June Bug

References

• The B-52s: Junebug
• June Bug
• Almost Plausible – Snowflake
• Juno
• Michael Cera
• John Cena
• Dwayne Johnson
• Youth in Revolt
• Guy misses the train and is VERY disappointed – TV4News
• Anna Kendrick
• The Accountant
• Mr. Right
• Krav Maga
• YMCA
• “It’s like poetry. It’s sorta… They rhyme.”
• Die Hard
• MacGuffin
• Snakes on a Plane
• Talkboy
• Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
• Bluey
• Delta Force
• Jurassic Park
• Game of Thrones
• Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson

Corrections

Thomas here. I first saw the video of the guy missing his train several years ago (probably back when it originally hit the internet in 2014) and was struck by how much the guy in the video looked like me. I actually found out about the video when a friend sent it to me and jokingly asked, “this you?” In doing research to find the original video, I came across a followup video where the TV station that shot the original tracked down and interviewed the man, Lars Edmar. Seeing his photo in the followup, it turns out we actually look quite different.

Transcript

[Intro music begins]

[Thomas]
So do they just want, like, the deed to the property?

[Shep]
I mean, that’s not gonna hold up in court.

[Emily]
There has to be something that the first group of cartel people left. Is it a gun cache? Is it a cash cache? Is it bearer bonds?

[Shep]
Yeah. It’s bearer bonds, and it’s in a vault. But they can drill into that vault.

[Thomas]
They need the DEA to show up, though. They’re counting on it.

[Shep]
Right. Yep. It’s all part of the plan!

[Intro music]

[Thomas]
Hey there, story fans. Welcome to Almost Plausible, the podcast where we take ordinary objects and turn them into movies. I’m Thomas J. Brown, and the wildest hun in the wild kingdom is Emily.

[Emily]
Hey guys.

[Thomas]
And the wildest thang to float down is F. Paul Shepard.

[Shep]
The what?

[Thomas]
This episode’s theme is June Bug, which is not something we had when I was growing up in Hawaii. So, preparing for this recording, I learned that there are several beetles that are commonly called June bugs. Now, the two of you have lived in more different places than I have. So how many kinds of June bugs have you come across?

[Shep]
None, as far as I know. And I didn’t look up anything about them. I learned nothing in preparation for this episode. I’m hoping there’s not a quiz later.

[Emily]
I had thought I had only experienced one kind because I thought there was only one kind. They’re kind of iridescent, jewel-toned in the American South in Virginia. Then I found out that they’re still called June bugs here, but they’re just ugly brown beetles. I mean they’re the same shape and size, but they’re, I don’t know, less fun.

[Thomas]
There’s one that’s called, like, the ten-striped June bug or something like that because it’s got some white stripes on its back.

[Emily]
Oh yeah, I’ve seen one of those.

[Thomas]
I’ve seen that one around here.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah, that was the first one I saw. And someone was like, “That’s a June bug.” And I was like, “Okay. Always wondered what those were.” And then literally, like a couple days ago, looking up June bug stuff, I was like, “Wait, that’s not the only one? There are other ones?”

[Emily]
Yeah. The ones we lived by were like green but had an iridescence to them. So sometimes they look purple or blue.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I saw those. They looked cool. I guess June bugs are called that because they kind of show up around June.

[Emily]
It’s like it makes sense or something.

[Thomas]
Not a difficult etymology for that entomology.

[Emily]
Nice.

[Thomas]
Is that something?

[Emily]
It’s clever.

[Thomas]
Well, speaking of clever, Shep, you’re pitching first.

[Shep]
Oh, son of a bitch.

[Thomas]
Ha.

[Shep]
Okay: An evil agricorp experimented to produce radio-controllable pests that could be sent to attack farms that used rivals’ seeds. The experiment ended in failure and the project was abandoned. But the mutated pheromones leached from the experimental grasshoppers’ bodies into the soil, where the next generation of June bug larvae are growing. The young June bugs are mutated, attracted to wifi signals and sugary energy drinks. The June bugs begin to swarm, developing a hive mind intelligence that begins communicating over the Internet. Is this my ‘old man yells at a cloud’? Young people today! The June bugs are a euphemism for the youth. That’s all I have. Thomas, what do you have?

[Thomas]
Kind of a weirdly similar sounding story: In an isolated frontier town, an ancient curse awakens every summer solstice. A giant swarm of beetles descends to collect a blood debt by consuming one of the town’s children. Each family must offer a child to appease the swarm or face the wrath of the beetles and each other. One family decides to try to break the curse before the bugs or their neighbors destroy them all.

[Emily]
I like that one. It couldn’t be because children getting eaten by bugs is something I enjoy.

[Thomas]
That’s the only one I have this week. Emily, let’s hear from you.

[Emily]
Alright, so Junebug is attending her big brother’s wedding. It will be the first time seeing the whole family at once since she left for college.

[Emily]
Thankfully, her brother was able to convince their parents to hold the wedding somewhere other than the weird ass commune they grew up on.

[Shep]
Ah, see. I was so distracted immediately when I realized that Junebug is her name.

[Emily]
Yes, her name is Junebug.

[Shep]
And I was thinking of Juno. Like, Junebug is going to a wedding, but Michael Cera got her pregnant and… I’m sorry, please continue. Ignore me.

[Emily]
As the weekend gets rolling with awkward family dynamics, Junebug needs to get away for a moment and meets a handsome stranger at the bar. They hit it off and she decides she needs a distraction at the wedding. So she invites him to be her plus one.

[Thomas]
This is John Cena, right? That’s who you’re imagining.

[Shep]
Ah, yes, of course. It all fits together!

[Emily]
So bringing him of course causes even more family drama. When the minister asks if there are any objections, Junebug’s date rises, pulls out a gun and points it at her brother. Then the wedding is stormed by more men with guns. Turns out the man Junebug invited to the wedding is the new leader of a cartel her brother had busted on their parents’ commune a couple years before.

[Emily]
Now they’re fighting for survival again.

[Shep]
I. What? What was that? What was the ending? The man that Junebug invited to the wedding…

[Emily]
Yes. Okay, so the man, she-

[Shep]
Coincidentally…

[Emily]
Not coincidentally, he planned it.

[Shep]
Okay, okay, okay. But he is the new leader of a cartel the brother-

[Emily]
The brother, the groom.

[Shep]
The groom had busted on her parents’ commune. What?

[Emily]
Parents commune-

[Shep]
What do you mean busted on her parents’ commune? Like-

[Emily]
Be like he’s in law enforcement. And-

[Thomas]
Emily, you have to remember that Shep doesn’t listen to our own podcast, so he doesn’t understand the reference you’re making.

[Shep]
Oh, yeah. Oh, this is a reference?

[Thomas]
I got it immediately.

[Shep]
What’s going on? What’s the- What is this a reference to?

[Emily]
So her name is Junebug and her parents are hippies from a commune.

[Shep]
Uhuh. Uhuh.

[Emily]
And her brother is some kind of FBI agent survivalist, also with a very hippie name.

[Shep]
Oh, it’s Snow! This is our Snowflake episode!

[Emily]
I couldn’t think of anything and I was like, “You know what would be fun?”

[Shep]
Oh, my god.

[Thomas]
As soon as you said “Weird ass commune”, I was like, “Wait a minute”.

[Emily]
I even went back and read the transcript to make sure it would work.

[Thomas]
Nice.

[Shep]
Who did we have playing Snowflake? Oh, it was the Rock.

[Emily]
Oh, that’s right.

[Shep]
It was the Rock.

[Thomas]
Oh, that’s right.

[Shep]
So if I’m understanding this correctly, it’s John Cena versus the Rock. That’s the pitch?

[Emily]
Yep.

[Shep]
Like, it’s not a deal-breaker.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
What happened in Snowflake? And do we need to know? Because I don’t remember.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Emily, you just recently went back.

[Emily]
I just recently read back.

[Thomas]
Give us a quick-

[Emily]
Quick synopsis. Okay. Snowflake goes back to the commune to introduce his-

[Shep]
Snowflake Johnson!

[Emily]
Snowflake Johnson.

[Thomas]
That’s right.

[Shep]
I remembered a thing! His last name. What has gone off my voice? I should not be so excited about this. We’re five minutes into the episode and I’ve already got laryngitis.

[Emily]
He takes his new fiancée to the commune to introduce him to his mother. He doesn’t give a shit about his father. His father named him Snowflake. There’s animosity there. And he is a conservative survivalist who also, I think, works for the-

[Thomas]
Snowflake is.

[Emily]
Yeah, Snowflake is the fiance is like, “Well, why not just change your name?”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
And he’s like, “Honor thy mother and father”. He can’t do it because he’s a biblical conservative.

[Shep]
It’s so good. Who wrote this? This is really good.

[Emily]
It’s great. It’s really good. Turns out the commune had been taken over by a cartel and they were growing some sort of super-strong strain of weed, or it was poppy seeds. We didn’t- We flip-flopped a little bit. Didn’t matter.

[Shep]
Doesn’t matter.

[Emily]
It was a legal grow operation. And so somehow they find out who Snowflake is and they’re trying to rescue and there’s a big gun battle and the DEA comes in and everything resolves that way. Big, big action comedy movie.

[Shep]
Okay, so that is the cartel that got busted.

[Emily]
Right. That’s the cartel that got busted.

[Shep]
Okay, that’s John Cena’s cartel.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Okay.

[Emily]
And now John Cena is the new leader of the cartel.

[Shep]
Okay, but is Michael Cera Junebug’s boyfriend or not?

[Thomas]
Snowflake’s parents were… Were they, like, leaders in the commune?

[Emily]
The dad was one of your founding members, but he wasn’t the leader leader. That was part of the thing that Snowflake didn’t like about him is because he wasn’t even cool enough like a leader of the cult.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
Yes, that was his arc!

[Emily]
Right. And at this point, I think at the wedding, he is a leader.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
He is the leader of the commune now.

[Thomas]
Then I would say that Michael Cera should be, like, a visiting guru, or he should be the officiant of the wedding, or both.

[Emily]
No, it’s a legit minister because Snowflake is not going to have some hippie dippy guru.

[Thomas]
That’s a good point.

[Emily]
But Michael Cera could be some guru that his mother brought along-

[Emily]
To bless the union.

[Thomas]
Yes.

[Emily]
Like a hand- He’s agreed to a hand fasting that’s going to be performed by Michael Cera.

[Thomas]
Well, they could be like a dual thing. Like, you know, there’s going to be a Catholic priest-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
But there’ll also be this, you know, swami, a white swami with dreadlocks. Of course. Because-

[Emily]
Oh, Michael Cera with dreadlocks. I think you unlocked a kink.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I guess the question is, do we want Michael Cera to be uptight and awkward, or do we want him to be like- Or do we want him to be, like, weird and spacey hippie?

[Shep]
Gosh, I don’t know. Can he play uptight and awkward?

[Thomas]
Well, that’s the thing, it’s like, he always does that, so- Well, at any rate, we know that he is a character.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Thomas]
Maybe he’ll be the priest. We’ll see as we get in there.

[Emily]
He’s one of the two performing the marriage ceremony.

[Thomas]
Sure, sure, sure.

[Emily]
I think that fits.

[Thomas]
Oh, he’s both. It’s twins.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Shep]
Michael Cera is playing both the priests and the guru.

[Emily]
Yes, yes.

[Shep]
So he’s playing two different characters that happen to look the same.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
I mean, it worked in Youth and Revolt, so-

[Shep]
So- I know. I’m just saying this would be good later in the film to have them switch collars or, or whatever.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Are they actually- this, oh, this is totally not important.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
Okay.

[Emily]
But I need to know for my brain, are they actually twin brothers and it’s a coincidence that they’ve both been hired for the same wedding or are they like a packaged pair?

[Thomas]
I can’t imagine there’d be a lot of call for them to be a packaged pair.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Thomas]
So it’s not like a normal thing. I mean, they could also not be twins. Like, there are people-

[Emily]
This is true. This is true.

[Thomas]
You’ve seen the video of the guy in Germany or Sweden or whatever who misses his train and looks exactly like me, but with hair. So-

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
This is true.

[Thomas]
There are people out there who look just like other people. And, you know, maybe they look a little bit different. They could use makeup to-

[Emily]
One has a mole and one doesn’t.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
One’s got a nasty scar. He’s the evil one.

[Emily]
One has a mustache.

[Shep]
You’re right.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
One should have a mustache and one should have a nasty scarf. So you don’t know which one is actually the evil one.

[Shep]
I mean, obviously, they can’t have… They can’t look too much different-

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
If you want to swap them later. If we want to even keep Twin Ceras.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
So it doesn’t start at the wedding. It starts with her coming to the wedding, basically. And they have like maybe the rehearsal dinner or like a family dinner. Then the rehearsal dinner. So there’s some interaction with the family that makes it awkward.

[Thomas]
Oh, it starts at the bachelor party. You gotta have an action sequence to start the film. And so you’ve got Snowflake. They’re paintballing or something like that. And that’s the bachelor party. So that’s how we immediately introduce: This is the wedding. He’s getting married. Because they didn’t get married at the end of the first movie.

[Emily]
Nope.

[Thomas]
Right? Okay.

[Shep]
He’s not the main character of this movie, though.

[Emily]
No, it’s Junebug.

[Thomas]
No.

[Shep]
Why are we starting on him?

[Emily]
This is an action sequence to start with.

[Shep]
All right.

[Emily]
She can call him in the middle of it and interrupt it. Like that’s how we can transition from Is this real? Is this not real?

[Thomas]
Well, that’s why I think it should be paintball, because then you’re getting red paint splatter.

[Emily]
Okay. Okay.

[Thomas]
But you don’t realize at first.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
You just see him aiming and shooting and running around in the woods.

[Emily]
It looks real. Like this is a real operation.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
And then he gets a phone call, and it’s Junebug asking questions about. About hotel arrangements. Where is somebody going to meet her at the airport? Does she need to Uber? You know, just like this long list of questions she has for him. And he’s like, “I sent you a detailed itinerary. Did you not open your email?”

[Shep]
Ah. He’s like, “I can’t do everything for you,” because in this movie, she is going to be the hero that saves the day.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Hmm. Right.

[Shep]
Okay, I see what we’re doing.

[Thomas]
Is him being on the phone with her, he’s got a Bluetooth earpiece, of course, but does that give away his location? Because he’s talking to her. He stops focusing on the game, and he’s like, “June, I can’t do everything for you. I sent you an itinerary.”

[Emily]
And then he gets shot.

[Thomas]
Yeah. And then he gets shot, but not with red. He’s shot with, like, green or some weird bright color. And he’s like-

[Shep]
No, because that’s what you always see.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
So he doesn’t get shot because he’s such a badass.

[Emily]
He can do both things.

[Shep]
He can do both, but he’s complaining the whole time, like, “I almost got shot.”

[Thomas]
Ah. Yeah.

[Shep]
“These guys almost beat me.” So he’s talking about how distracted he is, but meanwhile, he’s just effortlessly taking everyone out.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
So the paintball is happening at the commune. And so, like, we’ve established in the first room, they have a bunch of property. Didn’t all their crop get burned or something like that in the first one?

[Emily]
Yeah, but it was the cartel’s crop.

[Thomas]
Right. So they… Part of what the dad has been doing is trying to find legal ways for this commune to survive. And so one thing they do is they have a paintball course, because that’s a popular thing people from the city like to do. So they have corporate retreats come out and team building exercises and stuff like that. So that’s why they have that there. So that’s the excuse for that to be there.

[Shep]
Okay.

[Thomas]
Because otherwise it’s kind of a weird thing to have a dedicated paintball course.

[Shep]
So during the phone call, is this when we switch to Junebug?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Okay, so we’ve set up: It’s a Snowflake sequel, but we’re now following Junebug.

[Thomas]
Yeah. And that there’s a wedding happening and we know she’s coming.

[Emily]
And I’m thinking she’s more of like-

[Emily]
She’s obviously not a hippie. She also left the commune, but she’s sort of the big city girl now, just very into fashion. And she’s a party girl more or less at this point. Or is that too-

[Thomas]
I could see how he thinks that she’s all hippie dippy because she’s not as serious and buckled down as he is, but she really is a lot more serious.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
He just doesn’t see it because she likes to party and have fun and cut loose.

[Shep]
He remembers her from when she was younger and still living on the commune.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
That’s his vision of his little sister.

[Emily]
Yeah. Because he’s like five or six years older than her.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Right. So he didn’t see how she changed and left the commune.

[Emily]
I was gonna say. He doesn’t really listen to her when they talk because he’s in charge and thinks she’s always asking for advice and stuff. And really, she’s got a good career, a solid career.

[Emily]
She just also likes to go and have fun. And he doesn’t know exactly even what she does. He thinks she just bartends or something in the city. And really, she’s like-

[Shep]
She’s a hitman.

[Thomas]
I was going to say she works at CIA.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
I would love that, actually. That would be funny. That’s just her cover is this bartender. I like the idea of having her in something like that because then she’s equally as capable and she’s not going to just stumble into these skills.

[Shep]
Do you remember there was, like, a year where Anna Kendrick was in a bunch of movies with hitmen? Do you guys know what I’m talking about?

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
She was in The Accountant, and she was in Mr. Right.

[Emily]
Mm.

[Shep]
And so she was very capable in those. She wasn’t like a damsel in distress. Like, even in The Accountant, there’s a scene where hitmen are coming after her. She doesn’t go, “Oh, gosh, what do I do?” She runs. She barricades the door in the bathroom. They’re breaking through the door. So she gets the lid off the toilet tank and is bashing the guy’s arm. Like, she’s an active person in her own defense.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Shep]
This is the kind of person that I’m picturing for Junebug.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Like, maybe she hasn’t been in this type of situation before, but whatever her career is, it has given her the capability to handle this kind of situation.

[Thomas]
Well. And if she’s been living in this city, then I could see her having taken self-defense classes.

[Shep]
Oh, sure. Krav Maga.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
So she, she talks about, “Oh, I took self-defense classes at the Y.” And he’s like, “Oh, okay.” And then later it’s like pretty brutal. And he’s like, “What were those self-defense classes?” All right, so, did we decide? Is she… She’s just some person, right? She’s not… There’s nothing special.

[Shep]
How dare you.

[Thomas]
What? No. About what she does that like, contributes to her ability to fend for herself in this film.

[Shep]
She’s a kindergarten teacher. She’s. She’s dealt with, like, keeping track of 30 people at once that are running all over.

[Thomas]
Right. Getting people to do things they don’t want to do.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
That’s pretty good, actually.

[Emily]
Not bad. She has a lot of energy, Good problem-solving skills on the spot. Oh, I know why she’s as capable as Snowflake. Because we had established in Snowflake that part of why he was so good at being a survivalist was they had all these, like, they played in the woods and they had all these, like, obstacle courses that they had built to entertain themselves and build strength.

[Thomas]
Ah, right.

[Emily]
And so she went through all of that too.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
So she has that natural survival ability and now Krav Maga training.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
She didn’t stick with it when she grew up like Snow did. She went on to be a kindergarten teacher. But those early childhood memories are still there. Okay. Anyway, so she is killing time before the wedding. She’s at the bar. Some guy comes up to her and introduces himself. This is John Cena.

[Emily]
Yeah. I felt like it would be good for her to be decompressing, which makes her more vulnerable to this guy and gives her the idea of, like, “If I have to put up with these assholes, I’m gonna bring some hot guy to stare at while I’m at the wedding.”

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
“Bored to death at the wedding.”

[Shep]
It’s not a coincidence.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
He was waiting for her. He knows just the right things to say. He’s charismatic and charming.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I like what you’re saying, Emily. So we meet all the old characters again, but we are also seeing Snowflake’s all uptight because the wedding’s got to be perfect. The dad is way too relaxed for Snowflake’s tastes. The fiancée and the mom are… I don’t know.

[Shep]
What was the fiancée like in the first one?

[Thomas]
I said, “I feel like she’s a lot like the mom, but slightly to the right politically.” And Shep said, “Yes.”

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Oh. And we said she and the mom bond.

[Emily]
So they’re having a great time enjoying all the wedding festivities. They’re the only two really just enjoying themselves.

[Shep]
Ah. So Junebug thought maybe she would hang out with the bride. But the bride is hanging out with the mom, and Junebug doesn’t get along with her mom, like Snow doesn’t get along with his dad.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Right. It’s like poetry.

[Shep]
It rhymes.

[Thomas]
It rhymes.

[Shep]
Yeah. So there goes Junebug’s plan for the weekend.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Like, “I’ll come and I’ll hang out with (whatever the bride’s name was if we came up with one).”

[Thomas]
Right. Because he know she knows that the fiancée is like a little more conservative. So she doesn’t anticipate that her and the mom will have such a relationship.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Yeah. But they’re both bonding over homeopathic medicines and raw milk.

[Shep]
Yeah. And colloidal silver.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Oh, god.

[Shep]
So that blows up Junebug’s plan.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So this is when she goes to the bar?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Like, “I tried to interact with everyone, and that didn’t work out. So I’m gonna go chill somewhere else, away from all these people-“

[Emily]
Yep.

[Shep]
“And wait for the wedding.”

[Thomas]
Right. So she’s gone from the airport to the commune, and now she’s like, “Well, I’d probably better go check in at the hotel.” Like, she’s given herself that out because she knows how her family can be.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
She knows she only has a finite amount of time she can spend.

[Thomas]
So she goes down to the bar, she’s getting a drink, and then John Cena shows up?

[Emily]
Yeah. Does she notice him first, or does he… He come-

[Shep]
He’s got to approach her because that’s-

[Emily]
He approaches her. Okay.

[Shep]
It’s part of his plan-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
To infiltrate the commune.

[Thomas]
Does he? Or does he just like buy her a drink or something like that? Because if he comes up really strong, it might backfire.

[Emily]
No, I think it starts out subtle, but that’s what I mean by the approach.

[Shep]
Oh! There is another guy that’s, like, hitting on her and harassing her.

[Thomas]
Gee, I wonder why. It’s almost as if he was hired.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Oh, that guy. He’s one of the guys.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Later, when all the guys storm the place with guns, he’s one of the guys.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
Yep.

[Shep]
That’s how she can put it together later.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Yeah.

[Shep]
I’m glad we’re all on the same page.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Thomas]
At that point, it doesn’t matter if she knows. So-

[Shep]
Right. Exactly.

[Thomas]
Yeah. So some dude comes up. He’s like, not taking no for an answer. She’s trying to get him to go away. And then John Cena comes up and… does he pull the whole, like, “Hi, honey, I got the room all squared away” or something like that? He pretends they’re together?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
And she looks up and hears this tower of a man who’s trying to help her out. And she’s like, “Yep, good. Perfect.” And he’s pretty easy on the eyes to boot, so… So what is his plan now that he’s established a bit of a rapport with her? How does he convince her, I guess, that he should go with her? Because it’s got to seem like her idea.

[Emily]
Right. Yeah. She has to have the idea. I don’t know if this works, but he could tell her a story. You know, they could be commiserating over how they don’t get along with their families. And what do you do when you’re in, you know, these insufferable family moments, like a wedding where you can’t not go, but you don’t really want to be there. And he says something about like a cousin’s wedding or something that he, not even a wedding, maybe like a family reunion or something, to not make it too obvious.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
That he brought a random person he met on like Tinder or something to ruin all the family photos for years to come. Because they’re all going to be like, “Who’s she?” And they laugh about it and then she kind of, you know, they keep talking and then later she’s like, “You know what?”

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
“That’s not a bad idea.”

[Thomas]
I mean, I could see that working. I don’t think it should just. He should say, “Oh, I brought a random person.”

[Emily]
Okay.

[Thomas]
Maybe he says something about, like, “Oh, a friend of mine is an actor,” you know, “And I hired her to come and play a terrible girlfriend.”

[Emily]
Who insisted on being in all the family photos?

[Thomas]
Right. And then he’s got to not push too hard. Right? Like-

[Emily]
Right. He just laughs about it.

[Thomas]
He’s like, “Well, oh, man, we’ve been talking for hours.” You know, “I have work in the morning. I better go back to my room” or whatever. And-

[Emily]
“I got an early tee time.”

[Thomas]
“Got this corporate retreat out at this, this weird commune that I’m going to. There’s a paintball course.” So does she invite him at that moment, or do they make plans to meet up at the bar the next day? And maybe he-

[Emily]
Yeah, I like that. I like that he brings-

[Thomas]
Maybe. Sorry, go ahead.

[Emily]
I was gonna say I like that maybe they run into each other or meet up again after the rehearsal dinner.

[Thomas]
Well, what I would say is he’s kind of waiting. He’s like, put it out there.

[Thomas]
And he’s hoping she’s gonna make the invite, and she doesn’t. He’s already said, “Oh, I better go.” And she’s like, “Oh, okay. See you around.” You kind of see that moment of him… He kind of turns and walks away.

[Thomas]
He’s like, “What do I do? What do I do?” And he goes back and he’s like, “Actually, I’ve really enjoyed this conversation. How about we meet up again tomorrow?” Something like that.

[Thomas]
He establishes we’re going to get together again.

[Shep]
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I have an idea.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
This is a charismatic leader of this cartel. He is confident. He oozes confidence. He’s not worried at all. He plants the seed, and he leaves because he knows it’s gonna work out. The next day, the next morning, she comes down to the continental breakfast, and he’s already there. And there is a woman harassing him. And so she goes, “Oh, it will be funny if I do the same thing to him that he did to me.”

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
And she goes up and pretends to be his girlfriend or whatever.

[Emily]
“Oh, honey, you got a bunch of bacon. Thank you.”

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
And then she pulls bacon right off his plate and eats it.

[Shep]
Right, right.

[Thomas]
Right. Yeah.

[Shep]
And he’s like, “Oh, sorry, I gotta go. My girlfriend’s here.” And they go, and they sit down together. And he’s like, “Thanks for that.” And then you also see her, that woman, during the storm of the-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Of the cartel members. It was all a setup. Everyone was involved.

[Emily]
Very elaborate.

[Thomas]
Yeah. That’s good. I like that.

[Shep]
Great. So we’ve established that this is how he gets invited.

[Thomas]
So does he get invited at that breakfast then?

[Shep]
It’s gotta be.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
It’s gotta be.

[Thomas]
Because she’s thought about it overnight.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
She’s had time to stew, sleep on it.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Right. And she’s nervous about asking him because it’s kind of a big ask. Like, “This is just a funny idea.” Like, “I have this family thing later.” Like, “Maybe you could come with me?” And so it’s like she’s talking him into it.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
It’s great if he is hesitant at that point, so that it’s a surprise later when it turns out it was all a setup.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
So is the rehearsal dinner is that night? The night of the breakfast?

[Emily]
So it’s not because maybe he would already be on one of the groomsmen’s radar because they’re all, you know, agents.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
He wants to go when all of them are distracted.

[Thomas]
Yep.

[Shep]
Right. Doesn’t want to tip his hand.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
He can’t show up until they’re ready for the big attack.

[Thomas]
But they still need someone to come and do recon. So they’ve got a group of guys are coming to use the paintball course.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
And so those guys are there, and they’re kind of doing recon on like, okay, where can we get in? Where can we hide? What is the commune-? How is it set up? Where are the buildings?

[Emily]
They can even get caught by like one of the commune elders, like going off into like, you know, a non-guest area, where, maybe where they’re setting up the wedding.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Right. So this sets up: there is something that’s gonna go down at the wedding. So the audience knows to anticipate something and build that tension. And you don’t know that Junebug’s date is in on it.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
And you think, “Oh, he’s a big, strong guy. Maybe he can help protect her.”

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
“He’s gonna save her the way Snowflake saved his fiancée, and they’ll fall in love and get married.”

[Shep]
Right, Right. Yes, exactly. That’s how sequels work. It’s the same movie again.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
They have exchanged numbers at breakfast, but he’s busy all day. He can’t meet her, so they’re texting because he’s trying to build that desire. Although maybe he doesn’t need to now. He’s already got the invite.

[Emily]
No, no, you’re right. Nope, this is perfect. He’s texting her, but he’s starting out cute with emojis and “Haha”. Trying to help distract her.

[Thomas]
Right. She’s like, “Omg, my family”.

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah. And he’ll send her like goofy pics or gifs or something and…

[Thomas]
Right. He’s got the “Hang in there” kitten.

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah. Which just makes her love him all the more. Or like him all the more.

[Shep]
Right. He’s the perfect guy.

[Emily]
Yeah, he’s handsome. He’s Smart. And now she knows he’s funny and caring.

[Thomas]
So do they meet up for drinks after the rehearsal dinner?

[Shep]
What? Oh. So you’ve established the rehearsal dinner. What happens at that? Does anything important happen at that?

[Thomas]
Is that when we meet the Michael Cera character? Characters?

[Shep]
It’s got to be, right? It’s the rehearsal dinner.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
It would be great if the hippie Michael Cera hits on her.

[Shep]
Hippie Cera.

[Emily]
Hippie Cera hits on her and she’s like, “Ew, gross. No.” And then she, you know, gets away from him and then mingles a little bit and then runs into priest M-, Father Michael Cera…

[Shep]
Father Cera.

[Emily]
Father Cera. And he’s, he goes to approach her to talk to her, and he’s like, you know, a completely different person. And she’s like, “I’m not falling for your act.”

[Thomas]
Or she, like, Krav Magas him?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Because he’s coming up to talk to her, and she’s like, “I said no.” Does something, and he, like, falls down.

[Emily]
And Snowflake sees it and comes and reprimands her.

[Shep]
Right. “You’ve killed the priest!”

[Thomas]
Yeah. Okay. But so some… Some kerfuffle at the rehearsal dinner-

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Just adds to her tension and her, like, “Ugh, now I remember why I moved away from here.”

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
I think building extra tension between her and Snowflake, too, is good.

[Thomas]
So the next day is the wedding.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Are they going to go together to the commune from the hotel-

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Or is she probably going to need to be there earlier because she’s in the wedding party? Oh, but he’s supposed to be in all the photos and everything.

[Emily]
Yes. So he comes early with her. Oh…

[Thomas]
I mean, as soon as he shows up, the jig is up.

[Emily]
Okay. So the original plan is that they have plans to meet at the front of the hotel and take the Uber together. And she’s waiting on him, and then she gets a text from him that says, “Oh, man, sorry. I’m stuck in this phone call I can’t get out of. I’ll meet you there.”

[Thomas]
Right. “My boss called” who he’s previously established, like-

[Emily]
He’s kind of got one of those on-call jobs.

[Thomas]
Right, right, right.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
All right, well, let’s take a break here, and when we come back, we’ll see how Junebug handles the rest of this situation.

[Break]

[Thomas]
All right, we’re back.

[Shep]
Okay. She goes to the wedding. He’s not there.

[Thomas]
So when does he show up? Is it like the music is playing and she’s looking around, or is it not gotten that far yet?

[Emily]
Not that far. But, you know the music you play as the guests are seating?

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Yeah, that.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
That one. Because then the groomsmen and the groom are all distracted and focused on, you know, and he comes in on the side. He’s not even coming down, like, the main aisle.

[Shep]
Something has to have happened right before this to ratchet up her tension. You know, she got in a fight with her mom or something, and she’s all by herself. She’s the only one in the family that’s not in the wedding party. So she’s sitting in the pews by herself, and she’s looking around, and then he finally shows up, and she’s like, “Oh, I’m rescued.” You know, this guy is finally here.

[Thomas]
He goes, “Let’s go meet your brother.” And she’s like, “I don’t think that’s the right time.” And that’s when he pulls a gun out and is like, “No, let’s go meet your brother.”

[Shep]
Oh, he’s not waiting for the wedding to start?

[Emily]
I really wanted it to be in the- Because I wanted to make it as cheesy as possible. Because we had that cheese in the first one.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Where the minister says, “If anyone here has an objection, please speak now or forever hold your peace.” And then he’s like, “I have an objection.” You know, some clever tie-in line.

[Thomas]
Sure.

[Shep]
Or he just stands up, and you see her look of confusion on her face.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
She’s like, “What are you doing?” Like-

[Emily]
“You don’t even know this guy.”

[Shep]
“This is not the time to make a joke.”

[Emily]
“This is not what I meant by ruin the wedding.”

[Thomas]
Right. And then one of the groomsmen is like, “You’re (so and so) from the (whatever) cartel. Why are you here? Like, you’re surrounded by DEA agents or, you know…” And he goes, “That’s true, but those DEA agents are surrounded by my men,” and they all step out with their guns, and everyone’s like, “Oh, my gosh.”

[Emily]
Yeah. So this is a good mid-second act turning point.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Emily]
Because now we’re flipping the movie. It’s going from cute little rom-com to: we’re all in danger.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
So what is the lowest low, then? They’re trapped? They’re pinned down?

[Emily]
They have to be trapped and pinned down. Some of the groomsmen have to have been killed.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
So we got to establish those guys earlier so that we care that they die.

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah, we’ll do that. That’s-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Okay. That’s a problem for the writers.

[Thomas]
Has the dad been shot? Because he’s the leader. He’s not dead yet.

[Emily]
But possibly critically injured.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Like, injured where, if it lasts a little too long, he’s gonna die, but he could still be saved. And they have a window.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
A good chunk of a window, but still only a window.

[Thomas]
So it creates time pressure.

[Shep]
What is their goal?

[Emily]
Revenge.

[Shep]
Revenge? Revenge doesn’t pay the bills.

[Thomas]
No, I think their goal is to get them to start growing again. And maybe this time it’s not just really good pot, it’s poppies or whatever.

[Shep]
What could they have? What could they still have? What could they have maybe harvested or stored away that would be valuable to the cartel?

[Emily]
Hmm.

[Shep]
So they’re not there to, like, put a gun to their head and say, “You gotta start growing our plants again.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Because that is not sustainable.

[Emily]
There’s some secret there that they need to recover to continue their operation.

[Thomas]
There’s the old silver mine that is on the property.

[Shep]
The colloidal silver mine.

[Thomas]
All right, so do they just want, like, the deed to the property?

[Shep]
I mean, that’s not gonna hold up in court.

[Emily]
There has to be something that the first group of cartel people left. Is it a gun cache? Is it a cash cache? Is it bearer bonds?

[Shep]
Yeah. It’s bearer bonds, and it’s in a vault. But they can drill into that vault.

[Thomas]
They need the DEA to show up, though. They’re counting on it.

[Shep]
Right. Yep. It’s all part of the plan!

[Emily]
Hahaha.

[Shep]
It’s a MacGuffin.

[Thomas]
Yeah. I mean, yeah. Okay. It’s a MacGuffin. Sure.

[Shep]
Oh, it’s nothing. It’s nothing here. It’s the agents. They wanted all these agents in one spot so they could take them hostage and force the DEA to release their cartel members.

[Emily]
Oh.

[Thomas]
There you go.

[Shep]
That they’ve taken.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
That’s so easy. Why didn’t we think of that?

[Thomas]
We did. We just did.

[Shep]
And you can have this whole conversation like in the movie, like, “You guys are fools, taking us hostage. We have nothing here.” “Yeah, except all of these DEA agents all in one spot for this wedding.”

[Thomas]
Right. Maybe the, like, deputy director of the DEA is there.

[Shep]
Oh, yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah, okay.

[Shep]
Yes. Perfect.

[Thomas]
Stuff, like, someone real important.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
There’s, like, a senator or something. Okay. So they take everybody hostage. Surely they have the deputy director calls and says the demands. He explains the situation.

[Emily]
Right. Gun to his head in the office.

[Thomas]
Yeah. So how do we get from there to that lowest low? Surely the DEA agents decide, “Um, no, we’re not going to just accept this. We’re going to fight back.”

[Emily]
Right. And Snowflake, of course, says “I beat you guys before.”

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
“I can do it again. It’s the same fuckin’ place.”

[Shep]
Right, and of course, it doesn’t work out well-

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
Because it’s the same place and they know all of his moves, so that’s the lowest low.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
The hostages try to fight back. And it doesn’t work, and some of them die. Did we have people dying in the first movie? I can’t remember how serious the first movie was.

[Emily]
I know. It’s a sequel. We need to ramp it up.

[Shep]
All right.

[Thomas]
They do kill in the first one.

[Shep]
Okay, well, good. Great.

[Thomas]
Ha.

[Shep]
Then it’s not a surprise when they kill in the second one.

[Thomas]
And in fact, the person they kill is the head of the commune.

[Emily]
Ooh, does Snowflake have a little mini breakdown? Because the first leader of the commune got killed and now his dad has been shot, possibly fatally. And maybe this is his breaking point. That could be a lowest low where he’s like, “It’s happening again,” now all of a sudden he has flashbacks.

[Thomas]
He’s like, “I am sick of these motherfucking terrorists and this motherfucking commune.”

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
So what is our third act, then?

[Shep]
Our third act is Junebug comes to the rescue.

[Emily]
Rising to. Yeah, rising to the occasion.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Because nobody thinks about her. Like, even the guy is like, “You were just a pawn.”

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
“Clearly you’re a weak woman who falls for stupid shit.”

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Like, he has that whole big speech to demoralize her even more.

[Thomas]
Right. He’s concerned with Snowflake.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
He knows Snowflake is a force to be reckoned with, and so he underestimates June. And Snowflake and June work together to use that to their advantage.

[Emily]
And he can argue with her about that. Like, that’s part of their story arc together, is that he’s like, “You can’t do this.” She’s like, “Dude, I can.” And proves that maybe they do the whole. That’s when they do the whole teacher thing. And…

[Shep]
Right. She knows where all the terrorists are. She’s been tracking everyone’s location.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
And he’s like, “How do you know how to do this?” She’s like, “I teach 35 kindergarteners.”

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
“What do you think I do all day?”

[Thomas]
So then we see mostly June, but the two of them working together. Well, maybe not, though. Maybe the, maybe the John Cena character is like, “No, Snowflake is tied to this chair. I don’t want him loose. I don’t want him going anywhere. Three guards on him at all times.” You know, “I’m not letting him out of my sight.” Or is that how it starts? And then when they all fight back, then he escapes.

[Shep]
Okay. Junebug uses their fear of Snowflake against them.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Good.

[Shep]
She has, like, a voice. What is it called when you-

[Thomas]
She has a Talkboy.

[Shep]
When you… She has a talk-

[Emily]
Ha.

[Shep]
Oh, my gosh. No, he left a voicemail.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
She called and left a voicemail for something to yell at her for something much earlier in the movie.

[Thomas]
Oh, he’s not on the phone with her at the paintball course. He’s so confident in his skills in the paintball course, that’s when he’s leaving her a voicemail.

[Shep]
Oh, he’s calling her?

[Thomas]
Yeah. And so we see him leave that voicemail. And so that comes back at the end where she’s using it.

[Shep]
Right. She’s got clips of it.

[Thomas]
And of course, because he’s playing, he’s like, “I’m gonna shoot you.” He’s just like interjections like that.

[Shep]
Perfect.

[Thomas]
That she can grab.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So she edits this somehow, movie magic way, you know?

[Thomas]
We established earlier that she has a soundboard app that she uses for something at the kindergarten. It’s got, like, Bluey sounds and stuff like that and different cartoon sounds that she plays for the kids that they love.

[Shep]
Oh. She records the kids and plays those sounds back to them in funny ways to show that she is, like, constantly on board, on top of this and can quickly edit whatever, doesn’t matter how.

[Thomas]
Yeah, right. Yeah.

[Shep]
She just has that ability. So she gets away from the hostages and is on the outskirts of the commune, and she has to lure the terrorists. And so she’s playing clips of Snowflake and… Did we give John Cena a name?

[Thomas]
No.

[Emily]
We just call him John Cena.

[Shep]
So John Cena’s character is like, “I need you to confirm that you got eyes on Snowflake and that he hasn’t broken loose or whatever,” but she’s somehow jamming the radio so they don’t respond. She had set that up earlier, and now she’s playing the audio clips. So he calls the guards, and there’s no response. So he’s like, “Those guards are dead.” Meanwhile, they’re fine. They’re still in the room. They don’t know any of this stuff is going on. You can, like, cut back to clips of, you know, the… Snowflake tied up in 14 different ways and the three guards around him with their guns out and him, like, making witty banter with them.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
So John Cena leads the cartel members out to patrol around to figure out where Snowflake is. That’s all I got. What happens next?

[Thomas]
Obviously, the FBI or the DEA or somebody, some force, is going to be coming because the deputy director called in the kidnapping.

[Emily]
Right. So obviously they’re not going to just listen to the cartel and not do anything.

[Thomas]
Right, right, right. So are there some, like, Delta Force guys who show up and she gets the drop on them? Or is that too, like- She’s not that skilled.

[Shep]
So the DEA has formed a perimeter around the situation. Right?

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
She is trying to provide an opportunity to these agents to come in and rescue the hostages. Right? She doesn’t have to rescue everyone herself.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
She just needs to give them an opportunity. If she can get all of the cartel members on one side of the compound away from the hostages.

[Shep]
That’s all that she needs to do. Right?

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So she’s trying to lure them out. I’m trying to picture what you were saying about her run in with some… What did you call them?

[Thomas]
Oh, the Delta Force guys or SWAT or whoever.

[Shep]
Delta Force.

[Thomas]
Some specialized, highly trained force.

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
So, like, she could try to approach them, and they don’t hear her coming. Maybe they’re talking to each other. They think they’re all alone in this section of the perimeter. And so she, like, says something, and they both panic and turn and, like, go to shoot her in their panic. How close is she? She’s got to be close enough to, like, move the barrel slightly so that they shoot, but it shoots slightly off to the side. And that’s not like she’s a badass or anything. She just has fast reflexes from dealing with children.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
But so does she tell the, these guys, like, “Here’s what I’m doing. You go over here. I’m gonna draw them over there for you”?

[Shep]
Well, maybe the perimeter also has heard the clips of Snowflake, and they think he’s out here somewhere.

[Emily]
Hmm.

[Shep]
So they’re like, “What are you doing here? We don’t care about you.”

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
“Where is Snow? He’s going to, like, rescue all these hostages or whatever. You heard what he said.” She was like, “No, that’s not what’s happening.”

[Thomas]
Are they unwilling to listen to what she’s trying to tell them?

[Shep]
Of course.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
And she’s just like, “Yeah, my brother’s out there. This is the plan he came up with. You guys go rescue the hostages.” And he’s- And so she just is like, “Fine, whatever.”

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Again, like, playing to people’s assumptions because she’s clever. She knows what it takes.

[Shep]
Right. Is that enough? Like, it seems like she’s rescuing the hostages really easily.

[Thomas]
Yeah. I mean, it’s definitely got to be…

[Shep]
There’s got to be a standoff between her and John Cena.

[Emily]
And John Cena. Yeah.

[Shep]
And when do we swap Father Cera and hippie Cera or Guru Cera?

[Thomas]
Are they in on it, too? They’re part of the… That might be too much.

[Shep]
One of them is and one of them isn’t.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
And…

[Thomas]
Father Cera is obviously on the cartel side.

[Emily]
He has this giant Lady of Guadalupe tattoo on his chest.

[Thomas]
His hairless chest. There definitely needs to be some, something in there that makes it more difficult for her. She gets injured somehow or some resource she has gets taken away or lost. She does definitely need to have more challenges, because you’re right.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Otherwise it’s just a cakewalk for her, and that’s no good.

[Shep]
Right. If she had a fight with her mom earlier, and that was, like, the tension increaser, if they are threatening her mom to, like, stop her, it’s a conflict because she doesn’t even like her mom, but she doesn’t want her mom to be killed. So-

[Emily]
Is she, like, in that threat? Is she hiding behind something? And they’re trying to get her to come out in the open, so she’s like, “I don’t even like her that much. This isn’t. This is not leverage.”

[Shep]
“Do your research.”

[Thomas]
Who is going to take down John Cena?

[Emily]
Junebug.

[Shep]
You think it’s going to be Snow, but it’s not.

[Emily]
Yeah. You’re gonna set it up to where it’s. You think. Yeah, it’s gonna be Snow. Like, we gotta get him out. That’s where the Michael Cera swap comes in.

[Shep]
Ha.

[Thomas]
Ah, yes. So we established that Father Cera is working for the cartel. And so Swami Cera knocks him out or something like that, takes his habit, comes in and says that John Cena’s character wants Snow, you know, to go into this other room. Or he says, “We have to give him a bathroom break.” Or, well, whatever. He gives some excuse why he needs to go into a different room untied and be alone.

[Thomas]
Or he’s like, you know, “I’ll watch him” or whatever. Oh, maybe he’s got to do confession because he’s going to, he’s, we’re going to kill him.

[Thomas]
And we’ve established that John Cena’s character is very religious, and so he’s got to have his last confession. That gives them a chance to be alone together. And he’s like, “It’s really me.” And he rips a mustache off or whatever. Right? And so he’s like, you know, “I’m here to help you escape.” And that’s how he gets out.

[Shep]
And it’s clearly him the entire time. Like, it’s not a surprise. It’s like, oh, it’s the big reveal. But he’s been acting so nervous.

[Thomas]
While he still has dreadlocks, you know.

[Shep]
He still has dreadlocks?

[Thomas]
So that’s how we can get Snow out of his situation. And Snow, of course, asks, like, “Where is he? Where is John Cena’s character?” And so he. We know he’s gonna go after him.

[Emily]
Now did John Cena’s character think Snow has escaped, right?

[Shep]
He thought that he had escaped earlier when he hadn’t.

[Thomas]
Oh, right, yeah, yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah. So- But John Cena is still under the impression that he’s out there. So he’s kind of hunting him, not knowing that he’s actually hunting Junebug.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
So now do we have a scene that sort of reflects the paintball scene from the beginning?

[Shep]
In what way?

[Thomas]
In, like, the opening images of the film are Snowflake hunting people in the woods in the paintball course. And so now that’s where this scene takes place. This final scene takes place at the paintball course. And the two of them are hunting each other, but with real guns this time.

[Emily]
That would be a smart plan for her to draw him into, John Cena, into that area because there’s cover for her, for him to still think it’s Snowflake. It seems like such a Snowflake move because he’s, you know, very full of himself and has a lot of hubris.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Thomas]
And somehow Swami Cera knows that that’s what’s happening. And so he tells Snowflake. And so we think as the audience, oh, Snowflake has now been freed. He knows where John Cena’s character is going to be, so he’s going to go and rescue Junebug. And so- And he thinks he’s gonna go rescue Junebug and stop the bad guy. And so they have a confrontation. Does she kill him? Does she shoot him?

[Shep]
Do they get to talk at all before the climax?

[Emily]
Yeah. Because I want to see some interaction with them.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
Where he tries to basically berate her for being a stupid, weak woman who fell for this so cheesy act.

[Shep]
Oh, that’s great, if, so he’s chasing what he thinks is Snow because she’s luring him out there. And then he catches up to Snow, and it’s not Snow at all, it’s her.

[Thomas]
And does he go “Clever girl.” Sorry, go ahead.

[Shep]
No! So he, like, he’s, you said, he can berate her for falling for his schemes, but she’s like, “You just fell for my scheme. Like, what are you talking about? Look around you.”

[Emily]
“Who were you chasing?”

[Shep]
Right. They’ve got to talk. I mean, does he take her hostage because he thinks Snow is just around here somewhere?

[Thomas]
Does she have a gun? Like-

[Emily]
No, she doesn’t have a weapon.

[Thomas]
How has she been, like, disabling guards or-

[Emily]
Krav Maga.

[Shep]
Well, I don’t, I didn’t imagine she was taking out the guards. I imagine she was luring the guards.

[Emily]
Yeah. Where was she luring them to?

[Shep]
The paintball course.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
So they’re all in, in one spot. So that when Snow comes out later and it’s the scene from the beginning, and he’s taking people out right and left, they are all conveniently in that location.

[Thomas]
Right. Okay.

[Shep]
Same as before.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Thomas]
Ah. So before he interacts with her at the paintball course, he thinks, I”‘ve got him here. He’s, there’s nowhere to go” (because this is the edge of the property or something like that. There’s big fences). And so he radios, “Everyone to the paintball course now.” So he calls all his guys there, but they’re still on the way. So he can have that scene where he confronts her.

[Shep]
Right. He says that while he thinks it’s Snow, and then he catches the person, and it’s not Snow, it’s, it’s her.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
But he’s already ordered everyone there and didn’t get back on the radio and say, “Never mind.”

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
“Back to positions.”

[Emily]
Change of plan. He thinks he can use her to get Snow out there.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah. So he’s got her tied up where the flag was.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Oh, man, that’s terrible. You’re making her the object. She’s not a damsel in distress. She’s Junebug!

[Thomas]
Like, how does she get out of that?

[Shep]
I don’t know. I don’t know. I also think it’s funny if she’s tied up to where the flag was. There’s a lot of symbolism. It’s not all positive, but it’s all there.

[Emily]
It needs to be like a close-quarters combat that she takes him down in, because that’s where she shines, is in that Krav Maga-style combat.

[Emily]
But we’ve also established with Snowflake that, and I think we kind of talk about it a little bit, that they grew up in the woods and they, you know, they were each other’s playmates, even though there’s quite an age difference. You know, he would tie her up. And she also has that same sort of forest training that in childhood that Snowflake had. So she has some skills that she just learned as a child. Right? Some survivalist skills. So she can get out of the knots. So she uses that to her advantage.

[Shep]
Okay, I want to change a thing from earlier. Swami Cera goes to pretend to be the priest and give last confession to Snowflake, and those guys leave the room for privacy or whatever, and he’s like, “Okay, I’m going to untie you.” And then Snow stands up. He’s untied the knots, but he couldn’t stand up and make his escape because there were three guards there.

[Thomas]
Right. Pointing guns at him.

[Shep]
Right. He has managed to untie his own knots.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Good. And he’s like, “How did you do that?” And he’s like, “Oh, part of my survivalist training from when I was a kid.”

[Shep]
Right.

[Shep]
Yeah. Yes. So when he goes to rescue June, she has already untied her knots as well, and faster than he did. So, yeah, that was the change that I wanted to make that she-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
She recognizes the knot and, like, holds up the untied rope when Snow finally gets there.

[Thomas]
Does she use that rope-

[Emily]
To garrot him?

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
To defeat John Cena?

[Shep]
Sure.

[Thomas]
Tie him up.

[Shep]
Does he live through this?

[Emily]
No! We kill Lobo, don’t we? That was the bad guy’s name in the last one, by the way.

[Thomas]
Yeah, it was.

[Shep]
I don’t remember that at all.

[Thomas]
Well, I don’t know. I, I have a line here in the transcript that says the cops arrest Lobo.

[Emily]
Okay, so Lobo’s in prison then.

[Shep]
He had a Lobo name, and we didn’t give a name to John Cena?

[Emily]
Oh, I have a name for John Cena. I was just saving it for the end to be the tag. Well, anyway, John Cena’s character’s name is Conejo.

[Shep]
Is what?

[Emily]
Rabbit.

[Thomas]
Ah, Conejo. Yeah.

[Emily]
Wolf, and the rabbit, he’s the little brother.

[Shep]
He’s the little brother, but he’s John Cena-sized? That’s great. Do you see them in prison at the end?

[Emily]
That would be fantastic.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah. So at some point, Delta Force or the SWAT team or whatever moves in and rescues all of the hostages. And so while they’re there choking John Cena and tackling him to the ground and stuff, those guys move in to arrest him.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Okay.

[Thomas]
So- Yeah, so is that the post-credit sequence is the two of them in prison. He’s like, “Lobo.” “Conejo.” And then he says, “Oh, we gotta call little brother.”

[Shep]
Right. The third brother.

[Thomas]
Yeah, whatever his name is.

[Shep]
Mouse.

[Emily]
Mouse.

[Thomas]
Mouse. Yeah, that’s Ratón.

[Shep]
Who do you get to play the biggest of the brothers because he’s the youngest, so-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Is the guy that played The Mountain still alive?

[Shep]
Oh, yeah. Giants don’t live very long. That’s… I don’t want to look it up and be sad. So who all lived from the cartel? The priest and John Cena?

[Emily]
I would imagine that some of the guys in the paintball area were just knocked out with the butt of a gun because he didn’t have time to shoot everyone.

[Shep]
Look, there’s a finite number of bullets.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
“I don’t have bullets for everyone. Some of you are going to have to share.”

[Emily]
It’s right.

[Thomas]
And then does the wedding happen just fine afterward?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
There’s debris all over the place. And…

[Emily]
But they can’t get married by the priest. They’re only married by Swami Cera.

[Thomas]
And the dad, of course, survives.

[Emily]
Of course.

[Shep]
Of course.

[Thomas]
Well we’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s episode about June Bug. Was it cuter than a June bug? Or should we just bug off? Let us know by leaving a comment on our website, reaching out on social media, or sending us an email.

[Thomas]
Links to all of those can be found at AlmostPlausible.com. Wherever you’re listening right now, there’s probably a way to rate podcasts, and we hope you’ll give Almost Plausible a five-star rating.

[Emily]
It’s been a while since someone wrote a review with their five-star rating.

[Thomas]
That’s true. So if someone leaves a written review along with their five-star rating on Apple Podcasts, we’re bound to see it and we’ll read it on the show at some point in the future. Emily, Shep, and I will be back soon with another episode of Almost Plausible.

[Outro music]

[Shep]
This is a podcast where we take ordinary objects and turn them into movies, or sometimes just people’s names. Not that that’s a deal-breaker.

[Emily]
I’m gonna point out that Snowflake was your pitch, so I am taking-

[Shep]
I see.

[Thomas]
Yeah, actually, that’s a good point.

[Emily]
I’m taking a cue from you.

[Shep]
Obviously, I don’t remember that.

[Thomas]
Yeah, Shep out here without a leg to stand on.