Foam

References

• Are baths bad for the vagina?
• The Good Place
  • The Eternal Shriek
• Sweet Brown / Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That
• Robin Williams
• Aphrodite
• Ray Harryhausen
• The Blob
• The Mist
• The Fog
• Stephen King
• Almost Plausible: Anchor
• John Carpenter
• Coconut Crab
• Dirty Dancing
• Jaws
• PFAS
• Bird Box
• The Happening
• Doubting Thomas
• Almost Plausible: Light Bulb
• The Meg
• Meg 2: The Trench
• King Kong
• The Towering Inferno

Transcript

[Intro music begins]

[Thomas]
“Huh, these two people are in four pieces.”

[Emily]
Hm.

[Thomas]
“It’s like they’ve been pinched in half by some sort of… Crabsquatch!” And then he looks right into the camera.

[Shep]
And the credits roll.

[Thomas]
I would love a movie that’s so self-aware that the first time they do that, the credits just start rolling. And it’s like, “Whoop, whoop, not yet, not yet!”

[Intro music]

[Thomas]
Hey there, story fans. Welcome to Almost Plausible, the podcast where we take ordinary objects and turn them into movies. I’m Thomas J. Brown, and I have with me Emily-

[Emily]
Hey, guys!

[Thomas]
And F. Paul Shepard.

[Shep]
Happy to be here.

[Thomas]
We’re talking Foam today, but before we create a sudsy movie plot, I have a question for the two of you: What is your stance on bubble baths for adults?

[Emily]
I enjoy them, but I can’t take them frequently because I am a woman.

[Shep]
And that’s the law.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Shep]
Sorry.

[Thomas]
It’s too sexy.

[Emily]
Too sexy.

[Shep]
You hear the police banging on your door. “Ma’am, this is your third bubble bath this week.”

[Emily]
That’s right.

[Shep]
They’re taking you downtown, you’re just handcuffed still in bubbles.

[Thomas]
Oh, man. The whole town just like, “Whoa!”

[Shep]
No, they they’ve all- this is not her first rodeo episode.

[Thomas]
Like, “Oh, it’s Emily again.”

[Shep]
“There she goes again.”

[Emily]
Yep.

[Shep]
I don’t think I took bubble baths when I was a child. I might not have been a child, now that I think about it. So-

[Thomas]
Did you bathe as a child out in the woods?

[Shep]
See, you’re making a joke, but very rarely, because we didn’t have running water.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
So we could haul drinking water. But then if we wash, that was our drinking water. Using up.

[Thomas]
Hm hm.

[Shep]
That’s more- You had to go walk. You it’s the whole joke about “I had to walk three miles uphill to the-” Yeah, that’s how we got our water. That, literally.

[Thomas]
And you need to do it carrying water.

[Shep]
Yeah, now the walk there was fine.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Mm hmm.

[Shep]
It’s the walk back that was hard.

[Thomas]
Well, Shep, I feel like as an adult now, with running water, I hope, in your house, you can have a bubble bath and see what you missed out on.

[Shep]
Yeah, it’ll be, it’ll be the scene where Michael eats a saltine in The Good Place. It’s like, “What a bummer. What a disappointment.” Or it could be just, picture me in the bubble bath going, “This is amazing. How have I been missing this my entire life?”

[Thomas]
You’d be like, “Anybody seen Shep?” Like, “Oh, yeah, he’s in the bath again.”

[Shep]
Yeah, then you have the police banging on my door.

[Thomas]
I was going to say. Yeah, I mean, I don’t know that I’ve had a bubble bath as an adult. Maybe once. I don’t remember. I don’t have bubble bath. I’d have to like buy it for myself. And-

[Emily]
Well, yeah.

[Thomas]
I don’t know. I just don’t take baths.

[Emily]
Well, you’re missing out.

[Shep]
Who’s got the time?

[Thomas]
Yeah, ain’t got time for that.

[Emily]
Make a time. It’s awesome. But you guys are tall, so-

[Shep]
Yeah, that’s another thing.

[Thomas]
Yeah, that’s part of the reason I don’t take baths.

[Emily]
But yeah, and gotta have special tubs if you’re tall.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Really, I ideally would like to build a tub hut in the backyard.

[Thomas]
Hmm. And then we can all get together and have an Almost Plausible bubble bath-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
All three of us in the tub.

[Emily]
Yeah, you know, like a Japanese style tub.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
I love the Japanese tubs. They’re so deep.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
The thing about the Japanese tubs is you don’t put soap in it.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
You wash outside of it-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Just water. So you can’t have a bubble bath.

[Emily]
But this is America, so we can put soap in our Japanese tub.

[Thomas]
Yeah, we’re the country of excess. We’ll just drain the tub and put new water in.

[Shep]
Yeah, this is this is freedom. I’m sorry. This is America. You want to have bubble bath in your Japanese tub?

[Emily]
No, but you know those huge seven-foot clawfoot tubs that they have out there?

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah.

[Emily]
I want one of those and like a nice teak room that I can use also as a sauna and just like relax in it with like a skylight.

[Thomas]
A bubble bath sauna.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Interesting.

[Shep]
All right. I am intrigued by your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

[Thomas]
Join our bubble bath Patreon, where we…

[Emily]
Yeah. You can help make this dream come true.

[Shep]
Yeah, let’s get a Kickstarter going.

[Thomas]
Yeah, this has legs or at least feet in our tub, right?

[Shep]
Clawfeet, yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah, Clawfeet. Well, now that we’ve got that all sorted away, Emily, why don’t you get us started with your pitches for Foam?

[Emily]
All right. I may or may not have been in a good mood when I wrote these, so you guys take a guess.

[Thomas]
We’ll soon find out, I guess.

[Emily]
A man invents a construction foam that is sustainable and cheap. He’s targeted by someone who wants to keep the technology from reaching the public because capitalism.

[Thomas]
Well, that’s very real.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And he’s played by Robin Williams. I know. I laughed and then I got sad.

[Emily]
Why did you say that?

[Shep]
Because you can picture it.

[Emily]
I know, right?

[Thomas]
Totally, yeah.

[Emily]
Okay, next we have: a construction worker is killed during an argument on the job. His body is hidden in the foam insulation of a wall in a new house. When the family moves into the new house, strange things begin happening to them as they are haunted by his restless spirit.

[Thomas]
Is it his restless spirit, or is it just like his body, or his rotting corpse, off-gassing into the house?

[Emily]
Little of column A, little of column B.

[Thomas]
That’s a dark one.

[Emily]
Oh yeah, that’s my favorite one. And last but not least: a strange foam forms on the beaches of an idyllic coastal town. The citizens are concerned about what it will mean for the coming tourist season, but should they be more worried about what’s lurking just below?

[Shep]
And outside of the foam comes a beautiful woman, and it’s Aphrodite. She was born from foam on a beach.

[Emily]
Here to kill all the men.

[Thomas]
So, Emily, you’re stealing my pitches now? Geez.

[Emily]
So who’s next on our list?

[Thomas]
Well, you basically pitched one of mine, so I guess I’ll go. We can discuss.

[Emily]
All right.

[Thomas]
Well, my idea that’s very similar to that one is that residents of a sleepy seaside town wake up one morning to find the entire shoreline buried under a huge volume of thick, fluffy sea foam. At first, it’s a curiosity. Tourists come, kids play in it, social media does its thing. But the foam keeps coming. It doesn’t recede with the tide, and each morning there’s more of it. The foam creeps inland, swallowing streets and homes until it buries the entire town.

[Emily]
You cannot let giants have bubble baths.

[Thomas]
Right. Well, you’re not supposed to put soap in the ocean.

[Shep]
Yeah. And so the foam represents immigrants? Is that what you said? Sorry, I forgot what podcast I was on. So the foam represents the creeping threat of fascism? Is that what you said?

[Thomas]
My next idea: A basement scientist invents an indestructible protective foam, which his daughter uses to take a bubble bath. Now she is stuck in a layer of bubbles, and it’s a race against time to get her out.

[Shep]
You know, you could use that in construction.

[Emily]
Hmm.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Emily]
Might be sustainable and cheap.

[Thomas]
I definitely see Robin Williams playing the dad.

[Shep]
Oh, now you made me sad!

[Thomas]
My last idea: A grieving widower buys a state-of-the-art memory foam mattress only to realize it helps him remember everything, including the crime he forgot committing. And in this case, the forgotten crime is murdering his wife, of course.

[Emily]
How do you forget that you murdered your wife?

[Thomas]
He just, you know, blocks it out.

[Shep]
It was a busy weekend.

[Emily]
Is, is this the same wife that he’s the widower from, or is this a different wife?

[Thomas]
Look, he just put her behind the foam insulation in his house and just moved on and forgot about it.

[Shep]
Out of sight, out of mind. Are you saying he’s not out of his mind?

[Thomas]
All right, those are mine. Shep, what do you have?

[Shep]
I have no idea because our schedule got scrambled and it’s been so long since I wrote these. This will be a surprise to me too. Sorry. In the future, global- Oh, I remember this one. Sorry. In the future, global warming has shut down most ski resorts until a new foam-based snow is invented. For safety reasons, it’s designed to be edible and non-toxic, but it also turns out to be delicious. Oh no! In fact, it’s addictive like caffeine or nicotine.

[Emily]
Or cocaine!

[Shep]
And people are literally eating the snow off the mountain. I specifically didn’t say cocaine.

[Thomas]
That would make things very confusing. Someone goes, “Want to go skiing?” And it could mean one of three things.

[Emily]
Mm hmm.

[Shep]
Yeah. Okay. My other one is: an experimental nanotech cleaner, which can dissolve anything except the human body, is accidentally used at a foam party. Oh no, everyone’s clothes, makeup, etc., is dissolved. Gone are all the fake things we hide our actual selves behind. Oh no, gone are all the cell phones. The foam continues to spread, with seemingly nothing able to stop it, as it erases everything but people, leaving us as if we just stepped out of the Garden of Eden.

[Thomas]
Wow, we’d be screwed as a society.

[Shep]
Yep, that’s fine. This society’s kind of run its course.

[Thomas]
Is there one of these that we like, or two of them we want to mush together since some of them are similar?

[Shep]
I like the ones that have foam in them.

[Emily]
Hmm yes, very good.

[Thomas]
Yeah, we should definitely pick one of those.

[Emily]
Yeah yep.

[Thomas]
Well, I like Emily and my seaside town one. I think that’s really interesting. I like sort of the mystery of what is causing the foam or what’s under the foam.

[Emily]
It’s crabsquatch.

[Thomas]
Oh crabsquatch.

[Shep]
Crabsquatch!

[Thomas]
Oh, no. Yeah, I think we both had like a darker angle on that one.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
So that could be kind of, I think they, they pair well together. So that’s my vote.

[Emily]
That is also my vote. I think that one might be the funnest. Like a B-level monster movie, something-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Very Harryhausen or-

[Thomas]
It feels very The Blob, doesn’t it?

[Emily]
Yeah yeah or The Blob.

[Thomas]
Where it’s like, “Oh no, this very slow-moving threat that we can just sort of walk away from easily.”

[Emily]
Mm hmm.

[Thomas]
“Ah, but the diner, that’s where I eat some of my meals.”

[Emily]
But it’s also because it keeps coming and it keeps growing and it-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Becomes exponentially dangerous.

[Emily]
And so you’re like, “Yeah, it’s slow. It’s not a problem,” until it is.

[Thomas]
Right. Like, how are you supposed to work and live when everything is covered in this foam? And you think that’s the big problem? And then Crabsquatch shows up.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Thomas]
You know, I know we said it as a joke, but I kind of like the idea of it being Crabsquatch.

[Emily]
Like a B monster movie.

[Thomas]
Yeah, totally.

[Shep]
So it’s like The Mist, except instead of-

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah. Pirates.

[Shep]
Pirates?

[Emily]
Isn’t that what it is in The Mist? Or The Fog? Am I thinking of a different one?

[Shep]
I don’t know. I’m thinking of the Stephen King one, where it’s like monsters coming out of-

[Emily]
Oh, no, yeah, that’s The Mist.

[Thomas]
Yeah, there’s monsters in The Mist.

[Emily]
I think I’m thinking of there was a, I think there was a movie called The Fog, now this could be a fever dream. I don’t know. Where-

[Shep]
With AI these days, there’s no way to tell.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Right, yeah.

[Emily]
Where like the fog was covering dead pirates or something.

[Thomas]
Are we sure that wasn’t just our Anchor episode?

[Emily]
Could very well have been. Like I said, it could have been a fever dream.

[Shep]
John Carpenter’s 1980 supernatural horror film, The Fog. It is the vengeful undead crew of the Elizabeth Dane.

[Emily]
Yeah!

[Thomas]
Well, there we go.

[Shep]
Yeah, it was a real thing.

[Emily]
I didn’t make it up.

[Shep]
I’ve never heard of this.

[Thomas]
I have heard of it. I knew there was The Mist and The Fog. I just didn’t know what The Fog was about.

[Shep]
So we had The Mist and The Fog, and now we have The Foam.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
The Foam.

[Thomas]
The Foamening. So is this like a East Coast New England type of town? Is that what we think?

[Shep]
What is the scale of this movie? Is it just one town that’s getting engulfed in sea foam?

[Emily]
I mean, that saves money on locations.

[Shep]
You could save money on locations, just having a news report going-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
“All oceans worldwide are now generating foam.” Scientists tried to put a thing in the water to eat up the plastic, and instead of-

[Thomas]
Ah.

[Shep]
Getting rid of it, it pooped out this foam, which is now washing up and it’s enclosing. Soon, the whole world, all landmasses-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Are going to be encased in foam.

[Thomas]
We didn’t realize how much plastic there was in the ocean. Oh, no. No. What happened was they put this whatever the bacteria is that eats the foam and it poops out this soap. And they’re like, “Oh, great. It’s going to clean everything.” And the problem is that then people are like, “Oh, well, if there’s plastic-eating bacteria in the ocean, we’ll just dump our plastic in the ocean then and the bacteria will eat it. Problem solved.” Not realizing, well, hold on. That’s far too much.

[Emily]
You’ve now angered Crabsquatch-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
And he has come to seek his revenge.

[Shep]
Or it could be just a small New England town that has the legend of Crabsquatch that comes out every fifty years.

[Emily]
Yeah, and the foam could actually be like later at the end, you could find out the foam was actually eggs.

[Thomas]
Oh, so the whole town is crawling in crabs.

[Emily]
Yes, baby Crabsquatches.

[Thomas]
That’s how you set up the sequel.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Thomas]
There’s Crabsquatches moving inland, like those big coconut crabs.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Those things are crazy. I kind of love them.

[Thomas]
Yeah, they are. I mean, I love all of this. So-

[Emily]
Either way is good for me.

[Shep]
So, which, what is the scale?

[Thomas]
I think it’s just one New England town.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Okay. At first.

[Thomas]
At first, yes.

[Shep]
For the first movie. For this movie.

[Thomas]
Right, right, Second movie is when it’s happening everywhere.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
And so in this town, they’re kind of isolated and they have like a big bay, like a very deep bay.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
And so the bay fills up with foam and it’s kind of on the beach and stuff. And maybe that happens every once in a while. There’s a bit of sea foam. No one really thinks anything of it. And it’s, oh, it could be even like there’s like an annual event where there’s like, or most years, there’s foam. And then maybe there hasn’t been foam. And it’s kind of like a party thing. Like, “Oh, it’s foam day,” everyone thinks, you know, goes down to the beach, and… Just because there’s like a weirdly large amount of it one day. And then it’s always gone by the next day. And there hasn’t been some for a few years. And people are like, “Oh global warming is messing with our foam festival.”

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
And then the foam happens. And everyone’s like, oh, take the day off of work. Like local holiday. It’s a big thing. And then the next day, the foam is still there. And everyone’s like, “Oh my gosh, this is crazy. Two days of foam.” And then the next day, it’s still there. And there’s more of it. And people are like, “Okay, well, I guess be careful what you wish for, but at least we get a foam this year.” And then like the next day, there’s more of it. And they’re like, “What the hell is going on?”

[Emily]
“This is too much foam.”

[Thomas]
And then that’s when you start getting tourists who are coming like, “Oh my gosh, we-” You know, because nobody normally nobody comes because it’s a one-day event. You don’t really have time to get down there. But people are like, “Well, it keeps coming. We may as well go. Maybe we’ll be able to catch it.”

[Shep]
Right. And so at first it’d be like “Oh this is like a tourist attraction type thing.” You know, “We can advertise-“

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Get more people and then it just doesn’t go away. I like the idea of it being kind of a seasonal thing.

[Emily]
Mm hmm.

[Thomas]
Right. Yeah.

[Shep]
Because so you get sea foam when, you know, algae blooms decay and you can get algae blooms on predictable things, you know, too much protein in the ocean. So there could be agricultural runoff, so it’s like on a seasonal thing that you know the farming around this town causes this algae bloom-

[Thomas]
Hm.

[Shep]
Which then causes the foam and that’s like a predictable thing. And then you know ocean acidification causes it to not happen for a couple of years and then when it does happen it’s at first a celebration like-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
“Oh! Things are back to normal.”

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Can it be bioluminescent just to be pretty in the movie? Like for no other reason.

[Shep]
You’re increasing our budget!

[Emily]
I know, but it’ll be pretty. And that you can do with AI.

[Thomas]
I mean, if as long as we’re having to do VFX foam anyway-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Then yeah, you may as well make it sparkly.

[Emily]
That’s what I’m saying.

[Thomas]
Actually, no, that’s good because then, oh, no, I love it. Because then when Crabsquatch shows up, you get this giant blue glow coming toward the foam at you.

[Emily]
Ah!

[Thomas]
And you’re like, “What the hell is that?” So yes, I like it.

[Emily]
Awesome.

[Thomas]
So how many days does it take for them to realize, “Okay, this is a problem”?

[Emily]
Well, how much foam is normal? Like, I think we should probably establish that. Is it like, does it last normally for like a week or two or-

[Thomas]
I think it’s like, there’s one day, normally, there’s like one day where it’s really good.

[Emily]
One day?

[Thomas]
And then like another day, like the second day, it’s like still there, but it kind of isn’t as voluminous.

[Emily]
And then it just kind of trails away.

[Thomas]
And then it’s just the next couple of days is like it all disappears.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Thomas]
So you get like one good day.

[Emily]
So I think a week, they’re still excited about it?

[Thomas]
Right, because they’re getting that tourist money.

[Emily]
Yeah. Maybe two weeks. Because you’re saying it’s growing exponentially each day, right? Is it exponential or is it just kind of like, it’s not going away?

[Thomas]
Yeah, I think if we say exponential, then it’s like very, very, very quickly becomes a problem, right?

[Emily]
Right, right.

[Thomas]
If it’s doubling every day. As long as it’s just increasing every day.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Maybe it’s a slow increase at first.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Thomas]
It’s like the first like three days, it’s like, “Oh, it hasn’t gone away.” It’s still like it is on a first day. And then like day four, it’s like, “Is there more of it? I think there’s more of it.” And then day five, it’s like, “Oh, there’s definitely more of it.” But great! People are showing up. There’s more people trampling all over it. So like normally that really messes up like, you know, that’s popping all the bubbles. That’s ruining the foam. But we’ve got all these tourists coming. So it’s not a problem that there’s more foam coming.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
This is actually good for the community who maybe there’s some other financial pressure that the community is facing. And so all this money coming in is good for the community. They can finally buy those new jerseys for the school football team or whatever.

[Emily]
Yep. To increase our budget even more, they have to decide to do like a glow stick foam party on the beach one night.

[Shep]
This is what summons Crabsquatch, is what you’re saying?

[Emily]
Yes.

[Shep]
Because he’s attracted to the glowing!

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Yes. Yes. And then, you know, then that’s always, you know, in a horror movie slasher film or anything like that, it’s always a large gathering.

[Thomas]
Hmm. And then there’s a couple that sneaks off to canoodle-

[Emily]
Yep.

[Thomas]
And then Crabsquatch eats them.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
That’s the first sign that something’s amiss.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Thomas]
So do these kids just disappear or they’re like, “Huh, these two people are in four pieces.”

[Emily]
Hm.

[Thomas]
“It’s like they’ve been pinched in half by some sort of… Crabsquatch!” And then he looks right into the camera.

[Shep]
And the credits roll.

[Thomas]
I would love a movie that’s so self-aware that the first time they do that, the credits just start rolling. And it’s like, “Whoop, whoop, not yet, not yet!”

[Shep]
Or you just find their skeletons, they’re still in you know mating position.

[Thomas]
Yeah, their bones have been picked clean by-

[Shep]
Yep.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Pincers. Yeah.

[Emily]
That could be good.

[Thomas]
The ME is like looking at the little grooves in the bone, like, “Interesting.”

[Emily]
“It almost looks like when fish are eaten by crabs.”

[Thomas]
“But I mean, this crab would have to be huge. It would have to be some kind of… (looks directly at camera).” So that’s like the first sign that there’s trouble. And this is what, you say, like about a week and a half in, maybe?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
There’s enough foam that it like, kind of, you can like tunnel into it and create like a party room and the foam’s like bouncing around and sparkling and glowing. And maybe some of the town leaders, the real conservative town leaders, blame the disappearance or the murder or whatever on nefarious outside- “There’s too many outsiders coming into this town. We got shut this down. We got do something about this foam.”

[Shep]
Yeah these tourists brought dancing!

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
You know that’s not allowed.

[Thomas]
So, what happens after the first couple are discovered dead? Where- When is that is that? That’s got to be, like, that kicks off the first act, right? Or like the, or ends the first act, I mean, kicks off the second act?

[Emily]
Yeah, I would say that.

[Shep]
Now is that the first death that the audience sees or is this, you know, a Jaws situation where you have some unseen death at the beginning of the movie.

[Thomas]
Hmm. To clue the audience in that bad things are here.

[Emily]
Hmm.

[Thomas]
So we know, “Oh, don’t go in the foam!”

[Shep]
Yeah. It raises the tension for the audience because the people in the movie don’t know.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
But we know. Now, it might not even be a human that dies at the very beginning. Could be a dog-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Emily]
Oh, yeah, it could be like a moose or an elk.

[Thomas]
A moose! Oh, my god. I love it.

[Emily]
It’s gotta be something big, I think. Because you’re gonna be afraid of anything that’s… takes a moose.

[Thomas]
A giant claw just shoots out of the water and grabs the moose, and-

[Emily]
Yeah. You’re gonna be scared if you find like a moose with evidence of a crab eating it.

[Thomas]
Oh man, now I kind of want to see this as like a Jaws parody. We’re, like, following the sheriff and-

[Shep]
People have climbed up on top of their roofs and so there’s just foam as far as you can see and then bump bum bum bum bum you know-

[Thomas]
There’s just, there’s just two-

[Emily]
The eyeballs pop out.

[Thomas]
Yeah! Yes, yes!

[Shep]
And ‘Crabsquatch’ sounds like the bum bum- (Jaws theme)

[Thomas]
Oh yeah, “Crab-squatch, Crab-squatch, Crabsquatch Crabsquatch Crabsquatch-“

[Shep]
Yep. I see it.

[Thomas]
Yeah, it- same.

[Shep]
Yeah, that could be late in the movie let’s put that in our pocket for now-

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
All right.

[Shep]
But later in the movie when the foam has you know taken over the town and people-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Have climbed up on the roofs, they want to get out of the foam but there is this creature in the foam that will eat you if you go down into it, try to go between houses.

[Thomas]
Oof. So then are they trying to like maybe throw a rope between two houses and tie them off to the chimneys and like, I don’t know, ranger crawl across the ropes?

[Shep]
Right and then one person makes it and then as the next person’s going up a claw-

[Thomas]
Oh!

[Shep]
Comes up and snips the rope!

[Emily]
Oh, yeah!

[Thomas]
Sniffs them and the rope both in half.

[Emily]
At the same time.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Yes, I love it.

[Thomas]
Yeah. So, at what point do they discover that it’s Crabsquatch? Is that the mid-second act turning point? Or do they discover that really late, really early?

[Emily]
I think that’s the second act turning point.

[Thomas]
The mid-second act turning point?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah. I mean, that makes sense. So they know something’s going on between the beginning of the second act- The first half of the second act is like, “Boy, some weird things are happening. And also this foam keeps coming.” And then the mid-second act turning point is the at-night glowing reveal of Crabsquatch?

[Shep]
Oh man!

[Emily]
Right.

[Shep]
So Crabsquatch doesn’t glow but the foam glows-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
So you just have the dark outline of Crabsquatch against the foam-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
You can’t see the monster, but you can see his silhouette. I mean that could be a really interesting shot.

[Thomas]
Yeah. For sure. And then all of a sudden, a big claw comes shooting out of the foam and grabs somebody? Is there like a town meeting that this is happening during? They’re all holding like lanterns and glow sticks and stuff. And that attracts Crabsquatch? Is that canonical? Crabsquatch is attracted to light?

[Emily]
Yeah, I mean, that’s part of the thumping and the light, I think, are what draw him to the beach during the foam party.

[Thomas]
Is the money the town needs to raise to fix the old lighthouse?

[Shep]
Now, is the lighthouse manned by an old lighthouse keeper that knows the legend of Crabsquatch and tries to warn the town, but they don’t listen.

[Emily]
Yes!

[Thomas]
Yeah, obviously, yes.

[Emily]
Yes, a hundred percent.

[Shep]
And of course, the lighthouse is on top of a cliff near the ocean, so it’s up. It’s up away from the ocean.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
It’s like the last thing once at the end of the movie, you know, the helicopter is leaving the area and you just see the lighthouse and then foam as far as you can see.

[Thomas]
Yeah. And then is the post-credit sequence where the foam starts to subside down into- or like little mini Crabsquatches pop out of the bubbles and stuff?

[Emily]
Yes.

[Shep]
So there are two Crabsquatches, right?

[Emily]
At some point, yep.

[Shep]
There is the male that is killing everyone-

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
That’s attracted to the glowing.

[Thomas]
Well, it could be the female that’s killing everyone to protect the foam because people are stomping on it and everything.

[Shep]
Ahh! See, I was thinking that she glows, and that’s what attracts the male Crabsquatch.

[Emily]
Ooo, like a lightning bug!

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
Wait, is it the women or the men that glow?

[Thomas]
Usually it’s the men that are-

[Emily]
Not lightning bugs, it’s the females.

[Thomas]
Yeah, that’s not a hundred percent the case across all species.

[Emily]
Yeah, but yeah, typically, and-

[Thomas]
Typically it’s the male that is more flashy. But, this is a fake creature we’re inventing, so it can do, the rules can be whatever we want.

[Emily]
Whichever Crabsquatch is attacking the town is attracted to the Crabsquatch that glows.

[Thomas]
Yes.

[Shep]
Okay, I looked up lightning bugs and it’s both male and female.

[Emily]
Mm. Okay.

[Shep]
So, and they use it to communicate.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
So maybe the Crabsquatches use it to communicate. So it could be either one and they’re both attracted to the glowing because they think it’s their mate communicating with them.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Thomas]
So that’s the lowest low is where they discover, “Oh shit, there’s two of them.”

[Shep]
Yep.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
So they think they’re dealing with one, and then they realize, “Oh god, there’s two, and they’re coordinated. Somehow they’re communicating with each other.” That’s horrifying.

[Shep]
So this is the Crabsquatch episode? It’s less and less the Foam episode.

[Emily]
There’s foam! There’s so much foam!

[Shep]
There is so much foam! Okay.

[Emily]
It’s hiding the Crabsquatch.

[Shep]
The lowest low is they trap the Crabsquatch, and they’re like, “Oh, good. Now we’re safe.”

[Thomas]
Ah, yeah.

[Shep]
And then the other one comes out.

[Thomas]
Totally, totally.

[Shep]
And frees the first one.

[Thomas]
And frees it, yep.

[Emily]
Yes, yep.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
There has to be, like, the foam doubles overnight or something. That’s when the town is buried.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Or there’s like a, there’s just like this rolling wave, like this mass of foam, this wall of foam that’s just pushing in from the sea, sort of nonstop, engulfing everything. It’s going up the streets like toothpaste, you know? And that’s when people are scrambling up onto their roofs. If you are in your car in the foam, is that the same as being out in the foam? Or are you quote unquote “protected”?

[Emily]
Well, um-

[Shep]
If you turn your headlights on-

[Emily]
No.

[Thomas]
Ooh.

[Shep]
Now you’ve now you’ve attracted the Crabsquatch.

[Thomas]
Oh!

[Shep]
What were you saying, Emily?

[Emily]
I was gonna say when you’re in a car wash, you’re you’re safe from the foam there.

[Shep]
Yeah, it’s not the foam that’s dangerous. It’s the Crabsquatch. The foam is just sea foam.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
I mean, there are PFASs in it so don’t, you don’t want to eat it.

[Emily]
Well, you couldn’t drive through it mostly just because you don’t know where you’re going. It’s worse than fog, right?

[Shep]
Right. So-

[Thomas]
Right, it’s so thick you can’t see anything.

[Shep]
If you have GPS, though-

[Emily]
Mm.

[Shep]
It can tell you your location. So you can creep along very slowly.

[Thomas]
But I mean, there could be a parked car in the road that you wouldn’t see until you’re basically touching it.

[Emily]
Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.

[Shep]
Yes, you wouldn’t see it ahead of time. You would run into it.

[Thomas]
There’d be that, was it Bird Box that had the car with the sensors? No, it was a different movie. I think it was actually The Mist.

[Emily]
Yeah, it might have been.

[Thomas]
It’s one of those where they’re like, they’re in a car and the car has sensors all around it. And they have to, because they cover up the windows so that they can’t be seen or you can’t see outside. What movie was that?

[Emily]
What movie was that? I know what you’re talking about.

[Thomas]
They’re driving and there’s proximity sensors all around the car. Anyway, it’s been done is my point.

[Emily]
I feel like that’s a zombie movie or something.

[Thomas]
I don’t remember what it was.

[Emily]
I don’t remember either.

[Thomas]
Oh, was it The Happening?

[Emily]
I haven’t seen The Happening.

[Thomas]
You don’t need to!

[Emily]
But I remember that scene.

[Thomas]
Well, let’s take a break here and over the break, we’ll figure out what movie that was and then come back with the rest of our movie about Foam.

[Break]

[Thomas]
All right, we are back. I know the question on everyone’s mind, if you haven’t already gone and looked it up for yourself, is: what was that movie where they are driving blind using the parking sensors or the proximity sensors? It was, in fact, Bird Box. We looked it up. So I was right from the beginning and doubted myself, as usual. So. I’m not usually right. Usually doubting myself. That’s what I mean. Oh my god. Never mind.

[Emily]
Well, your name is Thomas.

[Thomas]
That’s true. That’s true. So we have the first half of our movie pretty well figured out, I think, which is good because we’ve got the first half of our episode taken care of. So now let’s figure out the rest of the movie. We have a few scenes, but nothing quite concrete. So our mid-second act turning point we decided is when they find out that it is Crabsquatch, that is a thing that exists and is terrorizing the town.

[Emily]
Mm hm.

[Thomas]
Sounds like we kind of decided the town isn’t fully engulfed in foam yet. Maybe some of the lower portions of town are-

[Emily]
Mm hm.

[Thomas]
Maybe if it’s on a hill going up, and then perhaps in other parts of the town, it’s just like up to people’s ankles or something. Maybe you’ve got a whole big section of town that’s still dry. So they know Crabsquatch exists. We said they want to capture it by the end of the second act. So what does that look like? What’s the plan they come up with for capturing this? Got to get it in the school gym or something, right?

[Shep]
Wasn’t that our Light Bulb episode? Didn’t they-?

[Emily]
No, they were trying to steal light bulbs from the school gym, and yeah, I guess.

[Thomas]
They got caught in the school gym.

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah.

[Thomas]
See, we can shoot two movies at once and we’ll save on budgets.

[Shep]
So let’s talk about our characters.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
Since we have not done that at all yet.

[Thomas]
That’s a good thought, yeah. Well, there’s Crabsquatch. And-

[Emily]
Yeah, you just plug character A into slot B. It’s fine.

[Shep]
So those two are a couple. So we have the old man in the lighthouse. That’s one.

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah, that’s right.

[Shep]
We need our scientist character-

[Thomas]
Mm hmm.

[Shep]
To talk about what’s going on and explain things to the audience.

[Thomas]
Yeah, that makes sense.

[Shep]
Like a marine biologist or whatever. Someone who can draw on a whiteboard the estimation of, you know, the rate that the foam is increasing.

[Emily]
Right, right.

[Shep]
But then it turns out later where it’s the rate of increasing is increasing. So they don’t have three days to evacuate the town. They should have done it yesterday-

[Thomas]
Hm.

[Shep]
And now it’s too late.

[Thomas]
Maybe there’s like a bridge that takes you out of town and it’s all, it’s all foamed up.

[Shep]
Oh, yeah. Yep.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Because it’s on a little island.

[Thomas]
Yes, yeah.

[Shep]
Now it’s all, the picture is building.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
So then, does it become that they have to go to the lighthouse to survive the foam?

[Shep]
They can go into the lighthouse, then get to the top of the lighthouse. That’s even further from the foam.

[Emily]
Yeah. And then call for help.

[Thomas]
And that’s where they’re helivaced act out?

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
Oh, is there like a Coast Guard radio in the lighthouse?

[Emily]
Obviously. But yes. Okay. So how do they capture the Crabsquatch?

[Shep]
I like the gym.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
That’s a big open area.

[Thomas]
It’s got those big gym lights.

[Emily]
Yep.

[Shep]
It’s got the big doors.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So you open up the doors and then you take a goat and you put some glow sticks around its neck.

[Emily]
Yes, I am picturing this so-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
And you put him in the center. And then you have people-

[Emily]
Yep.

[Shep]
Hiding on the outskirts. And when Crabsquatch is finally revealed to the audience and the people and eats the goat, they slam the doors and lock them.

[Thomas]
There has to be like a failed attempt. Is this the failed attempt?

[Shep]
I thought this was the failed attempt.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah.

[Thomas]
I mean, before the second Crabsquatch shows up.

[Shep]
Oh, oh, it could be. You could have one where they try to put it in a yard and it just climbs over the fence.

[Emily]
Oh, yeah, like the football stadium or whatever.

[Thomas]
Oh right. That’s the first thought. “Lock it- somehow we’ll get it in the stadium because we got the big stadium lights. We’ll attract it there.” And then it’s just in a big field. And it’s like, well, but they just climb over the wall. Like, what are you doing?

[Shep]
Yep.

[Emily]
Oh, yeah, because they can string nets up over the, in the gym, to be dropped and released down over him. That’s what they figure out after. That was what was missing from the football field.

[Thomas]
Hmm. Yeah.

[Shep]
The fishing nets, because it’s a fishing town.

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah.

[Thomas]
Or maybe they start with nets. They get some nets in the football field, and they think “This will be great.” They get, like, fishing nets, volleyball nets, all the anything that’s net-like, they get it. And it totally doesn’t work. Crabsquatch just tears through them and they realize, “Oh, wait, we need like cyclone fencing and, like, we need to make nets that are metal nets that it can’t just tear through.” And then for some reason, that works. I feel like Crabsquatch could still jack those up, but.

[Emily]
Yeah, it’s aluminum. He’s allergic to aluminum.

[Thomas]
Is there a scene where the marine biologist, they’re like asking the person questions about Crabsquatch. And they’re like, “I’m a marine biologist. I’m not a carcinologist.” And everyone just sort of looks at them blankly and they’re like, “It’s, that, someone who studies crabs.” Everyone’s like, “Okay.”

[Shep]
“I thought carcinologists studied cancer.”

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
“No, that’s an oncologist.” Just all over. “I thought oncologists were eye doctors.” “No, that’s a gynecologist.” “No, it’s an obstetrician.”

[Thomas]
Yeah, there you go.

[Emily]
And then it’s “No, that’s a gynecologist.”

[Shep]
You skipped ahead of your own joke.

[Emily]
I did.

[Thomas]
The punchline was too good.

[Emily]
It was.

[Thomas]
So they catch Crabsquatch in the gym, and then that’s when the second Crabsquatch shows up.

[Emily]
Yes.

[Shep]
Not immediately. No, no, no.

[Thomas]
Yeah, not immediately.

[Shep]
You have your, “We’re finally safe.”

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
“We can all relax.” Two of the couples go off, you know, because they’re going to, now that they’re safe, to be-

[Emily]
Yeah. They are all jacked up on adrenaline. They gotta-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Emily]
Release that somewhere.

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
Yes. And that’s when the second Crabsquatch shows up.

[Thomas]
So they catch the first Crabsquatch during the day-

[Emily]
Mm.

[Thomas]
And then they’re partying like, “We did it!” And then that night, that captured Crabsquatch is like pulsing its, you know, glowing colors out the gym windows or whatever. And that attracts the other Crabsquatch.

[Emily]
Now I just imagine that the, like, in preparation for this big celebration of defeating Crabsquatch, they have just giant vats and vats of boiling water for this amazing crab boil they’re gonna have.

[Thomas]
They’re like calling neighboring towns like, “We need more butter.”

[Shep]
“It is a scientific wonder. You can’t just eat it.”

[Thomas]
Oh, that’s what the marine biologist is saying. And the rest of the town is like, “Shut up.”

[Shep]
No, no. “It’s worth so much more money.”

[Thomas]
Mm.

[Shep]
“You could buy semi-trucks full of lobster.”

[Thomas]
This is the plot of The Meg, right? It’s like, there’s some rich asshole who doesn’t want to kill the meg. He wants to capture it.

[Shep]
None of us watched The Meg.

[Emily]
That’s the Meg 2.

[Thomas]
Oh, the Meg 2. Oh.

[Shep]
Sounds like both of you watched both Megs.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
I watched the first one and half of the second one.

[Thomas]
That’s how bad the second one was, huh?

[Emily]
I kept falling asleep. So, yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah. And you were like, “It doesn’t matter. I know how this ends.” Emily, I’m sure you were right. I’m sure it ended exactly how you thought it would in the first five minutes. So-

[Emily]
One hundred percent. Jason Statham saved the day yet again.

[Thomas]
But I mean, that’s a trope for a reason, right?

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
So.

[Emily]
Shep brings up a good point because science would be like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, we can kill it, but we’re going to study it, not eat it.”

[Thomas]
The second Crabsquatch shows up, breaks the first one out. Everyone’s like, “Oh my god, there’s two of them,” and runs away.

[Emily]
Hm.

[Shep]
Right. So the first one, like tried to press against the doors, but they have a big bar-

[Thomas]
Bar or whatever, yeah.

[Shep]
You know, something in it, and it’s not strong enough. But the two of them, one of them grabbing on the outside and pulling, and one on the inside pushing, they get a rhythm going and then it breaks and then they’re both out.

[Thomas]
Sure.

[Emily]
Yep. And she’s picking off, the second one’s picking off the fencing from the first one.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Emily]
And then they begin their rampage. And that’s when everybody heads to the lighthouse? Oh, and then that’s when a lot of people start getting lost in the foam.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I feel like the two Crabsquatches scuttle away-

[Emily]
Mm.

[Thomas]
Back to the ocean, and everyone’s like, “Well, this doesn’t feel like it’s over.”

[Emily]
Right, right.

[Thomas]
“We can’t be sure.” And then the next day, there’s like even more foam. It’s like really coming into the town now. And they’re like, “Yeah, this is definitely not over.” Everyone’s getting up onto their houses. So maybe now the plan becomes- This is, so, this is the end of the second act, is “Uh oh, there’s two of them, and there’s more foam, and this isn’t over.”

[Shep]
Yeah, “We have to evacuate.”

[Thomas]
Exactly. The third act is: evacuate. So they’re trying to get to the lighthouse, without… minimal loss of human life.

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
So earlier in the movie, did the lighthouse keeper, he came down from the lighthouse and was like, “There’s definitely Crabsquatch.” And everyone was like, “Okay, old man.”

[Emily]
Yep.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Emily]
He tells the tale of the last time the foam, the glow, the last time the glowing foam came.

[Shep]
Right, he was but a lad.

[Thomas]
Yes, yeah. Does somebody call him and then he says, like, “I told you what this was. I’m gonna, you know, reach out to the Coast Guard. You have until this time to get up here.” You know, they’re sending a helicopter or something to evacuate people.

[Shep]
I imagine most people are trying to go for the bridge.

[Emily]
Right, at first.

[Shep]
I mean, that’s got to be, the logical thought-

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Right, right.

[Shep]
Is not, “Let’s go up to the lighthouse and get helicoptered off the island.”

[Thomas]
Yeah, that’s true.

[Shep]
The first thought is “Let’s go to the bridge,” but of course, that doesn’t work at all. The Crabsquatches are on the bridge. There’s a big traffic jam. You can’t drive through the cars. They’re blocking the bridge.

[Thomas]
Yeah, both lanes, a two-lane bridge. So both lanes have cars exiting the city.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Yes.

[Thomas]
And then you get to this big mass of foam, and everyone has to slow way down to a crawl. Like, some people are going to escape, but the Crabsquatches aren’t stupid, and they come and destroy the bridge?

[Emily]
Yep.

[Thomas]
And so you lose a whole bunch of people there. You got people who are just penned in because you’re in the middle of a mass of cars. Where are you going to go?

[Emily]
Yeah, there’s people that are stuck on an island of the bridge, like two sides have been collapsed, and have a group stuck in the middle because Crabsquatches on either end were causing issues.

[Shep]
Well, there’s foam on either end.

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Well, that too.

[Thomas]
Yeah, there’s foam, oh, the whole island is surrounded. Yeah.

[Shep]
It’s clear in the middle of the bridge, but you’d have to go into the foam to get out. And then cars are going through the foam. And then they suddenly stop. It’s like, what’s going on? And that’s, Crabsquatch is in the foam.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
So, and this is where the cars get stuck. And of course, if you leave your car and try to go on foot, Crabsquatch is going to feed you to their children.

[Emily]
Mm hm.

[Shep]
That’s why they’re killing everyone.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
They’re trying to get enough protein because they just had a bunch of eggs.

[Thomas]
Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
The lighthouse keeper try to tell us everything. There was, you know, the city council, the town council meeting-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Where the lighthouse keeper tells his story and it’s like the Jaws story.

[Emily]
Yeah, yeah.

[Thomas]
Yep. Is the marine biologist sort of in between? Like, “Well, in theory, it could happen.”

[Emily]
“We don’t know all of the creatures that live in the deep.”

[Shep]
Yeah, the ocean is big.

[Emily]
It’s true.

[Shep]
You guys, it’s big and it’s deep.

[Thomas]
And maybe there’s some minor pieces of evidence. No one’s found a full Crabsquatch shell anywhere, but they found big pieces they can’t explain. That maybe that it’s been speculated that that’s what it was. It came from a giant crab.

[Shep]
Right. There’s like spiny shells and like, “Oh, these are the spines on the back of a Crabsquatch.”

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
And they’re like, “No, this is a…” I don’t know what are the sea creatures called with shells. This is like, “This is its whole shell. So this is not part of a different shell.”

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Hmm. Yeah, yeah.

[Shep]
And then when you’ll see the Crabsquatch later, it’s got spines on its shell.

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
So it’s like, “Oh, ah.”

[Thomas]
Confirming, yeah, that’s good.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
So the bridges, bridge or bridges, however many there are, are destroyed. There’s no way off the island now. The foam is encroaching.

[Shep]
Right. Now it’s get to high ground. Get to the lighthouse.

[Thomas]
There’s got to be someone early on who’s like, “Eff it, I’m jumping in my boat and taking off.”

[Emily]
Yeah, of course.

[Thomas]
And they’re going and they’re going and everyone’s like, “Oh, huh, maybe this is a viable-” and then crunch, the boat gets destroyed. And they’re like, “Okay, no, that didn’t work.”

[Shep]
Yep.

[Emily]
Hm. I’m picturing this all very well.

[Thomas]
I can feel the tension of that scene where everyone’s just standing there watching.

[Shep]
Right, hoping!

[Thomas]
And the boat’s getting further and further and further. And the tension’s building. And they’re like, “Okay, go untie the other boats” or whatever.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
And then crunch.

[Shep]
Now, can you see the boat or you just see the foam moving?

[Emily]
I like the idea of just seeing this, like, the line in the film.

[Shep]
Right.

[Thomas]
Ooh, yeah.

[Shep]
That’s great because if it just suddenly stops and there’s no, you can’t see or hear anything.

[Thomas]
Yeah, you hear like a big crashing sound and you don’t hear anything anymore. And then maybe they’re radioing like, “John, John, yeah, are you okay?”

[Shep]
“Steve, are you okay?” John. Ya. Yep.

[Thomas]
Steve’s like the mayor who’s like, “No, we need to…”

[Shep]
“Keep the beaches open for tourists!”

[Emily]
Yep.

[Thomas]
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what’s like the climax of the film? There has to be a harrowing journey to the lighthouse, right?

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Maybe they’re the climax is they’re at the lighthouse. The foam is also at the lighthouse.

[Shep]
Ah!

[Emily]
And Crabsquatch is, like, King Kong style-

[Thomas]
Yeah, the Crabsquatches are trying to figure out how to get up.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Or they’re breaking the base of the lighthouse. They’re going to knock the lighthouse over. So they’ve made it to the lighthouse. They think they’re safe. They’re in radio contact with the Coast Guard.

[Thomas]
They’re like three minutes out, whatever.

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Emily]
They’re trying to figure out the best way to get there.

[Shep]
They could be at the lighthouse for a while-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Thinking they’re safe-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
Before the foam arrives.

[Emily]
That could be when the big tidal wave of foam comes.

[Shep]
I imagine there are several tidal waves of foam-

[Emily]
Oh, yeah.

[Shep]
Because the foam is increasing and then the rate of its increase is increasing, and then the rate of its increase of increasing is increasing. So, it’s learn calculus, kids, because then you can figure out you don’t have three days to evacuate the island. You have one.

[Emily]
This is why STEM is important.

[Shep]
Yep.

[Thomas]
So the Crabsquatches get up to the lighthouse. They’re trying to climb the lighthouse, but it’s too sheer. They can’t skitter up it.

[Emily]
They can’t get purchase on that.

[Thomas]
Yeah, exactly. So that’s when they start knocking against it and figuring out, “Oh, we can topple it.” Or they think “Maybe we can topple it.” And then actually, yeah, I mean, it’s an old lighthouse. It needs to be- the money that they’re trying to get is to restore the lighthouse. It’s in disrepair. It’s not in good, sturdy shape.

[Shep]
So I first pictured like they’re at the top, like the Crabsquatches are at the base of the lighthouse and our survivors-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
The group we’ve been following-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
They’re at the top of the lighthouse. They’re looking over the edge. They can see the Crabsquatch and they’re shooting down at it. But then I was like, no, no. They don’t have guns. They have a flare gun.

[Thomas]
Ooh.

[Shep]
Because the Crabsquatches follow lights. So. Is that, is the lighthouse still on, now that I think about it?

[Thomas]
No, because it’s in disrepair. So, so I remember I visited, a few years back, a lighthouse, and the lighthouse doesn’t work anymore-

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Because there’s like this little tiny device on the ocean-facing side that like the Coast Guard just put on there. And that’s what tells ships, like, “Hey, careful, there’s land here.” So it’s not, you don’t need the light anymore. Anywhere, yeah I guess maybe in the United States, probably. Any lighthouse that’s operable-

[Shep]
Oh!

[Thomas]
Probably it’s just for looks.

[Shep]
Finish what you’re saying. I have a thing.

[Thomas]
So it doesn’t need to be on to still be a working lighthouse. But I like the idea, this is such a stupid joke, but I like the idea that it’s night, someone’s trying to find something and they flip a switch thinking, “Oh, I’ll just turn the light on real quick.” And it turns the lighthouse on.

[Shep]
Okay. That, except not a joke. That’s my idea. So, they go to the lighthouse, not only because it is high ground-

[Thomas]
Mm hmm.

[Shep]
Away from the foam and the Crabsquatch, but they want to lure the Crabsquatch away from the bridge so that the rest of the townsfolk can flee.

[Thomas]
Hmm.

[Shep]
So the movie is not ending with the entire town eaten by Crabsquatch except for the five people in the lighthouse. No. They went to the lighthouse-

[Thomas]
Right, right.

[Shep]
They’re in radio contact with the mayor or whatever. And they turn the old lighthouse on.

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
And once it’s on, that attracts the Crabsquatch. So they’re intentionally luring it to the lighthouse. And once both are there, then they say, “Okay, it’s clear. Make your exit.” And then everyone else flees. But now our heroes are trapped.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
And they’re like, it’s safe because it’s high ground and the Crabsquatches, you know, can’t climb up the side or whatever. Which we established earlier with it climbing over the fence because it can climb a cyclone fence because-

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
It can put its claws-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Shep]
In the things and the lighthouse is smooth.

[Thomas]
I feel like we need some sort of a… the lighthouse is on, and then something happens and the lighthouse turns off, and so they have to scramble to get it back on again. And they do, but.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
And then does the Coast Guard, does a Coast Guard helicopter come and get them off of the lighthouse at the last moment?

[Shep]
Yes, but this is when the Crabsquatches are breaking the base.

[Thomas]
Yes.

[Shep]
The lighthouse is shaking.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
That’s your harrowing finale.

[Thomas]
Yeah. It’s like that scene from Towering Inferno when they’re trying to get the person in the little basket and send them across to the other building. And it’s all shaky and scary. and-

[Emily]
Do the Crabsquatches get destroyed, or do they just retreat back into their, the ocean from whence they came, because spawning has ended?

[Shep]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah, I feel like these two need to get destroyed, right? So that everybody thinks, “Ah, the threat has ended. We have killed them.” Not realizing, yeah, you did, but they also already laid their eggs and they have the protein they need or whatever.

[Shep]
Ah.

[Emily]
How do we destroy them?

[Shep]
Okay, one of them gets killed earlier.

[Emily]
Okay.

[Shep]
So you don’t have to like drop the lighthouse on and hit both of them.

[Thomas]
There you go. There you go.

[Shep]
One of them has already died, and the other one is still loose. And now it’s angry and it’s out for revenge. Crabsquatch IV: The Revenge!

[Thomas]
The Revengening!

[Shep]
The Revengening. So yes, you can end it with the second Crabsquatch getting killed. Somehow.

[Thomas]
I mean, the Coast Guard has guns and stuff.

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
They could show up and kill it.

[Emily]
They could call in the Navy and bomb it.

[Thomas]
Well, I think the Coast Guard can handle it, Emily. I mean… I don’t know.

[Emily]
I don’t think they have that kind of weaponry. I mean, I know they have guns and they have big guns.

[Thomas]
They’re pretty big guns, yeah. But yeah-

[Emily]
Yeah.

[Thomas]
You’re right. The Navy would have.

[Shep]
Yeah, they don’t have warfare guns or weaponry-

[Thomas]
Right.

[Shep]
So you better call the regular police.

[Thomas]
All right. So we, we really kind of glossed over the people we’re following. You said five. That sounds good to me.

[Shep]
It’s a movie. There’s always five. You got your scientist-

[Thomas]
Okay.

[Shep]
You got your crazy person-

[Emily]
Right.

[Thomas]
Yeah.

[Shep]
You got your two young people, and then you got your responsible adult.

[Emily]
Your handsome, responsible adult.

[Thomas]
Yes. Older but still attractive.

[Emily]
With good hair. Yeah.

[Thomas]
Yeah. Not ravaged by children and time.

[Shep]
Right.

[Emily]
That’s correct.

[Shep]
So the scientist and the other responsible adult there, you’ve got to ship them.

[Emily]
Of course.

[Thomas]
Hmm. And then the old man gave up on love long ago. So, his first love was the sea.

[Shep]
His first love got eaten by Crabsquatch!

[Thomas]
He never recovered from it.

[Shep]
No.

[Thomas]
Clearly. We’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s episode about Foam. Did we work up a good lather? Or are we foaming at the mouth? Let us know by leaving a comment on our website, reaching out on social media, or sending us an email. Links to all of those can be found at AlmostPlausible.com. If this episode bubbled up something you liked, or perhaps something you didn’t like, we want to hear about it. Positive feedback and constructive criticism are both welcome. You can reach us through the contact form on our website, AlmostPlausible.com. Once the bubbles settle, Emily, Shep, and I hope you’ll join us for the next episode of Almost Plausible.

[Outro music]

[Shep]
And does Almost Plausible have a website, did you say?

[Thomas]
Oh, shoot, I forgot to mention that.

[Shep]
Gotta to plug your own stuff, man.

[Thomas]
That’s right, that’s right.