Battery

References

• I’m Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom
• John Dies at the End
• Steve Martin
• John Candy
• Planes, Trains & Automobiles
• John Cena
• Michael Cera
• After Hours
• Honeypot
  • Honeydick
• Val Kilmer
• Real Genius
• Almost Plausible: Watch
• How I Met Your Mother
• Gavin & Stacey
• Jack and Jill
• Tarzan
• Jane
• Dick and Jane
• Sam and Diane
• Cheers
• I’m Out
• Five Stages of Grief
• Romeo and Juliet
• Almost Plausible: Resolution
• Pedro Pascal
• Jerry Maguire
• Dirty Dancing
• The Graduate

Transcript

[Intro music begins]

[Shep]
Right. So it’s Pedro Pascal again. We just have him come in at the end of all of our movies as the billionaire investor.

[Emily]
It’s Pascal ex machina.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Intro music]

[Thomas]
Hey there, story fans. Welcome to Almost Plausible, the podcast where we take ordinary objects and turn them into movies. Get ready to get energized because on this episode, we’re gonna create a movie plot about a Battery. I’m Thomas J. Brown, and taking charge with me are Emily-

[Emily]
Hey guys!

[Thomas]
And F. Paul Shepard.

[Shep]
Charged to be oh, you said charged. Energized- Oh shit.

[Thomas]
Powered up?

[Shep]
Happy to be here?

[Emily]
That’s why you need a simpler catchphrase like “Hey guys!”

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
I recently was thinking about this. Are batteries uniform all over the world? And for the most part, yes. There are some non-standard batteries in other countries, but pretty much a AA is a AA, a AAA is a AAA all over the place. I didn’t know that.

[Emily]
Wait, I- You’re telling me I can’t plug in my electric razor in England or France, but I can bring my battery operated one, go to the convenience store and replace those batteries?

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Correct.

[Emily]
Cool. So-

[Thomas]
You know, not everything is terrible. Alright, well, I’m pitching first this week: In a dystopian near future with a corrupt corpo-government, a woman on the financial brink takes a shady delivery job. A resistance group needs a courier with a valid city access card and nothing left to lose. In exchange for paying her rent, she agrees to smuggle a high-tech battery into the fortified city walls. What should be a simple delivery unravels into a nightmare when she realizes she hasn’t delivered hope to the resistance, she’s delivered a weapon of mass destruction. Now she’s hunted by the government, abandoned by the resistance, and is running out of time to stop a holocaust she helped set in motion. So a nice light start to the episode.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So, Thomas, have you read the book, I’m Beginning to Worry About This Big Black Box of Doom?

[Thomas]
No, I’ve not heard of this.

[Shep]
Have you not heard of this book?

[Thomas]
No. No.

[Emily]
You haven’t heard of it?

[Thomas]
No.

[Emily]
It’s, uh, yeah this-

[Thomas]
Basically this plot?

[Emily]
I didn’t put it together until you said that Shep.

[Shep]
Well, I’m Beginning to Worry About This Big Black Box of Doom is written by the same author as John Dies at the End. So if you’ve read John Dies at the End–

[Thomas]
I have, yes. Yeah.

[Shep]
That series, it’s that guy.

[Emily]
Yeah. Similar feel.

[Thomas]
Okay. I like John Dies at the End, so perhaps I’ll check out.

[Shep]
I like John Dies at the End so much, but spoilers, John dies in the middle. So it’s, the title is a lie.

[Thomas]
Right. Well, fear not. I have a second idea. All right. My other idea is a rom-com-

[Shep]
Yay!

[Thomas]
Where two strangers keep butting heads because of batteries. So, like, they’re scheduled to be on a flight and they’re checking their bags at the ticket desk. And one of them has packed a lithium-ion battery, which isn’t allowed, so they have to, like, dig it out, and the other person is like, “Oh, everyone knows you can’t do that.” And then it turns out they’re seated next to each other on the plane because of course they are because, you know, it’s a rom-com. And the one person who was rude before is like, “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me. I’ll just listen to my podcasts.” But then it turns out their phone battery is dead. And then the luggage person is all smug. And then all the lights on the plane start blinking weirdly. And the pilot comes up and says the plane’s battery system is broken. So, everybody has to get off the plane. And the gate agent is like, “Oh, sorry, we can’t get you on our next flight.” Oh, “We can get you on our next flight, which will be Saturday.” And they’re both like, “But it’s thanksgiving!” And then they go to the car rental desk. And as they’re going, they keep eyeing each other. So, they start, like, walking faster, you know, to try to beat each other there. They get there at the same time. And the agent at the car rental desk is like, “Oh, perfect timing. The last car for the happy couple.” And they’re both indignant about that and argue over who gets the car. And then, you know, we cut to them both in the car. And the car ends up dying halfway through the trip because of the battery for some reason. So, all these little-

[Emily]
Of course, because the alternator’s broken but the battery’s dead, so it makes sense.

[Thomas]
Right. So, there’s all these, like, little battery-related things throughout the film that keep- keep keeping them together. And then, you know, it’s a rom-com. So, by the end, they’re madly in love.

[Shep]
Right, and this is, uh, this is Steve Martin and John Candy? Are the, are the two?

[Emily]
Yep.

[Thomas]
I mean, we could do like an updated, and it’s, you know, John Cena and Michael Cera. So-

[Emily]
Sold!

[Thomas]
We do like shipping those two.

[Shep]
Do we even bother reading the rest of the pitches?

[Emily]
Say no more.

[Thomas]
Those are my pitches. Shep, what do you have for us?

[Shep]
Oh, god, I don’t want to follow that. All right: A reclusive inventor creates a revolutionary battery that can hold a thousand times more energy than anything currently on the market. It could end fossil fuel dependence. But it turns out that big corporations already know about this and have been suppressing the technology.

[Emily]
So, you’ve read my newsletter.

[Shep]
Yeah. “Tinfoil-Hat Times”?

[Emily]
Yes.

[Shep]
Yes. I think that one might just be too accurate to reality-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
To be fun. All right. My other pitch is a rom-com, where someone at a party gets their romantic interest’s phone number and tries to call, but their 1% battery life phone dies at the worst possible moment in the conversation. And they have to find a new battery or charger before the night is over. And the other is leaving the country on an early morning flight.

[Thomas]
Now, Shep, have you seen the movie After Hours?

[Shep]
I have not.

[Thomas]
Because this feels a lot like it.

[Shep]
Is this the plot of After Hours?

[Thomas]
Not exactly, but the tone, tonally it reminds me of that. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it, but-

[Shep]
You’ve mentioned After Hours before-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And I remember thinking, “Oh, I should watch that.” And then I didn’t. So that’s all I have. Emily, what do you have?

[Emily]
Well, I only have one pitch tonight, and it’s very similar to one of yours Shep-

[Shep]
A rom-com!

[Emily]
A rom-com in which a high school student invents a large capacity battery for their science fair. World governments attempt to persuade him into selling his tech. And when he refuses, they begin to use more coercive means to meet their objective.

[Thomas]
That’s the rom-com part of it there at the end?

[Emily]
Yep. The coercive, yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
A lot of honeypots going on, yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
They’re gonna honeydick him!

[Thomas]
All right, which of these do we find most compelling?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Why wouldn’t you just sell it if you’re a high school student-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And you have this chance to make a lot of money?

[Emily]
Absolutely. I don’t know, he’s dumb.

[Thomas]
It could be that all of these world governments keep, like, courting him and he realizes he’s in a position of power, no pun intended.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Ha ha!

[Thomas]
And so he’s-

[Shep]
No pun intended? That was great.

[Thomas]
And he’s trying to, like, milk it for as long as he can. And then pretty soon the governments start going, “This kid’s just fucking around with us. He’s never going to sell it to us.”

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
And so that’s maybe where some of that late story tension comes. Although I kind of already don’t like this kid-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
And we haven’t even started the story. So I’m not sure we’re going to be-

[Shep]
Hahahah.

[Thomas]
Rooting for our protagonist.

[Emily]
Well, could he be like some kind of protagonist a la Val Kilmer in Real Genius? You know, just kind of a…

[Thomas]
Mm.

[Emily]
All right. What do we like? I’m always in the mood for a rom-com. I think the city wall one where she’s taking the unknown weapon of mass destruction, for some reason, is vaguely reminding me of Watch. Our Watch episode.

[Thomas]
You’re right. Yeah.

[Shep]
So, Planes, Trains & Automobiles rom-com or After Hours rom-com?

[Thomas]
So, each one has a particular challenge. Mine is that we need to think of enough battery-related coincidences for them to be kept together. Shep’s is that we’ve got to figure out what is the worst possible moment in the conversation.

[Emily]
Hm. Well I have what is possibly a good second act turning point of yours.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
I don’t know if it would be that. My brain is not the best.

[Shep]
Don’t undercut yourself. Let us do that after you say-

[Emily]
Perfect, okay, and then yeah, you can just be like, “Well, that’s not really that.”

[Thomas]
Look, Emily, we’re the only men on this podcast. We have one job, and that’s to undermine you, the only woman on this podcast.

[Emily]
Yes, I know and I’m beating you to the punch as a form of feminism.

[Thomas]
That’s not fair. Women are stealing men’s jobs.

[Shep]
Hahaha.

[Emily]
It’s how I’m asserting my independence.

[Shep]
Like, you’re saying that as a joke, but this is a real problem.

[Emily]
It is a real problem. So, I was thinking, you know, talking about the battery situations-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
And you know she’s, they’re in the same hotel-

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
For whatever reason.

[Thomas]
Because there’s only one hotel room left, because it’s Thanksgiving.

[Emily]
Or no, not in the same hotel room, they’re in the same hotel-

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
And she is going to enjoy her time in a private room so she pulls out her handy dandy friend and the batteries are dead, and so she goes down to the lobby to buy more batteries and he’s going down to the lobby and they both grab the battery- the last pack of AA batteries at the same time, and then they’re like fighting over what they need it for. He’s like I need it, and his is like slightly more important than her need, or no, maybe it is just the razor.

[Thomas]
It could be just like the batteries in the remote are dead, or yeah, it’s a razor or something.

[Emily]
Yeah, something like that, and so they’re kind of like fighting back and forth and then he’s like “What do you need him for,” and makes the vibrator joke and she’s gets dead silent and he was like “Oh.” But anyway, that leads to them like sleeping together somehow.

[Shep]
What?

[Emily]
That’s where the story shifts.

[Shep]
“Look, let me buy the batteries, and then you can use my dick.”

[Emily]
Pretty much. I think it could be written in a way that it would be a funny… Or maybe it’s, and then it’s not a second act turning point, but just a joke.

[Shep]
It could be, you put it in the third act where they’ve already been flirting with each other-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And she was gonna masturbate thinking of him.

[Emily]
Yeah. Anyway, I just thought that would be a funny bit.

[Thomas]
I think it would be funny too in her scene, in that scene when she’s discovered that her batteries in her vibrator are dead. And she’s like looking around the room, like, “Where’s the remote for the TV?” And there’s, like, a sticker that’s like “Audio powered, like voice-powered television, no remote needed.” And she’s like, “Come on.” Well, I think that that’s a, another good idea to add to that list.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Do we want to explore what a terrible moment in the conversation might be and kind of decide from there? Or-

[Emily]
Sure.

[Thomas]
Did you have a sense, Shep, of what that person might be saying?

[Shep]
I don’t know. Something important where you need a response. And then if you get no response, it means the opposite. You’re like, “I just wanted to say, I really like you. You don’t have to, if you don’t like me, don’t say anything.”

[Thomas]
Oh, no!

[Shep]
“But I wanted to say it before I left, you know, shoot my shot type of thing.” And then his phone dies.

[Thomas]
What if instead of the main character calling their romantic interest, their romantic interest calls them and is like, “Hey, you’re leaving. I’m going to shoot my shot. I’ve always liked you. I think we should meet up.” And they’re like, “Yes, absolutely.” And it’s like, “Great, meet me at-” and then the phone is dead. And they’re like, “No, no, ah!” And then they don’t know where to go. They can’t, you know, their charger’s already packed in their suitcase or whatever.

[Shep]
Well, see, that’s why, because I thought of that. I’m like, that’s why it’s set at a party. They’re not home, so they don’t have their charger.

[Emily]
Hmm.

[Shep]
Although these days, since all phones use the same chargers, whoever your- house you’re at-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
They probably have a charger for your phone. So-

[Thomas]
This is another one of those cell phone problems, right?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
Unless their cell phone is thirteen years old for some reason.

[Thomas]
Oh yeah, we could establish they’re really cheap and they bought some weird Chinese one that has like a strange non-standard connector.

[Shep]
All the Chinese ones have USB ports because it’s cheaper.

[Thomas]
That’s true. Yeah.

[Shep]
You don’t want a custom one.

[Thomas]
Okay, they’re really cheap and they have a thirteen old phone, and it has a micro-USB instead of.

[Emily]
Nobody has micro-USBs anymore.

[Shep]
Isn’t micro-USB what they have now and not mini-USB?

[Emily]
Is it micro then, and the other ones are mini?

[Thomas]
Well, mini and micro are both a huge pain in the ass because nobody uses them anymore.

[Emily]
Oh, okay.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
So, either way. What is this person’s… Like, what are the obstacles that stand in this person’s way? Why can’t they borrow someone else’s phone?

[Shep]
They could borrow someone else’s phone, the problem there is they have to call the number.

[Emily]
Which they don’t know.

[Shep]
And of course, they don’t know, don’t know the number. Nobody memorizes phone numbers anymore.

[Thomas]
That’s true, yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
So, even if you have someone else’s phone, it doesn’t solve the problem. You need your phone recharged just to get the number.

[Thomas]
Do they know where the crush lives? So, they’re like trying to get there?

[Shep]
Well, if they’re trying to get there, then it’s no longer a battery problem. So that’s, you know, it’s at a party. They meet them at the party. They don’t know anything about them-

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
Or where they live or anything else. All they have is their number in their phone.

[Thomas]
And our main character’s dressed as a hanging Chad. And-

[Emily]
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

[Shep]
What?

[Emily]
Yeah, I get where you’re going with that.

[Thomas]
Yeah. A How I Met Your Mother reference. I feel like, Shep, yours is a little… It feels harder.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Well, then let’s not do that.

[Thomas]
All right. So, we’re going to do my rom-com then? Is that the plan?

[Emily]
Sounds like it.

[Thomas]
All right. So, are they both going home for Thanksgiving to their parents’ houses?

[Emily]
Well, does it have to be Thanksgiving? Or-

[Thomas]
No, I just, I wanted something where it was like a time pressure-

[Emily]
Okay.

[Thomas]
To get to their destination so that they couldn’t just be like, “Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll fly out on Saturday.”

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
I mean, it could be a conference.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah, they’re both going to the same conference.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
That’s- If they are going to the same conference, then it would give them something to talk about that would start to soften up that antagonistic relationship.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Maybe whatever their job is, they both have some sort of revolutionary thoughts, you know, that most people disagree with. And they’re like, “Oh my god, no one ever listens when I say that.” So, they’re kind of like, “Huh, interesting.”

[Shep]
Are they competitors?

[Thomas]
They could be. Yeah, I don’t, I don’t know.

[Shep]
I mean, if they are competitors, you introduce that later, once they’re getting along. This is how you get the third act fight, you know, where they were getting along, but now they got fight and break up.

[Thomas]
I could see them being competitors. And, so, my thought was, well, if they both just came from the same city, they would be suspicious of another person in their industry who they’ve never met who’s in their city, and be like, “Oh, you must work for the competition.” But maybe their main competitor is not even in the same state. And so, their assumption is, “Oh, well, this person’s coming from, (you know), Denver, where I live (or whatever). So, they couldn’t work for the other competitor.” It turns out, yeah, they were on a local stop in Denver, but they’re based out of wherever the main competition is headquartered. So, one person made an assumption and the other person just kind of kept their mouth shut.

[Shep]
Or didn’t even realize that they made that assumption.

[Emily]
Mm-hmm.

[Thomas]
Right. Yeah. Assumed that they knew for whatever reason. So, I feel like the sort of things I outlined in my pitch get us to maybe halfway through the first act.

[Emily]
Mm-hmm.

[Thomas]
They’re in the car, they’re driving.

[Emily]
They’re getting to know each other.

[Thomas]
Right. They’ve got start talking at that point, right?

[Emily]
Yeah, of course. You can’t just sit silently in the car with nothing to do.

[Thomas]
I like the idea that they get to the hotel and they’re like, “Oh, god, watch, there’s going to be one room left.” And no, there are two rooms left. And they’re both like, “Ah, ha ha, how great.” And so, it’s like one of those little things that helps to just reinforce, “Oh, here’s a positive thing for both of us.”

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
“See you in the in the lobby in the morning.” And then like thirty minutes later, the batteries thing happens where they both come out trying to get batteries. But I don’t want them to sleep together at that point.

[Emily]
No.

[Thomas]
I think that’s way too early because this is, we’re talking first act still. So maybe he makes that joke about the vibrator and she’s like “Uh, uh!”, and he’s like, “Oh, okay, never mind. You can have them. Like, that’s definitely more important than me watching TV (or whatever).”

[Emily]
It’s not more important, it’s differently important.

[Shep]
Yeah, he wanted the remote to turn on porn on the TV.

[Thomas]
He doesn’t need it anymore. He’s like, “Got everything I need up here.” He’s gonna listen to the wall with the glass, you know. Or maybe that conversation doesn’t happen at all. Maybe what happens is he’s like, “Fine, whatever. I don’t care. I should go to bed anyway. She can have the batteries.” And they go back to their rooms, which are next to each other. And he gets all settled in and he’s laying in bed. And then he hears bzzzz, you know, that buzzing through the wall. And he’s like, does he go to, does he knock on the door? Or does he, he say something the next morning like, “So? Got what you needed?”

[Emily]
“How’d those batteries work out for you?”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Why would you bring it up?

[Emily]
He says nothing.

[Thomas]
No, he wouldn’t. Yeah. So, they head out. Now, are we… Is the hotel the end of the first act? And now we’re in the second act? They’ve got a… This has to be kind of a long drive, right?

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Yeah, what is the meat of the movie? If the meat of the movie is this road trip with them going-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Driving from one city to another city, a distance far enough that they would have taken a flight for it-

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Then that can be the entire second act, is that drive.

[Thomas]
Or the mid-second act turning point could be arriving at the conference and then realizing, “Oh, we’re enemies. We work for rival companies.” So, things have started to go well and now it takes a turn.

[Shep]
Well, I was saying that’s the transition from the second act to the third act, because that’s where you have your end stage movie fight.

[Thomas]
Ah, yes. Right. Yes, yes. Good point.

[Shep]
So.

[Thomas]
Okay. So, the end of the second act is arriving at the conference and discovering that they’re working for rival companies.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
So, yeah, the meat of the movie, the brunt of the movie is-

[Emily]
Them in the car.

[Thomas]
In the car. So, what is the mid-second act turning point then? Do they kiss at that point? I mean…

[Shep]
The second act turning point is where I-60 meets I-5 and they turn right.

[Thomas]
I mean, I think that’s funny and we should include it in the story, but.

[Shep]
Yes, they should kiss. Is it a spontaneous thing? Because how long is the drive? How long is the drive?

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
How much, how ahead of time are they flying out for this conference? Are they trying to get there a day ahead of time? Have time to set up and prepare. And now with the delay, the flight delay, it would come after the conference and now they’re driving, but that’s going to take an entire day-

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Or a day and a half. So is it two different hotels, or is it one hotel? At one point.

[Thomas]
I think it’s two different hotels, right?

[Shep]
Okay, so there’s one at the beginning.

[Emily]
Right. The one, when they get the car, it’s later at night.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
They were gonna like a red eye almost.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
So, they get a hotel near the airport, but they have the car with the plan of driving the next day, all day. They’ll have one more hotel room, and then they’ll get to the conference-

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Right about when it starts.

[Shep]
Yes. They’re going to cut it close, but they’re going to make it.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And they don’t have that day ahead of time to, like, prepare, but their co-workers are already there or whatever.

[Thomas]
Yeah, they’re meeting a team.

[Shep]
Their team is there.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And so, they can, they can handle that.

[Emily]
And they can swap driving based off of, “Okay, I need to talk to…, I need to send this email, or I need to talk to this person.” You know, they can take turns like that.

[Shep]
They take turns, like, every two hours. And then while the other person is driving, they can be doing stuff.

[Emily]
Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. Yeah.

[Shep]
Or they could just be talking.

[Thomas]
It could even start out, one of them’s like, “I gotta get these emails off.” And the other one’s like, “Oh, okay, I’ll just drive in silence then.”

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
That would be great if, like, they’re writing the email and they’re like, “I need another word for (blank).” And the other person helps them with that. Like they’re-

[Thomas]
Hmm. Yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
They’re being cooperative and helping each other out.

[Thomas]
In fact, maybe we even see at the beginning of the second act, because we said that’s when they… do we say the end of the first act is that first night at the hotel?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Is that what we said?

[Emily]
I think that’s what we said.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I think it’s understandable that they’re both in a bad mood. They’re both sort of like touchy and sensitive and whatever.

[Shep]
Are we not doing “phrasing” anymore? Okay.

[Thomas]
So, the next day, they’re both apologetic. They’re like, look, “I was in a really bad mood yesterday.” He’s like, “Yeah, me too. I’m so sorry,” like-

[Shep]
“But I’m much more relaxed now.”

[Thomas]
Yeah. “I just needed a good night’s sleep.”

[Shep]
Sleep, wink wink. Yeah, so they’re in a better mood.

[Thomas]
So, they’re like making an effort. Yeah.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
To be nicer to each other.

[Shep]
Yes. And so, this second night, this is long way into the drive. They’ve had the entire day to get to know each other. They get to the second hotel. They have dinner together-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Because why wouldn’t you?

[Emily]
Why not? Yeah.

[Shep]
And this is when they get very flirty, you know, have drinks with dinner.

[Thomas]
Mm hmm.

[Shep]
This is the spontaneous kiss.

[Thomas]
Or maybe after dinner they’re like, “I don’t really want to go to bed yet. Do you want to go like, should we go hang out at the bar? Like, do you want to come get a drink with me?” And they’re like, “Yeah, okay, let’s do that.” And so, the night just kind of keeps moving on progressing into spending more time with each other.

[Shep]
Right. So, there’s that spontaneous kiss-

[Thomas]
Mm hmm.

[Shep]
Which, you know, maybe they regret and separate because they need time to process this thing that just happened.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
And then it’s a very awkward morning when they continue the drive because they just kissed and they haven’t talked about it. And then they get to the conference and discover they’re on rival teams.

[Thomas]
So, the kiss is the mid-second act turning point?

[Shep]
The kiss is the mid-second act turning point.

[Thomas]
So, we’ve got the whole second half of the second act to figure out then, which is them in the car again.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
And awkward silence. And that’s just it. Awkward silence for how long with the second half of the second?

[Thomas]
Thirty minutes of awkward silence-

[Emily]
Yeah. Yep.

[Thomas]
Twenty minutes of awkward silence.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Well, this is where they probe each other. Like, “Are you dating? Are you-“

[Emily]
Mm.

[Shep]
You know, “How is- what’s your what’s your social life like?”

[Thomas]
Right, I think they have not talked about up to this point.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
“What are your love languages? What’s a red flag for you?”

[Thomas]
Well, while we figure out what they’re going to be saying to each other, let’s take a quick break here. And in just a moment, we’ll be back with more for our Battery episode.

[Shep]
Oh, this is our mid-second act turning point.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Break]

[Thomas]
All right, we are back. Our two main characters, we don’t have names for them either, as usual.

[Emily]
Why do we need names? They don’t need names. Insert name A into slot B.

[Thomas]
Guy and gal.

[Shep]
Gavin and Stacey.

[Thomas]
Perfect. So-

[Emily]
Jack and Jill. Jack and Jane.

[Thomas]
Tarzan and Jane? No, wait.

[Shep]
Dick and Jane.

[Thomas]
Dick and Jane. There we go.

[Emily]
Charlie and Sarah.

[Shep]
Charlie and Sarah.

[Thomas]
That’s good. All right.

[Shep]
I know it Charlie and Sarah, so now I’m gonna be picturing the real-life Charlie and Sarah.

[Emily]
Perfect.

[Thomas]
Did they meet in a hotel? Or-

[Shep]
Now they have.

[Thomas]
So, Charlie and Sarah have had this impromptu kiss the night before, sort of awkwardly went back to their rooms.

[Shep]
Who kissed whom?

[Thomas]
That’s a good question.

[Emily]
Mm.

[Shep]
Because I could see it either way.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
I could see Sarah kissing Charlie and then like panicking, like she didn’t realize what, you know, she was gonna do and then did it and then runs off. And I could see Charlie thinking he’s getting signals from Sarah and kissing her and having her panic and run off. Is it always Sarah that panics and run off?

[Emily]
He could panic and run off. Men could be uncomfortable with the kiss or because of the uncertainty of its meaning, don’t you think?

[Shep]
Yes, it’s possible.

[Thomas]
I could see a situation where he kisses her and she excuses herself because she’s like, “Oh, I didn’t realize it was going this direction.” And so, she’s trying to get freshened up or whatever, and she’s in the bathroom. And he’s like, “Oh, god, she’s avoiding me. I’ll just go back to my room so that it’s not like this awkward thing when she comes back out.” And she goes back out like, “Oh, he regretted it.” And so, they’re both assuming the wrong thing.

[Shep]
That’s good. You know, rom-coms need that miscommunication.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Shep]
So, this is the miscommunication segment of the movie.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
So, then they wouldn’t talk about the kiss in the car.

[Thomas]
Right, because they’re both assuming the other one is embarrassed or-

[Emily]
The other one was not interested.

[Thomas]
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. So, it starts out not talking about it. And then this is one of the little things that is like a nucleation point for the downfall of the- not the downfall of the relationship, but you know, the tension. In fact, that could even be a thing that they argue about later and then in the argument realize like, “I wanted it.” “Well, I wanted it too.” “Well, then why aren’t we kissing each other right now?”

[Shep]
Very Sam and Diane.

[Emily]
Yes, yes, yes.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
We should have done Sam and Diane for the names.

[Thomas]
It’s not too late, we can-

[Shep]
I don’t want to record- re-record all of that, so-

[Thomas]
We’re not gonna! The audience just has to keep up.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Thomas]
What was their other names? Jack and Jill? Ah, see, it’s already gone.

[Shep]
It’s Samuel Charles. That’s-

[Thomas]
Ah, there go.

[Shep]
Charlie is his nickname, but his actual name is Sam.

[Thomas]
Yeah, perfect.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Thomas]
So, they’re in the car. They’re driving. It is probably awkward silence at first, right?

[Emily]
Of course.

[Shep]
No, you’ve got to make, you’ll make awkward small talk.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
You wouldn’t sit in silence.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
You’ll talk about the weather. You’ll talk about other things.

[Emily]
One who’ll have brought coffee.

[Thomas]
I could totally see him bringing coffee as almost like an apology.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Like, “I know I made a mistake. This is like my-“

[Emily]
Like an offering.

[Thomas]
Yeah, exactly. A peace offering. So, what do they talk about? I mean, they’ve got a really long ride ahead of them. We got to fill that time.

[Shep]
Is it a really long ride, or is this just a couple hours away?

[Emily]
This is like two hours, I think, away.

[Thomas]
Sure. My assumption was that as soon as they get to the conference hall, they realize they’re on opposite-

[Shep]
Teams.

[Thomas]
You know, they work for opposite companies or opposed companies. But it could be the case that they’re like, “Well, good luck, see you later.” And they go in. And so, there’s a little bit more time.

[Emily]
Mm hm.

[Thomas]
And maybe they’re having meetings with other companies. And then for whatever reason, so somehow they find out, “Oh, you work for Evil Corp.” “Ah, you work for (whatever).”

[Emily]
Satan Corp.

[Thomas]
Satan Corp. That’s right. They’re both bad. To be clear, they’re both bad companies.

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah, they’re both terrible companies.

[Thomas]
They’re horrible multinational corporations.

[Shep]
Why don’t we get sponsors for this show? It’s weird.

[Emily]
Now I’m imagining going to an insurance conference where they’re getting like certificates for some kind of exposure rating system or whatever.

[Thomas]
We don’t know what that is.

[Emily]
I know.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter.

[Thomas]
But it could be that they’re both working the trade show floor-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
And then there’s some presentation that they both happen to go to. So, they run into each other again. They’re kind of like, “Oh, hey.” They would have name tags, though, at that point, huh?

[Emily]
Don’t they know each other’s name by now? I mean, they shared an intimate kiss in the bar.

[Shep]
It would have the company name.

[Emily]
Oh, yeah.

[Thomas]
Exactly. Yeah.

[Shep]
Or the company-branded shirt.

[Thomas]
Right. What would we want that- or when would we want that reveal? How would we want it to happen?

[Shep]
Oh, oh, okay. Here’s the thing. They are wearing company-branded merch, but it’s on the back. So, they see each other. They’re happy to see each other. Like, “Hey, this is fun, right? We should probably get a drink after this (or whatever). And we could talk about things.”

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And she’s like, “Yeah, that’s a great idea.” And then she turns to talk to her friend, and he sees Evil Corp logo on the back of her shirt. And it’s like, “Oh, no!”

[Thomas]
Now, does he immediately assume that she works for Evil Corp? Or is he like, “Oh, is that swag you got on the floor? Why are you wearing that?” Like, maybe he’s trying to come up with excuses like, “Oh, she couldn’t possibly,” but no-

[Shep]
Oh!

[Thomas]
She does.

[Shep]
Oh! So, she turns around to talk to her friend or her co-worker. Sorry. And he sees the Evil logo on the back. And he, he leaves. He’s like, “Oh, no. Oh, no, no. No, no, no. I’m out. Fuck this shit, I’m out!” And goes to his friend or his co-worker. And he’s like, “Oh I met this girl. But she works for so and so.” And he, his friend can go- or his co-worker. You know what? You’re to be friends with co-workers. I’m just gonna say it, his friend that he works with-

[Emily]
Yes, yes.

[Shep]
Is like, “Oh, maybe she, that’s just swag that she picked up on the floor. Like, maybe she doesn’t actually work there. Go and talk to her.” But meanwhile, she has turned around and he’s disappeared again, like he did before.

[Thomas]
Mm hmm.

[Shep]
And she was just saying that “Maybe we should get drinks (or whatever).” And she’s like, “Oh, he really doesn’t like me. He keeps- every time we start to get close, he runs off.”

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
“So, I’ve been misreading those signals.”

[Thomas]
Yeah. I like that.

[Shep]
So, then they talk and they find out they actually work for rivals. It’s that, what are the stages of grief, that denial-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And then bargaining?

[Emily]
So, why do they talk again if she’s like, “Oh my god, he keeps flaking on me, or he really doesn’t want to,” why would she talk to him again?

[Thomas]
The co-worker said to go and talk to her, right? So he comes back.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Yeah, so, but why would she want to talk to him at this point? Because she’s-

[Shep]
Because he came up to talk to her.

[Thomas]
She’s still being polite.

[Emily]
Okay, so she’s even more confused, is what I’m hearing.

[Shep]
Yeah, mixed signals. Mixed messages. She’s getting mixed messages. She doesn’t know how to interpret it. But just because he disappeared twice, there could be logical reasons why that happened. And so he comes back and she’s like, she’s not going to be like, “No no, you’ve disappeared twice. So, we can never talk again.”

[Emily]
I mean-

[Thomas]
But I think this time she’s more guarded. She’s, like, she thinks that she’s reading something into it that isn’t there.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
And so, she’s like, “We can be-“

[Shep]
“Professional colleagues.”

[Emily]
Professional, yeah, okay.

[Thomas]
Yes, perfect. And so that’s when he comes up and confirms she works for this rival company.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
So, what happens at that point when they find out?

[Emily]
Crazy antics.

[Shep]
What do you want to happen?

[Thomas]
Well, yeah, that’s a good question because what I was going to say is not what I want to happen but I think it’s what a rom-com movie would do, which is that he’s, like, wants to go nuclear because he’s trying to kill any prospect of this relationship happening because he does have feelings for her. So, he’s like, “If I can poison this well, I can’t come back to this well.” So, he’s trying to, like, put a roadblock in his own way.

[Shep]
Okay, I’m glad you suggested that because I don’t like it at all.

[Thomas]
Yeah, no, I don’t like that as a thing. I think that’s a terrible.

[Shep]
And now I know what I don’t want.

[Thomas]
Yeah, exactly. I think that’s what a rom-com would do, but it’s dumb and I don’t like it. So-

[Shep]
No, I’m picturing these, they are, they are Romeo and Juliet. They’re from rival houses-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
But they like each other.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
So, he still likes her, even though she’s a Capulet. What are you gonna do? But her supervisor, that’s also at the conference, sees that he is this rival whatever and starts loudly talking about some scandal or something at, what is his name? What are the characters’ names? I’ve already forgotten.

[Emily]
Charlie.

[Thomas]
See, told you.

[Shep]
Yeah, Charlie. Charlie?

[Emily]
Or Sam, whichever.

[Shep]
Or Sam. Oh well. Yeah, more options is better. That’ll help me remember.

[Thomas]
So, is his boss Steve then?

[Shep]
So, is his boss or her boss?

[Thomas]
Who, whoever is slagging off the other company.

[Shep]
It’s hers because he went up to her to talk to her.

[Thomas]
Okay, okay.

[Shep]
And so, her supervisor’s nearby and starts talking about some scandal at his company that he didn’t know about and has no control over or whatever. It’s just Internet rumors as far as he knows. But what can you do? I mean, Steve is making a scene, so he can’t really talk to her now. And so, he has to leave. So, this is why they can’t work things out. Other people are keeping them apart now.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
And at the end, they both take poison and die. That’s where we’re going?

[Emily]
No.

[Thomas]
When Steve makes this big scene, does he have a couple of co-workers who are there with him who are-

[Shep]
Biting their thumbs at the-

[Emily]
Yep.

[Thomas]
Yeah. They’re coming to the company’s defense and arguing back? And then he gets sort of dragged away, like, “Let’s get out of here.”

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
So, yeah, they can’t interact with each other.

[Shep]
Right. Otherwise, they would talk it out like adults. Can’t have that in a rom-com.

[Thomas]
So, that’s what separates them sort of at the end of the second act, beginning of the third act. What is that third act? Why can they not just see each other?

[Emily]
He’s up for a promotion, um, contractually obligated to not have contact with, you know, he can’t. If he gets this promotion, he’s in for some sort of confidential information.

[Shep]
(Gasps)

[Emily]
Go for it, because I’m just spitting.

[Shep]
They are rival companies. Someone has leaked information to Juliet. Not- What is her name? Not Juliet. You know who I’m talking about.

[Emily]
Sarah.

[Shep]
Juliet’s company.

[Emily]
Or Diane.

[Shep]
And so, Romeo’s up for a promotion, but he can’t be seen with Juliet because there is a leak. There is an information leak.

[Emily]
Mhm, mhm.

[Thomas]
Well, and that could be what Steve was talking about, and that could be why Charlie is up for a promotion is because the leak came from the guy that he’s replacing. So, they fired this other guy. So, if he is seen canoodling with anybody over at the other company, it’s just like everyone’s hackles are up right now. All, everyone’s hyper suspicious. So, he has to keep this very clean appearance.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
And then does he eventually say, “I don’t care about this job, I care about you?”

[Emily]
I mean… in this economy?

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah. We’ll set it in the ’90s, so it’s all rainbows and lollipops.

[Emily]
The ’90s. I mean, he could, like, that would be something, you know, noble. He would sac- you know, that’s his sacrifice.

[Thomas]
Well, we, you know, we said before about how I had floated that idea where they both have some sort of revolutionary idea that nobody else seems to agree with.

[Emily]
Mm.

[Thomas]
They’re like, “Let’s quit and start our own company that pursues this idea.” Oh, maybe that’s the talk that they both go to earlier is something along those lines. Very controversial, but they both believe in this idea. And so, they’re like, “We could get funding. We’re good at this. We can sell that.”

[Shep]
I kind of want it to be one of the things they talk about in the car. This is the area that they’re passionate about-

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
Is this technology, this battery technology, whatever it is.

[Thomas]
Right. It’s some new, more Earth-friendly or whatever it is.

[Shep]
Yeah, whatever it is.

[Thomas]
But it’s very controversial in the industry for whatever reason.

[Emily]
Well, because it’s green, it’s a threat to the-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Status quo.

[Shep]
So, we need a third person, an investor that can invest in them at the end-

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
When they decide to leave their corporations and form a joint company. Obviously, they don’t have the funds to do that-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
But if there were some third party that could help them.

[Emily]
If only there was a third party that went on retreats with-

[Shep]
Right. So it’s Pedro Pascal again. We just have him come in at the end of all of our movies as the billionaire investor.

[Emily]
It’s Pascal ex machina.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
So, that could definitely be an element in that third act where both companies are courting this investor.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
Oh! Oh!

[Thomas]
And so, he has met with both of them.

[Shep]
Yes. So, the Montague Corporation, I just have Romeo and Juliet in the head now.

[Thomas]
Mm hmm. It’s fine.

[Emily]
It’s fine.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Whatever it was before, I can’t even remember. Now it’s not Planes, Trains & Automobiles. It’s Romeo and Juliet.

[Thomas]
Well, it’s got to be Montague Incorporated and Capulet Corporation. So-

[Shep]
Yes. Yep.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yep. CapCorp, as they say, as the logo says.

[Thomas]
CapCorp. Yep. Yep.

[Shep]
So, the Montague corporation has this presentation about one of their-

[Thomas]
Sorry. Montague LLC. Sorry.

[Emily]
No, it’s Mont- it’s Montague Inc, so you call it MontInc.

[Shep]
Yeah, CapCorp versus MontInc.

[Thomas]
M.INC? It’s M.INC.

[Emily]
Monk.

[Thomas]
M.INC, and then they have a like a stoat as their-

[Shep]
Yep. Oh, I’m on board.

[Emily]
Oh, yeah.

[Shep]
Why aren’t we doing advertising? Like, that’s also a creative work.

[Thomas]
Sorry, go ahead. I keep interrupting you with my dumb branding ideas.

[Shep]
With gold. So, you want to keep throwing gold at me, do it all you want, I’ll wait. Anyway, there is some other… Maybe there is an alternative technology that M.INC wants to introduce. Like, they don’t like Romeo’s idea, whatever it is.

[Thomas]
Mm hmm.

[Shep]
And they want to do this other idea. And so, they’re doing a presentation for it. He has to go and present the pro-argument for this thing that he doesn’t agree with. And Juliette’s company has sent her, because they’re going to disrupt this question-and-answer session.

[Emily]
Mm.

[Shep]
And so, you know, they have audience plants to ask disrupting questions. And she’s supposed to ask about these things, this scandal at the company, this other thing, whatever. But she wants to know how he feels and haven’t had a chance to talk. So, there is a Q&A where they’re kind of talking in coded language-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
That the two of them can understand. That doesn’t really make sense to the other people.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
But would make sense to the audience that watched their drive together and gets their inside jokes.

[Thomas]
Mm hmm.

[Shep]
So, this is the end where they can run off together after this presentation. Or even during this presentation, he quits and leaves with her.

[Thomas]
I could see she has some specific question she’s supposed to ask. Maybe, maybe M.INC has been accused of environmental pollution, or some big pollution thing, right? And she’s supposed to ask this question, but of course she’s asking questions about them and their relationship. And one of her confederates is like, “Ask the question. Come on, hurr- get to it.” And so, she asks whatever question. And he looks over at his co-workers and they’re like, “Yeah, man, you got this.” And he goes, “I agree. This is bullshit. I think green technology is the future. I quit.”

[Emily]
Yeah, Jerry Maguire’s it.

[Thomas]
He comes down into the audience and they make out. And everyone’s like, “What is happening right now?”

[Emily]
She goes into the aisle and he swan dives off the stage and she lifts him over her head.

[Shep]
It’s Dirty Dancing! Yeah! I’m back on board.

[Thomas]
Nobody puts batteries in a corner? I don’t… So, they go off together. Do they run into the investor? Do they seek out the investor? I feel like there’s that moment where they’re both like, “Well, we’re screwed. Now what do we do?”

[Shep]
It’s the end of The Graduate–

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
Where they’re on the bus and they’re like, “Oh shit, what happens next?” But then Pedro Pascal shows up and is like, “I saw your presentations. I agree with your philosophy on green technology. Here’s a billion dollars. Start a, you know, (whatever)-“

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Hollywood ending!

[Emily]
Yep.

[Thomas]
Anything we missed? Anything we need to solve?

[Shep]
Oh, so much, Thomas. Why? Why are you asking?

[Emily]
Nothing that we can solve now that the writers can’t do later.

[Shep]
Yeah, yeah, I guess, yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah, that’s what I mean. Anything that’s our job.

[Shep]
I can’t think of any plot holes. I can’t think of any, you know-

[Thomas]
Well, not major ones.

[Shep]
Things that don’t make sense. It all makes sense.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Sure, yeah, I think so.

[Emily]
It all fits the logic of a rom-com.

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
And there isn’t a part where it’s like you could just explain and clear up all the misunderstanding and ease all the tension-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Because there are other factors keeping them apart, keeping them from doing that. So-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
It’s not like, “Let me explain!” And the other person doesn’t listen and storms off, which is a trope we all hate.

[Thomas]
Yes. Well, we’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s episode about a Battery. Did it recharge you, or did it leave you feeling drained? Let us know by leaving a comment on our website, reaching out on social media, or sending us an email. Links to all of those can be found at AlmostPlausible.com. We want to thank you for listening to Almost Plausible, and we hope you’ll take a moment to tell someone about the show. Think of someone you know who might enjoy listening. Pull out your phone and send them a text right now. After you’ve done that, join Emily, Shep, and I for the next episode of Almost Plausible.

[Outro music]