Bottle of Wine

References

• Unfortunately Yours
• Almost Plausible: Cave
• Northern Exposure
  • The Big Feast
• Black Books
  • Grapes of Wrath
• La passion de Dodin Bouffant
• Morbidly Yours
• Temple Grandin
• Schrödinger’s Cat
• A24
• Almost Plausible: Axe
• Almost Plausible: Zipper
• Blumhouse Productions
• In vino veritas
• Rainier Beer Running of the Rainiers
• North Shore

Transcript

[Intro music begins]

[Shep]
So which one of these are we doing?

[Thomas]
Shep, it sounds like we might be doing yours. I think. I think that’s the one that interests us the most.

[Emily]
Sounds like you two are on board with that. Yeah.

[Shep]
Emily?

[Emily]
Majority rules. I just a lonely woman. I do what the men tell me.

[Shep]
That is not true.

[Intro music]

[Thomas]
Hey there, story fans. Welcome to Almost Plausible, the podcast where we take ordinary objects and turn them into movies. I’m Thomas J. Brown, and as always, I have with me Emily-

[Emily]
Hey, guys.

[Thomas]
And F. Paul Shepard.

[Shep]
Happy to be here.

[Thomas]
Our theme for this episode is Bottle of Wine. So we decided to crack open a few drinks. And I’m not kidding, we are drinking. So this will be an interesting episode. We’ll see how it goes.

[Emily]
I’ll be real giggly.

[Shep]
Hahaha.

[Thomas]
I’ll pitch first this week. Mine’s a little bit longer, but very on topic and not about the bottle of wine as a container. So I’m pleased about that. When sharp-tongued online wine critic Alex rolls into California’s Central Coast to review local vineyards, he’s expecting bold, flashy New World wines. What he finds are restrained, old-school flavors at Lucy’s struggling family estate. After accidentally insulting her wines right to her face, Alex gets more bad news: His snarky hot takes are blowing up online, getting him in hot water with his few remaining sponsors. Lucy, desperate to save her vineyard, turns to a PR consultant for advice. The consultant suggests Lucy work with a well-known wine expert to develop a bottle to enter into the national wine cup. Lucy agrees, knowing national recognition on any level will help. To her surprise, and dismay, the wine expert her consultant had in mind is none other than Alex. They both have reservations about working together, but they both know they’re in dire straits. Thus, they enter into a reluctant partnership, blending her passionate hands-on winemaking with his refined palate and market instincts. As they navigate clashing styles, public scrutiny, and simmering romantic tension, they discover that the best blends, in wine and in life, come from unexpected pairings.

[Emily]
So not to take the wind out of your sails.

[Thomas]
Uh oh. This exists?

[Emily]
I have read this romance novel.

[Thomas]
This does feel like a not uncommon-

[Emily]
Oh, no.

[Thomas]
Setup.

[Emily]
I mean, it’s different enough. He’s not an ex-Navy SEAL who’s bought a vineyard to honor his fallen comrade from war-

[Thomas]
There we go.

[Emily]
Who is in a marriage of convenience with the largest winery in the area’s heiress.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
I mean, you don’t know that.

[Thomas]
Your story sounds really complicated.

[Emily]
It is. And it’s a sequel to the one where her brother is a stodgy history professor who’s writing a novel for the first time and returns to the family’s winery estate, which is in- It’s still, like, well known and liked, but it’s got some problems going on, and falls in love with a local gardener.

[Shep]
So what I’m hearing is these aren’t movies yet.

[Emily]
No, no, they’re books.

[Shep]
Okay, so fair game.

[Thomas]
And that novel he is writing? Bigfoot Eotica! Oh.

[Shep]
Excellent callback.

[Emily]
Excellent. Yes.

[Thomas]
All right. That’s my pitch. Emily, what do you have for us?

[Emily]
All right, I have a couple: A man trying to save his struggling marriage seeks out the same bottle of wine they had at their wedding, only to find it’s a rare vintage that’s impossible to find. He thinks buying it will show his wife how much she means to him and save their marriage.

[Thomas]
It’s a romantic gesture for sure.

[Shep]
Except what they fight over is their money problems.

[Thomas]
Right. The finances.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Or maybe instead of spending all this time hunting down a bottle of wine, he could go home and, like-

[Thomas]
Listen to her.

[Emily]
Listen to her.

[Thomas]
Do the dishes, massage her feet.

[Emily]
Yeah. Take the kids to soccer practice once in a while.

[Thomas]
Right, Right.

[Emily]
Yeah. Share the load. And my second and final one is: A man and woman reach for the same bottle of wine at the same time and feel a zing between them. They end up parting ways. At some point in the future, it happens again. This time, they decide it’s fate and go out. Complications get in the way of them building a relationship, mainly that she has to move to another city for her job. Years later, while on vacation, they meet again under the same circumstances. Will they take it as a sign from the universe that they truly belong together? Or will something else come between them and leave them always wondering, what if? Shep, what do you got?

[Shep]
All right, I have two: A retired winemaker kept the last bottle from their vineyard before they sold it years ago. It remained hidden in their cellar until their death. Upon its discovery, their children argue over what to do with it. Auction it off? It’s quite rare and valuable. Or drink it together at their memorial.

[Thomas]
I like that setup.

[Emily]
I love that setup.

[Shep]
So originally, this was an argument between the vintner’s valet and his children. His longtime valet, who was his friend and possibly more. I mean, they lived together for 40 years. They were good friends and roommates. And… And then I realized it’s that, like, in this day and age, it’s not uncommon, or it’s not shameful, to be in an openly gay relationship, so why would he hide it anymore? That kind of thing. So, like, the time for that kind of story may have passed. I was like, “Oh, it’s just the children arguing amongst themselves.”

[Thomas]
Could be a period piece set in the 50s or something.

[Shep]
Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah, if it were a period piece, then it would make way more sense. My other one: A nouveau riche entrepreneur wants to host a VIP wine-tasting, but their clumsy sommelier accidentally destroys a priceless bottle of wine that was going to be the centerpiece. The staff band together to fake it with a cheap substitute. But can they fool the experts?

[Thomas]
It’s like that episode of Northern Exposure where almost exactly this premise happens.

[Shep]
Oh, no.

[Emily]
Oh, this is a premise in a lot of shows.

[Thomas]
That’s right.

[Emily]
They do it in Black Books, too, except for they’re clearly not anywhere close to successful in that one because they’re wasted.

[Shep]
I haven’t seen either of those, but it sounds like that one’s been done.

[Thomas]
Which of these pitches do we like now that we’ve heard them all?

[Emily]
I love rom-coms, especially when I’m drinking. But I also like to cry when I drink. So either Shep’s first one or yours, Thomas, I think.

[Thomas]
Well, in your not-so-sober states, which one do you think you’ll have an easier time coming up with the plot for?

[Emily]
I feel like most rom-coms are written drunk.

[Thomas]
I mean, we can pretty much paint by numbers with that one.

[Emily]
Yeah, but the retired winemaker and-

[Thomas]
I do like that premise a lot. Especially like if it’s a period piece and there’s that element of, oh, were they lovers? Were they just good friends? Reminds me of a French film I just watched recently called The Taste of Things.

[Shep]
That would have been a great title. Oh, you could have the scene- So now I’m picturing it where, like, the daughter realizes what’s going on and why the, what she thinks is the housekeeper, is, like, insistent that what he really wanted was for us to open this $50,000 bottle of wine.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
You know, even though, like, we could use the money or maybe they couldn’t even. Maybe it was even unnecessary. But it’s like, what a waste to basically splurge $50,000 on wine if you’re not into wine.

[Thomas]
Right. We won’t appreciate this wine. It’s kind of gotten to that point where you’re not supposed to drink it. It’s an investment bottle.

[Shep]
Right. And if it was so important, why didn’t he put it in his will? Why did he only tell his housekeeper?

[Thomas]
Yeah. Actually, that’s an interesting angle. I mean, if it’s his bottle of wine, you know, the kids would then have a legal right to it and to that decision of what happens to it.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
I like that. Because, yeah, if the kids are like, “No, what are you talking about? We don’t really care that much.” Like, “Yeah, wine is fine, but we’d rather have the money. We have financial issues of our own,” and the valet’s fighting so hard for them to all drink it. And… Like you said, the daughter kind of finally puts the pieces together, and so now she’s starting to maybe change her opinion. Like, “Oh, it’s not just about, like, oh, dad would have wanted this.” Like, there’s a deeper meaning here.

[Shep]
Right. Maybe they had intended to come out to his kids and never did. Like, this was the wine that they were going to have at that dinner, but then he had a stroke and he died.

[Thomas]
Ooh. So what’s the structure of this story? It feels like it needs to start with the funeral. Right?

[Emily]
Every good story starts with a funeral. That is the opening line of one of my novels.

[Thomas]
I feel like when we see the Winemaker alive, it’s in flashbacks only.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Because, like, that’s the point of this, is we, as the audience, are learning about him kind of in the same way that his children are starting to learn more about him.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
That’s something I’ve been thinking about, you know, as my parents are getting older, what are all these stories about their childhood that I don’t know? And as I travel with them and I spend more time with them when we talk about stuff, and now that I’m older, they feel more comfortable talking about stuff, like- Maybe questionable things they did when they were younger and whatnot. And it’s like, “Whoa, I never knew that.” You know? And so I kind of like that idea of the children discovering things about their dad they didn’t know.

[Shep]
Yeah. So which one of these are we doing?

[Thomas]
Shep, it sounds like we might be doing yours. I think. I think that’s the one that interests us the most.

[Emily]
Sounds like you two are on board with that. Yeah.

[Shep]
Emily?

[Emily]
Majority rules. I just a lonely woman. I do what the men tell me.

[Shep]
That is not true.

[Thomas]
I mean, I do feel like that the story that I’ve set up is fairly paint-by-numbers.

[Emily]
Yeah, it is. I think Shep’s has a lot to-

[Thomas]
Yeah, it’s all. It’s-

[Emily]
To go to.

[Thomas]
I think it’s more interesting to me personally, so.

[Emily]
Yeah. Because we can look at the interpersonal relationships between the siblings, between the valet, between their father.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Yeah.

[Emily]
You know, it’s another good cry.

[Thomas]
That’s true. We haven’t had one of those in a while.

[Shep]
Oh, good. I do like crying.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
And, Shep, we know how much help you need crying these days.

[Shep]
Okay, broad strokes: The kids will have known the valet for years.

[Thomas]
Yes.

[Shep]
Like, possibly kind of raised by the valet. You know, if he’s running the house and the dad’s away working or whatever. So it’s like a surrogate father figure. And now their actual father has… How many kids are there? I’m picturing two. A girl and a boy.

[Emily]
Oh, I was picturing three.

[Shep]
Okay.

[Thomas]
I like three, because then as the girl comes over to the valet’s side, it’s two against two.

[Shep]
Okay.

[Emily]
You have your steady, steadfast, good head on his shoulders, and then a mild-mannered, make-the-peace sibling. And then a crazy wild child.

[Shep]
Ah okay-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
The middle kid is the- Okay. I can picture the whole thing now.

[Emily]
The wild one could be the older brother.

[Shep]
Could be. Or the youngest brother.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Either way, we know it’s not the middle child, which is the sister, who is the peacemaker.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Is this too paint-by-numbers? Or is it just like-

[Thomas]
No, this is science.

[Shep]
This is how families work?

[Thomas]
So what happened to their mother?

[Emily]
That was a question I had. Is there overlap? Did she know about the valet relationship? Was theirs-

[Shep]
Is that what caused her to leave?

[Thomas]
If he’s dying around this time period, it’s not unreasonable to think that he was gay his whole life, but felt the need to hide that and suppress that.

[Thomas]
So he got married, did the things he thought he was supposed to do, made an effort to try to hide that, but maybe their relationship was never that great. So we could go either way. Either because they had kind of a rocky relationship because he was gay, they ended up splitting up. Or we could have it to where she found out, and she was like, “Oh, now it all makes sense. I’m disappointed, but I’m not mad. I get it. You could never have loved me the way you love him.”

[Thomas]
“But I want more from my marriage, and so I am going to go pursue that.”

[Shep]
Yeah. Or “I’m going to leave so that you can be more openly with the man that you love.”

[Thomas]
Yeah. Or not have to sneak around in.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
At least not behind my back anyway.

[Shep]
Right. They could have had a good relationship, but just want different things.

[Emily]
I was thinking maybe she was more ace.

[Shep]
I mean, she’s not completely ace. They have three kids. They had sex at least three times.

[Emily]
But it was expected. Just like it would have been expected for him to have kids.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Like, they got married because they’re from two prominent families.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
And they’ve always been thrown together and they had a kinship. So they decide to get married. He’s gay. She’s like, “Meh, I don’t really care.”

[Thomas]
But there are social pressures.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
There are expectations that they both feel the need to live up to.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Shep]
She’s Temple Grandin. She’s on the spectrum.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
She gets married because that’s what you do, but she’s not into him at all. But she has sex and has kids because that’s what you do.

[Emily]
That’s what you do. Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Emily]
And then when she does find out, she thinks she’s supposed to be hurt, but she’s not really. And so they maintain sort of a marriage of convenience, but she turns a blind eye to him and the valet. But she wouldn’t necessarily… She’s not going to put him in a position where it could be discovered. So she’s going to help keep the ruse up.

[Thomas]
Yeah. I mean, her condition is, “I don’t want to have sex anymore.” And he’s like, “Cool. That’s not a thing I want to do with you in the first place.” And not in, like, a mean way, in like a… “You’re a lady, and I’m a dude, and I’m not into ladies, you know?” So, yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So were they still together or not? Emily’s painting a picture like they’re still together.

[Emily]
Oh, she’s dead.

[Shep]
Oh.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
At this point.

[Shep]
Oh. I want to have that mom character, though.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
Even if she doesn’t come to the funeral because they got divorced 40 years ago.

[Emily]
Then we’ll pick one of your two scenarios. Because my scenario really only works if she’s dead.

[Thomas]
We could do both.

[Shep]
We could do both. She’s dead and alive. She lives in a box, and she’s a cat.

[Thomas]
Schrödinger’s wife.

[Shep]
Schrödinger’s wife!

[Thomas]
We could have it to where they got divorced while he was alive, but before he died, she died. So that’s how you have it both ways.

[Emily]
But I think Shep wants that looming presence of “Let’s call mom and see what she thinks would have been the right choice” or something like that.

[Shep]
It would be cheaper not to have to hire another actress.

[Thomas]
That’s a good point. It’s a very good point.

[Emily]
Ah.

[Shep]
So-

[Thomas]
But she’ll be in flashbacks anyway, though, so-

[Shep]
Ah, damn it.

[Thomas]
But she’ll be young in the flashbacks, and so you don’t have to do any of the aging makeup or anything like that.

[Shep]
Right. You just hire one younger person.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
Do we have to flashback that far? Like, couldn’t we just go back to when the kids were visiting him every other holiday and during the summer?

[Shep]
Well, see, that’s why I want the wife to still be there, because she could talk about what it was like back then.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Thomas]
If the whole point of this story is learning about his life, then I think in the same way that in Citizen Kane, we meet all these people who interacted with him throughout his life and find out about him that way. I kind of feel like that’s what we’re doing here. Like, we’re getting those glimpses into the past through the people who knew him. So I feel like she probably should still be alive.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
But far away. She lives in India now. She’s got her own separate life.

[Emily]
In that case, I don’t think my idea works as well.

[Shep]
What. What is. What is your idea?

[Thomas]
Yeah. Let’s hear the idea before we totally get rid of it.

[Emily]
My idea was that she kind of was like in the marriage to be his beard, more or less, and for them to both fulfill that societal pressure, which I think only works if she’s dead, because otherwise why would they have split up or gotten divorced at any point?

[Emily]
If she was happy not having sex with him? Is she just traveling the world and still married to him? In that case, why do the kids get the stuff? So it works better if she’s either dead or divorced.

[Shep]
I agree with divorced. I thought she was long gone from the marriage.

[Emily]
Yeah. So I don’t think my idea of her being the supportive beard works to get to the divorce stage.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I think you’re right. I think she shouldn’t be ace. I think she’s not upset that he’s gay.

[Emily]
She’s just, “I need more in my life.”

[Shep]
She’s just disappointed.

[Thomas]
Yes.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
It’s just not what she wants. Not what she wants or needs in a relationship.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
And in fact, she recognizes that leaving is the best thing for both of them.

[Emily]
Yeah. Because she loves him and she wants him to be happy and he’s not going to be happy with her. Which will make her unhappy.

[Thomas]
So how does she find out? Does she catch them together? Does he-

[Shep]
Define together. I don’t think she catches them fucking.

[Shep]
But she could walk in on intimate moments when they’re together in a room, standing too close or whatever.

[Thomas]
I mean, they could be kissing.

[Shep]
She’s got to know. She’s got to recognize the signs.

[Thomas]
There’s gotta be something that they can’t explain away.

[Shep]
He’s pregnant and it’s the valet’s baby!

[Thomas]
I mean, like, he could feasibly help him, like, get dressed and stuff. So it’s like, “Oh, he was naked in front of him.” Well, yeah, because he’s helping him get dressed. That’s part of the job of a properly trained valet, you know, so- But if they’re kissing, that’s not part of the job description. That’s um….

[Shep]
They’re practice kissing for girls later. You know, like those parties you go to in middle school.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Thomas]
So I imagine a scene where there’s a big party they’re having at the vineyard, and, like, they’ve all been drinking a little bit, and so they’re a little…, they’re not thinking too clearly. And so they kind of are like, “Oh, let’s go down to the wine cellar.” And then, like, “You go down and in five minutes I’ll go down and then, you know, we’ll have a little bit of time together.” And they’re like, “Ooh, this is exciting and fun.” And they kind of don’t realize how much time they’re spending down there. So she’s like, “Where the fuck is he?” And she goes down looking for him because she knows he went. He’s like, “Oh, I’ll be right back. I’m going to go to the wine cellar.”

[Emily]
Lovers spat. They’re having an argument.

[Thomas]
Oh, no. I was going to say, they’re making out.

[Emily]
No, no, no. I. I’m doing the “No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Here’s what happens.” They’re having a little argument and the valet says something along the lines of feeling unappreciated and unloved and she walks in on that.

[Shep]
That’s so unprofessional for a valet, though.

[Emily]
They’re humans in love and they are away from the crowd when this is going on.

[Shep]
Right. But I don’t think they would have a spat. I mean, imagine the valet expressing that he wishes… Do they have names?

[Emily]
No.

[Thomas]
Not yet.

[Shep]
We should give them names. If we give them names, then we’ll want to keep them.

(offline, coming up with names)

[Thomas]
So we came up with names for all of these characters. The father who has passed away is Charles Berrick. The valet’s name is Aaron Foster. The first son is Charles Jr, or Charlie. The daughter is Erin. The second son, the youngest son, is Steve. And the former wife, the ex-wife, Amelia Haversham-Berrick. So what did we need to figure out?

[Shep]
I don’t remember. I don’t remember. We were talking about-

[Emily]
Oh, how? How she found out they were gay for each.

[Thomas]
Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I could see a scene where she comes into the cellar or wherever it is that she finds them. She comes in and she hears them talking. And we hear a bit of their conversation, but we’re looking at her. And then she steps out from behind, wherever she’s listening as they’re kissing or about to kiss.

[Shep]
Oh, it’s clear when she starts to overhear them, this is not the first time that she’s overheard it because of her expression.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Shep]
And then she puts on a happy face and goes around the corner. And maybe even teases the valet because she knows. And on some level, she knows for sure what’s going on. But she is going to be very sad if it comes out that her husband is homosexual.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Shep]
Because that ruins her picture of what her life was going to be.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So she is jealous of Aaron.

[Thomas]
So she looks sort of crestfallen, but then, like you said, she perks up, puts on that happy face, steps around kind of “(clears throat)”. And they’re like “(gasp!)”. And maybe Charles is direct. He’s facing her. He’s not breaking away. But Aaron is maybe ashamed or embarrassed, and he turns away. He won’t make eye contact with her.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
And she says something about like, “You guys have been gone for kind of a while, people are asking after you.”

[Thomas]
And she turns to walk away, and before she walks out, she stops and turns back and says, “You should probably come back separately,” or something along those lines.

[Shep]
Right. Letting them know that she knows.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
So that’s like, the confirmation. So then that has to precipitate some sort of a conversation between Amelia and Charles about their future.

[Shep]
Right. Yes.

[Thomas]
And so, of course, he’s, he’s like- Is he defiant or is he apologetic?

[Emily]
Charles?

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
That’s a good question.

[Thomas]
Or maybe his concern is that she’s going to want to fire Aaron.

[Emily]
How domineering of a man is he?

[Shep]
I mean, he’s a businessman.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
But she is a strong, independent woman.

[Emily]
Of course.

[Thomas]
She’s from the Haversham family, so-

[Shep]
I’m sorry, the Connecticut Havershams.

[Thomas]
Yes. Yeah. So what is that conversation that Amelia and Charles have?

[Shep]
She wants him to be honest because he’s, like, trying to deny or trying to cover.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah, they’re arguing, but not about the same thing. He’s arguing because he’s trying to defend himself and Aaron, and that’s his concern. And she’s arguing that, like, “Just be honest with me.”

[Emily]
So she’s to the point already where she just wants him to admit it so they can move on with their lives.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
“Just admit it. not going to be mad. Just say you did it.”

[Emily]
And he’s terrified that she’s really mad and will ruin him.

[Thomas]
Or not just ruin him, but, like-

[Emily]
Take Aaron away.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Ruin his and Aaron’s relationship.

[Emily]
Yeah, because she could either fire Aaron or go to their equivalent of a tabloid.

[Thomas]
Does she sort of calm him down and is like, “All you have to do is admit that you’re gay” or whatever? Something along those lines.

[Shep]
Well, she could tell him what her vision of her life was. “I’m going to have this partner, and the two of us are going to be a team.”

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
“And we’re going to go through life together, and we’re going to have each other’s backs.”

[Emily]
“And we’re going to grow old. And-“

[Shep]
Right. “We’re always going to be together. We’re going to be each other’s number one. But it turns out you’re already on a team with someone else.”

[Thomas]
Oh, no, I think she says all that. And she says, “Is that you?”

[Shep]
Ah. Oh, god damn, Thomas, that’s heartbreaking. So I love it.

[Thomas]
That’s the point of this scene.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
And he has to admit, like, “No, I can’t be that person for you.” And she says, “Okay, that’s fine, but I’m gonna go.”

[Shep]
Right, Right. I’ll go and look for that elsewhere.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
And she assures him, like, “Your secret’s safe with me. I don’t care.”

[Shep]
Right. She still cares for him.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Yes, she still loves him.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Yes.

[Shep]
It is a one-way, unrequited love, unfortunately.

[Emily]
Well, he loves her too, just not in a romantic-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Sexual way.

[Emily]
Sexual way.

[Thomas]
Yeah. So where does she go? Or does it matter? Does she go to India? Does she just go back to Connecticut to be with the-

[Shep]
Elsewhere. Right.

[Emily]
She goes to Australia to find a handsome horse-riding sheep farmer.

[Thomas]
No, she’s going to go to Australia and find a vintner down there.

[Shep]
They’ll make a competing brand of wine.

[Thomas]
She’s like, “Pinot noir didn’t work. I’m going to go explore Shiraz.” Okay, so it sounds like Amelia, we pretty much have her solved. Now, I guess the question is, she has left his life. After his death, is she still around? Does she come back into the picture to tell her portion of the story?

[Emily]
So she leaves him with the children? She leaves her children?

[Shep]
That’s their agreement.

[Emily]
Or do they go with her and then come back for the summers?

[Shep]
This is set in a time where you can’t just get divorced. Your husband has to agree.

[Emily]
Okay, so this is old-timey times. He gets divorced, so he automatically gets custody.

[Shep]
So he agrees to get a divorce as long as he keeps the children.

[Thomas]
Right. Got to have that free labor.

[Shep]
He’s got to have that heir.

[Emily]
Yeah, he. Well, no, he doesn’t even have to have that as a clause because no matter what, husbands of the time automatically got custody of the children if the wife chose to leave.

[Shep]
All right. That’s why the kids are, were raised by, by Aaron instead of their mom.

[Emily]
That makes sense.

[Shep]
She comes back for the funeral. She knows that Aaron is going through a very hard time.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Like, they never told the kids, but she is aware.

[Thomas]
Oh, right, right. That… Oh, wow. That’s going to be another crazy revelation for the kids.

[Emily]
She can make the conversation with Aaron of “Why didn’t you guys ever choose to tell them? They loved you. They would have accepted you.”

[Shep]
Right. Right. And Aaron and Amilia can have, like, a moment because they both loved Charles.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And he is gone. So it’s hard for both of them. It’s harder for Aaron, though.

[Thomas]
Sure.

[Emily]
He gave them both the beautiful children they have.

[Shep]
Yes. Yep.

[Thomas]
Well, on that note, let’s take a quick break here.

[Shep]
Oh, geez. We’re breaking now? Is it to cry? Is it a cry break?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I think so, yeah. And when we come back, we’ll learn more about the life of Charles Berrick in our Bottle of Wine episode.

[Break]

[Thomas]
All right, we’re back. So I kind of feel like early in the movie, maybe even this is how the movie opens, we see Charles tucking away a special bottle of wine.

[Thomas]
Maybe that’s the opening credits, is like, him getting this bottle lovingly prepared and putting it on the, on the shelf in his vineyard. And, you know, we kind of do like, a push-up on that bottle of wine. And then it does sort of a dissolve to now. You know, the camera doesn’t move at all.

[Emily]
Mmm.

[Thomas]
But you can tell that, like, time has passed because all of a sudden, like, the bottle is, like, covered in dust and cobwebs and whatnot. So we “Oh, okay. This bottle’s been sitting here for a while.”

[Shep]
Aaron’s not doing his job.

[Emily]
Nope.

[Thomas]
No. Well, that’s true. I guess you’re supposed to rotate the bottles, huh. But we show that this is an older bottle of wine that’s been there for a while. And so we’re opening on that. And so the bottle is what kind of kicks off this story. And Aaron is trying to explain why this bottle is significant to Charles and why they should not sell this bottle, why they should be drinking it.

[Shep]
Wait, wait, wait. You said Aaron is explaining it to Charles?

[Thomas]
Did I say that? I’m sorry. I’m drunk. Aaron is explaining it to the kids about why the bottle is significant to Charles.

[Shep]
Okay, I see, I see. So you want Aaron to be explaining it to the kids. In my mind, the kids found the bottle of wine. Like, Aaron was keeping it a secret.

[Emily]
He was going to drink it alone?

[Shep]
No. Maybe he was going to introduce them to it later, as Charles had wished.

[Thomas]
Ah. But Charlie’s, like, “Found it.” And he’s like, “Holy shit, we could sell this for a mint.”

[Shep]
Or Steve found it.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Because he’s the fuck up brother. So he was going-

[Thomas]
So he needs the money?

[Shep]
He went down and was looking through the wine, maybe for wine to drink, and he found this expensive bottle of wine. Because they’re not at the vineyard anymore. This is the next house. Right? He had sold the vineyard, but he kept that last bottle. At least that’s how I had originally pitched it. But like, this could be just one of the-

[Emily]
No, I like that idea. Because then you don’t have the question of why. Why isn’t one of them taking it over? Because he had already sold it and retired.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Right. He retired years ago.

[Thomas]
I like the idea of it being on the vineyard, though. So maybe there’s, like, like, a character, an old caretaker’s cabin. And so the condition of selling it was that Aaron and Charles have to be allowed to live in the caretaker’s cabin.

[Shep]
Oh, he’s moving into a tiny house, but he’s keeping his valet? Not suspicious at all. There’s so little room, they have to share a bed. That’s how small the cabin is.

[Thomas]
No, that’s a good point. Yeah. So they’ve moved on to a different house.

[Shep]
Right. That’s where the movie takes place. The movie takes place in the new house.

[Emily]
And Aaron’s trying to explain that, oh, the shitty son Steven, who owes money to the mob, finds the bottle of wine-

[Thomas]
Or whatever.

[Emily]
Or whatever.

[Shep]
No, whatever. He’s just shitty.

[Emily]
Finds it and says, “Holy fuck, I think this one’s worth a lot.” Because they all sort of know about wine, but through osmosis.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

[Shep]
They’re the children of a vintner. They know about wine. Some of them maybe even thought they were going to inherit the business. But then their dad sold it off.

[Emily]
Charlie. And then-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
So he finds it is like, “We can sell this.” Does he tell the other siblings he wants to sell it? Or like, how does that come up?

[Shep]
Oh, he brings it up because he wants to drink it. And then Charlie is the one that recognizes-

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
“Oh, this is from the last year of the vineyard when it was ours.”

[Thomas]
Not only that, it’s a particularly good year.

[Shep]
Yes. It’s a particularly good year.

[Thomas]
It won a bunch of awards or something, and…

[Shep]
Yeah. And it was a small run. Very good wine. Like it’s valuable. So Steve wants to drink it, Charlie wants to sell it. Those were the two options. And now the kids are fighting over it.

[Emily]
And Erin is, Erin-girl is-

[Shep]
Girl Erin. Erin Jr.

[Emily]
She’s on the fence?

[Shep]
Is she our perspective character? Are we seeing everything through her eyes?

[Thomas]
It seems like it, doesn’t it?

[Shep]
It seems like it, yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah, let’s do that.

[Shep]
And you can have echoes of the scene, like her mom talking to Charlie and Aaron back in the day.

[Thomas]
Mmm. That’s good.

[Shep]
So you have Erin talking to… Erin talking to Aaron. This is not confusing at all. Is she named after Aaron?

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Okay, okay. Just making sure we’re all on the same page.

[Thomas]
So who’s on what team? I feel like, even though Steve originally wanted to drink it, once Charlie says, “No, this is worth money.”

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
He changes his tune.

[Shep]
Oh, absolutely.

[Thomas]
Both of the sons are like, “Great, let’s sell it. We can make a bunch of money on this.”

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
“We’ll make thousands each.”

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
And then Aaron, of course, is like, “No, Charles wanted us to drink this.” What does Amelia think? Or is she not part of this conversation? Is she only there for the funeral?

[Shep]
I don’t know if she’s. Yeah. I don’t imagine she’s there for this part because this is like going through the estate and she doesn’t have any say in any of that stuff.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
So I don’t imagine she’s at the house.

[Thomas]
But she is their bio mom-

[Shep]
She is their bio mom.

[Thomas]
So I could see an excuse for her to be there later than just the funeral when this conversation starts. So then Aaron and Emilia are like, “We know Charles. He would have wanted us to drink this.” And then that puts girl Erin, daughter Erin, in the middle.

[Shep]
As the tiebreaker vote?

[Thomas]
Exactly.

[Shep]
Ah, yeah.

[Thomas]
Oh. In fact, that’s the framing device for the film, perhaps, is Aaron the valet and Emilia telling the kids about Charles’s life and explaining why they should drink the wine instead of sell it.

[Shep]
Right. But the two people saying that are the only two that don’t have a say because it’s not their wine.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
And they don’t, you know, they’re not the ones inheriting it, it’s the kids.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So among the kids, it’s two to one.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
Or two to undecided to sell it.

[Thomas]
It does seem like Steve could be swayed in either direction, though.

[Shep]
Yes, Steve is easy.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
He’s easy breezy.

[Thomas]
Or maybe it’s the other way around. Charlie, of the three kids, is the only one who truly could appreciate the wine. Perhaps he is a sommelier now.

[Shep]
But he’s clumsy! And he dropped that expensive bottle.

[Thomas]
That’s right. That’s right. Whereas Steve is hard up for money, and he’d rather have the money. So I could see that going either way.

[Shep]
Yeah. Could go either way.

[Thomas]
We should probably figure out what happens. It feels like they need to drink that wine.

[Emily]
Yeah. They’re gonna drink. Obviously they’re gonna come to terms with it.

[Shep]
Yes. Obviously the resolution is to toast their dead father.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And their surrogate father who’s still alive.

[Emily]
I do want Aaron and Erin to have a special relationship since she was named after him.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Mm.

[Emily]
She’s obviously his favorite.

[Thomas]
Sure.

[Emily]
And he’s always kind of been more delicate with her, and so he feels okay to open up to her about their relationship first.

[Shep]
Well, also, she was the middle child. She’s mature for her age. She had to be. She’s the peacemaker among the siblings.

[Emily]
She’s the only girl.

[Shep]
She’s the only girl. She was like the adult among the siblings. So of course, Aaron, valet Aaron, gets along with her better than the other kids. Not that he has a favorite, but he definitely has a favorite. And it’s Erin.

[Emily]
And she was named after him.

[Shep]
She was.

[Emily]
And it touched him.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
Because he knows.

[Shep]
Does she know?

[Emily]
Not yet.

[Shep]
Not yet.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
But she figures it out before the end.

[Emily]
Yeah. That could be a reveal. A revealing conversation she has with her mother.

[Shep]
Oh. Oh.

[Emily]
About how she should listen to Aaron because, you know, kind of talk about his relationship with her and how they got along and…

[Shep]
They could have a conversation about why didn’t he have kids of his own?

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
And he kind of did and it was them.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah. “Why didn’t you ever have a family?” “Well, you guys were my family.” “Yeah, but it’s not the same.” Yeah, yeah, I could see that. We said way back at the beginning that the daughter is the one who kind of figures out what’s going on.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
She’s echoing the mom who figured out what was going on.

[Thomas]
How does that land with the sons? How does it even come up? How does that conversation happen?

[Shep]
Awkwardly.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Is it just the kids? And she’s like, “I think Dad and Aaron were, like, a thing.”

[Shep]
Well, when is this movie set? Like, did we settle on it? Because it could be set whenever.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Because the men were so old that that repression could have happened when they were much younger in the past.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
So it could be whenever. So what are Charlie’s and Steve’s views on homosexuality? You know, this is also-

[Emily]
Well, I think if we made, if we made Steve very, like, go with the flow, either way, he’s going to be like, “Oh, that makes a lot of sense,” and just, like, accept it easily right away.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
That is not a concern for him. Gambling debts concern.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Whereas for Charlie, he has had this image, and he sort of modeled himself perhaps off of this false image of his father.

[Shep]
Oh, yes, he is named after his father.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
This is like who he’s imagining who he is, but he is straight.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
So to hear that his father is gay, he’s like, “He can’t be gay because I’m not gay and we’re the same person. So…”

[Thomas]
Right. Yeah.

[Emily]
So he definitely has that denial anger.

[Shep]
Yes. Yep.

[Thomas]
Yeah. In fact, maybe that only adds fuel to his desire to get rid of this bottle.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
“I don’t want to drink Dad’s gay bottle of wine. I want to sell it. And…”

[Shep]
“Dad’s gay wine.”

[Thomas]
I think we found our new brand that we’re getting together to make, “Dad’s gay wine.”

[Emily]
Yep. I’m down. Let’s do it. We would make a mint, I think.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah.

[Shep]
So it’s mint flavored? What? So yes, he wants to sell it, not just because it’s money, but because the person telling them they should drink it is housekeeper Aaron.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Who is a dirty, filthy liar.

[Shep]
Who’s a dirty, filthy liar, claiming to be, you know, his dad’s boyfriend. Which of course can’t be true because my dad’s straight. Because I’m straight. So that’s a lie. So we’re selling the wine. It’s all part of the same denial.

[Emily]
Hmm.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Does Charlie come around at the end?

[Shep]
He must. Because with the. We have them drink the wine at the end.

[Thomas]
I mean, about the dad being gay?

[Shep]
Yeah, he’s gotta. That’s the-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
That’s his character arc.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
There’s a tearful, heartfelt conversation between either him and his sister, him and his mother, or him and Aaron.

[Thomas]
Oh, it’s got to be him and the mom.

[Thomas]
He’s mad at the mom. “How could you not know?” And she’s like, “I did.”

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
And he’s like, “Whoa. What?”

[Shep]
“Oh, yeah. I knew. Everybody knew.”

[Thomas]
Yeah. And so that just makes him more angry. Like, “What the hell? You knew? Like, how could you let this happen?” She’s like-

[Shep]
“How could you let this happen?”

[Thomas]
Yeah. She’s like, “People are who they are.”

[Shep]
“How could you let Dad be gay? You didn’t stop it? What’s wrong with you?”

[Thomas]
Yeah. “You didn’t stay and fight for your marriage. You didn’t fight for us.” By us, he means heterosexual me.

[Emily]
“You weren’t feminine enough. Your independence drove him to the man.”

[Shep]
You weren’t feminine enough. If he’s not into femininity… She was too feminine. That’s the problem.

[Emily]
That’s what she says.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah. I think this is all great stuff.

[Shep]
I like this because it’s a movie that’s mostly conversations and can be filmed on few locations.

[Emily]
Mm.

[Shep]
Basically one house.

[Thomas]
Oh, it all takes place at this house.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah. And the surrounding gardens and whatnot.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Except for flashbacks, maybe, but like-

[Thomas]
Right. But again, that’s location two, and that’s it. So you’ve got the new house and the old vineyard, and those are the locations we’re filming in.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And the, the, possibly the funeral, but still. Few locations.

[Thomas]
Maybe.

[Shep]
Yeah, maybe the funeral. Depending on budget, depending on sponsors.

[Emily]
Eh, there’s a room in one of the two locations you can use for the funeral hall.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Oh, I was picturing a graveside.

[Emily]
Oh, well, then, yeah, that’s a whole other.

[Shep]
But yeah, you can have the reception at their current house, which is one of our locations. That’s the primary location.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Let’s get this done. Let’s film on a budget. A24, contact us.

[Emily]
Oh, I want A24 to contact us so bad. Give us your money and let me come do your movies.

[Thomas]
Come on, Axe. Zipper. We’ve got some great ideas, A24.

[Emily]
Oh, yeah.

[Thomas]
Right up your alley.

[Emily]
Zipper.

[Shep]
Oh, man, Zipper would be such a good A24.

[Emily]
So good A24.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
That’s the one that gets us in the door. And then we do Axe as our blank check movie.

[Thomas]
You know what? I’m not snooty. Blumhouse, we’re open to you guys, too.

[Emily]
Yeah. I take Blumhouse. They got some decent stuff.

[Thomas]
They’re excellent as well.

[Emily]
They know their audience.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Just listen to Zipper and imagine how few locations it needs and how scary it can be. Like, yeah, it’s definitely Blumhouse or A24.

[Thomas]
Yeah, for sure.

[Shep]
Movies on a budget. Definitely going to be profitable. That’s all I’m saying. If you like money, if you like making money, it’s just guaranteed more money.

[Thomas]
All right, what else for this story do we need to work out?

[Shep]
Yeah. Okay, so there’s a scene with a zipper…

[Emily]
So I think we just. They have that heartfelt, get-it-out conversation, and he comes to terms with it.

[Thomas]
There has to be an interaction between Charlie and the valet where he’s angry.

[Shep]
Oh, yeah.

[Thomas]
He, like, attacks.

[Emily]
Oh, yeah.

[Thomas]
Not physically, but he attacks the valet and…

[Emily]
Verbally. Yeah.

[Shep]
“You made my dad gay! It’s your fault.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
“You ruined this family. You ruined this man.”

[Shep]
“You ruined his marriage. You ruined his life. He had to sell his business.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
“I could have had that business. It was mine.”

[Thomas]
Right. He’s not saying. He’s saying, “You ruined his life.” What he really means is, “You ruined my life.”

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Which is rough because this is also the guy that basically raised him.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So.

[Thomas]
Does Erin, the daughter, does she sort of broker that peace between them?

[Emily]
Yeah, I think she does.

[Shep]
I mean, that is her role as the middle child.

[Thomas]
Yeah, that’s true. That’s true. Right?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
So she goes to Charlie and points that out that, like, “He’s as much our dad as dad was.”

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
“He was there more.”

[Thomas]
Right. Yeah.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Maybe even more so when dad was always off with the buyers or the-

[Emily]
Business trips. Yeah.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Emily]
Who made orange slices after the soccer game?

[Shep]
See, that’s why Charlie has this imaginary image of his dad in his mind because they spent so little time together.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Right.

[Shep]
So it’s this idealized perfect parent that couldn’t possibly exist.

[Thomas]
Perhaps even informed by Aaron, the valet.

[Shep]
Yes. Yes.

[Thomas]
Who’s talking up the dad, a man he loves.

[Shep]
Yep. Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I could totally see that. This is fantastic. I like this story a lot. I’m glad we went with this.

[Shep]
I wish we had more time to write it.

[Thomas]
Yeah. All right. Anything else?

[Shep]
There’s so much more we could talk about. Yes! Yes, Thomas. Tons more.

[Thomas]
Let me finish. Is there anything else we need to touch on before we wrap this up?

[Shep]
That we need to? No. We have the gist.

[Emily]
No.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
We know what it is.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
It is a tear-jerking movie about loss and relationships and suppressing your emotions, and not being truthful and honest with yourself and your environment. And loss and love and revenge!

[Emily]
And acceptance.

[Shep]
And…

[Thomas]
And wine.

[Shep]
And wine, and war, and bottles. And karate. What are we talking about?

[Thomas]
Well, you know what they always say: In vino veritas.

[Shep]
In wine, truth.

[Emily]
Mm.

[Thomas]
Yes. And that certainly, I think, is the theme of this film.

[Shep]
Yes. Oh, yes. That’s so good. That’s so good, Thomas. Because the original meaning is when you get drunk, then you say the truth that you’ve been hiding.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
But this isn’t about being drunk.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
But it is about a Bottle of Wine.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
It works on multiple levels.

[Emily]
Ha.

[Thomas]
Well, with that in mind, we would love to hear your thoughts on today’s episode about a Bottle of Wine. Will it age like fine wine, or should we lay off the bottle? Let us know by leaving a comment on our website, reaching out on social media, or sending us an email. Links to all of those can be found at AlmostPlausible.com. We want to know what you like about the show, and if there’s anything you don’t like about it, well, we want to know that, too. You can send us your feedback through the contact form on our website, which one more time is AlmostPlausible.com. Join Emily, Shep, and I, as we raise a glass to the next episode of Almost Plausible.

[Outro music]

[Shep]
How often do you talk to your parents?

[Thomas]
Pretty often.

[Shep]
Okay, just checking.

[Thomas]
They’re not, like, deep conversations that often, but.

[Shep]
Like, I didn’t get to know my father until I was already an adult. You know, my parents separated when I was young and I tried several times through my life to get to know my dad. And now we have a regular phone call every month.

[Thomas]
And all he cared about was whether or not you were learning about your Irish heritage.

[Shep]
Oh, oh, don’t get me started. That’s like the one sticking point that we still fight over. So I just don’t care at all. I’m American. My heritage is American.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
And he’s Irish. And it’s a… Oh, we fight. We fight. Anyway, he opens up and he tells me about crazy things. Like, when he was in college, he was part of a group that went and kidnapped a rival college’s mascot, which was like a tiger or something.

[Thomas]
Oh, my god.

[Shep]
Like, I don’t remember.

[Thomas]
What?

[Shep]
Yeah, I was like, “What are you talking about? First of all, that sounds cool, and you’re not cool, so-” It’s not how you see your parents, doing crazy stuff.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
This is when he told me he was in the Rainier Beer commercial. Do you, did we ever talk about the Rainier Beer commercial?

[Emily]
Yeah, we talked about that.

[Thomas]
Oh, I might remember this.

[Shep]
It’s the Rainier Beer where it’s the Running of the Beers.

[Thomas]
Oh, okay.

[Shep]
So, and, because it’s a crowd of people.

[Thomas]
Mm.

[Shep]
And so I was like, “Oh, I know that commercial.” Like, it’s on YouTube. I’ll go and watch it. I’m like, “Okay, so tell me where in the crowd you are.” And he’s like, “Crowd? I’m the one holding the beer bottle opener,” you know, standing on top of the thing, shaking this big thing. I’m like, “Oh, what?” And he’s like, “Oh, yeah. And the first beer. That was my best friend at the time.” I’m like, “What is happening? You’ve had all these adventures. Because I know the commercial.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
“I’ve seen the commercial before, and you never mentioned it.” It’s not like it was filmed in HD so I could see him and go, “Oh, I think that’s my dad.”

[Thomas]
The movie. Oh, what’s the name of the movie? Shit. It’s a surfing movie. Oh, it was North Shore was the name of the film. Anyway, my mom is clearly visible in it because they needed some extras, and I think she was probably some production role on the film. So they’re like, “Oh, you know, Diane, go. We’ll have you walk through this shot.” And so it’s kind of a… A telephoto shot of the two main characters. I believe, if I remember, it’s been a while since I’ve seen it, and all of a sudden, like, through the shot is my mom’s face, like, clearly as she’s, like, walking past the camera. I’m like, “Hey.”

[Emily]
My dad almost started an international incident in Oman. Yeah. He and his drunk buddies. I don’t even know if they were drunk. They were just arrogant, early 20-something, like, 18-, 19-year-old guys. They were in Oman. Mind you, my dad was a mailman in the Navy.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Emily]
They were in Oman and they were hanging out and they got bored one day and they’re like, “You know what we should do?” Oh, yeah. They couldn’t wear their uniforms. This is an important part of the story. They couldn’t wear their uniforms. They were on a British base, and the Brits said, “Don’t let anyone know you’re American. They don’t like you here.”

[Shep]
Good luck.

[Emily]
“You have to not let anyone know.” So they weren’t allowed to wear their uniforms. They weren’t allowed to, like, do a bunch of stuff. So they decided it would be funny to paint one of those storage cargo containers with the American flag.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
And the British guys said, “Did you do this?” And they’re like, “Yeah.” And they’re like, “Please don’t do these things.” And they just picked it up and moved it away. They didn’t even, like, paint over it. They’re just like, “Send it away.”

[Thomas]
“This is dead to us.”