Belt

References

• Moby-Dick
• Herman Melville
• David Caruso
• CSI: Miami
• Almost Plausible: Padlock
• Men in Black
• The Greatest American Hero
• Shazam!
• Captain Planet and the Planeteers
• Eddie Murphy: Raw
• Turtles all the way down
• John Cena
• Michael Cera
• Barbie
• Twins
• Terry Crews
• Arrested Development
• From soup to nuts
• Bob Hope
• Bing Crosby
• Dean Martin
• Jerry Lewis
• André the Giant
• WWE
• Heel
• KOA
• Thousand Trails
• Branson, MO
• Sturgis Motorcycle Rally
• Ryan Reynolds
• A Goofy Movie
  • Pete
• Spice World
• How to Prevent or Respond to a Snake Bite
• Little Miss Sunshine
• Do You Need A Special License To Drive An RV? A State-By-State Guide
• Bros
• Bisexual Awareness Week
• Dwayne Johnson
• Maui
• Rocky
  • Adrian
• Eye of the Tiger
• Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!

Transcript

[Intro music begins]

[Shep]
There’s a superhero with the combined powers, and his outfit is just all belts, like he came from the 80s. It’s belts and zippers.

[Emily]
It’s Eddie Murphy’s outfit from Eddie Murphy Raw.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Who’s our target demo? Who’s going to get our references to Eddie Murphy Raw? Like, something everyone watched as a kid.

[Thomas]
I mean, that is where I learned most swear words.

[Intro music]

[Thomas]
Hey there, story fans. Welcome to Almost Plausible, the podcast where we take ordinary objects and turn them into movies. I’m Thomas J. Brown. And with me are Emily-

[Emily]
Hey, guys.

[Thomas]
And F. Paul Shepard.

[Shep]
Happy to be here.

[Thomas]
On this show, the three of us work together to create a movie plot where an ordinary object somehow plays a critical role in the film. Before we can develop the story, we need two things. First, we need to know what the object is, and then we need to hear the pitches each of has come up with. This episode’s ordinary object is a Belt. And, Emily, you’ll pitch first today.

[Emily]
All right, so first up, we have a young woman, leaves her corporate job and buys a defunct conveyor belt sushi restaurant. She has zero experience with sushi and really has no interest in it, so she converts it into a conveyor belt dessert restaurant. It’s obviously very slow to gain traction, and she almost ends up completely broke and alone. But with the help of her handsome pastry chef, she’s able to make it work, and it becomes a wildly popular fixture in the downtown restaurant scene.

[Thomas]
You call it Loosen Your Belt, and-

[Shep]
Oh!

[Emily]
Exactly.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
Conveyor belt hadn’t crossed my mind. That’s a good one.

[Emily]
All right. And the next one is kind of out there. I don’t know where it came from, but I was like, “Eh, it works.”

[Shep]
We’ll be the judge of how out there it is.

[Emily]
An eccentric billionaire feels compelled to own a belt made from the hide of the world’s most exotic animals. He has everything from sheep’s leather to hippo hide to humans. Now he has his eye on the rarest animal skin he can imagine. He will stop at nothing until he can make a belt out of the skin of an albino blue whale.

[Shep]
Ha! Not an albino sperm whale?

[Emily]
No, not an albino sperm whale. A blue whale. That’s what makes it different.

[Thomas]
Totally original.

[Emily]
Absolutely. 100% an original idea.

[Thomas]
Herman who?

[Emily]
Exactly. All right, and then for my final one, something something serial killer uses timing belts to kill female hitchhikers in 70s Wisconsin. The end.

[Thomas]
And then David Caruso shows up and goes, “Looks like he was in the wrong place…”

[Emily and Thomas]
“At the wrong time.”

[Shep]
Yeah. Unfortunately, I can see it exactly how you’re describing it.

[Emily]
All right, those are the pitches I have this week. Thomas, what do you have?

[Thomas]
A woman on an archaeological dig discovers a bejeweled belt. She decides to slip it on and take a selfie with it. But as soon as she clasps it closed, she finds herself transported onto a large stone structure overlooking a jungle valley.

[Shep]
Magical reality. I like it already.

[Thomas]
She is startled by a local tribal man who is equally startled. He suddenly drops to his knees and kowtows to the woman, revering her as a god.

[Emily]
As he should.

[Thomas]
Right? Obviously a more advanced civilization here that she’s come to.

[Emily]
Clearly.

[Thomas]
He explains that he has been given the task of waiting for her to return and that he and his ancestors have been waiting for hundreds of years, guarding the place that links their worlds. He assumes she’s come to defeat the evil ruler who has taken over their land. It’s a movie. So she does. Somehow.

[Shep]
She belts him in the Face.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Clearly.

[Thomas]
Maybe the big jewel on the front shoots lasers. I don’t know.

[Emily]
She’s just a strong woman, and she does it with her own two hands.

[Thomas]
Yeah. She organizes a local rebellion and-

[Emily]
Right. Women can do hard things.

[Shep]
Phrasing!

[Emily]
Oh, my gosh.

[Thomas]
My other idea. A woman buys a garter belt at a thrift shop as part of her Halloween costume. Unbeknownst to her, the garter belt is enchanted and will cause any man she wants to fall in love with her.

[Emily]
OOH, I want this.

[Thomas]
She wears the garter belt to a costume party and sees a guy. She wishes the guy would come talk to her, and to her surprise, he does. They quickly hit it off and have a wonderful evening. Eventually, she takes the garter belt off and stuffs it in her purse. It continues to work its magic, forgotten at the bottom of her purse throughout the film. Eventually, she cleans out her purse and stuffs the garter belt in a drawer or maybe donates it back to the thrift shop again. Cue the breakup. Now that I’ve written this far, I realize I don’t like the direction this story is going. Do we all like it enough to try to save it?

[Shep]
I’m getting strong Padlock vibes from it.

[Emily]
Yeah, I was gonna say-

[Thomas]
Yeah, I was trying to get it toward them, realizing together that the garter belt was doing it, and then also making the decision to keep going because, well, who cares? “We still like each other. Who cares about the garter belt? If the garter belt was the reason we got together.”

[Shep]
That’s Padlock!

[Thomas]
That’s a rom-com.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
That’s the formula.

[Emily]
It is. And in Padlock, he gets upset and leaves her, doesn’t he?

[Thomas]
Yeah. I mean, I say cue the breakup. They don’t have to break up.

[Emily]
To make it work, it would have to be a breakup.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I don’t know. So, like I said, I kind of got to that point and was like, I don’t know about how this is going. So-

[Emily]
It’s a solid story.

[Thomas]
It could be, if we want to make it one. Those are what I have. Shep, what do you have for us?

[Shep]
Aliens are real and among us.

[Thomas]
Oh, my god. I knew it. Oh, this is your pitch.

[Shep]
Two US Agents are told by a dying alien that the galaxy is on Orion’s belt and must solve the mystery before the Earth is destroyed. Okay, here’s a real pitch. Finding a magical belt that can let the wearer do something, levitate or turn invisible or time travel. All of those are possibilities. I guess all of those have also been done before, but that was the first thing I thought of when I thought of belt.

[Emily]
It’s like greatest American hero, but with a belt.

[Shep]
Yes, but with a belt. Well, I didn’t imagine that all the abilities would be from the belt. I’m just picturing a belt that had one ability, such as levitation.

[Emily]
OOH. So they could team up with a group of teens like Shazam!, where they all have different belts.

[Shep]
So there’s a bunch of belts.

[Emily]
Fire, earth, heart.

[Shep]
“By your powers combined,” I’m imagining there’s a superhero with the combined powers, and his outfit is just all belts, like he came from the 80s. It’s belts and zippers.

[Emily]
It’s Eddie Murphy’s outfit from Eddie Murphy Raw.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Who’s our target demo? Who’s going to get our references to Eddie Murphy Raw? Like, something everyone watched as a kid.

[Thomas]
I mean, that is where I learned most swear words.

[Shep]
All right. Anyway, a washed-up wrestler is contractually obligated to defend his championship belt, but it’s on the other side of the country, and he’s afraid to fly. So it’s a road trip movie with him and his friends (one of which is a black belt. The other is a safety inspector. He inspects conveyor belts), but it’s not a smooth ride. You know, the car’s timing-belt malfunctions, et cetera.

[Emily]
It’s belts all the way down.

[Shep]
It’s belts all the way down.

[Thomas]
I love it. The one change I want to make is the safety inspector inspects garter belts to make sure they’re safe. Don’t want to cut off the circulation, you know, lose a leg.

[Shep]
Right. No objection to your change. Okay. My other one is a rom-com where the meet-cute is two strangers seat-belted next to each other on a roller coaster, which breaks down during the roller coaster ride, leaving them trapped with nothing to do but talk to each other for hours. And he is an uptight astronomer, and she’s a Broadway singer.

[Thomas]
Very good.

[Emily]
Nice.

[Shep]
He studies asteroid belts. She belts out tunes.

[Thomas]
Yep.

[Shep]
All right. Are any of these jumping out at us?

[Emily]
Well, obviously, the defunct conveyor belt sushi restaurant.

[Thomas]
I mean, I want this to be a real thing. This sounds good.

[Emily]
Right? You could have, like, plates of beignets-

[Thomas]
Oh, my god.

[Emily]
Followed by churros and flan all just going by.

[Thomas]
I’m already sold Emily. You don’t have to keep going. I’m ready to invest. I like that one. I like the wrestler road trip one.

[Emily]
I love a good road trip movie. I do like the seat belt on the roller coaster.

[Shep]
Yeah. It occurs to me after I wrote that that it’s not really a seat belt. It’s like a thing that comes down on roller coasters over you. So it’s not really a belt. I was like, does this tie in? Like, their occupations are belt related?

[Emily]
The old school ones had belt systems, some of them.

[Shep]
Yeah. I mean, I do like rom-coms.

[Thomas]
That one doesn’t feel much like it’s about the belt itself, though. It’s about, like, the broken roller coaster. Although maybe it’s the seat belts on the roller coaster. They’re just stuck, and they just have to keep riding the roller coaster over and over together.

[Emily]
Somebody has to have a knife somewhere.

[Thomas]
Till maintenance can come in. Whoa. Whoa.

[Shep]
These are vintage belts. They’ve been on the roller coaster since it was installed in the 1938.

[Thomas]
They’d have to bring the whole ride offline. No, we’re not losing out on that kind of money.

[Shep]
Right. Just keep these two seats occupied. They’re losing two seats rather than losing the whole ride.

[Thomas]
Right. I like the conveyor belt sushi one a lot. I do wonder what the conflict is, though. Is it a rom-com?

[Emily]
It can be.

[Shep]
They’re all rom-coms.

[Thomas]
Everything is prepared to be a rom-com in our hands.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
All of them are rom-coms. Rom-coms all the way down.

[Thomas]
Ha.

[Shep]
Are all of them? The wrestler isn’t a rom-com.

[Thomas]
We don’t know what happens on the road.

[Emily]
We can make it a rom-com.

[Shep]
Yeah. He’s actually in love with his friend.

[Thomas]
Right. That’s why he invited him.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
I am picturing John Cena.

[Shep]
Oh, yes. If it’s going to be a comedy about wrestlers, it’s got to be John Cena.

[Emily]
It’s gotta be John Cena. And, oh, it’ll be my favorite combination, that I just think would be great. It’s John Cena and Michael Cera.

[Shep]
I’m just thinking that they have must have done things together.

[Emily]
The only thing that I know for sure that they are in the same movie as, but not interacting with each other is the Barbie movie. I want them to remake Twins and have it be John Cena and Michael Cera, because I think that would be amazing.

[Thomas]
That’d be great.

[Shep]
They don’t need to remake Twins because it’s a great movie.

[Emily]
They don’t, but if they did-

[Shep]
It’s Cena and Cera.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Their names are one letter different.

[Emily]
I know. This is why I think they need to be in a movie together.

[Thomas]
I want to see that poster.

[Emily]
People will mix them up despite them being radically different people.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So is this our Cena/Cera pitch? It’s going to be the wrestler story. John Cena’s the wrestler. Michael Cera is his friend that he has a crush on.

[Emily]
Yeah. Cena’s got the crush on Cera, and Cera’s just, like, oblivious to it.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Because it’s Cera. He’s oblivious. That’s the-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Who is the other friend? Didn’t we just said there was a third friend as well?

[Shep]
Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Terry Crews.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Good.

[Emily]
I mean, I have no objections, no notes.

[Thomas]
Oh, there totally has to be a scene where their car breaks down and they’re getting a ride, and it’s in the back, and it’s the two big guys, and then Michael Cera in the middle, and he’s, like, all scrunched up between them.

[Emily]
And John Cena’s a little extra.

[Thomas]
Oh, I think he’s scooching away. He’s embarrassed to touch.

[Emily]
Oh, because he’s too yeah.

[Shep]
See, now I’m just thinking of because it’s Michael Cera, I’m thinking of the scenes in Arrested Development where him and his cousin were scrunched together in the backseat.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
It’s like, “Oh, it’s too close. Why don’t you hop on your cousin’s lap there?”

[Thomas]
Is this the one we want to go with? Or do we want to explore the conveyor belt sushi or the conveyor belt dessert restaurant?

[Emily]
What kind of conflict would we see with the conveyor belt dessert?

[Thomas]
Low sales.

[Emily]
Yeah. Running out of money.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Where is the restaurant located?

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah.

[Shep]
Because I keep picturing it where Sushi Maru is located, which is in a mall next to another restaurant.

[Emily]
That is what I also keep picturing.

[Shep]
So picture this, a rival dessert restaurant opens up on the other side. And that’s the conflict. She’s trying to put this dessert business together, which is already a niche thing, and someone opens up a rival one next-

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Don’t open another dessert place. This is when you know Starbucks next to a other coffee chain.

[Thomas]
Oh, no. It’s when you have a Starbucks next to a Starbucks. But as Emily told me years ago, both Starbucks do better.

[Emily]
It’s true. They increase foot traffic. It’s weird.

[Thomas]
So that’s the person’s logic who’s opening the new dessert restaurant. They’re like, “Oh no. I read about how if you open a Starbucks in view of another Starbucks, that both Starbucks do better. So we’re both going to do really well.” So they’re all like “Me moving in here? This is a good thing for both of us.”

[Emily]
Does the other dessert restaurant they have more capital. Right?

[Shep]
Yes, it’s got to be.

[Emily]
So they’re just a little bit ahead of the game on it.

[Thomas]
Is it a chain?

[Emily]
Is it like The Cheesecake Factory, how I actually imagine?

[Thomas]
Well, there’s something like crumble cookies where it’s like “All we do is sell cookies.”

[Emily]
Oh.

[Thomas]
“That’s it.” Because Cheesecake Factory sells fucking everything.

[Emily]
Yeah, I know.

[Thomas]
I don’t know if you’ve seen their menu.

[Emily]
I’ve heard. I’ve never actually been to a Cheesecake Factory.

[Thomas]
I believe you can see it from space. It’s just that big.

[Shep]
See, the conveyor belt place should have been a Cheesecake Factory because it has that factory aesthetic to it.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah.

[Emily]
So do hijinks ensue with them? Do they try to sabotage the other one? Does she go low?

[Shep]
That’s kind of illegal.

[Emily]
This is true. Has it ever stopped someone before?

[Shep]
I’m sure it has stopped people. I mean, lots of people don’t break the law because it’s the law.

[Emily]
So the other restaurant wouldn’t be malicious towards her? They’re just opening it up.

[Thomas]
Not if they’re a chain. They couldn’t care less. They know they’re going to do well. Krispy Kreme sells great in every market they go to.

[Emily]
So I like the idea of she gets fed up with corporate world, so she wants to do something crazy and different, and so she has this idea.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
And then it just so happens this sushi conveyor belt restaurant closes down and is now available for lease. So she’s like, “This is it. This is my chance. I’ll do this crazy wacky thing.” But the rival dessert place, the chain had already had plans. They were already going to open. And so she opens the same weekend they do-

[Thomas]
Oh, no.

[Emily]
Because she’s been so focused on doing this. She has no idea this is going on next door.

[Thomas]
How would you not notice that, though? Also, I know earlier I said that the name should be Loosen Your Belt or something like that, but it’s got to be called Just Desserts.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Because that’s all they have.

[Emily]
I agree.

[Thomas]
That’s all they have.

[Shep]
They have just desserts.

[Thomas]
Just Desserts.

[Emily]
Yeah. It’s a dessert and coffee place.

[Shep]
Whoa, whoa. And coffee?

[Emily]
Well, yeah, you get fancy ass coffees brought to you your table or you have the option of that and then just conveyor belt dessert.

[Thomas]
I mean, people have coffee and tea and port and stuff like that. Those are like typical postprandial beverages.

[Shep]
Dessert beverages.

[Thomas]
Yeah, she could have different kinds of nuts as well. That’s like a very traditional kind of dessert.

[Shep]
What?

[Thomas]
Yeah, that’s where we get the saying “Soup to nuts.”

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Soup was the first starter you would get and nuts would be the dessert. So soup to nuts, beginning to end.

[Emily]
In a traditional English dinner, you start with soup and end with nuts.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Okay, so which of the two do we like the most? Do we want to see John Cena pine for John Cera on a road trip to lose his wrestling belt?

[Shep]
Michael Cera.

[Thomas]
I like it, we’re already getting the names confused. Perfect.

[Emily]
Do we want to see John Cena pine for Michael Cera as he travels to lose his championship wrestling belts and Terry Crews is just along for the ride?

[Thomas]
For moral support.

[Emily]
Or do we want to watch young 30 something try her best to make a conveyor belt dessert place?

[Thomas]
I think the conflict comes more naturally from the road trip one, whereas I feel like we’re going to be struggling for conflict with the conveyor belt desserts one.

[Shep]
I’m okay with either of these. I think both of these have potential and could be good stories.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Although I do also want to just start writing Cena/Cera matchups in all of our movies from now on until we remake Twins.

[Thomas]
Cena, Cera, Crews.

[Shep]
They all start with C!

[Emily]
They could be the new Bob Hope and Bing Crosby.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
Hope and Crosby movies, all their travel movies.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Or Martin and Lewis.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Right. Let’s bring back road movies as a tradition with Cena and Cera.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
I am so down for this.

[Thomas]
Personally, that’s my vote.

[Shep]
All right.

[Thomas]
That’s the one we should go with, between the two.

[Emily]
Okay, let’s do it.

[Thomas]
Okay. Where do they start and where are they going?

[Emily]
They’re on one side of the country-

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
And they got to go to the other.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Emily]
Where does wrestling generally happen?

[Shep]
I was hoping there would be no follow up questions.

[Emily]
Ha.

[Shep]
I don’t actually know wrestling at all. I stopped watching when Andre the Giant retired and I haven’t seen it since.

[Emily]
Same.

[Thomas]
I mean, if this is like WWE style wrestling, probably California, right?

[Emily]
Well, I think this is the way we should go, because I just feel this in my bones, that wrestling takes place in Florida.

[Thomas]
That does feel right.

[Emily]
So I feel like at least this match has to take place in like, Fort Lauderdale or Tallahassee.

[Thomas]
WWE is based in Orlando, so-

[Shep]
Oh.

[Emily]
I knew it. I knew Florida was the place.

[Thomas]
You called it Emily.

[Emily]
Just felt right. So are we going to have them going from, like, LA to Florida, or do we want them to be like, he’s fully retired, doesn’t want to do any show business, so he’s like, up in Oregon farming Christmas trees.

[Thomas]
He’s like a yeah, like a lumberjacker. Yeah. I like that Christmas tree farmer. That’s good.

[Shep]
So why are his friends with him? Are they friends from when he was a wrestler?

[Thomas]
Well, Terry Crews obviously is.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Terry Crews is a friend from a wrestler, and then Michael Cera is just like a childhood friend maybe. Like, they were teenagers together.

[Shep]
They were best friends in high school.

[Emily]
In this small Oregon town where he’s now growing Christmas trees. And Terry Crews just floats around the country being Terry Crews, and he’s just visiting him.

[Thomas]
There’s an eleven year age difference.

[Shep]
Oh, dang it. Don’t bring math into this.

[Emily]
Okay. I don’t think that matters in Hollywood.

[Shep]
Which one’s older?

[Thomas]
John Cena is 46. Michael Cera is 35.

[Shep]
Okay.

[Emily]
Okay. So if we don’t want to do the Hollywood thing where there’s an obvious age difference, but we’re gonna lie and say they’re the same age, then maybe Michael Cera’s just like they became friends when he moved back to this town in Oregon. Because Michael Cera’s like a real estate agent who sold him his property for his Christmas tree farm.

[Shep]
So we’re not going to give them a belt related pun job.

[Emily]
Oh, what’s a belt related pun job?

[Shep]
I had one of them as a conveyor belt inspector.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Thomas]
He could also just be a mechanic who works on the conveyor belt.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
John Cena bought an older mill because he got it real cheap and everything’s there, all the equipment’s there, but it’s all old and so the conveyor belt breaks down a lot. So Michael Cera is there fixing it a lot. And John Cena is just kind of like more or less doing it by himself at the moment. Just he’s trying to get up and running. He spent most of his capital buying this place and there’s not a lot of people to talk to. But Michael Cera comes around a lot to fix things and so they get to chatting.

[Emily]
And Terry Crews just pops in now and again because they’re buddies from the wrestling days and he’s got a black belt.

[Shep]
Why does Terry Crews live in Oregon now?

[Emily]
He doesn’t live in Oregon. He’s just visiting.

[Shep]
Okay.

[Thomas]
Oh, they’re going to pick him up on the way.

[Emily]
Yeah, they pick him up on the way because he’s bored. He’s got nothing to do. He’s retired, he’s got millions. He just has time and money on his hands.

[Thomas]
So if this is WWE, maybe one of them was the other’s heel. So they were like, quote unquote, “arch nemeses”. But like, of course, they’re actually really good friends in real life. And so he’s there to support his friend giving up the title belt in this thing he doesn’t want to do.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
So that could be how they know each other. So maybe he’s living- if he starts in Oregon, maybe he’s living in-

[Emily]
He could live in Chicago. They go Oregon to Chicago, and down.

[Shep]
So then the first half of the trip, he’s not there. It’s just Cena and Cera.

[Emily]
And John Cena’s trying to get to know Michael Cera and suss out the situation.

[Shep]
See, I think it would be funnier if they didn’t plan to pick up Crews. And Crews flew out to Oregon to join him on this trip as a sign of support, whereas he’s trying to put together this romantic trip with him and Cera.

[Emily]
Yeah, okay. See, that works.

[Thomas]
I like that.

[Emily]
I wanted them to start out anyways. That’s why I was like, he’s just hanging out because he’s rich and got nothing better to do.

[Shep]
No, he specifically came up for the trip, he’s surprising Cena with like, “I’ll join you on this. I know you don’t want to go on this trip, but we’re friends, so I’m going to come. I’m coming with you.”

[Emily]
He brings a sweet big ass like Cadillac Escalade or something.

[Shep]
So they’re not in an RV? What did I write?

[Emily]
Or did you say RV?

[Shep]
I don’t know. You want me to remember?

[Thomas]
You didn’t specify.

[Emily]
So yeah, they could do an RV. I think that could be Terry Crews’ contribution, is like, “No shitty hotels. We’ve got where we’re staying with us the whole time.”

[Shep]
Yeah, an RV is so much nicer than a place with plumbing and electricity.

[Emily]
And you just wrote a Michael Cera line.

[Shep]
Ha.

[Thomas]
Yeah. The problem with the hotel is that they’ll be recognized.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
See, there you go.

[Emily]
They can go more incognito.

[Shep]
There’s an in-movie logical explanation.

[Thomas]
So they could stay at campgrounds and a Walmart parking lot or something like that.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
We could get KOA campgrounds to sponsor the movie.

[Emily]
There you go. Or Thousand Trails. That’s another chain.

[Thomas]
Who has actually planned the road trip?

[Emily]
Well, I think John Cena at first because he doesn’t know that Terry Crews is going to come up.

[Thomas]
Right?

[Emily]
He has no idea. So he’s planning these fun little stops along the way that could be romantic and fun.

[Thomas]
That’s what I was wondering.

[Emily]
Like they’re going to see the Grand Canyon-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Or go to Vegas, you know, anything like that.

[Thomas]
Well, they go to Vegas on the way back to get married once it all works out. Right?

[Emily]
Oh, instead of Vegas, he can be like “And we’ll stop in Branson.” And Michael Cera would be like, “Do I look like the kind of person that wants to go to Branson?”

[Thomas]
When does Sturgis happen? Early September, late July, something like that?

[Emily]
Something?

[Thomas]
Is there a scene where they’re, like, passing by that area and they’re just, like, have a run in or swamped or whatever by bikers?

[Emily]
Yeah, we can have him go to Sturgis.

[Thomas]
Accidentally?

[Emily]
Yeah, because Terry Crews takes them to Sturgis. He had planned to go through, like, Devil’s Tower area because they’re not actually that far away from each other.

[Thomas]
Uh huh. Right.

[Emily]
And Terry Crews is like, “Detour!” and-

[Thomas]
Or maybe one of them is like, “Why would you route us through sturgis in late july?” “I didn’t know. I don’t ride motorcycles.”

[Emily]
“They’re 50% of your fan base.”

[Shep]
I think that would be good. So especially if, as they’re driving, they keep having these encounters with bikers on the highway, like, not going well. Like, these people are, it seems like they’re harassing them, following them. But then when Crews is driving, he detours. And then they turn out to be big fans and it all goes well.

[Thomas]
Yeah. In fact, they like, help clear some issue up or escort them somehow.

[Emily]
Yeah. And Sturgis happens at the beginning of August.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I was looking that up.

[Shep]
So Crews must not know that Cena has a crush on Cera.

[Emily]
Correct.

[Thomas]
I think nobody except for Cena knows this.

[Shep]
Does the audience know this? The audience must know.

[Emily]
Yes, we know.

[Thomas]
Yeah, we have to, because we need that tension. So we have to establish it.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
How do we establish it?

[Thomas]
Guys, I love that we turned this one into a rom-com also. I know we joked about it at the beginning.

[Shep]
We said we said they can all be rom-coms.

[Emily]
And this one is.

[Shep]
So this is going to be our new Ryan Reynolds for the new season. It’s going to be Cena and Cera in all of our movies.

[Emily]
Haha.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Shep, what were you asking?

[Shep]
How do we establish for the audience that Cena has a crush on Cera?

[Emily]
Oh, well, like, we’ll just do it normal rom-com style. Like, when he comes to work on the conveyor belt, he could make an elaborate basket of food to be like-

[Thomas]
Right. Oh, no. He’s made something out of the wood.

[Emily]
Oh, yeah.

[Thomas]
He’s made him a gift, and he’s very proud of it.

[Shep]
How does he ask him to join him on the road trip? How close are they as friends?

[Thomas]
They must have become kind of close.

[Emily]
They’ve become friendly because it’s a small town. So they go and hit up the bar once in a while, because that’s how he’s developed his crush on him. Right? They’ve hung out. They’ve gone to the bar. They’ve gone fishing or something. Maybe on this last visit where he’s got the thing he’s going to show him, he knows this is coming up, and he kind of talks about how he’s afraid of flying and he can’t fly to do this, but he’s contractually obligated.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
And it’s really hard to do that long of a drive on your own. It’s just “I could do it, but it’s boring, it’s lonely.” And he just kind of keeps nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Early on, we have to have a line where Michael Cera says something about, “You’re basically my only customer,” or something like that, so that he’s like, “You’re not doing anything else.”

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
“You could easily come with me. I’ll pay for everything. It’ll be fun.”

[Emily]
“I just need the company.”

[Thomas]
Right, exactly.

[Emily]
“I need somebody to keep me awake on those long, lonely highways-“

[Thomas]
Right. Puts his hand on his shoulder.

[Emily]
And then takes it back immediately.

[Thomas]
Right. Yeah. With that sort of like maybe that was stupid.

[Emily]
He doesn’t think it’s going to work.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
He’s doing this whole spiel about trying.

[Thomas]
Oh, he does that whole spiel to camera. And we see it comes around and he’s doing it to the mirror. He’s like, “Oh, I’ve got this whole plan worked out.” He’s like, psyching himself up.

[Emily]
Yeah. And so why does Michael Cera agree?

[Thomas]
He’s like, “Yeah, that sounds fun.” He thinks it’s going to be this big thing. He’s like, oh, maybe he’s working up counterarguments in his head. “I’m basically your only customer. I don’t think you’ll be that busy.” He’s, like, trying to come up with what are the reasons why Michael Cera might say no.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
And he’s coming with all these reasons, like, “Okay, here’s what I can say. Here’s what I could say. “And then Michael Cera just immediately is like, “Yeah, that sounds fun.”

[Shep]
Right. He’s got a whole presentation.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Because he’s a single man who’s got nothing better to do this time.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Yeah. Road trip. Road trip with the guys.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
And then Terry Crews comes hauling up in his big ass RV. I’m picturing an RV like Big Pete had in A Goofy Movie. Just bowling alley on top, hot tub in the back.

[Thomas]
So Terry Crews shows up, and now John Cena is concerned that Michael Cera isn’t going to go because, “Uh oh, I have somebody to go with me now.” He’s like, “Well, I still want you to come.” And he’s like, “Yeah, even better. Like, cool.”

[Shep]
Right. The more the merrier.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Which is not what Cena wants to hear. He wants to just to be this road trip with the two of them.

[Thomas]
Does he try to tell Crews to take a hike?

[Shep]
Yeah, he’s like, “You know, we’ve already made plans. We’re gonna-“

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah, “We already booked spots at the campgrounds and everything.”

[Shep]
Right. But the Cera doesn’t know or doesn’t pick up on what Cena is saying. He’s like, “Yeah, great.”

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
“The more the merry. Let’s go.”

[Emily]
I like that John Cena would be like, “I appreciate this gesture and show of affection for me, but I just want it to be quiet and calm, and you’re just always over the top and big” and Michael Cera’s like, “Yeah, but it’ll be fun and more comfortable. Who wants to sleep on a crappy mat in the ground?”

[Thomas]
Oh. Poor John Cena.

[Shep]
Oh, John Cena had a truck with a camper. This was the plan.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
It’s just a little truck with a camper on the back.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
There’s just one bed, but it’s fine.

[Emily]
Oh.

[Shep]
And Cera’s like, plus, the camper only has got the one bed. We’d be much more comfortable in the RV.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah. They go he gets a tour of the RV and it’s just like you said, it’s preposterous inside.

[Emily]
It’s got a second story.

[Thomas and Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Is it like the one from Spice World where it’s bigger on the inside?

[Shep and Emily]
Yes.

[Shep]
Easier to film.

[Thomas]
And you have John Cena, like, looking around. Like, “Is it bigger in like, it doesn’t seem like there should be this much room.” And Terry Crews says something like, “Ah, they do really great work now. It’s tricking the eye.”

[Emily]
“It’s the pull outs. They’re great. You don’t even notice them.”

[Shep]
It’s gotta be Cena, or it’s gotta be Cera that points that out. Because Cena’s rich, so he’d know. Right?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So all the famous people know all fancy RVs are bigger on the inside.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Like, that’s just a given.

[Thomas]
Right. All right, well, let’s take a break. And when we come back, the rest of our story about a belt.

[Break]

[Thomas]
All right, we are back from break. So they get going. What are some of the issues they run into along the way? The RV’s got to break down at some point.

[Shep]
The RVs got to break down. They have the run ins with the bikers.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
They get swamped by fans, maybe, at some point?

[Emily]
They can have food poisoning, too, I think.

[Shep]
Oh, yeah. It’s a road trip movie. You got to have food poisoning.

[Thomas]
Somebody gets bitten by a rattlesnake at a roadside or what they think is a venomous snake at a roadside thing, but it turns out it’s not actually venomous. Something like that,

[Emily]
Oh, it’s got to be Cera who gets bit, and Cena’s got to be the one that suck out the poison.

[Thomas]
Of course.

[Emily]
And then Cena’s gonna be all uncomfortable.

[Thomas]
And then the handler comes by. He’s like, “That snake’s not venomous.”

[Shep]
“Also, you don’t suck out poison.”

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Like, “None of this is-“

[Emily]
“None of this is how that works.”

[Thomas]
So is John Cena excited to suck out the poison? Is he jumping in like, “I’ll do it?” Or is Michael Cera like, “Dude, you got to suck out the poison.” And it’s like, on his thigh. And John Cena’s like “Uhhh…”

[Emily]
I think that should be the scene where Michael Cera’s like, “You got to do this. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die.”

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
And John Cena’s like, he wants to, but obviously that would also be awkward because he, like, wants to.

[Thomas]
Are there other people around? He’s like, “Oh, my god, dude, you got to hurry.” And there’s like, other people like, “Oh, no.” He’s like, “Come on, man. Help your friend.” He’s got to do it in front of a whole bunch of people.

[Shep]
He’s being pressured into it by other people.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
There’s some kid there filming it on his phone.

[Emily]
“Be the hero we know you are.”

[Thomas]
Yeah, maybe that’s like his character is super heroic.

[Emily]
That would be great.

[Thomas]
What’s the mid second act turning point? What usually is in a road trip movie?

[Shep]
Well, I mean, cliched in in rom-coms or in buddy films, they have a fight and break up.

[Thomas]
That’s usually the end of the second act.

[Shep]
Well, I was bringing it up because I don’t want to do that at all.

[Thomas]
Right. What’s the lowest low in Little Miss Sunshine?

[Emily]
Doesn’t he say something and she hears it?

[Thomas]
I don’t remember. It’s been a while. But it’s like they can’t split up because they’re all as a family going to this thing.

[Emily]
It’s been so long.

[Shep]
I mean, I saw it when it was in theaters. If that puts it in the timeline of when the last time I saw Little Miss Sunshine. That reminded me of a scene, which is being pulled over by the cops, which is a thing that I do want to have in this one.

[Emily]
Of course, because the RV is unruly and none of them can actually drive it, even though you don’t have to have a special license to drive an RV.

[Shep]
Or they can all drive it except for Cera, who’s the one that gets pulled over.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Good thing the cop is a huge fan.

[Shep]
Of Cera?

[Thomas]
Oh, no. Of the of the two guys.

[Shep]
Oh. So they come out and rescue him.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
So as soon as he sees them, he’s like, “Oh, my gosh.” He’s there, like, taking selfies and stuff.

[Emily]
I know you don’t want them to break up, but can Terry Crews and John Cena have a little bit of an argument about the whole situation that they’re going to. Like, John Cena thinks Terry Crews is just kind of way over the top and everything, and he doesn’t even want to do this. He wants to put this chapter behind him. And Terry Crews is just like, “But you did this. This is your legacy, and you should be proud of it, you shouldn’t be ashamed of it.” That kind of a talk. Does John Cena just want to give up on going and just pay the fine or whatever?

[Thomas]
Yeah. What happens if he doesn’t go? What’s the-

[Emily]
He has to pay money. Like, because that would be the contractual obligation.

[Thomas]
Right. He’d be breaking the contract. Yeah.

[Shep]
He doesn’t have any money. He just invested in this lumber mill.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Right. Yeah. Not only will he not lose money, he’ll get paid a big windfall. Like, in the contract, when they first signed him up, they’re like, “Look, you are going to lose your title someday, and we know that that’s going to be a blow to your ego or whatever.”

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
“So you’ll get this big bonus when that happens.”

[Emily]
But he doesn’t even care.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
It’s not about his ego at this point.

[Thomas]
He doesn’t give a shit anymore. Right.

[Emily]
At this point, he’s just like, “I want to have my quiet life, I want to build my bespoke wooden furniture in Oregon and I want to marry John Ce- Michael Cera.”

[Thomas]
And the extra $25K wouldn’t be bad either.

[Emily]
Right, right. And so he just doesn’t care anymore. But I’m trying to figure out how Terry Crews kind of convinces him to carry on and why he decides midway through to give up. I feel like that would be a good way to drive the plot, and then it gives Terry Crews more purpose for being there, other than just being Terry Crews and awesome.

[Shep]
Yeah. I could see him having that conversation where his character as a wrestler was this hero, but he never felt like that. And the snake bite thing reminded him because all the fans nearby were like, “Oh, yeah, you got to save him.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And he’s like, “I’m not that guy. I’m not heroic, I’m not brave. I was always faking it.” And Terry Crews is like, “We’re all always faking it.”

[Emily]
Yeah. Do we want Terry Crews to know about the unrequited love at this point? Like, has he picked up on it so that when they’re having that conversation and he’s like, “I’m not even brave enough to tell the man I love that I love him.”

[Shep]
And Terry Crews is like, “I like you, but I don’t feel the same way.” “Not you!”

[Emily]
Right. Because I want it to just be like it’s not a question. It’s not even, “Oh, my god, you’re gay. You’re coming out to me,” just like, I like that that Terry Crews is like, “Look, I know I’m handsome, I know I’m amazing, and I know we’ve spent a lot of time together.”

[Thomas]
So I looked into the driver’s license requirements a little bit more, and if they go through Arkansas, Kansas or New Mexico, there are other states that have requirements. But for all of those, they would probably have to have a CDL.

[Emily]
Really?

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Interesting.

[Thomas]
There are a handful that require it for certain sizes and classes of RV and the size and class they’re driving naturally. So I could totally see as trooper, a state trooper, pulling them over and being like, “Let’s make sure this RV owner has their CDL.”

[Emily]
And all of them being completely ignorant of this fact.

[Thomas]
Right. They don’t know, because in Oregon, that’s not a thing, in Washington, that’s not a thing. Most states is not, but a few of them, and they happen to drive through one of them and get pulled over.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
Actually, it would be very funny if Michael Cera is the only one who does have a CDL for his job.

[Emily]
Right. Because he carries heavy equipment,

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
So he has to drive the rest. No, because you had mentioned that he doesn’t drive. It’s just it’s Cena and Crews alternating. So after they get pulled over and ticketed, Michael Cera has to drive them the rest of the way out of the state.

[Thomas]
Or maybe he well, I was gonna say he saves the day.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Maybe the cop doesn’t like them.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
He’s always thought wrestling is stupid and fake and dumb.

[Shep]
Yep. I like the idea of Cera rescuing them because he happens to have his CDL.

[Thomas]
And nobody knows. It’s never come up until that point.

[Emily]
Oh, yeah. So Michael Cera is just driving. He just happens to be the one driving. And then they’re all freaking out because they didn’t know about this. So they assume nobody has their CDL and they’re trying to figure out how they can use their fame to get out of the ticket. And then the cop is like, “I hate you.” And then Michael Cera’s like, “Well, I, here, I have my CDL.”

[Thomas]
They’re like, “Oh, here we go. We know how to handle this.” And they get out of the RV as soon as they get pulled over because they’re like, “As soon as this cop sees us, he’s going to forget all about whatever the reason is.” So they get out and the cop is really pissed. You’re not supposed to get out of the vehicle. So he doesn’t know who was behind the wheel.

[Emily]
Right. Right.

[Thomas]
He’s like, “You’re not supposed to get out of the vehicle. I don’t like you anyway, you’re wrestlers. That’s dumb.” And he’s trying to establish who was driving because you need a CDL. And they both look at each other like, “Uh oh.” And that’s when Michael Cera hops down. He’s like, oh, “Here’s my CDL. I was driving.” And they’re like, “Wha..?” Maybe he has a fairly small car that he drives all the time.

[Emily]
Normally.

[Thomas]
Normally, yeah, he drives a Volkswagen Beetle and that’s why John Cena thinks he’s gay.

[Shep]
Oh, yeah. Is he not gay?

[Emily]
No, they end up together at the end. He’s totally gay. They’re gay.

[Thomas]
I like the way you said that. So definitely they’re gay.

[Emily]
Because I want them to end up together.

[Thomas]
No, I agree.

[Shep]
Yeah, I understand.

[Thomas]
Yeah, we want them to.

[Shep]
It’s a rom-com. They gotta end together. But I figured Cera was bi.

[Thomas]
Or pan.

[Emily]
No, I mean, that’s true. He could be bi. It was, wasn’t it recently Bisexual Awareness Week?

[Shep]
That was the line from Bros.

[Emily]
No, but then it actually was very recently Bisexual Awareness Week.

[Shep]
I wasn’t aware.

[Thomas]
We are currently in Bisexual Awareness Week as we record this.

[Emily]
Yeah, I knew it was. Okay. Yeah.

[Thomas]
So there’s a little clue for the audience of when we recorded this. All right, so he’s bi, I like that. So that could be something, he’s talking about a girl he likes or his ex-girlfriend or something like that.

[Emily]
Oh, yeah. He can be talking about his ex-girlfriend and then Cena’s now very “Oh, I totally misread the room.”

[Shep]
Right. Because prior to this, he felt that there was, like, this vibe between them.

[Emily]
There’s tension. Yeah.

[Shep]
Right. They were very flirty. But he’s straight? That’s the lowest low. I get it.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
It’s like everything has gone wrong. He didn’t want Terry Crews to come along. It was supposed to just be the two of them. Turns out he’s straight. He doesn’t want to go and do this stupid wrestling match. He just wants to-

[Emily]
Live in the woods in Oregon.

[Thomas]
Live in the woods. Yeah.

[Emily]
And build bespoke wooden things.

[Thomas]
All right, so I was just about to ask what the lowest low is. But, yeah, I mean, that’s basically the same sort of thing as Little Miss Sunshine, where each family member sort of has some negative thing that happens. You’ve got the one kid who’s not talking, and then he ends up finding out that he’s colorblind and therefore cannot become a pilot. And so that gets him to just scream at the top of his lungs or whatever out of frustration. And so that’s kind of their lowest low moment, it seems like, is like they’ve all had these bad turns of event happen in their lives, and then this one happens to him, and it’s sort of like a breaking point. It’s like the last person has had their bad thing happen. And so for John Cena’s character, it’s the same thing where it’s like it’s just been like a series of, like, yeah, they’ve had a few fun things happen along the way, but it’s like everything he doesn’t want to do, he’s forced into doing or everything he wants is not a thing that’s attainable anymore. Feels unattainable now, and so he just reaches his, like, I don’t know, mental exhaustion point or something.

[Emily]
Yeah. He’s emotionally and mentally exhausted. He’s emotionally exhausted because he didn’t want to do this in the first place. When he made the deal, it was awesome because he loved wrestling. He was really into it. But now, like I said, he’s left that life behind.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
He’s tired. He’s over it. He just wants that chapter to be done.

[Shep]
Right. He wants to be his authentic self-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Which he’d never felt that he was as a wrestler, because he’s not that character. He wants to come out, he wants to be himself. And there’s all these roadblocks.

[Thomas]
It’s like how everybody keeps calling Dwayne Johnson The Rock, but he’s not The Rock. That’s not The Rock you’re talking about.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
You’re talking about Dwayne Johnson. The Rock is a character that Dwayne Johnson played for a while. They’re not the same person.

[Emily]
It would be like calling him Maui all of the time.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Although I think he might be okay with being called Maui.

[Thomas]
So what does that third act look like? Obviously, they go to the wrestling match.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
And somehow he and Michael Cera kiss?

[Emily]
Do we do an Adrian moment?

[Shep]
Ha-

[Emily]
Is he calling for him and then they just kiss at the end with his, like, eyeball swollen and play-

[Shep]
On the wrestling mat in front of the stadium of people.

[Emily]
On the wrestling- Yeah. Yeah.

[Shep]
That would be hilarious.

[Thomas]
That would be great. We could name his character Adrian.

[Emily]
Oh, that would be amazing. Yes. Now we have to do that. And then yeah, then they do that. And Michael Cera’s like, he’s just all amped up from the match, you know, losing the match, and he just does it. And Michael Cera’s clearly surprised because he didn’t catch the vibe. Because he’s Michael Cera. He’s oblivious to everything.

[Shep]
I, see-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
I think that he should catch the vibe. And he’s the one that kisses Cena because Cena thinks that he’s straight.

[Emily]
Oh, okay.

[Shep]
Right. He’s like, “But I want my friend up here, you know, it’s the end of the (whatever).”

[Emily]
Right. He’s just “These two got me here.” And he gets Crews and Cena up there. Right? And then yeah. Michael Cena (Cera) kisses him. Because he does, he has been flirting. He’s been flirting this whole time.

[Shep]
Right. He was trying to get Cena to be honest with him, who’s never come out. So he, one time with at the bar, he’s like, “Oh, I got this girl’s number,” like, trying to prod him, trying to get him. Although that’s kind of like, mind gamey. I don’t know if that’s the kind of character you want.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
No, I just want him to be an awkward flirt. Like he thinks he’s flirting and he’s just having a conversation.

[Thomas]
So do they just kiss all of a sudden, or is there like a moment where they’re looking at each other? A moment of realization for both of them that like, we’re both attracted to each other, and then they kiss? I’m just trying to decide at what point exactly to start playing Eye of the Tiger, so-

[Shep]
Ha.

[Emily]
Right, right. I kind of like the spontaneous Michael Cera coming up. Maybe because he’s all pumped with adrenaline, watching him do his maybe because John Cena was a good showman. Right?

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
He was great at what he did. And that’s something Terry Crews keeps pointing out when he says he wasn’t that guy, and he’s like, “But you were good at it, and you made people believe.” And so when they see it, Michael Cera’s all in the moment, just kisses him because he’s excited and thinks it’s wonderful.

[Thomas]
I think maybe, like you said, Terry Crews can say something to him about how his character made people feel. And then later he’s like, kind of half assing it when he’s in the ring because he’s like, “Fucking whatever, I don’t care about this.” But he looks over and sees Michael Cera, who’s just like agog at “Oh, my gosh,” and sees that he’s able to elicit that reaction from the man that he loves. And that gives him inspiration to really play it up.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
And then he ends with a big triumphant flourish.

[Shep]
Right. I think that yeah, that should be a thing that you lead up to where it’s like, he’s not into this final bout. He wants to throw it. He wants to ruin the show because they’re ruining his life and he’s going to screw them over. He’s just going to do a piss poor performance.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
He’s going to throw it. He’s going to throw it weakly.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
He’s just going to be-

[Thomas]
It doesn’t say how he has to lose, just that he has to lose.

[Emily]
Right. He just has to lose. He’s going to barely interact.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
No trash talk.

[Shep]
Since he has always played the hero, he’s up against someone who’s playing a villain. And so they say or do something that clicks with him, and he’s like, “Oh, no, that’s not going to stand. I’m going to play my part and punish the villain.”

[Thomas]
Yeah, I like that. I think one thing that we need to figure out is what is the inspiration after that lowest low moment? What is the inspiration that convinces him to continue going?

[Shep]
Isn’t that where you have the Terry Crews pep talk?

[Emily]
Yeah. The Terry Crews pep talk of “I know you don’t feel like this is you, that you’re not this hero, that you’ve always- I’ve seen it. I’ve seen you always feel a little outside of your character, but you do it so well, and you inspire people and you make kids happy.” Just the whole big spiel about how he may not be that character completely, but he embodies it enough to be an inspiration still. And that’s how he is that heroic character.

[Thomas]
So when he has his, I don’t want to call it a breakdown, but, like, his lowest low moment, is he expressing his frustrations to Crews?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
And Cera’s not around?

[Shep]
Right. Because he’s upset with Cera being straight.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
And that’s where he has the whole, “I’m no hero, I can’t even be brave enough to be myself.”

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah. That’s good. Does he lay out two Crews? Like, “You kind of fucked up my thing here. I had a plan. Not that it would have mattered anymore anyway.”

[Emily]
Of course, that’s part of his shouting and frustration is he’s kind of taking it out on Crews at first, and Crews is just taking it because this is a normal thing.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah.

[Emily]
This happens.

[Thomas]
It’s not the first time.

[Emily]
This is their relationship.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Okay. I like this. Is there anything else that we feel like we need to add?

[Shep]
What’s the epilogue?

[Thomas]
I mean, Cena must still be working in his mill because that was what he wanted to do.

[Emily]
Of course.

[Thomas]
Does Cera also work there, or does he just like does he is he leaving to go fix some other conveyor belt. Does he have greater aspirations that he’s now able to pursue?

[Emily]
No, I want him to just kind of be there, and that’s who he is.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
He’s pretty happy with everything, and what more does he want? Now he’s got a good man, a decent job, lives in a great town. He’s happy.

[Shep]
Ah, but see, a new restaurant, a new dessert restaurant opened.

[Emily]
Ha.

[Shep]
He has to go inspect their conveyor belts.

[Thomas]
What’s Terry Crews’ character up to at the end of the film?

[Emily]
He had so much fun. He’s going to do a tour of all 48 contiguous states in his RV.

[Thomas]
Oh, no, he’s doing he’s doing a Eurotrip and that’s- we set it up for the sequel.

[Emily]
A Eurotrip! He’s seen all of America. It’s on to Canada.

[Thomas]
Well, so, yeah, I mean, he could easily just be planning another road trip. He got his CDL.

[Emily]
Yeah, maybe that’s what we see. He got a CDL. Oh, maybe he liked it- This is stupid. He liked it so much, he gets a CDL and decides to do long haul trucking because he’s got nothing else to do. He doesn’t care.

[Thomas]
I don’t imagine he would do long haul trucking, plus if he’s wealthy.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
But he could drive around in his RV.

[Emily]
Yeah, I just like the idea that he’s like, “Meh, they need truckers. I got time on my hands.”

[Thomas]
He’s doing something CDL-related. Whether it’s driving the RV or driving a truck. We can let the writers work it out.

[Emily]
I mean, you need a CDL to be a bus driver. Maybe he becomes a city bus driver just because he likes people.

[Shep]
I don’t think he needs a job of any kind.

[Emily]
I know.

[Shep]
He’s retired now.

[Emily]
I’m just trying to get him to use his CDL.

[Thomas]
He’s been taking all these online courses to get all these different licenses. He’s like, “This is never happening to me again.”

[Shep]
He does stunt driving in the RV.

[Emily]
I do like him just going around. He just fell in love with the RV lifestyle and joined an RV group.

[Shep]
Now, he and a group of other people go around solving mysteries.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Because at one point they stop and there’s a fire. And Cena and Crews go in and rescue people from the fire, because Cena’s being a hero. So you can bring that up later.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Right. Do we introduce a very end of the movie love interest for Terry Crews?

[Shep]
That’s when you find out that he’s been married this whole time.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
His wife’s like, “Are you coming back?”

[Shep]
Some other friend needs to make a road trip. So he’s like, “Oh, I’m going to…” you know, whatever. And his wife is like, “You come home right now.”

[Emily]
“You’re never home. I should have never let you buy that RV.”

[Thomas]
Well, we would love to hear your thoughts on today’s episode about a Belt. Should we add a notch to our belt, or did we hit below the belt? Let us know by leaving a comment on our website, reaching out on social media, or sending us an email. Links to all of those can be found at AlmostPlausible.com We’d love it if you could give us a five-star rating on Apple podcasts. You don’t have to write a review to leave a five-star rating, but if you do, we’ll read it on a future episode. Emily, Shep, and I will return on the next episode of Almost Plausible.

[Outro music]

[Shep]
Yeah. Who’s in the sequel? If you’re taking the Terry Crews character, who’s not the main character, because that’s what you do in Hollywood sequels. It’s like, it’s tangentially related.

[Thomas]
This is the obvious cash grab sequel.

[Shep]
Right.