Cave

References

• Almost Plausible: Flashlight
• Almost Plausible: Bowling Pin
• Garden Hermit
• Inside Missouri Cheese Cave: Why Does the U.S. Government Store Billion Pounds of Dairy?
• Time Trap
• Avatar
• The Time Machine
• Land of the Lost
• Romancing the Stone
• Dances with Wolves
• FernGully: The Last Rainforest
• The Man Who Fell to Earth
• Iron Man
• Jurassic Park
• Congo
• Jaws
• Jaws: The U.S.S. Indianapolis Speech
• Nutty Putty Cave
• The Descent
• Deep Blue Sea
• Black Panther
• Stargate
• The Twilight Zone
• Time Enough at Last
• The Smurfs
• Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi
• The Breakfast Club

Transcript

[Intro music begins]

[Thomas]
Yeah, I think it’s maybe a combination of strange bioluminescent plants and some sort of weird creature that people hadn’t seen before. So we have some botanist and maybe there’s like a lizard expert and a mammal expert. I don’t know. Whatever.

[Shep]
That’s the team from Jurassic Park you’re putting-

[Thomas]
Oh, damn it, you’re right.

[Shep]
Ellie was a botanist.

[Emily]
I’m just waiting for monkeys with lasers. And we can go full Congo on it too.

[Intro music]

[Thomas]
Hey there, story fans. Welcome to Almost Plausible, the podcast where we take ordinary objects and turn them into movies. I’m Thomas J. Brown, and exploring every crevice of this episode with me, are Emily-

[Emily]
Hey, guys.

[Thomas]
And F. Paul Shepard.

[Shep]
That phrasing makes me uncomfortable.

[Thomas]
Our ordinary object today is Cave, and longtime listeners of Almost Plausible will know the three of us have a bit of a history when it comes to caving.

[Emily]
You mean spelunking?

[Shep]
I get that reference.

[Thomas]
Well, if you want to get that reference, listen to our Flashlight and Bowling Pin episodes.

[Emily]
Oh, we bring it up in Bowling Pin?

[Shep]
It’s in Bowling Pin?

[Thomas]
Yeah, it comes back up in Bowling Pin.

[Shep]
Oh, gosh.

[Thomas]
Well, Emily, you get to kick off our speleological adventure with your first pitch.

[Emily]
All right. I have quite a few today. Just forewarning.

[Shep]
Four-warning. Because there’s four!

[Emily]
There are four!

[Shep]
Sorry. Continue.

[Emily]
A hiker gets separated from her friends and lost in a national park. As a surprise storm rolls in, she takes refuge in a nearby cave. Deciding it seems as good a place as any to hunker down for the night, she gets her camp ready, only to discover she’s not alone. The cave is actually the home of a hermit. He has, in fact, built an intricate dwelling in the cave system. It has almost all of the amenities of a modern home, excluding electricity and the Internet. But it’s still quite cozy and lovely.

[Thomas]
There are those professional hermit jobs out there.

[Emily]
I want one so bad.

[Thomas]
Yeah, that’d be pretty good.

[Shep]
Those aren’t set in caves, though. Those are-

[Thomas]
Yeah, that’s true.

[Shep]
You got to have a little hovel on the corner of the Lord’s property.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
All right. And my next one is a story about a team of divers trying to recover the body of their friend from a remote tropical cave system.

[Shep]
That’ll be a nice, fun, cheery experience.

[Emily]
Right. Just, you know, lift our spirits. Alright, and then, three young University of Washington students explore the Ape Cave in Mount St. Helens National Volcanic Monument. They have permission from the parks department to spend the night in the cave to study how some rare glowworm mates or whatever. But by the end of the night, they end up learning about the mating rituals of Bigfoot. ♫Bigfoot erotica♪. Last one. A murderous mountain man lures young women into his cave so he can kill them and eat them. ♫Bigfoot erotica♪.

[Shep]
Oh, gosh.

[Emily]
That is what I have for you gentlemen tonight. Shep, what do you got?

[Shep]
I had a lot of thoughts about this and in fact wrote up a long trip treatment with characters and plots and an ending, and realized that’s not really what this podcast is about. So here is the shortest elevator pitch of the general idea that I had.

[Shep]
A desperate explorer ventures into a mysterious cave to find their missing brother and uncovers a secret the government is willing to kill to keep under wraps. The cave is a labyrinth of twisting tunnels where time moves faster the deeper you go.

[Emily]
At first I thought it was going to be about the cheese caves.

[Shep]
Ha ha ha ha. The secret cheese caves the government will kill to keep secret.

[Emily]
The secret cheesecakes.

[Thomas]
It reminded me a lot of the plot of the film Time Trap, which-

[Emily]
Don’t know that one.

[Thomas]
I’m not suggesting anybody watch it, to be clear. But in Time Trap, there’s a professor who goes exploring in some cave and then he disappears. And so his students go looking for him and they find out when you’re inside the cave, time moves much slower for you. And I think there’s like a fountain or something or like a spring. And the closer you get to the spring, the slower time moves for you. And so like thousands of years are going by outside the cave and they’ve only been in it for a few hours.

[Shep]
Ah. This is the opposite of that.

[Thomas]
Right, right.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
That’s all that I have, or that’s all that I’m willing to say.

[Thomas]
Oh, okay.

[Emily]
Oh!

[Shep]
Thomas, what do you have?

[Thomas]
Alright, here are my pitches. Deep in a well documented cave system, a major seismic event opens a previously undiscovered passage which heads deeper into the Earth. A team of scientists and adventurers, funded by a secretive billionaire, descend to explore, only to stumble upon a hidden world filled with alien ecosystems and a long-isolated humanoid civilization. The scientists are excited to document everything, but it turns out that the adventurers are mercenaries tasked with extracting valuable resources at any cost.

[Thomas]
Tensions ignite and soon the explorers find themselves caught in a deadly clash between greed and survival.

[Shep]
Okay, that is so close to my fuller pitch that I- I don’t know how to react to hearing this.

[Emily]
Ha.

[Thomas]
I mean, we’ve both seen Avatar.

[Shep]
I wasn’t thinking Avatar at all. I- So in mind. There was a village where people live because the government is sending resources in. So people load up these backpacks full of resources and go in. But it turns out the backpacks aren’t really the resources. The people are. Because there’s not enough genetic diversity in the village underground.

[Thomas]
Mm.

[Shep]
So they’re sending more people in, which in the village is like every generation, but outside is like every couple of weeks or whatever. But they are harvesting-

[Shep]
This liquid. So in, in mine, the reason time is going faster… See? No. Nope. Never mind. Anyway, evil government, things aren’t what they seem.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Hidden civilization underground, alien technology.

[Thomas]
Yep.

[Emily]
Are you both writing The Time Machine?

[Shep]
No.

[Thomas]
Or Land of the Lost. Or-

[Shep]
No, no, no.

[Emily]
I’m sorry. They were farming people in that one.

[Shep]
Oh, right.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
The Morlocks. Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah. All right, my second pitch. Sadie, an ambitious risk management consultant from Big City, is sent to Small Town to assess the safety of a historic cave system that locals want to open as a tourist attraction.

[Thomas]
Her guide to the caves is Noah, a charming, laid back cave rescue volunteer. Their personalities clash immediately. He thinks she’s uptight and she thinks he’s reckless.

[Thomas]
But when a minor cave entraps them overnight during the inspection tour, they’re forced to work together to find a way out. As they navigate narrow passageways, underground rivers and bioluminescent grottoes, they stumble into something truly unexpected: Love.

[Emily]
♫Bigfoot erotica♪.

[Shep]
She called it back.

[Thomas]
That’s how you know Emily’s a pro. Anyway, which of these do we like?

[Emily]
I’m gonna say that I like the rom-com, the love one, just because in my brain I am just picturing a Romancing the Stone-style adventure romance.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I can see that.

[Emily]
But honestly, I think we have a lot of good things to work with.

[Shep]
I do not like the rom-com. Sorry.

[Thomas]
Really?

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
The shock.

[Shep]
I know.

[Thomas]
What is it about the rom-com you don’t like?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
I’m curious, because normally we all jump at rom-coms.

[Shep]
Yeah, I don’t. I think it may be the setup. He thinks she’s uptight. She thinks he is reckless. That should probably be the opposite. You know, he is a cave rescue volunteer. He’s probably all about safety.

[Emily]
Hmm.

[Shep]
She would think he is uptight. He would think she’s reckless because she doesn’t know any better. That kind of thing.

[Thomas]
Sure, yeah. I mean.

[Shep]
But the whole enemies-to-lovers and just coincidentally they’re trapped in a cave.

[Thomas]
But see, that’s why we’re watching this story.

[Shep]
(Pained groans)

[Emily]
I have read several of these novels and they all work out well, in the end.

[Shep]
I think the problem I have with romance stories, and I don’t know when this started, but it’s like: if they’re so great, why are they single? What am I missing? Do you guys know what I’m talking about? Doesn’t make any sense.

[Thomas]
Are you saying I’m not great?

[Emily]
I was gonna say, “I’m pretty fucking great.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
“And I’m still single.”

[Shep]
But why, why are you single? It doesn’t make any mathematical sense.

[Thomas]
It’s because everyone else is terrible.

[Shep]
Right, you’re looking for the right hermit.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Exactly. Okay, so if not the rom-com, what do we like? We got one eliminated.

[Shep]
I mean, obviously I like the team of scientists/adventurers, secretive billionaire, hidden world inside a cave. Yeah, that’s my opinion.

[Thomas]
Is that what we’re gonna go with?

[Emily]
Works for me.

[Shep]
I’m the only one that said an opinion. What about your guys’ thoughts?

[Emily]
I gave you my opinion at the beginning.

[Thomas]
Yeah, we heard you. Bigfoot erotica. But-

[Emily]
Bigfoot erotica.

[Thomas]
That’s a different show, Emily, so we’re not gonna-

[Shep]
Okay, well, you know, you’ve got this humanoid civilization. You could definitely sneak in some Bigfoot erotica in Thomas’s pitch. I’m just saying.

[Emily]
You can.

[Thomas]
Okay, so where do we start with this story then? What do you… Maybe we need to figure out, like, what is it they’re trying to exploit? What does the billionaire want them to bring out? Rare earth minerals? Or-

[Emily]
Rare earth minerals.

[Thomas]
Or is there some sort of Unobtainium type of thing?

[Shep]
Well, I have a thought.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
I have what I had written for mine.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
Which is there is a liquid. So at the deepest part of the cave, there is a crashed alien ship that is leaking a liquid that extends your lifespan.

[Shep]
The problem is because time was getting faster as you get closer, you’re using up your lifespan to get it and get it back out. So they’re not going to go in and get it. They’re billionaires. They’re going to hire people and trick them into going in and getting it and getting stuck down there.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So basically, Unobtainium in liquid form.

[Thomas]
So I like that idea of some resource that they know exists down there. An Unobtainium type of thing. How does the billionaire know that it exists? Or is it just speculative?

[Shep]
Secret billionaire chat room.

[Emily]
Well, he could be not at all like any real life billionaires and have a program with satellites and spaceships where he tracks something.

[Shep]
A billionaire with spaceships? Come on. I have a question: So you’re like, “How does the billionaire know?” So is this their first foray into this cave or have there been previous teams?

[Thomas]
Yeah, I think that would be a great twist that would be revealed later is: this isn’t the first team.

[Shep]
Right, that would be my answer to that question.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Is this is not his first rodeo. He’s duped new mercenaries.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
To go in and get more of the Unobtainium.

[Thomas]
So maybe then somebody discovered this opening and went down there and found the Unobtainium. Maybe even brought some back, or at least brought back tales of what it could do, whatever properties it has. And the secretive billionaire has heard about this or maybe even has the tiny sample if such a thing was brought back.

[Shep]
Earlier you were comparing it to Avatar and now that’s all I can think is the scene where they have a tiny sample of Unobtainium. It’s the same scene.

[Thomas]
See, I haven’t seen Avatar in so long, I don’t really remember much about it.

[Emily]
It was Dances with Wolves.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Yeah, it was FernGully.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
What if they were the original discoverer when they were younger?

[Emily]
Hmm.

[Shep]
And they have built a tech empire on the back of what they took out. And they’ve been coasting on that for a while.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
But the thing with billionaires is: It’s never enough. They need more. So they want to go back and get more. But not personally, not themselves, because it was dangerous and they only barely escaped last time. In fact, they had to betray their best friend and they and leave them behind.

[Emily]
I was literally gonna say that.

[Thomas]
It reminds me a bit of, like, The Man Who Fell to Earth. You seen that one?

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
I mean, in that there’s alien technology that makes the guy super wealthy.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
But I do like that idea that, like, as a child, he discovered this and was successful and wants to… Maybe he’s running out. Or it’s like an energy source and it’s running out of energy and he needs more of it or whatever.

[Emily]
So he’s Iron Man and he needs the ore to continue creating things.

[Shep]
He is Iron Man, if someone else invented the technology and he stole it.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Right. It’s not just pure greed. Perhaps it’s-

[Shep]
I object, your honor.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
I don’t think it should be something that’s running out. I think it- He should be greedy. He wants to expand into space. He wants more… So he’s got his base on Earth and it’s fantastic. And he’s built his empire around it, it runs all of his data centers and all his processing and whatever, but he can’t take it to space. It can only exist in one spot. And he wants to go to Mars.

[Thomas]
To become a hermit?

[Shep]
To become a hermit on Mars? Yes. Where some lady goes into his cave and…

[Emily]
And fall in love.

[Shep]
Yeah, let’s combine them. Let’s get them all together. And Bigfoot is there!

[Thomas]
Yeah, I was gonna say he’ll be real surprised when he gets there and discovers Bigfoot’s already living on Mars.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Well, that’s what happened to Bigfoot.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
The Bigfoot sightings in the northwest, those are just the poor crashed Martians.

[Thomas]
Yes.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Shep]
Stranded on Earth.

[Emily]
Trying to get home.

[Shep]
Trying to get home. Anyway, that’s what he wants. He wants a second of these self-powered processors.

[Thomas]
Okay. Yeah.

[Shep]
Because he was only one person, so he carried one out, but now he’s sending a team of adventurers.

[Emily]
So if he has this power processor or whatever. Not only can he settle Mars, can he settle other like the moons of Jupiter or Saturn or whichever ones we want to?

[Shep]
Yeah, if they bring a bunch out.

[Emily]
Okay, that’s what I’m saying. He wants to get as much as possible to do this.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
He probably has some scientist who’s done math and figured out that if you have a certain amount of it, you can do faster than light travel or something that would-

[Shep]
Ooh.

[Thomas]
Generate enough energy. And so, yeah, you could mine asteroids and bring all those minerals back to Earth and you could conquer potentially other worlds and…

[Shep]
Yeah. He wants to rule the solar system.

[Emily]
Not enough to rule the Earth.

[Shep]
No. It’s never enough for billionaires.

[Thomas]
No, yeah.

[Emily]
This is true.

[Thomas]
So I imagine we’re following like one or two main characters.

[Shep]
The scientists that he brought.

[Thomas]
Right. Yeah.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
The normal human beings or normal compared to the billionaires and the cave people and the mercenaries?

[Shep]
Why does he have the scientists with the mercenaries? He doesn’t just have the mercenaries?

[Thomas]
Yeah, that’s a good question. Perhaps there’s some sort of like, okay, so this cave has been found out in some way. So this was his secret. Oh, maybe that’s why now.

[Shep]
It was a secret, but now it’s discovered and other people are going to explore it.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
So this is a cover. This is a cover exploration.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
He’s like, “I’m going to fund a team.”

[Thomas]
Yep.

[Shep]
“For science!”

[Thomas]
Yep, yep.

[Shep]
“We are going to explore this cave system, this new cave system that has unusual properties for the good of the whole world.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And that’s the cover. That’s why he has scientists, that’s why he has adventurers there to “protect”, quote, unquote, the scientists.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
But they are really there to get the stuff.

[Thomas]
Yeah, they’re strong. They’re there to carry the gear, make sure the lines are secured properly. They’re the professional spelunkers or whatever, but, yeah, they’re actually just mercenaries.

[Shep]
Right. Yep.

[Thomas]
Okay, I like that. So, we are going to follow some scientists, then? They are our main characters?

[Shep]
They’ve got to be.

[Thomas]
So we need a geologist, and… How much do people know about the cave already? Like, why would he pick certain people? Right? Would you have a cryptozoologist? Would you have a biologist? Would you have somebody who’s a plant expert? Would you have somebody who’s probably a fungi expert? Like, what are the different kinds of people? You’d need to know something.

[Shep]
Oh, the cave was discovered and there was something so unusual that he’s funding this team to explore it more. What was unusual? Did they see one of the humanoids? Did they see some unusual plants? I mean, this is going to determine the makeup of the scientific team he sends.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I think it’s maybe a combination of strange bioluminescent plants and some sort of weird creature that people hadn’t seen before. So we have some botanist and maybe there’s like a lizard expert and a mammal expert. I don’t know. Whatever.

[Shep]
That’s the team from Jurassic Park you’re putting-

[Thomas]
Oh, damn it, you’re right.

[Shep]
Ellie was a botanist.

[Emily]
I’m just waiting for monkeys with lasers. And we can go full Congo on it too.

[Thomas]
Yeah. And they were after diamonds there as well, right? So…

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Thomas]
Okay, instead of a botanist, it’s a mycologist and…

[Emily]
I like the idea of a cryptozoologist, but like an off-the-wall, crazy cryptozoologist.

[Thomas]
Right. Ian Malcolm.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
You get one that’s Internet famous.

[Emily]
He was a mathematician!

[Shep]
He was a chaotician. Excuse me, excuse me!

[Emily]
And you’re right. Sorry.

[Shep]
Yeah, we need. So it was like some footage. There’s Bigfoot footage of this humanoid creature in this cave.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And so some of the people on board are real scientists and some are YouTube “scientists” who are Internet famous.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Oh, right. You need some vlogger to come and document-

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Oh, yeah, you gotta have- So the whole, the whole thing is found footage from the vlogger.

[Thomas]
God. Let’s have as little Shaky Cam as possible, please.

[Shep]
Well, that’s what you explain. It’s like, “We have a stabilizer, so-“

[Thomas]
That’s the first person who’s killed is the Shaky Cam vlogger.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Thank god we don’t have to see any more of that. So I feel like it starts out pretty straightforward and normal.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Because the perspective characters don’t know what the real goal is.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
They think we are going to explore this cave and find new unusual things that haven’t been documented before.

[Thomas]
Right. So it’s exciting.

[Emily]
Mm.

[Thomas]
There’s a big fanfare about them descending down into the cave. Maybe they have- It’s like an overnight stay before they make it that deep. And so there’s like an early scene where they’re sort of sitting around a campfire or something like that in the cave.

[Shep]
A campfire?!

[Thomas]
Or maybe not, because.

[Shep]
In a cave?!

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah, no, as soon as I said it. They’re sitting around a light, a battery-powered light.

[Shep]
Yes. Yes. Okay.

[Thomas]
And they’re discussing, you know, “Oh, what do you think it’s going to be? What have you heard?” And they’re kind of getting to know each other. And so it’s helping us as the audience to get to know our main characters.

[Thomas]
And we’re sort of starting to see that early caginess of the “adventurers” and getting a sense that, like, these guys are not very personable. They don’t like hanging out with the scientists. They’re not very friendly.

[Shep]
You said “What have you heard?” And all I could think of was the Jaws speech where he’s talking about the capsized boat and you know, the sharks coming and eating everyone.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah. About the USS Indianapolis.

[Shep]
Right. So it’s that, it’s one of the mercenar-, one of the “adventurers”, is telling them to like “Stay on your toes. Don’t treat this like a joke. It’s easy to die.” And he tells a horrific story about something that happened to another caver sometime where they were fine and then an accident happened and they were trapped upside down for so long that they died, which is a real thing that did happen.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Yep. In Utah.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
So these humanoid creatures, in your original pitch-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
They have like a whole civilization down there.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
So these humanoid creatures, in your original pitch, they have a whole civilization down there. Is that still where we kind of want to go with it? And if so, how did the billionaire originally get past the civilization or work with them in order to get what he was bringing back? And does his interaction with them affect how their interactions can or cannot go? Like, did he betray them?

[Thomas]
That’s a great question. I mean, I… So what I imagined was: I didn’t really have an explanation for how this was the case. But in the real world, it doesn’t take very long going down before there’s too much heat and too much pressure-

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
For it to be comfortable for humans. And so what I imagine is the scientists are going down further and further and the heat is building, the pressure is building, and they have rebreathers or oxygen bottles or something like that. Right? And eventually they realize that, like, oh, the heat is letting up and the pressure is letting up. And eventually they get to a point where it’s actually very comfortable and there’s breathable air and it’s just no one’s ever gone this far before to realize that there’s this subterranean world. I know that doesn’t work from a physics standpoint, but.

[Shep]
This is not a hard science movie.

[Thomas]
Right, right.

[Shep]
So leave your brain at the door.

[Thomas]
So anyway, they get to this subterranean world, and so that’s kind of what I had in mind originally. We could also just completely ignore physics in that respect. And they never have issues with breathable air or heat or pressure, despite being hundreds or thousands of feet underground.

[Emily]
I like the idea of them being troubled, but then because of the alien technology and the civilization and how it’s set up, they are able to bypass that.

[Thomas]
Sure.

[Emily]
Which is one of the reasons he wants to use this to conquer Mars.

[Shep]
Colonize Mars.

[Emily]
And-

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

[Shep]
I have an alternative thought.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
He is exploring the cave when he’s younger with like his dad or his older brother.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
That’s when there is a seismic event.

[Shep]
That basically opens underneath them and they fall down, not through the air, but like a steep-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Area.

[Thomas]
Tumble down.

[Shep]
They tumble down gently. One of those movie hills where you can tumble down and not break your arms.

[Emily]
Mm.

[Thomas]
Right. The Styrofoam rocks are next to them and never actually hit them.

[Shep]
Right, right. So they were going through the high pressure, you know, have to have a rebreather area and they end up up underneath that.

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
And this is where it opens up and it’s more breathable and it’s more regular and it’s more survivable. So he’s not alone down there, but his older brother or his dad, whoever, calculates like how much time they have left on the rebreather or how much oxygen they have left or whatever and how long it will take them to climb back up through that high-pressure zone. And they probably can’t make it. So they don’t know what to do. They’re kind of stuck down there. And this is when they discover those humanoids who, you know, the dad makes contact with and is trying to like, “Are they people? Are they an offshoot of humans?” Like, “When did we diverge, or is it convergent evolution?”

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Like, could be lots of things. So he’s exploring all that and the billionaire, the future billionaire, discovers one of those nodes, one of those self-powered calculation nodes or whatever, one of them that’s fueling that humanoid society down there. And he steals it. He steals it and tries to escape, and like steals his dad’s oxygen because one of them can make it out. And upon discovering the theft, the humanoids go crazy and murder the dad. So you establish them as a threat, as a danger to the people down there. And this explains why when this group gets down there, like, all the nodes aren’t… Because the, the billionaire has like told the mercenaries, like, “There should be on the outskirts, there’s these things, look for these.” And when they get down there, those things aren’t there because the humanoids have moved them further in.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
And so this has messed up their plan. They were going to go down, sneak a couple of these nodes and then go back up. And now they can’t do that. So like, the scientists have done their tour, they’re down there, they didn’t see any humanoids, but they’ve seen all this weird bioluminescent plants and stuff, or fungi or whatever and they’re like, “Okay, job done, let’s go back.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And the mercenaries are like, “Yeah, no, we’re not going back yet. We haven’t finished our job. So you just shut up and stay put.” The mask is coming off. They’re going to stop pretending to be there for the scientists’ safety

[Thomas]
Yeah. Well, on that note, let’s take a quick break, and when we come back, we’ll find out what happens to those scientists in the rest of our Cave episode.

[Break]

[Thomas]
All right, we’re back. Our scientists are now starting to discover that they’re in dire straits down in this cave because the adventurers that they went down with are actually not so nice. They have a secret agenda, and that is just becoming revealed. Or the fact that they have an agenda has just been revealed. Do they know what the agenda is yet?

[Shep]
No, why would they, why would the mercenaries tell them?

[Thomas]
Okay, sure.

[Shep]
They don’t care about the scientists really at all.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
It would have been nice if they could have used that as a cover, but it looks like that’s not going to work, and the plan will have to change. Because the priority is to get those nodes. The priority is not really to keep the scientists alive.

[Thomas]
So the mercenaries know about the humanoids. Right?

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
Yes. They have vague descriptions and…

[Thomas]
But up to this point, nobody in this group has come across those humanoids?

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
So they need to move deeper into this territory. And when they do, they come across the bodies of the first group?

[Shep]
Ah.

[Emily]
Oh, that’s where we learned that this is not-

[Thomas]
This is not the first expedition.

[Shep]
They’re all skinned and hanging up.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Like the scene in Predator.

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah. Now, how do the mercenaries react to that? Because they were not told that little detail.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Oh, this is news to them too?

[Thomas]
Yeah, I think so- They think they’re the first group.

[Emily]
Oh okay.

[Shep]
I mean, the head mercenary is like, “Yeah, I figured. It doesn’t surprise me.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
“Everything’s a secret all the time. You just gotta, you gotta roll with the punches.”

[Thomas]
Yeah. Basically, his argument is, “This doesn’t change anything.”

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
“We still have this job to do.”

[Shep]
Right. He’s experienced.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
This is not the first time that his client has kept secrets from him. It’s not the first time he’s been basically betrayed and put in danger. That’s the job!

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
That’s why they get paid so much.

[Emily]
You can’t trust the billionaires, but they do pay really well.

[Shep]
You can’t trust the billionaires. They don’t pay that well in my experience. But.

[Thomas]
So they keep forging ahead?

[Shep]
Well, here’s my question: Do the scientists and the mercenaries stay together at this point?

[Thomas]
That’s a good question.

[Shep]
Because the mercenaries don’t need the scientists.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
They could leave them towards the entrance and say, “For your safety, stay here. We’re not going to be here to guard you, so stay out of trouble.”

[Shep]
But of course they’re scientists. I don’t know if you’ve met one, but they’re curious little cats and they’re not going to stay in one spot forever.

[Emily]
Do the mercenaries care a little bit about them returning for the publicity of it? Because if the mercenaries die and the scientists don’t return, then everybody died. Right? But I forget where I was going with this. I had a good point.

[Thomas]
Well, but I mean, like for optics, it looks bad if just the mercenaries come back.

[Emily]
Right, so they’re not so indifferent to them that they’re like-

[Shep]
Oh, you’re right. They’re gonna leave the most junior mercenary with the least experience behind to guard the scientists, keep them alive, because they don’t really need him. But it would be nice if they can keep the scientists alive and he is armed and can potentially protect them.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
So if the scientists are our prospective characters, then we don’t know what’s going on with the mercenaries. The mercenaries have gone off and we have the scientists and one mercenary who’s young, probably younger than a lot of the scientists and maybe is intimidated by them because he’s just this young guy, basically a kid and they’re full blown adults.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
So- When they vote to go further in, he can’t really stop them. He tries to stop them.

[Thomas]
Right. What was he gonna do, shoot them? That’s-

[Shep]
Right. Yeah. Then he has failed his job.

[Thomas]
Right. His job is: protect them.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
So he has to go with them.

[Shep]
Yes. He doesn’t want to, but he has to.

[Thomas]
Yeah, okay. So now does that happen before we see the first party’s corpses? Or is it because we see the first party’s corpses that they leave the scientists behind?

[Shep]
I think that they leave the scientists before we see that.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
And in fact, we don’t get to see the mercenaries finding those bodies. We only hear how they responded when we find the surviving mercenaries later in the story.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So the team of scientists can also find the bodies. And so you get their reactions because some of them are, immediately want to turn back.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Like “No, we’re, we’re done. We didn’t sign up for this. This is nonsense. You’re all crazy.”

[Thomas]
There’s like an anthropologist who’s like, “This is a sign that says Don’t Keep Going.”

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
He’s like, “I don’t know what language they speak, but this is a universal language.”

[Shep]
So we have two of them that leave. They go back to the entrance. So you have the anthropologist, you have the YouTube pop-science guy.

[Thomas]
Sure.

[Shep]
So the two of them head back and of course are murdered.

[Thomas]
All right.

[Shep]
And you can watch that in gory detail to raise the stakes for the remaining scientists.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Is this The Descent?

[Shep]
I haven’t seen The Descent.

[Thomas]
I haven’t seen The Descent either.

[Shep]
Is this The Descent?

[Thomas]
I don’t know. Okay.

[Shep]
Okay.

[Emily]
No, no, it is not. No, no, we’re good.

[Shep]
So the mercenaries have taken off. The scientists eventually follow and find the first group’s bodies that they didn’t know about.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Right.

[Shep]
Which first they’ll think these are the mercenaries and then they’re like-

[Thomas]
Oh yeah.

[Shep]
“But these aren’t the same guys. Look at them. Who are these guys?”

[Thomas]
“Well. And this decay is far too advanced.”

[Shep]
Oh, I mean, yeah, they’re scientists. They’ll, they’ll-

[Thomas]
They’ll clock that right away.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
So the, the young mercenary is like, “Oh my god, the team!” And they’re like, “What?”

[Emily]
There’s literal skeletons. They would have had to die, like-

[Thomas]
Yeah, “They’ve been gone for an hour,” like… Oh, there’s got to be like weird cave bugs eating flesh off of the-

[Emily]
Oh, yeah, beetles. Just not even weird cave- Well, I guess down there they have to be weird because-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Glowing beetles.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So you can see them in the dark. So then that’s one of the dangers. One of the additional dangers. Not just the humanoids.

[Thomas]
The flesh-eating beetles, right?

[Emily]
The flesh-eating beetles will get you while you’re sleeping.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
The flesh-eating beetles. Which, you can see them coming because they glow.

[Thomas]
Oh, no, there’s like a little shimmer. You can see this, this weird shimmer. And it’s like before you realize it, all of a sudden they’re all there. It’s like this wave of them.

[Shep]
Ah, that’s how they communicate with each other.

[Thomas]
Ah, yes.

[Shep]
“There is food here.”

[Emily]
Ah.

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah. It’s like a bioluminescent plankton thing where you’re like, “This is beautiful.” Except in this case it’s also deadly.

[Shep]
Right. But you don’t see them coming. By the time you see the shimmer and the wave spreading out all directions around you, it is too late.

[Thomas]
Right. Yeah.

[Shep]
That’s horrific!

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
I don’t want to watch this. I’m scared now.

[Emily]
I am so on board.

[Shep]
So, where are we in the story?

[Thomas]
I feel like we’re halfway right. Like either getting left behind or discovering that they’re not the first group. That’s around the middle of the second act.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Okay.

[Thomas]
Oh, actually, I wonder if, I wonder if that’s actually getting left behind is the end of the first act.

[Shep]
It depends on how much time you spend before they go into the cave. Like how, how long are you setting up these characters?

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
How long are we setting up the story? Like, could the whole first act be about the billionaire and setting up the whole thing, gathering everybody? And then the second act starts as they go in.

[Shep]
I mean if I were trying to be efficient, you wouldn’t really set up a lot of the billionaire ahead of time. You can have them discussing the billionaire who hired them.

[Emily]
This is true.

[Shep]
Thomas, you talked about them, that first night, gathering around the battery-powered light and talking about stuff.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Here you can have some exposition about who hired them, how they feel about that person, that kind of thing. They can talk about rumors that they’ve heard. You know, “He’s a billionaire now, but I heard that when he was younger, he murdered his father” or whatever.

[Thomas]
All right.

[Emily]
So, okay, so them getting left behind does sound like a good end to the first act. And then in the second act, they’re wandering around with the one mercenary.

[Shep]
Right. This is the big exploration arc.

[Thomas]
So it feels like a mid-second act turning point then is possibly either catching up with the mercenaries or meeting the humanoid civilization.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Or possibly that’s both together.

[Shep]
Right. If they get captured, they get taken to where the mercenaries have been captured. This is how they get reunited, in captivity.

[Thomas]
And then the goal becomes escape? So what’s the lowest low? What’s that end of the second act?

[Shep]
Yeah, well, someone’s gotta die.

[Thomas]
And that’s usually something that happens around then, so-

[Shep]
Well, when do we see that- The two scientists that left earlier, when do we see them die?

[Thomas]
Mmm.

[Shep]
Is it now or is it earlier? It’s gotta be earlier.

[Emily]
Earlier.

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
That’s the mid-second act.

[Thomas]
Does our group know that the other two have died?

[Shep]
No, they wouldn’t possibly know. So this is where you have a third death. Someone from the captive group.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
One of the mercenaries or one of the scientists. Not the young mercenary.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Not yet. Anyway.

[Shep]
Not yet. Ominous.

[Emily]
Could the lead mercenary be the death because then it’s, you know… He was it. Like, he was the knowledgeable one.

[Shep]
Right. It’s Deep Blue Sea where he’s like, “Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do.”

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
“We have a plan. Everybody stay calm.” And then they grab him and pull him out and feed him to the beetles.

[Thomas]
I think we need to keep him around. I feel like he’s our primary antagonist.

[Shep]
Ah.

[Thomas]
Because he’s the, like, “It doesn’t matter. Get the job done.” He’s still looking for those nodes. Even in captivity.

[Emily]
Oh, he doesn’t even care what happens next. He’s-

[Thomas]
He’s been captured by the enemy before. He’s gonna to get out of this.

[Shep]
I really like him as the primary antagonist because he is so cool and professional that it seems like he’s on the scientists’ side. Like, he is keeping them safe, but not because that’s the major goal, just because that’s easy to- He’s reflexively keeping them safe as a potential resource for later. Because the real goal is to get those nodes.

[Thomas]
Hmm. Yeah.

[Shep]
So, if it turns out that he betrays them at the end-

[Thomas]
Yes.

[Shep]
Then it’s more of a betrayal because he’s like this father figure who’s protective and helping them, keeping them safe, keeping them organized, keeping them calm. Because really them staying calm is good for him. You know, don’t attract attention, don’t get caught again.

[Thomas]
Sure. And there’s some, something that happened in the first act where somebody almost walked off of a giant cliff. They didn’t realize it was a huge opening with a cliff face or something like that.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
There’s some cave danger that he was able to save someone. So, yeah, he’s been looking out for them. He’s been teaching them, like, “You got to watch out for this sort of stuff.”

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
“Hey, vlogger, don’t stand under the stalactite and do your thing. You never know when one’s going to break off.”

[Shep]
Right. So he’s not one that dies. So one of the other ones.

[Thomas]
No, it’s just some other nameless mercenary who happened to be there.

[Shep]
Steve.

[Thomas]
Well, I think Steve would be our main guy, wouldn’t he? Our primary mercenary.

[Shep]
That’s how you subvert expectations.

[Thomas]
Ah. So how do they get out of captivity?

[Shep]
I mean, there’s no day/night cycle. So there’s not a time when all the humanoid guards are asleep.

[Emily]
And the society would most likely sleep in shifts at that point because there would be-

[Thomas]
Yeah, you’d think.

[Shep]
Right. What are the humanoids like? We didn’t really talk about that.

[Thomas]
That’s a good point.

[Shep]
We did joke that they were Bigfeet, but.

[Thomas]
That actually doesn’t really make sense, I think, in the cave.

[Emily]
No, no, no, no.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
They don’t need all that fur.

[Shep]
No, they got to be hairless, pale.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Scrawny.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
They have to be intelligent.

[Thomas]
Yes. They’re like a human tribal species that are not human. They’re slightly different.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Thomas]
Or are they more advanced because they have these power nodes?

[Shep]
Yeah. Ooh, yeah. So people think that they’re going to be this primitive tribe and then you get down there and it’s this-

[Thomas]
And it’s Wakanda.

[Shep]
Yeah, it’s this flourishing civilization.

[Thomas]
Or maybe it’s gone all the way around. Like they went through their industrial revolution, ruined their- or alm- nearly ruined their ecosystem. They’re further ahead than we are on the surface.

[Shep]
Spoilers: This is our future.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
They’ve regressed to primitivism. How do we establish that in the movie?

[Emily]
Well, they would have remnants of when they were more advanced. And it would just be like, “Why don’t you use this? You have this tool.” And they’re like, “Oh, I don’t know. It just sits there.”

[Thomas]
I mean, I don’t think that they have enough time to establish a common language.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
Well, you can do a Stargate-style where there are remnants of the writing.

[Thomas]
They didn’t kill the dad!

[Shep]
They didn’t kill the dad! You’re absolutely right. He’s still there.

[Thomas]
They do speak English. Or, yeah, he speaks English and he can, he speaks their language.

[Shep]
So why did they kill the one mercenary? He must have tried to escape. They were trying to keep the invading humans locked up because they’re bringing the dad, the other human that they know that’s been living peacefully among them for years.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
And they’re like, “Hey, there’s others like you down here.” Why did they kill the first group?

[Thomas]
Because they stole nodes.

[Shep]
Ah.

[Emily]
And they came in guns ablazing. So it was defensive.

[Shep]
Well then why didn’t they kill these mercenaries on site?

[Thomas]
Yeah. I think… I don’t think they came in guns ablazing. I think it was the same plan. If you have to kill, kill. But ideally, you’ll just be able to, like, collect these nodes on the outskirts. They couldn’t because the nodes got moved. So they went in.

[Shep]
Or there are traps. Like, they didn’t murder these invading humans.

[Shep]
But there are traps around the perimeter to keep these humanoids safe from, you know, some other-

[Thomas]
Bigfeet. Right.

[Shep]
Bigfeet. Yes. So the first group of invading mercenaries fell victim to those traps.

[Thomas]
So the assumption is they were intentionally killed and put on display to ward off anyone else. But it turns out-

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Oh, no, it’s just traps. That’s totally an automatic thing.

[Shep]
“Why are they still hanging from the spikes?” “Are you going to go out there and try and take them down? There’s traps!”

[Thomas]
Yeah, it draws the beetles away.

[Shep]
So how did this group get through the area with the traps?

[Thomas]
They haven’t reset the traps yet. I don’t know.

[Shep]
This might be “problem for the writers” territory.

[Thomas]
Right, right. But I like that idea.

[Emily]
So they’re not actually an antagonistic society.

[Thomas]
The humanoids?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
No, I don’t think they are.

[Shep]
Well, what’s the plan then? If this is a peaceful society down here, and in fact we can communicate with them, why are we not just establishing trade relations?

[Thomas]
It’s Wakanda. They’re not going to give up their nodes.

[Shep]
Ah, but I need those nodes and I have billions of dollars, so you should be honored to give them to me.

[Thomas]
Does the not-dead dad know that it’s his son who’s trying to buy the nodes?

[Emily]
No, he. He’s literally living in a cave. How is he gonna know this?

[Shep]
Yeah, they don’t have Internet. He’s the hermit living in luxury in a cave!

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
We did combine them! Emily!

[Thomas]
Oh, my god, we did it!

[Shep]
We did it!

[Thomas]
Ah. And so the head scientist in our group is the female, you know, mycologist or cryptozoologist or whatever, and they fall in love and we tie it all together.

[Shep]
Yep, yep. But it’s not enemies-to-lovers, that’s the important thing.

[Emily]
No.

[Thomas]
No. Right. It’s strangers to lovers.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Shep]
It’s strangers- Which is how strangers to lovers. That’s how lovers work! Everybody’s a stranger to begin with! It’s always strangers to lovers!

[Thomas]
So we didn’t leave science completely out of it is what we’re saying.

[Shep]
What?

[Emily]
Ha.

[Thomas]
So, okay, what I was kind of just thinking is that maybe that first group came in and tried to sneakily steal the nodes, got caught, the tribe attempted to stop them, things turned violent and the tribe defended themselves. The second group comes in and now the nodes are like, even more protected, especially because the tribe is like, “This is the third time. Come on guys, like, we’re not falling for this again.” So they don’t give them the tour of the nodes room or whatever.

[Shep]
Yeah, that didn’t go well last time.

[Thomas]
No, no. They just immediately capture them and are trying to decide what to do with them. So that’s why we bring in the dad character, because he does speak English or he’s a surface dweller or was. And so they’re like, “Okay, you talk to these guys and see are they going to be cool or we just need to kill them.” So, he puts two and two together that, “Oh, there are mercenaries and scientists.” Because the first group was just mercenaries because it wasn’t a publicly known thing yet.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
How long has he been down there? It’s got to be decades.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
How old was the kid/billionaire?

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Teens probably? Right?

[Shep]
Yeah, 15 now he’s 35.

[Emily]
At 15, he’s already ready to kill his father.

[Shep]
I mean, I’ve been 15. It’s a very emotional age. It’s not really logic-driven.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So he speaks, the dad, speaks the language.

[Thomas]
Yes.

[Shep]
What has he been doing for 20 years?

[Thomas]
We could establish that- So they went down there with some sort of a rebreather, oxygen generator, whatever piece of technology. And we can establish, like we said before, maybe one of them was completely broken and one of them didn’t have enough oxygen to make it out. But with the node, the kid was able to like, power it for longer and so he could get out. And so the dad is like, “Well I can’t leave.”

[Shep]
Right. He’s stuck there.

[Thomas]
So he’s just been living there with them because he doesn’t have an option to go.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
But when the first set of mercenaries came.

[Thomas]
Oh-

[Emily]
Does he just choose to stay at this point? Because-

[Thomas]
Yeah. He’s been there for 20, 30 years. He’s established like, “Eh, why go back?”

[Emily]
“What did the surface world offer me? But, you know, a wife and child who hated me?”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
What if he’s just like a nerdy guy and in this underground civilization they have a vast library of their history.

[Emily]
Oh. Sold.

[Shep]
And he could just stay and read endless books forever in luxury. They’re taking care of all of his needs. He doesn’t have to get a job.

[Thomas]
And then immediately breaks his glasses. Oh no!

[Shep]
Oh no, there was time now!

[Emily]
No.

[Shep]
There was time enough.

[Emily]
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He gets enrolled in their college and owes too much in student loans.

[Thomas]
Ah, yeah.

[Emily]
He can’t leave because he has to pay those loans off.

[Shep]
Ah.

[Thomas]
He’s got to work them off. Yeah.

[Emily]
I mean, it’s only been 20, 30 years.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
He’s still got another 10 years left on them.

[Thomas]
At least. Well, how does our story conclude? We basically, at this point we kind of just need like a third act for the most part.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Right. It’s: the head mercenary has to steal some nodes.

[Thomas]
Yeah. So how do they get out? Does the-

[Shep]
The dad shows up and makes peace.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And of course the scientists are on board.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
With exploring this unheard of underground society with advanced technology, like-

[Emily]
And a big ass library.

[Shep]
And a big ass library.

[Emily]
But the mercenary has to get back.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
He has to return these-

[Thomas]
He’s trying to fulfill his mission.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Right. So they make peace. That’s how they’re released from captivity.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
But they’re still in the underground city. So the head mercenary is like, “We still have to finish the mission.” And the other mercenaries, like, “Well, what about the other scientists? Like, if we start stealing nodes, these guys could just murder everybody.” He’s like, “Meh. It’s not my problem.”

[Thomas]
Right. That’s not the mission.

[Shep]
That’s not the mission. The mission is get nodes.

[Thomas]
Now what does the junior mercenary think of that?

[Shep]
He’s gotta tell the scientists.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Because he’s been won over by them.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Because he’s young and easily influenced.

[Emily]
And they’re willing to teach him things and no one’s ever been willing to teach him before. And now he knows he can learn, so-

[Shep]
He never learned to read.

[Thomas]
There’s like a humanoid that he’s taken a shining to. He doesn’t want to hurt her tribe.

[Emily]
Dances with Smurfs.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
Yep. Okay. So they get let out because of the dad. Things are going okay. The mercenary is like, “Bide your time, we’ll get this figured out.” And then within like a day or so they realize, “Oh, here’s where they’re keeping the nodes.” The mercenaries steal a bunch of nodes.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Maybe a few more than they actually need, to get a bonus.

[Thomas]
For sure.

[Shep]
Yeah, of course.

[Thomas]
Oh yeah, there’s like a… There’s a per-node price that they’re going to be paid. So they’re being paid a base amount to go and do it, which they’ve been paid up front because they don’t trust the billionaire.

[Emily]
Obviously.

[Shep]
Obviously.

[Thomas]
But then there is a bounty for every node.

[Shep]
Right. So they all coordinate.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
The nodes are installed at regular intervals or whatever.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
They’ve mapped everything out. So they wait for the humans, the scientists- because the dad has brought them back to where he lives and is introducing them to the underground society or whatever.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So they’re staying there. And so they coordinate, okay? Because all the humans fall asleep around the same time.

[Thomas]
Sure.

[Shep]
That’s when we strike, when they go out and they break off all the notes at the same time. So the power goes out for that section of the underground city.

[Thomas]
Of the protective wall. And then the Bigfeet come in because the wall is down.

[Shep]
And the beetles, the glowing beetles.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah. And the beetles. Yeah.

[Shep]
Oh, yeah. The big feet and the beetles. It’s two threats, one large and one small, but really-

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah.

[Shep]
Both large.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
This is just Jurassic Park again. It is. Damn it. So I want to change one thing about the beetles.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
They’re attracted to the scent of blood.

[Emily]
Of course.

[Shep]
So it’s important to never get cut or anything.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah.

[Shep]
If you fall on a sharp rock or whatever, you got to seal that up right away. So that later when the humans are trying to escape, you know, one can trip and fall and skin their knee or whatever and they think they’re fine, but as they’re escaping, there’s the shimmer around them and they realize they’ve been surrounded.

[Thomas]
Oh, and we totally established that with the vlogger after they’ve gone off.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
They’re like doing a selfie thing and you see the shimmering and they’re like, “Oh, that’s so cool.”

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
They’ve cut themself and they’re doing a vlog about it, like, “Oh, I’m down here. It’s so tough in the cave.” And there’s, you see that shimmering and they’re like, “Whoa, that’s so cool.” And they turn around and you see one beetle kind of crawls up and he’s like, “Wow, look at this crazy bug.” And then it bites him and he’s like, “Ah.”

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
And it pulses and then like this huge wave around him pulses and he’s like, “Whoa.” And then they all swarm him and…

[Emily]
Devour him.

[Shep]
Right. You get a brief shot of just a skeleton where his face was.

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
Classic movie stuff.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah. So the vlogger drops the camera. You get that camera on its side thing, beetles rushing past, and then like bones sort of tumble into… Or they kind of fall down in front of the camera and you just see all the flesh coming off and it’s just like bones falling down and…

[Emily]
Tendons kind of stay, though, because beetles don’t want to eat those chewy bits.

[Shep]
That’s what’s holding the skeleton together so that it falls as a complete skeleton once all the meat has been eaten off of it.

[Thomas]
Ah, there you go. Yeah.

[Shep]
For the visual.

[Emily]
Of course.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
What happened to the other scientists that ran away with him? Why did she die?

[Emily]
It was just one.

[Thomas]
Yeah. They were the anthropologist.

[Emily]
Are we for real having a monster other than the beetles?

[Shep]
Yeah, you gotta have two.

[Emily]
Okay, that got her.

[Shep]
You gotta have the divergent, because you’ve seen Jurassic Park.

[Emily]
Yeah. Yeah.

[Shep]
It’s the T-Rex and the Velociraptors. It’s the big one and the little ones.

[Thomas]
So they… They’re separated at the point that the vlogger gets overwhelmed.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
The vlogger has gone off to do their thing. Or maybe they’ve gone off to pee and they cut themselves on a stalagmite because they weren’t paying attention. Like before, the main mercenary guy wasn’t there to save their butt this time.

[Shep]
Oh, he’s walking.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
He’s talking and walking and he bumps into it and it cuts his forehead so you can see the cut.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah. That’s good. Yeah.

[Emily]
So she gets attacked by the Bigfeet.

[Thomas]
Yes.

[Shep]
This is how you establish both threats.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
She hears a noise, doesn’t know what it is.

[Shep]
She’s expecting the other guy to come back. She thinks it’s him.

[Emily]
Oh, yeah. Okay.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
Where were we in the story? The mercenaries have stolen the nodes. The power goes off. Now there’s a bunch of yelling. The humanoids are yelling. This wakes up the humans.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
And the dad can be translating. “Oh, something has gone wrong.”

[Thomas]
“The protective wall (or whatever) is down.”

[Shep]
Right. So they go to wake up the mercenaries that are all sleeping together in one room.

[Shep]
And the room is empty. And it’s like, “Oh, oh, no. Where did they go? They’re in danger. They don’t know that the wall is down.”

[Thomas]
Is that what the scientists think? But the dad has already clocked what’s going on from the last time.

[Shep]
Right. So here’s pandemonium. If the protective wall is down, then the beetles would be coming in and the big beasts would be coming in.

[Thomas]
Right. Yeah.

[Shep]
This is when the city is being attacked. What defenses does the city have other than the protective wall? It’s got to have something.

[Emily]
Well, I mean, they would have some sort of weapon because you-

[Thomas]
They’d have weapons. Yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah, because they. They’re a society. There’s conflict.

[Shep]
Yeah, they have like sonic weapons that stun the beetles.

[Emily]
Yeah. Because they had to have built the wall at some point, so they had to have fought them.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah. So whatever their weapons are, they’re using them to try to hold everything back and…

[Shep]
Right. But they’re also mad at the humans, the scientists.

[Thomas]
Right. Right, they treat the scientists and the mercenaries as-

[Shep]
One group.

[Thomas]
A single entity.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
They assume one of you is bad. You must all be the same.

[Shep]
Right. And the dad is trying to stand up for them. Does the dad live through this? He’s gotta. This is where you have your rom-com.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Shep]
He’s a hermit. One of the scientists stays behind to stay with the dad, an anthropologist, obviously, to keep him company-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
And also study-

[Emily]
She’s like in her 50s, though, right? Because he’s in his 60s.

[Shep]
Is he in his 60s?

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
I just don’t want her to be in like her 20s.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
I mean, it makes more sense if she’s older. It’s kind of a major life decision to stay down there.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
You wouldn’t want to do that when you’re young and you have your whole life ahead of you. But, like, it’s not a bad place to retire.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Well, plus, you want an experienced anthropologist.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
And her cats have died recently, so she’s got nothing.

[Shep]
Feline leukemia. It was very bad. Every place in the house reminds her of her cats.

[Thomas]
Because it’s all still covered in cat hair.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
It’s like glitter. It never goes away.

[Shep]
No matter how much she vacuums.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Every once in a while you get one in your mouth. You’re like, “The cat’s been dead for three years.”

[Shep]
Right. Like, I know you’re joking, but also not really.

[Thomas]
Yeah. That’s- Not at all.

[Emily]
No.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
So how does this wrap up? We don’t want this tribe to die, so they need to eventually defeat the invading creatures and reestablish the wall.

[Shep]
They need to get the nodes back.

[Thomas]
Yes. We don’t want the nodes to leave.

[Shep]
The scientists need to get the nodes back.

[Thomas]
Ah, yes.

[Shep]
To, like, vindicate the humans. Not all humans are bad.

[Thomas]
Yep. So we talked about somebody sacrificing themselves. Does the young mercenary sacrifice himself?

[Shep]
Gosh, I don’t want him to.

[Thomas]
It seems out of character.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
It’s definitely not the leader mercenary, because he’s a dick to the end.

[Emily]
No.

[Thomas]
He has to get his comeuppance.

[Shep]
He is torn apart by the big creatures and then swarmed by the beetles.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
It’s, all the dangers come at him at the end. So they have to have someone who’s an entomologist or something that has studied, has observed this behavior and gone, “Oh, they’re attracted to the scent of blood.” And so they can, you know, nick the head mercenary or something. Like they can’t beat him in a fight, but they don’t have to beat him.

[Emily]
You just have to scratch them.

[Shep]
They just have to scratch him.

[Thomas]
And he- if- He doesn’t know, he’s like, “Is that all you got?”

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
And just as he’s about to shoot that person. “Ow.” Because he’s getting bit by a beetle. “Ow, ow, ow. AHH!”

[Shep]
And then the shimmer out from him.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So the other person that’s fighting the head mercenary has to think that they are sacrificing themselves.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
They’re not going to walk away from this fight.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
But then they get rescued because it’s a Hollywood movie, so you got to have a happy ending.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So they scratch the mercenary. The mercenary punches them straight in the face, knocks them down. They’re both bleeding. The mercenary dies first. And the swarm is coming to the scientist. And that’s when the sonic weapons go off. And the humanoids are there.

[Thomas]
And they’ve seen it all. They saw that-

[Shep]
They’ve seen it all.

[Thomas]
They fought the mercenary.

[Shep]
Right. And then you have the scientists pick up one of the nodes and hold it out to the humanoid. And peace is established. So what do we have left? That’s it, right?

[Thomas]
So, yeah, they defeat the mercenaries. They defeat the creatures.

[Shep]
They recovered the nodes.

[Thomas]
Yeah. They restore things back to normal.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
The humanoids realize, “Oh, okay, some of you are actually fine. We don’t hate you.” Do they maybe just invite them all to stay?

[Emily]
That is a possibility.

[Thomas]
And they all are like, “No, we’re gonna leave.” Except for the one person who’s like, “Yeah, I think I’ll stay.” Or maybe some of them are like, “Actually, yeah, this would be great.”

[Shep]
“Oh, we’re going to leave. But we’ll come back. Let’s visit more often.”

[Thomas]
Right. “Stay in touch. We’re gonna drop a really long Ethernet cable down here and you can-“

[Shep]
Ah, see now that’s actually a really good idea.

[Emily]
“Have an awesome summer. See you next year.”

[Shep]
They got the yearbooks out.

[Thomas]
Yeah, it just ends with like a photo montage of like, rebuilding the wall, cleaning up the dead beetles, having the big banquet. “Oh, god, we’re eating the beetles?”

[Shep]
It’s. It’s the end of Star Wars.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
It’s the Ewoks dancing and…

[Emily]
Ewok dance.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
It’s the end of Breakfast Club. “There was the mercenary, the anthropologist…”

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
I don’t know. How does it end? I mean, is that how it ends? Hope for the future?

[Emily]
Well, okay, if some of them do leave, do we have the denouement of dealing with the backlash of being unsuccessful with the billionaire?

[Thomas]
Right. They. They get back up to the surface. What happens then? They have to report like, “Nope, nothing down there.”

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
“Not worth going. It’s way too dangerous.”

[Shep]
And then the post-credit scene is the billionaire and like a giant hulking mercenary and it’s like “Your brother failed. But.”

[Thomas]
His brother.

[Shep]
Yeah, it’s revenge!

[Thomas]
I see, I see. All right.

[Shep]
Setting up the sequel.

[Thomas]
Right, right.

[Shep]
Because the billionaire knows that stuff is still down there.

[Thomas]
Yeah, for sure.

[Shep]
He’s not fooled at all.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Why is he letting the scientists report anything?

[Emily]
That’s another good question.

[Thomas]
I mean, I think they just, they come out of the cave and there are reporters.

[Shep]
Well yeah, I mean he’s a billionaire. You can control the-

[Thomas]
That’s true. He probably owns all of the media outlets that they’re-

[Shep]
Right. But actually, it’s to his benefit if they report there’s nothing valuable in the cave and it’s super dangerous.

[Thomas]
Ah, yeah, true. Because then now he can just send just a mercenary team the next time.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And then all the science, the scientists’ plane crashes accidentally on their way back to civilization after they’ve given the report.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
No witnesses.

[Thomas]
Well, we’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s episode about a Cave. Were there echoes of greatness or were we just shouting into the void?

[Shep]
Ha.

[Thomas]
Let us know by leaving a comment on our website, reaching out on social media, or sending us an email. You’ll find links to all of those at AlmostPlausible.com, where we also publish transcripts for every episode, provide links to the references we make, have more information about the three of us, and let you know how you can support the show. Join Emily, Shep, and I as we explore a new, ordinary object on the next episode of Almost Plausible.

[Outro music]

[Emily]
Pick a story, boys.

[Shep]
“Story Boys”? Is that the new title?

[Emily]
“Emily and the Story Boys”. I’m getting top billing.

[Shep]
“Emily and the Story Boys”! I am fully on board. Let’s rebrand this.