible now that the logging road’s there.

[Thomas]
Mm hmm.

[Shep]
And then park there and hike further into the woods where they’re gonna set up their campsite. So, they’re away from the vehicle, but they’re not at the Hexxus tree. It’s an in-between location. It is their home base, which is just tents in the woods.

[Thomas]
So, the Hexxus tree, it’s like a half-day hike away, or maybe like a quarter of a day hike, like a couple hours.

[Emily]
Yeah, it’s got be within a day’s walk. Yeah, yeah. It shouldn’t be, you should be able to get there and back in a day-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
And still have, like, daylight left for dinner and stuff.

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
Let’s make it two hours because it was two hours in Axe that they were walking down the log flume.

[Thomas]
Oh, that’s right. Yeah. Perfect.

[Shep]
Let’s just keep it with two.

[Thomas]
Well, and that kind of matches up because in Axe, they were outside of its territory, walked two hours into its territory, and then were attacked.

[Shep]
Yes. Yep.

[Thomas]
So, it makes sense here that we do the same thing.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Shep]
Ostensibly, their campsite is outside its territory, and its territory is a two-hour walk. All right, let’s start killing off these characters.

[Thomas]
All right.

[Emily]
All right, who’s the first to die? Is it Bob, Robert?

[Shep]
I mean, probably, he’s the survivalist, so.

[Thomas]
Right, that would be the one you expect the least to die as an audience member.

[Shep]
Oh, who are we following? Who is our perspective character?

[Emily]
Oh.

[Thomas]
Hmm, the dog.

[Shep]
I don’t think it should be the dog.

[Emily]
Should be the dog.

[Shep]
I think it should be the mom. I think it should be Rebecca-

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
Because I want her to die. Because in movies, because you’ve seen movies before-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Whoever you’re following in the movie, you think, “Oh, this person’s going to live.”

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
You’ve seen movies before. You know how the tropes work.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Well, yeah, and moms are survivalists. They survive everything for the, you know, that’s just what we do as a mom.

[Shep]
Right. It’s the Final Girl situation.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
The mom is the Final Girl, except she dies halfway through. So, we’re following the mom. She’s not the first to die-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Because her dad is the first to die-

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Which is extra, you know, that’s her dad. That’s why she’s like the character we’re following, the perspective character.

[Thomas]
Hmm, yeah. Yeah, makes sense.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
And then the twist halfway through.

[Thomas]
And then who do we follow after that?

[Emily]
The dog.

[Shep]
No, what’s the daughter’s name?

[Emily]
Uh-

[Shep]
Brayden.

[Emily]
Brayden.

[Thomas]
Brayden, yeah.

[Shep]
Brayden. She’s our Final Girl.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
She lives, the dog lives, everyone else dies.

[Emily]
Even little Zeke?

[Shep]
Even Zeke dies. It’s extra sad.

[Emily]
Oh.

[Shep]
So, after Rebecca dies, we follow Brayden.

[Emily]
All right, I can live with that.

[Shep]
Because then you’re like, is Brayden gonna die? Because I thought Rebecca was gonna live.

[Emily]
We assumed Grandpa was gonna survive because he knows the woods.

[Shep]
He knows the woods.

[Emily]
And he died first.

[Shep]
How does he die first? Does he just disappear? Because then they could be like, “Oh, he’s not dead. He’s just off, wherever.” You know?

[Emily]
He’s just doing his Woodsy Man thing.

[Shep]
He’s doing his own thing.

[Thomas]
Does he say, “I’ll be right back?” And then maybe they’re like, “You know, knowing him, it could be a couple days before he’s actually back.”

[Emily]
Well, yeah, maybe he talks about something near, some landmark nearby, that he knows isn’t too far from where they’re at.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Emily]
And he’s like, “I could be there and back in a day. I don’t think I’m gonna miss anything.”

[Thomas]
Oh, there’s that river, right? There’s the where the log flume went to. He wants to go and see the river.

[Emily]
Yeah. Maybe, maybe Steve does something to piss him off. And he’s like, “You know what? I just, I’m gonna go, I’m gonna take a break and go do this thing.” And then he just never comes back.

[Shep]
I was thinking more like he goes out to get supplies.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
He’s gonna forage for mushrooms-

[Emily]
Oh.

[Shep]
Or berries or, you know.

[Emily]
He’s gonna make some bark soup.

[Shep]
Right. He’s gonna, he’s going to do his survivalist thing and show off for his grandkids.

[Emily]
Ah.

[Shep]
I’m worried that this is just gonna be Axe redone again.

[Thomas]
I know, I’m-

[Emily]
No! This is very different.

[Shep]
Because Robert disappears and we don’t know that he’s dead-

[Emily]
Oh.

[Shep]
Which is what happens at the beginning of Axe.

[Emily]
So, let’s just-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Oh, actually, since this is an Axe sequel and people are aware of what happened in the first one, we can see him die. We’re just surprised that he’s the first one to go.

[Shep]
Because I wanted to see Steve die first.

[Emily]
Okay, then let’s have Steve die first and then Robert almost immediately after.

[Thomas]
Hold on. I don’t like the idea of Steve dying first because then it’s like, hey, you’re the asshole who got us into this mess, and you’re immediately, like, off the hook insofar as like-

[Shep]
Off the hook. I’m picturing him hooked and then speared on a tree like a, like-

[Thomas]
Ooh!

[Shep]
A shrike, you know, shrikes-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
The birds-

[Emily]
Strikes stab the things.

[Thomas]
I like that idea. So maybe that’s how they found out Robert’s dead is they go to the Hexxus tree, and-

[Shep]
And he’s hanging from the tree.

[Thomas]
So, it’s supposed to be this like big special moment. Like, they wake up and he’s not there. And they’re like, “Oh, he just went for a morning walk.” And they’re like, “Well, we’ve got to get going to see this, the mother tree, they call it,” or something like that. Right?

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
And he’s still not back. And like, “Well, you know, he knows where the camp is. You know, he’s fine. He’s the one we’re least worried about.” So, they go to the tree and then they find him like spiked on a branch of the tree?

[Shep]
Yes, not immediately.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Okay, so he disappears in the morning because he gets up earlier than everyone else.

[Thomas]
Naturally.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
And in fact, the previous night when they made camp, he went off to get supplies to make mushroom soup or tree bark soup or whatever it was. And so, that’s just what he did. He went off on his own and came back an hour later with whatever he had foraged. So, when he’s not there in the morning, that’s what they think. And in fact, that’s probably what he did do. He probably left to forage-

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
And we didn’t see it, but encountered the forest creature-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And is taken back to the mother tree. So, they’re like, “Oh, he’s gonna miss out on the tree. He’s not gonna see all this thing.” But like, that’s his choice. He’s an adult. He made his choice. And so, Steve takes the group and leads them. And on the way, they encounter the remains of the minibus-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And can explore it and find the map and the compass and maybe a flare gun. I know flares don’t last that long. They don’t last sixty years in storage, especially if the storage is just out in the woods.

[Thomas]
It’s been sixty years since the 1960s!

[Shep]
It’s been sixty years from the ’60s!

[Emily]
Ah.

[Thomas]
I don’t like that at all.

[Emily]
Time sucks.

[Thomas]
Wow.

[Shep]
So, but it’s a movie, so like, whatever. It doesn’t matter.

[Thomas]
Sure, yeah. Movie magic.

[Emily]
I mean, come on, they find dynamite in caves all the time.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
That’s still, like, viable. Same thing, right?

[Shep]
So, movie magic, whatever.

[Emily]
Sure.

[Shep]
Maybe the Zeke finds the flare gun and wants to fire it off. And they’re like, “No, no, no. Don’t mess with that stuff.” And maybe they leave it in the minibus.

[Thomas]
Yeah, they have to go back to get it.

[Shep]
Right. So, anyway, they encounter the minibus. This is, like, setting up stuff.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Also, it, like, hey remember the opening scene where everyone got murdered?

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
They continue to the mother tree and find the mother tree and are, you know, “Oh, wow, nature’s amazing.” Whatever.

[Thomas]
Brayden’s like, “Oh, I wish I had my phone so I could take a picture for Instagram.”

[Shep]
Right. Yes.

[Thomas]
Or TikTok or whatever the-

[Shep]
Whoever sponsors the movie.

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So, while they’re exploring it, one of the characters, probably Rebecca-

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
Because it would be most traumatizing, feels, you know, something hit her, like a droplet of something, but she’s under the tree, so it’s not rain, and it’s blood. And she looks up, and there is Robert spiked on one of the branches.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Now they don’t know that it’s the creature that did this.

[Thomas]
But like, what the fuck could it be?

[Shep]
Right. So, what would you do in this situation?

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
You would probably try to get Robert down, right? You wouldn’t just like run away.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I mean-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
I guess it kind of depends on like how the tree is. Like, could you even get to where he is?

[Shep]
I mean, it’s a Hexxus tree. It’s all gnarly.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Got lots of places to grab.

[Emily]
Lots of knots to climb up. Yeah.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Okay, so Steve and Robert, excuse me, Steve and Mark go up there to get Robert.

[Shep]
Yes. Yeah.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
And also, you can also see, remember in Axe, you guys all remember watching the movie Axe that I’m referencing?

[Emily]
Yes, I do. I remember very vividly.

[Thomas]
It’s funny you say that because I definitely do.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So, when the tree monster in Axe would climb up the trees to leap from them-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
It would leave these scratch marks on the bark.

[Emily]
That’s right.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So, as Steve and Mark climb up the Hexxus tree, the mother tree, there are these scratches on the bark. And you don’t have to, like, have the characters pause and look at it and zoom the camera in, and-

[Thomas]
And like run their finger along it, like-

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
“Oh! What could this be?”

[Shep]
You don’t have to do any of that. You just-

[Thomas]
We all saw Axe.

[Shep]
Yeah, if you saw Axe, then you recognize what these marks are.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And if you haven’t, it doesn’t matter. So, they climb up. They get to Robert’s body. Is Robert dead? Or is he still alive-

[Thomas]
Oh, god.

[Emily]
Oooh…

[Shep]
But badly injured?

[Emily]
Ah.

[Shep]
If he’s still alive, but badly injured, then they’re, like, have to carry him out of the woods and like go for help. So, this is, I think, what attracts the creature to follow them is they’re taking its food away.

[Thomas]
Mm hmm.

[Emily]
Oh.

[Shep]
That’s why.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
So, even though their campsite is out of its territory, also it puts an extra burden on them, and they can’t move as fast through the woods because otherwise, just run out of the woods.

[Thomas]
Right, yeah.

[Shep]
So, also this puts the hope in the audience like, “Oh, maybe Robert’s gonna make it.”

[Emily]
Oh, yeah. Is he gonna help direct them too, on what to do and where to go and that kind of thing?

[Shep]
Oh, yeah, because he’s got all this, you know, survival, wood survival training.

[Emily]
He’s got grits.

[Shep]
He knows how to treat his wound.

[Thomas]
So, they would presumably take him directly back to the van.

[Shep]
They would head towards the van. I don’t think they make it to the van.

[Thomas]
Right. Well, I actually, it would be interesting if they initially do.

[Shep]
Ooh. Ooh.

[Thomas]
And then, like, just as they’re trying to go, the creature attacks. And the van is run off the road and crashes into a tree–

[Emily]
Hmm.

[Thomas]
Because that’s the name of the episode.

[Emily]
Yeah yep.

[Shep]
Okay. How many creatures are there?

[Thomas]
Oh, it’s a sequel. So, there’s got to be more than one.

[Shep]
There’s got be two.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
It’s crabsquatch. What’s the crabsquatch…? It’s Foam–

[Thomas]
Foam, yeah.

[Emily]
Foam, yeah.

[Shep]
Where you don’t know there are two monsters until-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Partway into it. So, you think it’s one creature. You saw one creature in the opening scene with the hippies.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
The assumption is it’s the creature from Axe.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
So, they are ferrying Robert back to the sponsor vehicle. Do any of the other ones die on this trip? Does Steve die on the way back? Or do they crash the van and then they’re being picked off one by one?

[Thomas]
My first thought was: they crash the van. Steve’s driving and he crashes the van and he gets out and runs. He’s the lawyer from Jurassic Park.

[Emily]
Right, right.

[Thomas]
Except that he’s killed instantly instead of later.

[Shep]
This is tough.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
I have, like, so many things I want to put in, but I don’t know the order to put them in.

[Emily]
I think Steve has to be the first to die die, right? That’s what we’re- No.

[Thomas]
Sure. Yeah.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
Because he has obscured the fact that this is forbidden territory.

[Emily]
Does that come about as they’re headed back to the van? Like, do we find that information out before he dies?

[Shep]
I know that you don’t want Steve to die right away because it, like, gets him off the hook.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
But he’s not off the hook at this point if we reveal it and there’s an argument and discussion. Because he’s gonna die. That’s not, he’s not escaping. He is being punished like a good play does.

[Shep]
Right. A morality play.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Yeah, I think he should die on the way-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Back to the sponsor vehicle and Greg should be the one to run off like the lawyer-

[Thomas]
Mm.

[Shep]
Or like the expendable greenhorn in Axe–

[Emily]
Yes.

[Shep]
And attract the creature’s attention after they crash the sponsor vehicle.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
Does Aurora know what was going on or is she as surprised as everyone else to find out that Steve lied about where, that he knew the area or had permission or what have you?

[Shep]
If she knew, she wouldn’t be able to tell anyone if Steve were around to stop her.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
So, after Steve dies, then she could say, “Oh, by the way.”

[Emily]
“No one’s coming.” Oh, okay. Okay. Steve dies and we see him die by the creature. That’s why everyone piles in the van and drives erratically and it crashes, right?

[Shep]
So, they almost made it to the vehicle and that’s when Steve dies?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Okay. I like that because, like, the vehicle to the audience represents survival.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
If we get back to the vehicle, we live. They see the vehicle-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And that’s when… Does it just come out of the woods? Does it, is it-

[Thomas]
Oh, it comes out from behind the vehicle.

[Shep]
Oh!

[Emily]
Oh.

[Thomas]
We don’t know that there are two at this point, right?

[Shep]
No, we don’t.

[Emily]
Right, no.

[Shep]
We just know the one.

[Thomas]
We just think, “How did it get in front of us?”

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Do they all turn to go back into the woods? And Steve is leading the… He’s got his back to the vehicle. “Here it is, guys. Come on!” He’s, like, looking at them and-

[Shep]
Oh gosh. So, at this point, they have seen the sign, the covered sign, and are trying to argue with Steve about putting them in danger. And Steve is like, “Let’s talk about this later.”

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
“Once we’re out of the woods. We’re not out of the woods yet.”

[Emily]
Ha ha ha.

[Shep]
So, maybe he turns back to argue with them once he sees the vehicle and it’s like, okay, we’re safe enough. And when he turns his back, that’s when it comes out from behind the vehicle and comes up and-

[Emily]
Grabs him.

[Thomas]
Is Robert already in the vehicle?

[Emily]
Has Steve loaded him up? Is that what you’re-

[Thomas]
Right. They’ve, like, loaded him into the back of the van. They’re yelling at him and stuff like that. So, we’re behind the van. We’re looking at the back. It’s got the, like, double doors, right? And they’re, like, getting him in there and they shut the doors. And maybe Mark and Rebecca are yelling at Steve. And he’s like, “Well let’s talk about this some other time. Like, now is not the time.” And they’re, you know, “You put us in danger.” Oh, maybe they get in the van. They all get in the van. And he turns the car on and the headlights come on and it’s in front of them. Or is that a little too convenient?

[Shep]
I was thinking because you have the rear double doors, and when they close the doors, it’s just behind one of the doors.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah.

[Emily]
Mm. That’s good.

[Thomas]
I like it because they can’t just abandon the vehicle entirely because Robert and maybe the kids are in the- and the dog, are all in the van.

[Shep]
Oh!

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Oh. Okay, so they don’t get, they all don’t all get in the van right away and drive off.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
The kids and Robert get in the van and the adults are outside when the creature attacks and is killing Steve. So, they can’t abandon the vehicle because the kids are in it-

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
And the kids aren’t old enough to drive. So, they can’t just leave. This is Jurassic Park again. You have the two kids, the brother and sister in the vehicle with the T-Rex outside.

[Emily]
Well, okay.

[Shep]
I mean, if Jurassic Park was a successful movie that made a bunch of money, then maybe it’s not a bad idea to do a similar thing.

[Emily]
Well, I was thinking, yeah, they’re not old enough to drive, but maybe the real issue is that Steve has the fob and they can’t start it!

[Shep]
Ah, yeah.

[Thomas]
Oh!

[Emily]
Because it’s a new Mercedes and the fob is not in the car, so it can’t be started.

[Thomas]
And when his body gets dragged away, that’s it! You don’t even have to crash the car. Mercedes wouldn’t want us to crash the vehicle on screen anyway probably.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Unless they want to show off the fantastic safety features that the-

[Emily]
It’s true, they could.

[Shep]
Yeah, they crashed and Greg’s like, “Is everyone okay?” And everyone’s like, “Yeah, we’re fine. The airbags are so good and luxurious.”

[Thomas]
Yeah. “Thanks to these side curtain airbags-“

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
“I didn’t even feel the impact.”

[Shep]
“Oh, did we crash? I had no idea.”

[Thomas]
“The seat belts work really well. My drink didn’t even spill out of the cup holder.”

[Shep]
“Of which there are sixteen.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So, Steve getting dragged off stops their escape because he’s got the key fob with him-

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah. I like that, that’s funny.

[Shep]
Is great because then they’re like, “We could try and hike out of the woods or we could try to get to his body and get the key fob.”

[Emily]
Both terribly dangerous.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Those are both insane ideas.

[Shep]
Both dangerous.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So, who is left? It’s just Aurora and Greg and Mark and Rebecca. It’s the four adults besides Steve and Robert.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
The kids are in the van and the dog.

[Thomas]
The kids the grandfather and the dog are all in the van-

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
And all the adults are out of the van-

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
And Steve is functionally gone.

[Shep]
Functionally gone.

[Thomas]
Now, I think it’s probably safe to assume that Steve is gonna be back at the Hexxus tree, right? His body, anyway.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Which is a two-hour hike away.

[Thomas]
And it’s night.

[Emily]
It’s getting dark. Yep.

[Thomas]
Yeah. What are they gonna do?

[Shep]
Man, this is so different from what I had pictured earlier.

[Emily]
Did I, did I mess it up?

[Shep]
No, it’s way more tense now.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
The kids and the dog are basically out of danger-

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Except that they’re stuck in the van.

[Thomas]
Well yeah in the van with a thing that the creature believes is its food.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
So, maybe the adult’s plan is we’re lure the creature away from the van, although, no, wait. So, the one creature takes off with Steve-

[Shep]
Right, we don’t know there’s two yet.

[Thomas]
Yeah. So, now maybe it’s a scene where the grown-ups are like “Now what do we do?” And while they’re discussing it, the other creature comes. They don’t realize it’s the other creature, they think “Oh my god it’s back.” So maybe Mark is like, “Well I’m gonna lure it away and you do (whatever).”

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
And it doesn’t work because Mark is not what the creature wants. The creature wants Robert back. “That’s my meal that I worked for. I already injected my digestive juices into him.” I don’t know, whatever.

[Shep]
Right. Whatever lore you want to add. That’s a problem for the writers.

[Thomas]
Right right right.

[Shep]
So, Robert is just, like, melting in the back of the…

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
It’s the scene from The Fly where like his body part is just falling off. And you could do some real gross body horror here, because he is conscious while it’s happening to him.

[Thomas]
Oh.

[Shep]
Because we didn’t see what the creature did in Axe.

[Thomas]
No.

[Emily]
No, they just took ’em.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
So, the second creature attacks the van to try to get to Robert?

[Shep]
Do we want to split perspectives here and have the adults trying to get Steve’s car fob? And then while they’re gone, the van is attacked.

[Thomas]
So, Mark and Greg are like “We’ve got to nut up. We’re go get the key fob. Ladies, you stay here with the kids and with Robert and hopefully we’ll be back.”

[Shep]
So, vehicles in horror movies are like blankets-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
That protect you from-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Monsters under the bed, right? You don’t see-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Monsters like just tearing vehicles open-

[Emily]
No.

[Shep]
And eating the soft inside.

[Emily]
Not usually.

[Shep]
So, like this is an imaginary safe space.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
So, if the women get in, they are basically quote/unquote “safe”. So, I think the women have to stick together with the men. Like, they tell the kids, “Stay here,” because if the men die, then they don’t get the key fob. They’re like, “We need to all go together because at least one of us needs to make it back with the fob.”

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
So, it’s the four of them together-

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
Going off back to the mother tree to, if not rescue Steve, at least get the fob. This seems like a bad plan.

[Thomas]
But like, what else are they do? They’re in the middle of nowhere, it’s dark…

[Shep]
Right. This is where Aurora can talk about “No one is coming because we didn’t tell anyone we were going out here because it is forbidden area.”

[Thomas]
Yeah. So, they must go back to the tree. Do all four of them go to the tree or do they kind of split up as they get closer? Like, the women hang back and the guys go. Because if the two men are killed the two women could theoretically go back.

[Shep]
Is this fun to watch? I mean, so, the characters in Axe had a plan the whole time. And, like, everything they did was logical and moved them towards their ultimate goal. But, like, they just came from the mother tree and they’re going back to the mother tree. Look, I understand we’ve only got the two locations to film on. So, we gotta reuse them as much as possible. But if we establish that it’s a two-hour walk away.

[Thomas]
I mean they could all sleep in the van overnight.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
But then Robert is dead.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
But they’re all alive.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Seemed to be safe during the day yesterday.

[Shep]
Right. Oh, that’s their plan.

[Thomas]
And they can see because it’s not night.

[Shep]
Yes, they spend the night in the van together. Robert passes because he was injected with acid and, you know.

[Thomas]
He doesn’t even have to be injected with acid he could just die from bleeding because he had a branch through his abdomen.

[Shep]
Yes, but it would be so much grosser if he’s just a puddle in the morning.

[Thomas]
Oh god.

[Shep]
With, like, the skin around it.

[Thomas]
Right. Somebody wakes up with their hand in goo and they’re like “What theaaaaH!”

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Okay.

[Shep]
It would definitely be memorable. you do definitely leave that theater going, “Oh my god.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So, Rebecca is devastated in the morning, but they can’t leave because they need the key fob.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So, this is their plan. It’s daytime now.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Let’s go back. Do they bring the kids with them or leave them in the van?

[Thomas]
So, far they are treating the van as a safe space-

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Although it is also full of corpse goo.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
Traumatize your children with a little corpse goo or risk their lives rescuing a key fob.

[Thomas]
Like they’d probably have to stay behind, right?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yeah, they stay behind with the dog.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah. Who is conveniently cleaning up the corpse goo.

[Thomas]
Oh god.

[Shep]
But yes, that is 100% what a dog would do.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
(Bleh) I’m so grossed out imagining-

[Thomas]
Yeah, it’s-

[Shep]
The sound of the dog slurping up Robert goo out of the back of the van.

[Thomas]
So, they go back to the tree. This has to be where they find out there are two of them, right? They’re attacked.

[Shep]
It’s got to be the trip back where they find out where there are two-

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
Because once they get back to the van with the key fob, like, “Okay, we’re safe.” This is what they felt originally. Okay, so they get the fob. Steve is dead.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
On the way back, maybe Greg dies? No, because he wanted, he is, he’ll probably die trying to save Aurora-

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
When they get back to the van.

[Thomas]
We could split them up here temporarily. Or permanently. I mean, if Greg and Aurora get separated. Oh, do we kill the parents and then have the two assistants have to go back to the kids? Oh, no, we’re keeping the mom alive, right? What are we doing? I’ve already forgotten what we said we were going to do.

[Emily]
She’s gonna die.

[Shep]
Yeah, when does the mom die?

[Emily]
Um, mom can die at this point.

[Thomas]
Oh, that’s how they find out there are two.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
It’s the mid-second act turning point.

[Shep]
This is only the mid-second act turning point?!

[Thomas]
Yeah, finding out there are two. Oh, or is finding out there are two, that’s the lowest low. And the mom is dead.

[Shep]
That’s got to be the lowest low.

[Thomas]
Yeah, okay.

[Shep]
So, how does she die? Of the four that go back to the mother tree, how many make it back to the van?

[Thomas]
Mark and Aurora, we lose Greg along the way as well, because they’re being pursued.

[Shep]
Okay.

[Thomas]
And so, he does whatever it is that he does to sacrifice himself or try to protect her-

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
That costs him his life, whatever that ends up being. We’ll let the writers work that part out.

[Shep]
So, Rebecca has died before that-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
When they got to the tree, because she’s so out of it. She just watched her dad turn into a puddle.

[Thomas]
So, is Steve spiked up in the tree now? And everyone’s like, “Should we draw straws?” And she’s just like, “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” and like climbs the tree-

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
And goes like way out on a limb and gets the keys out of his pocket. But then one of the monsters comes out and finds her. And so, she tosses the keys to them-

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
To the people, and ends up dying.

[Shep]
Yep. She’s spiked through the heart. So, we know she’s dead right away.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
She’s not spiked through the shoulder or whatever happened to Robert.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
But her last act as a mom is to throw the fob-

[Thomas]
Yes.

[Shep]
To Mark. Like-

[Thomas]
“Save our children.”

[Shep]
“Save our children.”

[Thomas]
Yeah. Okay, I like that. So, the three of them are running away now.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
And pretty quickly, it’s clear they’re being pursued. They don’t realize it’s the second one that is pursuing them.

[Shep]
Right. We don’t know that there are two yet.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
We just think there’s one.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Mark and the two of them, Aurora and Greg, get separated. Mark is not being distracted by anything-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Because he’s got the key fob.

[Thomas]
Yeah. He is very focused.

[Shep]
He’s very focused. And maybe Greg pulls Aurora in another direction. Like, “Hey, let’s split up. If it follows Mark, we’re safe.”

[Thomas]
Do the two of them end up back at the old van, the old VW?

[Shep]
Oh, yeah, maybe this is where the flare gun comes into it. If the, like, what do you do with the… You can’t have a working flare.

[Thomas]
Is this how Greg doesn’t realize that? This is how he dies. He jumps out of the van and points the flare gun at it and pulls the trigger and it just clicks.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
And he’s like, “Uh-oh.”

[Shep]
Yeah, that’s his plan. He’s going to save the day. He’s going to save Aurora. He’s going to be the hero. He is killed. Aurora still running. So, she is running in one direction. Mark is running in another direction. These are our only two adult survivors now.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Mark must make it back to the van.

[Shep]
Mark must make it back to the van. Otherwise, they can’t drive out of the movie.

[Thomas]
Do they drive out of the movie?

[Emily]
I thought they were gonna end up- oh, okay. Yeah, they can drive out of the movie. Never mind.

[Thomas]
They could, or Mark could make it back to the van, and then they’re they are driving, and then Aurora, like, jumps out onto the road, and so they stop and pick her up, and then they end up crashing for whatever reason, or they’re attacked, or I don’t know.

[Shep]
Instead of crashing while they’re stopped, because they’re stopping for Aurora, one of the creatures, the creature-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Jumps out and kills Aurora.

[Thomas]
Oh!

[Shep]
Right?

[Thomas]
Right, so she’s running toward the van. They’ve got the side door pulled open-

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
And she’s running out, and then suddenly bursting out of the trees, a creature comes out and grabs her and drags her back.

[Shep]
Because that’s what it does. It’s fast. It leaps out of the trees.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
We’ve seen it multiple times.

[Thomas]
But then they’re all they’re all turned and facing her. They’re all turned perpendicular to the road, facing the tree line. And then as soon as she’s grabbed, they turn back forward and the other creature’s standing in the road in front of them?

[Shep]
Yes, that’s why they can’t drive out of the movie.

[Thomas]
So, they have to lose the Mercedes at this point for some reason.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
And then that’s the lowest low. There are two of them and there’s literally… The way out is gone. They’re trapped.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
That’s an excellent lowest low.

[Emily]
That was a good one.

[Thomas]
So, how do they lose the van?

[Emily]
Is this where the monster could destroy it?

[Thomas]
If I’m Mark and the monster’s on the road in front of me, I guess I throw it in reverse.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Well, the other one’s behind them. It was to the side, but when they turn to the front, there’s one there, and the other one comes out on the road. They’re surrounded. But just try to run into it. You’re in a vehicle. It’s just a monster the size of a house.

[Emily]
Oh, so it’s just like running over a moose. It’s fine. Everyone does that.

[Shep]
“It’s just like running over a moose,” as every-, the common phrase everyone knows.

[Emily]
Just like running over a moose.

[Shep]
It’s as easy as running over a moose. I imagine Mark is stressed and panicking.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
He’s the last adult at this point. So, maybe he tries to flee in the sponsor vehicle. So, the creatures have to be attacking the vehicle.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
So, this is how they lose the vehicles because the creatures are attacking it and they’re going to make it inoperable.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
So, I could see him, like, he’s gonna play chicken with it, or he’s gonna try to, like, zip around it or something, and it lunges. And it’s a huge thing. It’s just, like a linebacker hits the vehicle and throws it off the road into the into the trees and it crashes.

[Shep]
Yeah, directly into a tree because it’s going fast forward.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
And just has to be knocked a little bit off course to run off the road into a tree.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Does Mark survive the crash?

[Thomas]
We just have Mark and the kids and the dog, right?

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Yes, Mark survives the crash.

[Emily]
But Zeke doesn’t.

[Shep]
Zeke and his little boy body flies through the front windshield, and-

[Emily]
Yep, exactly. That’s what I was thinking.

[Shep]
Why do we have the dog? It’s got to be an early creature warning system.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
Whenever the dog is around and the creature’s about to show up, it starts barking or whatever.

[Thomas]
Or it could even just be the, like, something’s up thing, too. Like maybe the dog is acting weird at the first time they’re at the Hexxus tree.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Everything I’m imagining is so horrific.

[Emily]
But the dog has to live.

[Shep]
So, unhappy.

[Emily]
It’s fine.

[Shep]
No, I’m still picturing of the crash and Zeke not wearing his seatbelt and going through the window and like, you know, he’s alive, but barely.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Shep]
And as he’s crawling up from the ground, the creature’s right there. And-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
I like that.

[Emily]
I love it.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
That’s horrific.

[Emily]
I love it. Love it.

[Thomas]
Yeah, it’s a horror movie.

[Shep]
Oh, I’m so upset.

[Thomas]
That’s good. Then it’s working.

[Emily]
It means that means we’re doing it right.

[Thomas]
Yeah. So, I like Mark and Brayden and Pepper getting out and running, and at some point them getting separated. That’s, like, soul crushing.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Which is what we want. So-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
They’re separated because Pepper runs off and Brayden is, like, holding on to Pepper. So, Pepper is fleeing from the creatures, that it can detect-

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
That the humans can’t.

[Thomas]
Mm hmm.

[Shep]
And this is how Mark and Brayden get separated. And Mark has his last stand. Mark lived a lot longer than I thought he would. He’s the last adult.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
He’s nearly the last human.

[Emily]
So, they get separated, and then-

[Shep]
Yes, Mark is surrounded by the two creatures.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
He’s trying to distract them long enough that Brayden can get away. That’s his only goal is Brayden lives.

[Emily]
All right, so Brayden’s just running with the dog.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
So, the dog is just fleeing.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Well, and then I think maybe that becomes her sort of compass, right? Like, the dog can sense way better than she can. She can’t sense where the creatures are, but it can. So, it can sort of help guide her: don’t go that way. We want to go this way.

[Shep]
Oh, so we don’t see what happens to Mark. We see him facing off against the two creatures that are just, like, circling around him. He’s got no hope of survival. They’re circling around him like great sharks in the ocean.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Shep]
And then we switch perspectives to Brayden and the dog, and they are fleeing. And the dog’s going this way and then that way. She’s running and she’s running and she’s running. And it’s tense and she’s getting worn out. And then the dog stops and whimpers and the creature is there. We don’t see what happened to Mark. We can only assume that he is already dead. And the only survivor is Brayden and Pepper. They’re the last two. I assume that Pepper is a female dog-

[Emily]
Yep.

[Shep]
So, it qualifies as one of the Final Girls.

[Emily]
Hm yep.

[Thomas]
We had said quite a long time ago that we wanted lumberjacks to help them out.

[Shep]
Yes! This is where the lumberjacks show up. It’s Little Red Riding Hood, and the Lumberjack shows up at the end, and it’s a bunch of lumberjacks, and they chase off the monsters.

[Thomas]
That’s very Deus Ex Machina.

[Emily]
It’s Lumberjack Ex Machina. Come on.

[Shep]
You got to set it up earlier. You could have them encounter lumberjacks on the way there at a rest stop before they, you know, get to the retreat group. Like, you could introduce these characters that show up at the end.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I mean, it takes any agency away from Brayden to get herself out of the situation. The dog is leading her, and then the lumberjacks show up, and then she’s saved.

[Shep]
That’s a very good point. Thomas always asks the really hard questions at the end of the episode-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Like, we are done. And Thomas goes, “Actually, all of that’s unusable.”

[Thomas]
I like the idea of running into the lumberjacks early. Maybe as they’re driving down the logging road, we see the lumberjacks at some point.

[Emily]
So, she knows that there’s an existence of them.

[Thomas]
Right. And so, there’s got to be some other indicator that the lumberjacks are in the area so that she can think, “Oh, I will go to where other adults are.”

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
So, now that we’ve established that’s a thing, the writers can work that out.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
Yeah, she follows the sound of chainsaws and yodeling.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
I don’t know.

[Thomas]
So, how do they get out? The lumberjacks just have a truck and they drive out?

[Shep]
The lumberjacks drive off the creature.

[Thomas]
Because now they don’t have stupid axes. They have chainsaws!

[Shep]
They have chainsaws.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Thomas]
And bigger guns.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Because in the intervening hundred years or whenever this story has taken place, the lumber company was like, “We need these woods.” And so, they figured out how to deal with the creature.

[Emily]
Hmm.

[Thomas]
They know that it doesn’t like-

[Emily]
Something.

[Thomas]
You know, sonic weapons or something like that.

[Shep]
Yeah, whatever it is. This is not their first rodeo.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
This is their third rodeo.

[Thomas]
Yeah. So, they drive it off with whatever they know works.

[Shep]
Right, they can’t kill it. It’s not killable-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
But they can repel it enough to take the survivors out.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
Is this a worthy sequel to Axe? I don’t know.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I don’t know.

[Shep]
I like Axe so much. This might be one of the ones we’re like, “Let’s just shelve this.” This is, you know, not all sequels need to be made.

[Emily]
Right, right.

[Thomas]
In fact, most don’t.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Most shouldn’t.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
I think this is a decent sequel.

[Shep]
I mean, once the studio takes the IP and they want to wring out all the money they can, this is fine.

[Emily]
Right, this is what you’re gonna get.

[Shep]
But Axe is so good. But we don’t have a high-speed log flume ride.

[Thomas]
Yeah, the ending of Axe is-

[Shep]
We don’t have a forest fire. Axe builds up to an epic ending, and this one doesn’t. It might be we need more than an hour to come up with a worthy sequel to Axe.

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah. Well, that’s what we came up with about a Tree. We’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s episode. Did we climb to the top of the tree? Or were we barking up the wrong tree? Let us know by leaving a comment on our website, reaching out on social media, or sending us an email. Links to all of those can be found at AlmostPlausible.com. You know, many trees communicate with each other via underground fungus networks, and you probably have a similar method of staying in touch with your family and friends. We-

[Shep]
It’s such a reach.

[Thomas]
We hope you’ll reach out to someone over your network and tell them they should be listening to Almost Plausible. After you’ve done that, join Emily, Shep, and I as we reach for the skies on the next episode of Almost Plausible.

[Outro music]