Cummerbund

References

• Cummerbund wiki
• John Cena
• Michael Cera
• Terry Crews
• MI6
• Benedict Cumberbatch
• Batman
• Pretty in Pink
• Andrew McCarthy
• Today’s Special
• Freaky Friday
• Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde
• Tim Daly
• Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde
• Jamie Lee Curtis
• Milli Vanilli
• Fred Astair
• Sophie’s Choice
• Robert Downey Jr.
• Cybill Shepherd
• Chances Are
• American Pie
• Stacey’s Mom
• Back to the Future
• Pauly Shore
• Walk Like a Man
  • Heart and Souls

Transcript

[Intro music begins]

[Thomas]
Tie a sweatshirt around his waist.

[Shep]
Yes, yeah, yeah. Classic ’90s style.

[Emily]
Mm hm.

[Thomas]
He’s getting teased. “Oh, are you in your period?” He’s like, “Shut up.”

[Emily]
You stole my joke!

[Thomas]
Oh, sorry.

[Shep]
You just say it, and then we’ll edit it so that it’s.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I’ll-

[Emily]
No, it’s fine.

[Intro music]

[Thomas]
Hey there, Story Fans. Welcome to Almost Plausible, the podcast where we take ordinary objects and turn them into movies. I’m Thomas J. Brown, and joining me are Emily-

[Emily]
Hey, guys.

[Thomas]
And F. Paul Shepard-

[Shep]
Happy to be here.

[Thomas]
On this episode, we’re making a movie plot about a Cummerbund which, you know, I’ve never worn one. They’re kind of falling out of style. Have you guys worn one or been out with somebody who was wearing one?

[Shep]
I’ve worn one, but I’m a million years old, and it was the style at the time.

[Thomas]
I was going to ask, what was the occasion, but yeah, all of them, because that’s how old you are.

[Shep]
Yeah. Yes, yep, correct.

[Emily]
Trying to remember if my prom date wore a cummerbund to any of the dances we went to. I know he wore a vest to at least two of them. Yeah, no, I’ve never gone out with someone wearing the cummerbund, and I have not had one myself. Not a typical women’s fashion.

[Thomas]
They’re not entirely outside of women’s fashion, though, based off of my research.

[Emily]
No, just not typical. I wonder if we all did the same research.

[Thomas]
Probably.

[Shep]
Oh, I didn’t do any research, so-

[Emily]
You just knew because you’re a million- You were there when they introduced them to the British Army in India during that dinner.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Well, maybe our episode will bring them back into style, perhaps? There’s only one way to find out, and Shep, you’re pitching first.

[Shep]
I’m pitching first? Oh, gosh. Okay. So, ‘cummerbund’ is a large, loose sash worn as a belt, and it’s from the Hindi ‘kamarband’, which means waistband, which is from the Persian ‘kamar’ meaning waist and ‘band’, meaning to close or to fasten or to bind. So, I would argue that a boxing or wrestling championship belt is actually a type of cummerbund.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
Any pushback?

[Emily]
No.

[Shep]
No?

[Emily]
I’ll allow it.

[Thomas]
Yeah, sure. We all had to write pitches, so, I get it.

[Emily]
Proceed. I want to see where this is going.

[Shep]
A washed former wrestling champion who pawned his gaudy rhinestone-studded leather championship cummerbund long ago finds out a rival business is using it in their promotions. So, he must train his team of misfit employees to win it back in a loser-leaves-town style match.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Emily]
Questions:

[Shep]
Yes, go ahead.

[Emily]
What kind of businesses?

[Shep]
I have no idea.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
And in fact, he might not own the business. He might work for someone else. And it’s his fellow employees. He, uh, he’s a mall Santa. He’s a mall Santa, and it’s the freaks that work in the mall.

[Emily]
Follow-up: Is he played by John Cena and is the rival played by Michael Cera?

[Thomas]
Yep, now, yes.

[Emily]
Oh? Okay.

[Shep]
See, I was going to have Michael Cera be one of his teammates, and his rival was Terry Crews.

[Thomas]
They have to start out as rivals so that they can fall in love by the end.

[Emily]
Right, right, right.

[Shep]
See, they’re, they don’t like each other-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
As fellow mall employees.

[Emily]
Enemies to lovers.

[Shep]
But when the mall itself is threatened, they come together as a team.

[Thomas]
There you go.

[Emily]
All right.

[Thomas]
When terrorists attack the mall for some reason, right?

[Emily]
Okay, so I am being sold on this more and more because it involves a mall-

[Shep]
Oh, gosh.

[Emily]
And a former wrestler. It does not have to be John Cena/Michael Cera but you know my obsession with pairing them in movies.

[Shep]
We didn’t even get to my real cummerbund pitch, and this one is already changed 100% from what I originally wrote down.

[Thomas]
And I love it. This one’s winning so far. I know it’s only the first one we’ve heard.

[Emily]
Right, right, yeah.

[Thomas]
It’s going to be hard to beat this idea, though.

[Shep]
It is in first place. Of the one we’ve heard so far, it is in first place. Okay, here is a real cummerbund pitch. As in, what you guys think of as cummerbunds.

[Thomas]
Okay, sure.

[Shep]
Okay. A semi-retired MI6 agent played by Benedict Cumberbatch for obvious reasons-

[Thomas]
Naturally, yeah, yeah.

[Emily]
Uh huh.

[Shep]
Is at a formal state dinner keeping an eye on foreign dignitaries when a guest is found dead in the coat check. The only clue is a brief snippet of security footage in which the killer is partially seen. Their head is obscured, but they’re wearing a cummerbund which is identical to his, which he got at MI6, as the pleats hold various spy gear (garrotte wire, poisons, antidotes…) like Batman’s utility belt. Batman! Why don’t I have a Batman pitch? His utility belt is a cummerbund! Think about it.

[Thomas]
And you know that when Bruce Wayne is out on the town, he’s wearing a cummerbund just packed full of gear.

[Emily]
Oh 100%

[Shep]
Yes. Yep. It’s his regular utility belt. It flips over. It’s reversible.

[Thomas]
Totally, totally.

[Shep]
That’s what I have. Emily, what do you have?

[Emily]
Oh, well, I’ve got some tasty treats because I’m bringing us back to the ’90s, baby.

[Thomas]
(Whispered) Yes!

[Emily]
Brandon-

[Shep]
I prefer the ’80s, but okay.

[Emily]
Yeah, well, you know.

[Shep]
I’ll allow it.

[Emily]
Brandon thrifts an old tuxedo for prom. He’s very excited because the silk bow tie and cummerbund are the exact shade of pink as his date’s dress. Tries it on, and once he puts the cummerbund around his waist, he is possessed by the last person who wore it, Ted, a high school student from the ’90s who was killed on prom night. Ted is searching for closure, but Brandon just wants his body back in time for prom.

[Thomas]
And you know, the thing about Brandon’s date is that she looks Pretty in Pink.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Thomas]
Was that ’80s enough for you?

[Emily]
Yep, yep.

[Thomas]
Shep, we wanted you to feel included in the ’90s pitch here. So.

[Shep]
I’m coming around to it.

[Emily]
Yeah. Imagine Andrew McCarthy in a black tuxedo with a pink cummerbund and bow tie.

[Shep]
Okay, so are they both partially in charge of the body? Is it like, because there were a bunch of movies in the ’90s where, like, people were possessed, or you know-

[Emily]
Right. So, I want it to be where Brandon can break out now and then or, reverse, Ted can break- Yeah, where they swap out while the cummerbund is on. When the cummerbund is not on, it’s like Today’s Special, and Ted is gone.

[Shep]
What?

[Emily]
Thomas gets it.

[Thomas]
I get it, yeah.

[Emily]
Should we explain it to him or just let him revel?

[Thomas]
He can Google it later.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Thomas]
You know what? It’ll be in the show notes. He’ll find it eventually.

[Shep]
That’s right. I go to the website, AlmostPlausible.com.

[Thomas]
So, instead of Freaky Friday, it’s like Precarious Prom Night.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
All right.

[Shep]
Ha ha ha.

[Emily]
Exactly.

[Shep]
I’m picturing it where each one has half of the control of the body.

[Emily]
Ooh, like-

[Shep]
One has the right side, one has the left side.

[Emily]
Dr. Jekyll and Miss Hyde?

[Shep]
The what?

[Emily]
With Tim Daly?

[Shep]
I don’t know this.

[Emily]
It’s classic. Anyway, yeah, actually, now I think about it, it’s just something like that, like a Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde thing, but with the cummerbund being the thing that makes it happen.

[Thomas]
Well, then it should be top half and bottom half, then, shouldn’t it? If the cummerbund is the-

[Shep]
The dividing line.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
But you never know who’s gonna be on top?

[Thomas]
Yeah, they suddenly switch.

[Emily]
But the legs go where the legs go.

[Shep]
They both share the brain, they can talk to each other in the brain.

[Emily]
Anyway, like, maybe at one point, they could be one controls one half and one controls the other half.

[Thomas]
For sure. There’s got be a scene.

[Emily]
But to start, it’s one at a time, right?

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah. All right, so my second one is: on prom night 1996, tragedy struck at Winston High when all but a handful of boys were murdered. On prom night 2026, strange things begin happening when the prom king nominees show up dead with other boys’ names on their cummerbunds. Bum bum bum bum-

[Thomas]
And then, does it turn out that, like, one of the boys who survived is the murderer and he’s, like, angry that he wasn’t popular enough to be killed thirty years ago?

[Emily]
No it’s Jamie Lee Curtis in a wig.

[Thomas]
Oh, there we go.

[Shep]
All right, I’m on board.

[Emily]
Okay, that’s what I have, Thomas. You’re next.

[Thomas]
I have one this week: A man who loves to dance, but lacks the talent to match his passion, stumbles on a vintage cummerbund that makes whoever wears it an expert dancer. Hiding it beneath his clothes, he rides the lie to fame, admiration, and everything he thought he wanted. Until a moment of unexpected vulnerability forces him to reckon with the fact that every standing ovation, every relationship, every version of himself that anyone has ever loved belongs to the cummerbund and not to him.

[Shep]
So, it’s like those singers that are auto-tuned or just lip sync like Milli Vanilli.

[Thomas]
Yeah, but with dancing.

[Emily]
But with Fred Astair’s cummerbund.

[Thomas]
Yeah, there you go. All right, those are all of our pitches. Which one do we like the most? Obviously, Shep’s first one is a strong contender.

[Emily]
I mean, it is pretty funny.

[Thomas]
I like Emily’s first one as well. I think that one could be fun.

[Emily]
I just wanted something to go ’90s because then I, like, we could take all the ’90s jokes we want and make them and we don’t have to worry about “kids today wouldn’t get that”. Well, no, because it’s for the ’90s people.

[Shep]
So, one of the kids is from today, and one of the kids is from the ’90s.

[Emily]
Right, right.

[Shep]
So, you have this generational gap-

[Emily]
Yep.

[Shep]
In references and humor.

[Thomas]
And can they talk to each other, and then the one from today is like, “Okay, Boomer.” And the one from the ’90s is like, “What? That, I’m not that old.”

[Emily]
Yeah. “Gen x, you jackass. Get it straight.” I want to see them fighting over the hairdo. Like the today’s kid wants the poofy, curly mop, and then the ’90s kid wants to straighten it and split it down the middle.

[Thomas]
Yeah. I also like the John Cena/Michael Cera mall one. That’s-

[Emily]
I know, cuz-

[Thomas]
Pretty funny.

[Emily]
Malls are fun. We need to bring back mall culture.

[Thomas]
Yeah, but we don’t really have time to hang out in malls.

[Emily]
I mean we don’t, but I miss mall culture, so. Is the mall dying?

[Thomas]
Oh, sure.

[Emily]
It’s dead and like these people are, like, they have nothing but time on their hands because no one is coming there.

[Thomas]
Because no one’s there, yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah. And they have free rein of the mall to, like, just do ridiculous shit.

[Thomas]
All right, well, which pitch do we want?

[Shep]
Okay, if I have to pick a pitch that’s not one of mine, I would go for the two people in one body one.

[Emily]
Well, if I have to pick one that’s not mine, I’m going with the wrestler in the mall.

[Shep]
Okay, so it sounds like it’s up to Thomas.

[Thomas]
Great. I’ll just pick mine then.

[Emily]
Who’s your favorite, Thomas?

[Shep]
Which one of your children do you love more?

[Emily]
Remember, only one can live, Sophie.

[Shep]
Oh, too soon!

[Thomas]
I feel like let’s do Emily’s. I think we can that can be interesting and fun.

[Emily]
Okay. Thomas has spoken.

[Shep]
Thomas has spoken, and we didn’t need to flip a coin.

[Thomas]
Oh, you guys didn’t see me doing that. Okay, good, phew. So presumably this starts out where like she has her dress.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Does- is she trying to convince him like “You’ve got to find something that matches”?

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
And so he’s going around specifically looking for pink?

[Emily]
Well, uh, I think it’s a little- what I had envisioned, the reason he ends up thrifting it is he’s kind of broke. Like, you know, normal teenage boy. He wants to go. But she knows he’s broke and she’s okay with whatever. But she, like, she, you know, keeps talking about all of her friends who their boyfriend’s got these matching vests or whatever. But he’s going to look for something that he can afford and happens upon this tuxedo in a thrift shop. Even though he’s just looking for some kind of suit or something.

[Thomas]
So, it feels like kismet when he finds this thing.

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He’s like, “Oh my god, it’s the perfect shade of pink,” even though it’s not a vest. So it’s already weird anyway. But kids, these days are like kids in the ’90s: They’re always thrifting to look like they were in the past. So, you know, cummerbund is actually cool now.

[Thomas]
Right, everything old is new again. So-

[Emily]
Yes, yes, yes. Working at a high school now, that is never been more evident in my life.

[Thomas]
And so she’s probably thrilled.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
She might make a little comment about it being dated. Like, it looks like something from the early ’90s. And he’s like, “Well, yeah, because it is, but isn’t that cool?” You know, but yeah, she’s thrilled because it is the exact shade of pink.

[Thomas]
And then is there something tucked into the folds of the cummerbund that gives us a little foreshadowing?

[Emily]
Hm.

[Shep]
Yeah, Ted’s name was written in blood.

[Thomas]
Yeah. It’s like those pillows where you can like make the sequins go up or down if you flip the pleats down the other way.

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah. “Ted is dead.” Yeah, it could be as easy as Ted’s prom ticket is still in the folds.

[Thomas]
I mean, that’s what the pleats are kind of for that purpose, as not the only purpose, but a purpose.

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. As I said, we all did the same research.

[Thomas]
Right, right. To be fair, I already knew that before the research, so-

[Emily]
I had heard that one and the crumb catcher one before the research.

[Thomas]
Right, right.

[Emily]
And to be fair, the audience might not know these things. So.

[Thomas]
Well, they can visit our website and click on the Wikipedia link.

[Emily]
Yeah. Well, what else would you think?

[Thomas]
No, I think that’s-

[Emily]
I mean, that’s the most obvious and easiest thing.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Okay, how did this cummerbund end up in a thrift store if it was being worn by a murder victim?

[Emily]
I never said he was murdered, did I? Oh, I did. I said he was killed. Okay.

[Thomas]
No, no, no.

[Emily]
No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Thomas]
You said he was killed.

[Emily]
Killed, not murdered.

[Thomas]
Could be car wreck, could be accidental poisoning.

[Emily]
Brain aneurysm.

[Thomas]
Piano falls on him.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
So.

[Emily]
Allergic reaction.

[Shep]
The shrimp was just so delicious. I like the brain aneurysm one.

[Emily]
It could just, we could change it from he just died on prom night. So the suit is still unsullied.

[Thomas]
Okay, so it’s not like a revenge thing.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
It’s like, Ted wants to have his prom, and that’s his unfinished business.

[Emily]
Yes, and that’s why I put closure.

[Thomas]
Because he had the brain aneurysm on the way to prom-

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
So, he didn’t get to go.

[Shep]
See, I was thinking he had the aneurysm after prom on the way to the motel room with his date. He was so excited that he had a brain aneurysm and died a virgin. So, he wants to lose his virginity.

[Emily]
That is such an ’80s plot.

[Shep]
Yes!

[Emily]
I love it.

[Shep]
So, that’s his unfinished business. Yeah? He needs to lose his virginity on prom night.

[Emily]
Then Brandon and him need to argue about like, “Okay, that’s not a thing anymore.”

[Shep]
Yes, yeah.

[Emily]
“You know, like, we don’t go to prom just to get laid. And I can’t let you have my body to be used for sex by someone I don’t know.”

[Thomas]
Right, Brandon’s like, “I’m not a cuck.”

[Emily]
Or, “I don’t want you having sex with my girlfriend for the first time.”

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Yeah, and he’s and Ted’s like, “I don’t want to have sex with your girlfriend. I want to have sex with Tracy whoever, which was my date in the ’90s.”

[Thomas]
She’s like 45?

[Shep]
No, she was she was eighteen ’90s, so-

[Emily]
“She’s my best friend’s mom!”

[Shep]
She’s my best friend’s mom.

[Emily]
That could come up later. I know it’s a coincidence, but it’s a funny one.

[Thomas]
That’s funny. Well, I mean, it’s the same town, right? So-

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah. I mean, it’s, there’s good likelihood of it. Yeah.

[Thomas]
It’s plausible. It’s improbable, but it’s plausible.

[Shep]
It doesn’t, what’s the, what was the Robert Downey Jr. movie where he gets reincarnated as-

[Emily]
Oh, with Cybill Shepherd.

[Shep]
Yes, Cybill Shepherd as his previous wife?

[Emily]
Yeah, I love that movie, and I don’t care how many times it’s pointed out, how problematic it is. Chances Are.

[Shep]
So, Chances Are, he returns as the guy dating his daughter.

[Emily]
That’s right.

[Shep]
Because the whole point, what they said was the same souls keep intertwining. So you keep having the same people generation after generation. So, I was thinking, you said best friend’s mom.

[Emily]
Mom.

[Shep]
What if it’s his date’s mom?

[Emily]
Oh~

[Shep]
So, he goes to his date’s house and-

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah, this is great. So for some reason, they’re going to do it at the date’s house after the prom. And so he’s constantly going like up and downstairs. Like maybe the date, her room is in the basement, and then the mom’s room is up on the second floor. So he’s like running up and downstairs as the two spirits are taking over control of the body.

[Shep]
So, early when Ted is more in control-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And Brandon hasn’t got control of his own body back as much yet, he is flirting with the mom.

[Emily]
Yeah. Which is awkward for the mom because she’s not that kind of a lady, is she?

[Thomas]
I don’t think so.

[Shep]
I don’t know.

[Emily]
Is she Stifler’s mom?

[Thomas]
No.

[Emily]
No.

[Shep]
No, this is Stacy’s mom. Stacy’s mom has got it going on.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Shep]
And her name was Tracy, I said? Tracy and Stacy, those are the-

[Emily]
Yep. That was perfect.

[Thomas]
That’s pretty close, yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah. Should we change Ted’s name to Steve? No, that’s the dad’s name.

[Shep]
He’s not a bad guy.

[Emily]
No, that’s the dad’s name. That’s the guy who took the date. Married the date.

[Shep]
Yeah, Steve swooped in real quick.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Started dating right at the funeral.

[Shep]
She was, she was grieving, and also she, she also didn’t get to lose her virginity. It was- She was very pent up.

[Emily]
And she was reminded how short life is.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
And you can’t waste chances. Gotta hop on them when they present themselves.

[Shep]
Right. So, Stacy is Tracy had Stacy at a young age because she got pregnant immediately.

[Emily]
Well, okay, then we have an issue with time because-

[Shep]
Oh, yeah, I didn’t do the math. Thirty years?! Can we set this in 2016?

[Emily]
Sure. 2016, 2026, what’s the difference? It’s all the same to me.

[Shep]
Oh, gosh.

[Thomas]
Does the film start out with Ted in the ’90s going to prom and all of that stuff happening? Or is that something we find out later as kind of a surprise? So we start off with Brandon shopping for the tuxedo, and then he puts it on, and oh all of a sudden he’s hearing voices or whatever. And where he’s like, “What’s going on?” And then you get that exposé of, here’s what happened.

[Shep]
So, is our protagonist who we see events through Ted or Brandon? Because that will determine who we follow at the beginning of the movie.

[Emily]
Well, in my brain, originally, it was Brandon because I wanted to start out with him finding the tuxedo and everything. And then that being sort of the shock, the surprise. That’s not a surprise because they’ll give it away in the trailers.

[Thomas]
Right. And the poster where it’s like Brandon, and then there’s a ghost Ted-

[Emily]
Oh, yeah. Where it’s- Yep.

[Thomas]
Like coming out of him and they’re both like, “Whoa!” I can see it.

[Emily]
Me too. They’re split at the cummerbund.

[Thomas]
Yes.

[Shep]
Oh, yes, yeah.

[Thomas]
Yep.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
Now I really can see that poster. Damn.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
So, it’s Brandon is the protagonist, but it’s Ted’s story. Is that what we’re saying?

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
Okay, I have a question, and I don’t want it to sound stupid. I am stupid, so bear with me. I’m going to ask it anyway.

[Emily]
Well, so I am. So I am?

[Thomas]
Well.

[Shep]
How important is it that we see Brandon finding the cummerbund and all that stuff?

[Emily]
I mean, not important. It’s just nice.

[Shep]
It is regular movie beats.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Like, it is what you expect.

[Emily]
Right, it is.

[Shep]
So, imagine if we start with Ted as our viewpoint character and he is at prom, “Prom Night 1996”, whatever it is on the banner. So we set the year. And his date’s dragging him off. Maybe not to a motel, maybe to a car, whatever. And he’s so excited. They’re finally going do this. They’ve been building up to this the whole time. He’s wearing the cummerbund. We see him in the thing. And then he, his eyes cross and he falls down. And she’s like, “Ted? Ted??” And then like zooms out. And then you see the-

[Emily]
Yeah, I can see it. It spins as it goes up and yeah.

[Shep]
The title screen. And then you see his perspective. And he’s lying down. And his vision is blurry. And they’re like, “Are you okay? You fell down.” And it’s Brandon’s body in the thrift shop-

[Emily]
Mm.

[Shep]
Where he’s tried on the cummerbund.

[Thomas]
Ooh.

[Emily]
Okay, okay.

[Shep]
So, for a moment, we think they’re talking to Ted, and they are.

[Thomas]
Oh, and they’re playing like a ’90s song on the tinny speakers and stuff.

[Shep]
Yes, absolutely.

[Emily]
It’s a thrift store, of course, they are.

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
But there is a big mirror in the changing room. So Ted can get up and see that he is not in his body. He’s in Brandon’s body. And that’s our introduction. Like, you just jump in.

[Thomas]
Great.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Love it.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Thomas]
So, the first sort of chunk of the movie is Ted being like fish out of water-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Trying to figure out like, “What happened? It’s thirty years in the future. What’s going on?”

[Emily]
Oh, the confusion, the just sheer terror of him.

[Shep]
Oh, man, it’s Back to the Future in reverse.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
It is fish out of water. When does Brandon enter back into it? How soon do we start hearing Brandon’s voice in Ted’s, I guess in Brandon’s own head?

[Thomas]
Yeah, that’s a good question. Is that-

[Emily]
That’s a good question. How far do we want to go?

[Thomas]
Right. Like, is it an end of the first act thing that Brandon starts taking back over and then the second act is them trying to work it out and battling back and forth?

[Emily]
I feel like it should be that way so that we have that time for them to kind of go through it, explanation of how the world is different, blah, blah, you know, and then the arguments about the different generations and whatnot.

[Thomas]
When does Ted meet his girlfriend’s mom in the now times for the first time? Is it like she’s picking them up from the thrift store? So he’s sitting there going like, “Holy shit,” or is it like way later?

[Emily]
I don’t want it to be that early. I want it to be a little later.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
I want it to be after he and Brandon have kind of come to some sort of agreement.

[Shep]
Oh, yeah.

[Emily]
Because I want Brandon to also to use Ted for like, because Ted was, say, like, an AP scholar-

[Thomas]
Mm.

[Emily]
And Brandon is not passing his classes. He’s not passing classes, so he might not be able to go to prom.

[Thomas]
Ah, yeah, good. Very good.

[Shep]
That gives them both motivation-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
To get Brandon to pass.

[Emily]
Yeah. And he wants to use Ted to pass the test. So I think they have to have that kind of thing before he finds out about Stacy’s mom.

[Thomas]
Now, how early does Ted know what his unfinished business is? Is it not until he sees Stacy’s mom that he suddenly realizes, “Oh, I know what it is”? Or is he like, “Bro, I gotta get laid”?

[Emily]
No, I don’t want him to be that kind of guy. Like the “Bro, I gotta get laid.” I don’t, I don’t, I don’t want American Pie.

[Thomas]
Have Brandon and his girlfriend already had sex? Or are they waiting until prom night for some reason?

[Emily]
Make it special and important. Memorable.

[Thomas]
Is it like she saw it in a movie and she’s like, “No, this is how I want to do it”? He’s like, “Fucking fine, whatever.”

[Emily]
She saw American Pie, so that’s why she wants to do it that way.

[Thomas]
Oh, god, model it off of a different movie, please.

[Shep]
When you said she saw it in a movie and she’s like, “This is how I want to do it,” I was picturing something else.

[Emily]
Different kind of movie.

[Shep]
Different kind of movie.

[Thomas]
Different kind of movie, yeah.

[Shep]
Well, I’m definitely not Googling what age kids have sex these days. So-

[Emily]
I’m going to pretend that they all wait until college now because they’re smarter than our generation was.

[Thomas]
I mean, I feel like late teens, right?

[Emily]
Yeah, probably.

[Thomas]
Junior, senior, junior, senior high school-

[Emily]
I’m sure. I’m sure.

[Thomas]
Like, around there is probably-

[Emily]
Yeah, that seems, based on the movies I saw growing up, that seems normal.

[Thomas]
It’s true. I haven’t done like a poll of kids, like, “Hey-“

[Shep]
Okay, so I looked at teen birth rates-

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
From the ’90s to now-

[Emily]
Which have dramatically dropped.

[Shep]
Which have dramatically dropped. It was 61 per 1000 in 1991, and it’s 11 per 1000-

[Thomas]
Wow.

[Shep]
In 2025. What I’m saying is they haven’t had sex yet, and it’s not on their radar. They’re- kids are waiting later to have sex these days.

[Thomas]
Sure.

[Shep]
I’m basing this only on the birth rate.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
I think that’s fair because one, they’re not leaving their phones or computers to interact with each other in person. And-

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Two, they have actually been educated through the idea of that it’s not this- you have control over your impulses. So do that.

[Thomas]
So, with that in mind, is the plan for them to have sex on prom night, or is not a thing they’ve even discussed?

[Shep]
It’s not a thing they’ve even discussed.

[Emily]
Yeah. I think Ted brings it up to Brandon.

[Thomas]
Right, so that’s-

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
That’s where some tension comes from then.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
Yeah, because then Brandon’s gonna be like, “I don’t know. I didn’t even think about it.” And they have a whole discussion about, “Well, don’t you kiss her?” Don’t you like do all of these disgusting teenage boy things?

[Thomas]
“We hold hands-“

[Emily]
And he’s like, “Well, yeah, of course. That’s normal. But, you know, sex is a big commitment and I don’t think I’m ready for that.” And Ted being of the generation he is, he’s like, “What commitment? Who said anything about commitment?”

[Thomas]
Now. Ted’s not bro-ey, right?

[Emily]
No, he’s not bro-ey, but he’s still of his time.

[Thomas]
Sure. We gotta have Ted be like, “It was a different time!”

[Emily]
I mean, we could make him bro-ey, I guess. He could be a little douchey, but I kind of don’t want to hate him.

[Thomas]
Yeah, we want him to be at least somewhat sympathetic. Like-

[Emily]
Right. I want it to be more, it was of his time, and that’s what movies and TV had taught kids in the ’90s.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
This is a perfect moment, you know, all that.

[Thomas]
Well, that’s like virginity is this big deal-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
And losing virginity is this big important thing-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
And that prom is the best night you could possibly do it.

[Emily]
Yeah, exactly. So it’s more of that innocent.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
It’s kind of innocent in a way that he’s just like, “Well, that’s just what you do.”

[Thomas]
Right, right.

[Emily]
“That’s how it works.” And maybe that’s part of his growth, his change, is that he realizes that that was totally the wrong mindset to have and that Brandon and his friends probably are closer to the right mindset. Although maybe they’re a little- No, they’re not prudish. I don’t want him to be like-

[Thomas]
Yeah, no, I don’t think they’re a prude. I think that they’re just honest with themselves that, like, “I’m not in a headspace where this is a thing I’m-“

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
“Sure, I have feelings and urges and stuff, but like-“

[Emily]
But it’s a big commitment.

[Thomas]
It’s a whole thing.

[Emily]
It’s an emotional, physical commitment that could result in, you know, they are aware of the consequences-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Of their actions.

[Thomas]
And so is Ted’s change then, is his closure like coming to terms with that? That like, “Oh, wait, this doesn’t define who I am. My virginity doesn’t define who I am. I’m actually okay with never having had sex.”

[Shep]
Dying a virgin.

[Emily]
Yeah. Well, why not? Well, because I think maybe with him helping Brandon get through the classes, at first it’s going to be essentially cheating, but then somehow they figure- that’s maybe Brandon’s lesson is that he has to actually put in some effort. So maybe Ted, rather than full-on cheating for him, shows him, you know, good study habits and things like that. Or is it just easier for him to take over the body and take the test to pass? Is it cheating if a possessed, if you’re possessed by an AP student, to let them just take the test for you?

[Thomas]
Right, “My body wrote the answers.”

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
“It was my hand that-“

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
“Wrote the answers.”

[Emily]
“They came out of my brain.”

[Thomas]
Well, these are big, important questions. Let’s take a break here and ponder them. And when we come back, hopefully, we’ll have some answers in our episode about a Cummerbund.

[Break]

[Thomas]
All right, we are back. So, before the break, we were talking about, is it cheating if your body is possessed and you take a test? So, it’s your brain and your body, but a different consciousness inside of you?

[Emily]
But it’s the spirit’s knowledge that- yeah.

[Thomas]
So.

[Shep]
So, I had a thought about that.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
Perfect.

[Shep]
So, the first time he takes the test, okay, let me explain a further thought-

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
Because I was, I was thinking, “How does the cummerbund work?” Right? That’s the episode we’re doing.

[Thomas]
Hmm. Right, right.

[Shep]
So, when he’s wearing the cummerbund, Ted takes over Brandon’s body and Ted’s in charge.

[Thomas]
Oh, interesting.

[Shep]
But if he takes off the cummerbund, it’s like it charges Ted up.

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
And if he takes it off, the longer he has it off, the more Brandon gets his body back.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Ah, I love that. That solves some problems that we had touched on but not fleshed out. So, I think that’s fantastic.

[Shep]
So, there’s an in-class test on whatever topic Brandon is failing. And to get Ted to take it for him, he wears the cummerbund under his clothes. So, I mean, you can see that there’s something bulky there, but it’s, you know, he puts a loose shirt on over it or whatever.

[Thomas]
Tie a sweatshirt around his waist.

[Shep]
Yes, yeah, yeah. Classic ’90s style.

[Emily]
Mm hm.

[Thomas]
He’s getting teased. “Oh, are you in your period?” He’s like, “Shut up.”

[Emily]
You stole my joke!

[Thomas]
Oh, sorry.

[Shep]
You just say it, and then we’ll edit it so that it’s.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I’ll-

[Emily]
No, it’s fine.

[Shep]
So, Ted takes the test and turns it in, he’s like, “I’m sure I got it 100% right.” Later, the teacher calls Brandon aside-

[Thomas]
Hm.

[Shep]
Says, “Hey, I think you cheated because suddenly you’ve got all the answers right. And also, the handwriting doesn’t match your previous tests.”

[Thomas]
Oh. Interesting.

[Emily]
Nice.

[Shep]
“And so, I don’t know how you did it, but you’ve to take a makeup test.” And so, they have to do a makeup test where Brandon is writing the answers. And so, Ted can coach him. But the longer he’s not wearing the cummerbund, the more Ted fades in his mind. So, he’s trying to remember all the stuff. Like Ted’s quizzing him ahead of time.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
So, it is Brandon doing the work to learn it. And at the end of the test, Ted is completely faded out. And Brandon remembers the final answer. It’s like, “Ah, I do know it.”

[Thomas]
“Oh, Azerbaijan!” Or whatever.

[Shep]
Yes, that was my idea. Thomas, you had an idea?

[Thomas]
Yeah, one of the thoughts that I had is because Ted, as we sort of discussed, Ted’s, Ted thinks his unfinished business is that he hasn’t lost his virginity, and he feels like Brandon is his opportunity to do that. But Brandon doesn’t want to do that. Right?

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
So, I liked the idea of Ted taking these tests for Brandon and helping him out. And then later in the movie being like, “Well, hey, I helped you.”

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
And so, it creates that extra tension of like, “I did this thing for you. You owe me, man.”

[Emily]
“You me.”

[Shep]
You put a thought in my head where, okay, so Ted’s prom date, it isn’t Brandon’s dates mom. It is another older woman-

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Because it’s too long.

[Emily]
The math, yeah.

[Shep]
The math.

[Thomas]
Sure, sure.

[Shep]
But Ted is still infatuated with her. So he sees her, and it’s this older woman. And Brandon’s like, “Ew, no.” And Ted’s like, “Oh man, she’s still got it.”

[Emily]
“She’s still so hot.”

[Thomas]
“She looks even better. She’s like a fine cheese.” “A what? What?”

[Emily]
“Ew.”

[Thomas]
“Does cheese got better as it gets ol-? What is wrong with you?” He’s like-

[Shep]
So, Brandon says, “I wouldn’t fuck her with a borrowed dick.” And Ted says, “I would.”

[Thomas]
That’s pretty good.

[Emily]
Worth it just for that joke. I like that idea where- because also in the ’90s, we were like really pushed to find older people attractive. So, he wants her because he’s still in love with her and she’s hot. And-

[Shep]
She’s not hot. He thinks she’s hot.

[Emily]
Well, why can’t it be both? But Brandon doesn’t think she’s hot because she is the age of like his mom’s aunt or something, you know?

[Shep]
It’s funnier to me if she’s not hot to anyone except for Ted.

[Emily]
Except for Ted. Okay. Okay.

[Shep]
Ted sees her inner beauty.

[Emily]
Because he’s kind of a good guy.

[Thomas]
So, here’s a question. We talked about how Ted’s power is in the cummerbund when Brandon wears it.

[Emily]
Mm hmm.

[Thomas]
What happens if somebody else wears the cummerbund?

[Shep]
Ooh.

[Emily]
Are we throwing in an ’80s twist where the bully Jock gets the cummerbund? Because he figures it out?

[Thomas]
Steve takes the cummerbund.

[Shep]
Or Brandon’s date tries it on for some reason.

[Emily]
Makes sense that she would. She tries it on as a belt for her dress.

[Thomas]
Oh, she just holds it up to see how pink the pinks are, whether they match.

[Emily]
There you go.

[Shep]
Yes, because they match exactly.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
She’s like, “Look, they match exactly,” and puts it on.

[Thomas]
And he’s like, “No, no, no!” And she puts it on, and all of a sudden, they’re looking at each other.

[Shep]
Here’s my question: So, Ted is still in Brandon when he takes the cummerbund off for a while.

[Emily]
For a little bit, yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
So, if he takes it off and she puts it on right away, are there two Teds?

[Thomas]
It’s got to be an immediate cutoff, right?

[Emily]
Yeah, I think at that point, if it’s just sitting open air, like he still gets to linger in Brandon’s body for a little bit. But if it’s on another body, it’s an instant switch.

[Shep]
Oh…

[Thomas]
You want the two Teds to try to hook up?

[Shep]
In my mind, they’re just the one Ted, but he’s in two bodies.

[Emily]
Mm.

[Shep]
So, they could communicate with each other when they’re further apart for plot reasons later.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
Like this is, you introduce the thing now that you can pay off at the end-

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
When you need someone to be in two places at once or communicate quickly. Although we have cell phones now, so I guess it’s less of a big deal.

[Emily]
I’m sure Ted has some reason why it has to work that way, even though Brandon brings up that argument that’s like, “We both have cell phones, we can text each other.” And he’s like, “That’ll take too long.”

[Thomas]
Or if like you get arrested and your cell phone is not in your possession anymore. That might be an overcomplication to the story, though.

[Shep]
Yes, you’re arrested, but you can also put on and take off a cummerbund.

[Emily]
Maybe they have a weird no-phones policy at their prom because they have an in-real-life initiative in the school district.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I could totally see that.

[Shep]
Now, if Ted is in, what’s her name?

[Emily]
Stacy.

[Shep]
Stacy’s body. Stacy and Ted can talk, like Brandon and Ted can talk.

[Emily]
Mm hmm.

[Shep]
And maybe Ted can like try to convince Stacy to have sex-

[Emily]
With Brandon.

[Shep]
With Brandon.

[Emily]
Does she know that Ted’s plan would be to still be in Brandon at the time? Or is Ted going to keep that to himself and they’re gonna have this weird secret three-way?

[Shep]
See, you brought up just the idea that someone else can put on the cummerbund and transfer Ted’s consciousness opens so many questions. So if Stacy knows about Ted, how much does she know? She must eventually be told the entire story.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
So, maybe she wants to help Ted and also get him out of Brandon’s body. Like, “Maybe, maybe we should just have sex.” And Brandon’s like, “No, I don’t, I don’t want to.”

[Emily]
Yeah, because Brandon’s like, “I don’t want to, plus, it wouldn’t really be me. Or I would be there too. And I’d be-” and he’d just have this weird existential like brain melt.

[Thomas]
I can totally see him having a line that’s like, “I didn’t imagine losing my virginity in a three-way.”

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
Oh, it’s a th- So, Stacy’s into it.

[Thomas]
She like, goes to the to the old yearbooks and finds a picture of Ted, and she’s like “I, uh…”

[Emily]
“I mean…”

[Shep]
Yep.

[Emily]
So, what antics do they get up to at prom? Do they end up having sex? No, because I, right, we’ve decided that Ted doesn’t need to have sex, right?

[Thomas]
Right, that’s part of his growth.

[Emily]
That’s part of his growth and his closure is that maybe it wasn’t the sex, but it was the whole high school experience of the prom, of having it without that expectation overshadowing it.

[Thomas]
It could even be something like his, like, sense of self-worth, how he had it all tied up in this, having to live up to other people’s expectations. And then it’s realizing that, like, “Oh no, I was always good enough.”

[Emily]
Yeah, “I didn’t have to be like everybody else.”

[Shep]
So, I have another thought.

[Emily]
Go for it.

[Shep]
I know it’s late to start throwing more monkey wrenches in, but does Ted’s family still live in this town? Are his parents still around?

[Thomas]
Ooh.

[Emily]
Oh, yeah, we have to have some kind of heartbreaking scene. Sure.

[Shep]
Right. He can go to his own gravesite.

[Thomas]
Oh, wow.

[Emily]
Yeah, let’s do all of that. Throw that all in there, make people cry a little.

[Shep]
Yes. Yes.

[Thomas]
God, imagine Brandon going up to some woman in the grocery store and being like, “Mom?”

[Shep]
I mean, he would know things that only Ted knew, and he’s at the age where he could be a reincarnation if reincarnation were real. And of course, his dad is played by Robert Downey Jr. and he goes, “I don’t believe in reincarnation or ghosts.”

[Emily]
Yep, yep.

[Thomas]
I do like that as a subplot. I think that given how late it is in the episode, that should be something for the writers to work out.

[Emily]
Yes, but it should be there.

[Thomas]
But I like that you thought of that. And actually, that does feel like a third act kind of thing that helps him-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Or maybe like late second act, that helps him move down that path of self-actualization or whatever.

[Emily]
Well, of course, the first two acts, he’s just obsessed with this because he went from like dying with a boner-

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
To waking up still in that mindset. So he hasn’t even-

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Thought about his family or himself, you know, any of that other stuff because he’s just always been in that mindset. And so third act, maybe when Brandon’s trying to be like, “I’m not doing this,” and, you know, Stacy’s trying to talk him into it. Maybe he’s like, “What about your family? What, aren’t you curious what happened to them after you died?” You know. And then they kind of shakes Ted to a point where he’s like, “Oh, yeah.” You know, kind of starts to peel him out of that mindset. And really, Brandon was just throwing it away to kind of just change the subject or something.

[Thomas]
He’s, like, looking for boner killer material. “Think about your mom.” So, is that, I mean, is that like the big kind of finale scene? Is that how he eventually becomes okay with himself? Or is there more to it? Because it feels very deus ex machina almost if it’s like, oh, he goes and visits his family and sees that, you know, like-

[Emily]
No, I think-

[Thomas]
He’s got to kind of come to some realization on his own.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Do some work of his own.

[Emily]
So, maybe it isn’t Brandon who spars him on. Maybe there’s a moment between Brandon and his family that sparks a memory of Ted’s.

[Thomas]
It does feel like it’s, he gets little, I want to say like fragments along the way. Like, he runs into his prom date from the ’90s and sees what her life has become. He visits his own grave. He sees his family and-

[Emily]
Well, one of his best friends is the gym coach, also, or something, you know, one of the teachers at the school.

[Thomas]
Right. So he’s like starting to see, over the course of the film, he gets these little bits of like, sees how his friends thought of him and how his family thought of him and eventually kind of puts it all together of like, “Oh, no one thought of me as this loser who died a virgin.”

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
“Everyone thought of me as like this great person who was kind to his friends and was generous with his time and helped his single mom with her take care of her dad who was dying,” or whatever, you know.

[Emily]
Yeah, you know, that that’s a problem for the writers. I like the idea of that is as he kind of pieces everything together.

[Thomas]
And maybe he does that with Brandon’s help. Maybe Brandon- Because you know how sometimes you can’t see it. You just need someone else to tell it to you in plain English-

[Emily]
Mm hmm.

[Thomas]
Even though you know it. And so, they could be talking about that, or Brandon is there for all of those moments. And they have this sort of shared thoughts and feelings and whatnot. So maybe Brandon even kind of, to an extent, knows what Ted is feeling when he sees those things. And he can point that out to him like, “But wait a minute. Like, this is what you think they’re seeing, but look at them. This is what they’re seeing. This is how you’re feeling.” And he’s like, “Oh yeah, I don’t need to get laid after all.” Maybe not quite those words, but. And in fact, part of the whole plot of the story right from the start could be Ted trying to figure out what his unfinished business is. And then he assumes that it’s having sex.

[Emily]
He died virgin Yeah.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Because, as Emily pointed out, that was the thing that just happened.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
For him, it was a moment ago.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
For everyone else, it was thirty years ago. But for him, it was earlier today.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
And so that thought in his mind is acting as a roadblock for his actual unfinished business.

[Emily]
So, when he reaches his unfinished business, does he cross over, move on, dissipate, what have you?

[Thomas]
Yeah, something like that, right?

[Emily]
Okay, or does he… Yeah, let’s just do it that, that’s easier.

[Shep]
Or does he what? Or does he what?

[Emily]
Does he linger?

[Shep]
Does he linger?

[Emily]
Yeah, does he linger a little bit?

[Shep]
Why do you have to make him linger, Emily?

[Emily]
Because I want- Because I want, for this one reason, I want to see a mid-credit cut or post-credit cut where Stacy and Brandon are sitting on, like, the back of this pickup truck, staring up at the stars and the tuxedo, the prom dress, and like sharing this very intimate, innocent kind moment about, you know, growing up, and the future, and all the stuff they’ve learned. And then Ted pops in and says something very ’90s and, like, ridiculous. And then everyone’s like, “Hahahaha he’s still there.”

[Thomas]
“Cowabunga, dude.”

[Emily]
“Wheezing the cheese.”

[Shep]
Oh, gosh.

[Thomas]
Man, Ted is obsessed with cheese.

[Emily]
He should quote Pauly Shore movies the entire time.

[Shep]
That was the style at the time.

[Emily]
That’s what I’m saying.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
And Pauly Shore should be the principal.

[Thomas]
Sure.

[Emily]
Yes. Anyway, that is just, would just be for me, so we don’t have to do that. I think he should move on. I think a bus should stop and pick him up and he should get on the bus and Robert Downey Jr. and him sit in the back of the bus and sing Walk Like a Man.

[Thomas]
When he crosses over, does the cummerbund just sort of fall off of Brandon?

[Shep]
It fades to gray, it’s no longer pink.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Yeah.

[Emily]
It’s no longer pink.

[Thomas]
Well, we’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s episode about a Cummerbund. Did we dress to impress, or did we just waste (waist?) your time? Let us know by leaving a comment on our website, reaching out on social media, or sending us an email. Links to all of those can be found at AlmostPlausible.com. We have fun making this show. We hope you have fun listening. Whatever thoughts you have about the podcast, we hope you’ll share them with us through the contact form on our website, AlmostPlausible.com. And don’t forget to join Emily, Shep, and I on the next episode of Almost Plausible.

[Outro music]